


The Twenty-First Century (Part I)

by gubernaculum



Series: The Namesakes [22]
Category: Highlander: The Series, Torchwood
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2020-02-09 12:15:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 98,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18637948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gubernaculum/pseuds/gubernaculum
Summary: ...and everything changes.





	1. Chapter 1

It was the end of another long day at Torchwood and Joe Fischer was exhausted. A pair of blowfish had stolen a police car and taken a joy ride through the city. The two aliens, high on cocaine and drunk, had led the Torchwood team on a spectacular road chase. It had ended when they'd caused an equally spectacular RTA, overturning the police car and wrapping it around a lamp post. Fish's own car had been wrecked in the process. One blowfish had died in the crash but the second had stumbled from the wreckage and led him and Miranda on a long foot chase. The alien had ducked into one of Cardiff's night clubs, terrorising everyone. The clean up had taken the whole team nearly half the night.

It had been a typical work night, in the middle of a typically busy work week. Even with the team at six members, there was still so much to do. Fish didn't regret his decision to stay with Torchwood for one moment. On days like this, he did regret cutting his field time. No only did Fish feel badly sitting in the Hub while the rest of the team dashed about, but a lack of dashing about himself had made him flabby. Most of his day his arse was planted in a chair and the long hours meant he rarely got a chance to hit the gym. Chasing a high and drunk Blowfish when he wasn't used to it had taken its toll. His knee throbbed painfully and he was feeling his age.

 _But I'm not even...Shit..._ Fish sighed, realising just how close to his fifties he was. Maybe I'm getting too old for this…he thought dully. No, he just needed to get more exercise. He was probably just getting flabby spending so much time sitting. Thankfully, he hadn't been gaining any weight. He'd lost over half a stone. At first he’d blamed the weight loss on his increasing indigestion, but he was beginning to wonder if there wasn’t something else amiss. He knew his sister had inherited their mother’s irritable bowel syndrome. _That’s just what I need, all the rubbish I eat…_

"Come in!" came the loud boom of Jack Harkness's voice though his office door. Fish reached for the knob, twisted and pushed the door open and walked into the office with a significant limp.

"Hey, Fish, what's up?" Jack said brightly.

"Jack? Would you mind terribly giving me a ride home?" Fish wanted to throttle him. No one who got as little sleep as Jack did should be this cheerful at such an ungodly hour of the night… morning… whatever.

"Yeah sure, just give me a minute here…"

Fish shifted. "I'd walk but my knee is killing me."

“It’s not a problem, Fish," Jack said, rising for his coat and gun. “I’ll have Ianto fill out all the paperwork for your car.”

Fish shrugged. The let out a laugh. “Bloody thing was on its way out. Henry's been at me for months to buy a new one. Bloody blowfish did me a favour.”

He followed the immortal man towards the Hub garage and climbed into the SUV. Shockingly, Jack didn't break every traffic law in existence during the drive to the loft. He did, however, park illegally in front of the building but there wasn't a traffic warden in Cardiff who’d ticket the Torchwood SUV.

"Is Henry home?" Jack asked, looking up at the dark windows. "You said something about a trip to the New York or is that next week? I’m sorry it didn’t work out so you could go, by the way.”

Fish shrugged. “It’s fine, Jack. There’ll be other holidays. Tom wants to see Spain next year. He’d said something about Germany and Italy as well.”

Since Tom and Alice had reconciled, they’d been taking things slowly. This New York trip would be their first holiday together. Tom wanted to show Alice and Steven the sights of the city. Though Fish had now been to New York twice, Tom had invited them along, but Fish had to work. It was a common occurrence, but this time it wasn’t entirely Torchwood’s fault. Gwen was on holiday with her own family. Tom and Alice’s trip had merely conflicted and with the team short, Fish couldn’t leave as well. Gwen had seniority and had asked for the time first. She’d felt terribly about it and had offered to cancel, but Fish wouldn't hear of it. Little Anwen had been bursting about Disney World for months. 

"Do you need help up the stairs?" Jack asked.

Fish nodded, feeling a little embarrassed, but he wouldn’t be able to make it up the front stairs of the building without help. His knee was swelling severely from sitting in the SUV with his leg bent. Fish tried extending it and pain radiating up into his back. Nope. Not happening… "Yeah, thanks, Jack."

Jack took out his phone and sent a text to Henry saying they were downstairs and needed him to open the doors for them. He got out of the SUV and hurried around to the passenger side. He opened the door and eased the other man out of the car. Fish draped his arm across Jack's shoulders. An exotic scent filled his nose. Fish might be a happily married and have only sexually responded to one man ever, but his dick gave a twitch. Must have Ianto under a bloody spell, smelling like that. Should be bloody illegal for someone to smell that good, he thought as his cheeks heated. Just as the two men made it to the doorway, Henry's face appeared.

"What happened?" he cried, holding the door open for them. He looped Fish's other arm over his shoulders.

"Bloody blowfish. Stole a car, crashed it and then ran halfway through Cardiff," Fish said angrily. “Slammed it into my own car.”

"It's just his knee acting up from the RTA,” Jack said.

The three men made their way up the loft. Henry opened the door for them and Jack eased Fish onto the sofa.

"I'll get your ice pack," Henry said, heading for the kitchen.

"You good, Fish?" Jack asked, standing up.

Fish lifted his leg onto the sofa, propping it up on a throw pillow with a pained grimace.

"Yeah, thanks, Jack,” he replied through clenched teeth.

"Stay home tomorrow, you earned it. Come to think of it. Take the day after that too,” he said.

Normally, Fish would argue but not this time. His knee was throbbing painfully. He’d likely not walk right for the rest of the week. He grimaced again as he involuntarily looked towards the hallway cupboard. Much to Fish’s chagrin, Henry had insisted he keep the cane he’d needed the first time he’d badly twisted his knee. Fish had protested, loudly, but would eat his words. He wouldn’t be able to move about without it. 

"Thanks, Jack."

"I'll show myself out. Night, Fish," he said with a smile. He headed for the door and called out, "Night, Henry!"

"Good night, Jack," Henry said, without looking up. He passed the other man on his way back into the lounge from the kitchen, Fish's ice pack in hand. He knelt down next to his lover, wrapping the pack around Fish's knee with a loving touch. He handed Fish a glass of water and some tablets.

Fish grimaced at the tablets. He despised the floaty and mildly detached feeling the narcotic pain killers induced. Often they didn't get rid of the pain, they just made Fish not care that he was in pain. 

“It's not that bad," Fish said, trying to pass the tablets back to Henry.

"You can barely walk!" Henry cried. The immortal man's expression changed to one that was equal parts pain and pleading. "Please, Joe?"

Fish sighed. It wasn't Henry's words, but his expression that crumbled Fish's resolve. Can't bloody say no to him when he looks at me like that…he thought as he swallowed the tablets. He hadn’t realised how thirsty he was until the water had passed his lips. He drank down the rest of the glass, greedily.

"Are you hungry? You shouldn't take those on an empty stomach. I think there's some left over chicken."

"I should eat something," Fish said. He hadn't eaten anything since the team's take away dinner over five hours ago.

Henry leaned and kissed him gently, then disappeared into the kitchen. Fish was exhausted and normally would be fighting to stay awake, but the pain in his leg was more than enough to stop him from falling asleep.

“Perhaps you should reconsider the knee replacement surgery, Joe," Henry called out from the kitchen.

"I'd be laid up for months with that," he said. He loathed the idea. He’d be bored to tears and his husband would be smothering. 

Henry returned to the lounge and laid the tray of food across Fish's lap. "I know but your knee is getting worse. I wouldn't mind taking care of you."

"It's not that, Henry," Fish said, as he tucked into his food.

"What is it then?" He set the water glass next to the plate.

Fish touched the rim of the glass, turning it where it sat. He sighed and said, “I’m getting old.”

"Nonsense. You were quite spry last night," Henry quipped and Fish blushed.

Fish downed the entire glass and then handed it to Henry so he could refill it. When Henry returned, he said, "I wish you would reconsider your field work entirely.”

The warmth towards Henry's doting vanished, replaced with annoyance. This was an old argument-one Fish thought was long settled. With the help of a therapist, he and Henry has worked through it. It hadn’t been easy. There had been a lot of fights and shouting and tears. Fish took a breath to quell the annoyance. 

"I’m only out in the field when there’s no other choice, Henry.”

“You come home lame every time you're in the field.”

“If I was in the field more, I'd at least get better exercise. Bloody treadmill isn’t the same," Fish said unable to withhold some of the anger. "I'm not used to chasing after aliens anymore which is why my sodding knee acts up every time I move. I know you want me safe, Henry, but it’s hard for me to just sit back when I know I can help them.”

“Joe... you are mistaking my meaning,” Henry sighed. He averted his eyes and gestures at Fish’s leg. “Perhaps your continued lameness is a sign that you can no longer help in the manner with which you have been accustomed.”

Angry, Fish slapped the tray on his lap, rattling the utensils. He cried, “So I should put myself out to pasture because I’m getting old?”

Henry spat back, “This has nothing to do with your age, Joe, and everything to do with your insistence that the only way you can be useful to the team is by running yourself into lameness!” 

Fish looked down at his food. His husband had a point. 

Henry took a slow breath and said, “I understand it is difficult to watch others for whom you care risk their lives but every person on the team realizes you are willing to do the same. I understand you are sometimes needed in the field. All I am saying, Joe, is I believe you are at a crossroads with regards to your injured knee and your pride. You must either face the knee replacement or face the limitations your injury is placing upon you.” 

He stood and when he returned, he had one of Fish's favourite apple pastries on a plate that he set down beside the half eaten chicken. Fish could see the forced smile on his husband’s face. 

"I'm going to run you a bath. A hot soak will ease your muscles,” Henry said with a sad smile. He kissed the top of Fish's head and Fish felt his lips linger a little longer than usual. "Think on it, Joe."

Now Fish feel like a piece of shite. Henry was right. He wasn’t supposed to be in the field at all. 

* * *

The time at home was just what Fish had needed. His overworked knee had been more than a week ago. Unwilling to endure replacement surgery, he’d decided to be more prudent in which alerts he chose to go into the field. He felt refreshed and well rested after the two days off his feet. But when he returned the fatigue and stomach upset returned as well. He didn’t feel the need to mention his indigestion or weight loss to Ianto yet. The indigestion and unwell feeling would come and go. He would feel fine and then would feel like he was coming down with something again. Fish largely suspected some sort of seasonal allergy. His sister often complained of fatigue from allergies. In fact, he was beginning to suspect some sort of food allergy or intolerance since gastrointestinal upset was a large part of his symptoms. It was something Henry blamed on his woefully poor diet. He hadn’t figured out which food no longer agreed with him, but whenever he ate whatever it was, his gut twisted itself with pain. Henry had suggested he eliminate items from his diet, one by one, to isolate the offender. After some online research, Fish had started with nuts since he knew they also upset his sister's stomach.

It hadn’t seemed to be the culprit. Ever since their take away dinner earlier, he’d been experiencing the all too familiar pain in his belly. He suspected the overly salty and greasy food was finally catching up to him. His father had had gallstones and Fish wondered if he hadn't come down with them too. What wasn’t helping was the fact that shortly after lunch he found himself running flat out across Tremorfa Park on Ianto’s heels. Ianto had cleared him for field duty only today and the two men were chasing after the third Weevil of the evening. Both were starting to wear down. The smell of Weevil seemed to be playing havoc on Fish’s already delicate digestion.

There had been record rain fall during the past few days. The number of Weevil sightings had tripled as the water had driven them from the sewers to the surface. Most of the Weevils forced to the streets due to the flooding were more than happy to return below ground, all the Torchwood team had to do was chase them to an appropriate sewer access. This Weevil was being particularly stubborn, not wanting to be herded towards the nearest access. It didn’t technically count as an emergency, but after another tense discussion, Henry had agreed Fish needed more exercise. It had taken some coaxing, but Henry agreed that Weevil hunting would be the best way to combine work and exercise. Ianto had agreed to come with him and was taking point.

"Fish! Go left, maybe we can circle back on him!" Ianto shouted between pants.

Fish moved to obey, swerving to his left and increasing his speed. As he leaned forward, a pain lanced through his stomach as if he'd been stabbed with an invisible knife. With a sharp cry, he crumpled to the ground, his arms wrapped around his belly. He squeezed his eyes shut as they watered.

"Fish!?" Ianto skidded to a halt, changing directions and heading for where Fish lay writhing on the grass.

Just as Ianto knelt beside him, Fish, overcome with the pain, rolled and vomited on the ground.

"Christ! Fish, are you okay?" Ianto asked, stepping around the sick and crouching down next to Fish as he heaved.

The pain in his belly had lessened, leaving Fish wobbly and more than a little bit embarrassed. He rolled into a sitting position to wipe his mouth.

"Sorry Ianto…" Fish said, spitting onto the ground and then wiped his mouth on the back of his hand. "I don't think that take-away agreed with me."

"It's all right, mate," Ianto said, putting his hand on Fish's shoulder. “Why were you so keen to come if you’re not well? I could have handled this myself."

"Wasn't this bad earlier," Fish said, one arm still gripped around his middle. He looked around. "The Weevil? Where'd it go?"

"I saw it pop down into the sewer," Ianto said. He looped Fish's arm around his shoulder. He dragged Fish to his feet and the Australian let out a yelp of pain. "I'm taking you back to the car."

Ianto half carried Fish back to where they'd parked his car. He helped him into the passenger seat and then dug a bottle of water out of the boot. "Here, drink this slowly."

Fish took the bottle from Ianto, twisted the cap off and sipped it. The first few gulps he used to rinse his mouth, spitting the water onto the ground.

"Better?" Ianto asked.

"Yeah. I'm sorry about this."

"Don't worry about it. I'm going to drive you home. Let me know if you're going to be sick again," Ianto said as he started the car.

The drive from the park to the loft took longer that usual. Ianto was driving slowly, careful not to jostle his passenger. Fish wondered if he'd swallowed razor blades with his meal. Ianto half carried him into the loft and eased him onto the bed. Fish desperately wished Henry was here, but his husband was still in New York and wouldn't be back for over two weeks.

The pain in his belly had lessened, but Fish still couldn't straighten nor twist his body to remove his clothes. It was with a fair amount of embarrassment Fish allowed Ianto to undress him. The Welshman picked up the clothes and deposited them into the hamper.

"Pants? Pyjamas?" Ianto asked.

"Don't wear them," Fish said.

Ianto nodded and helped him slip under the blankets. Ianto vanished back into the en suite, returning with the small bin.

"Just in case," he said with a smile. "I'm going to go make you some tea and then I’m going to do an exam on you.”

Fish shook his head, waving him off. “I’m fine, mate. Probably just a bit of food poisoning. Don’t tell Henry but I think my gut can’t handle all this take away anymore.”

"Fish, I don't think that's a good idea," Ianto said hesitantly. “Abdominal pain like this can be something serious. Let me phone Rupesh to take a look at you.”

“The only thing that's serious is my indigestion from eating overly salty and greasy Chinese take away when my stomach’s already sour.”

Ianto sighed. “I don’t like the fact that you’ve been having trouble you haven’t told us about. Look, I know Rupesh is new and we've not settled him into the team yet, but he's a good doctor.”

“It's not that, mate. I just…” Fish sighed. He ran his hand through his hair and admitted an uncomfortable truth to his friend. “I’m turning into an old man and it’s hard enough having one bloody immortal watch that. Grey in my hair. My bloody knee. Now my gut rejecting everything I love to eat…”

At that, Ianto took pity. “All right, but if you’re not well tomorrow or if you get worse in the night, you need to see a doctor first thing in the morning. Rupesh, Mandy, or the A&E. Got it?”

With a sigh of relief, Fish sank back against his pillow. "Thanks, mate. I owe you one.”

"Don't come in tomorrow. I'll ring in the morning." 

Ianto left the room to make the tea and Fish closed his eyes against the pain and nausea in his belly wishing Henry was here. After leaving the tea on his bedside table, Ianto bid Fish a reluctant farewell. Fish said goodnight to Ianto and would keep his promise. _Nothing the doc can do for a bit of food poisoning…_ He’d probably be right as rain by morning anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

Fish listened numbly as his old friend, Doctor Arthur Pearce, laid out his options. He was dimly aware of the conversation as he heard the words 'inoperable' and 'poor prognosis' and 'palliative chemotherapy.' They were words he'd heard before from six separate oncologists over the past few days. As a last ditch effort, Fish had contacted his old running partner from Manchester. Arthur was one of the best oncologists in the city.

"I'm sorry, Joe. I wish I had better news for you," Arthur said, sadly.

"How long do I have?"

"It's hard to say. It varies from case to case-"

"Pearce. C’mon, mate. Don’t treat me like one of your fucking patients,” Fish interrupted flatly, not wanting to hear any more of the vague double talk he'd heard already.

"Without treatment? Eight to twelve months. Maybe as much as eighteen with extensive chemotherapy," Arthur said.

A cold chill ran through him. Not going to be Torchwood after all…he thought with some mad laughter.

"Joe? You all right?"

"Yeah, Pearce. I'm good. Thanks for looking it over. I appreciate it."

"Joe, I have some numbers for you. Good facilities. Good hospitals. You should… you need to get your affairs in order. Soon.”

"They are. E-mail me the numbers," Fish said flatly. There'd never been much to arrange. He'd used Miranda's solicitor and had had his final arrangements in order from the minute he'd joined Torchwood. He had no illusions about the dangers of his job. He'd boxed away a few items for Henry, but since his lover was personally wealthy, he'd willed everything to his son, David. Any items he'd wanted distributed, he'd sent to his sister years ago. The rest of his possessions would go into Torchwood storage, and his body would end up in a drawer in the morgue. Fish wondered if that would change when the cancer forced him to leave the team. Leave the team…

He took a deep breath and asked the next question, "How long can I keep working?"

"Does your boss know? This company you're consulting with?”

"No and I'd like to keep it that way."

Arthur sighed at his friend. Fish could hear the frustration. Every physician he'd spoken to had used the same delicate tone and it was starting to annoy him. “Joe, if you’re deciding against treatment-which is a completely valid decision, by the way-you should… you need to think, very seriously, about quitting. You need to spend your time with your son. You need to go see Anna, Robert, and the kids."

Fish winced at the mention of his family and the words his friend was using. “How long can I keep working, Pearce?"

“Your case is extremely advanced, you understand, Joe? It's spread to distant tissues. It’s in your lymph nodes, your liver, your lungs… This most recent scan says there's something suspicious on your spine.”

“How long?”

“Any shortness of breath?”

“No…”

“You said you’re having abdominal pain?”

“A little…”

“Your total bili isn’t too high. Do you have any jaundice? Yellowing of the skin or the whites of the eyes?”

Oh well doesn’t that sound like a wee bit of fun… “No…”

“Several weeks, maybe, with proper pain management. Listen, Joe, you need anything, you ring. Any time. Day or night.”

"I will. Pearce, thanks mate. I’m sorry I’ve not kept in touch, but you’ve always been a great friend.” He felt a knot in his throat. “I wish we could’ve done the Manchester Marathon together one more time.”

Arthur’s voice was rough when he spoke. “Me too, Joe. I’ll ring you in a couple days. I’ll pop down to Cardiff for a visit soon. Finally like to meet that bloke of yours and your boy. Good-bye, Joe.”

“Cheers, mate."

Fish rang off and then flung his mobile across the room.

When he'd first been diagnosed, he couldn’t believe it. He’d only gone to the doctor for a bit of food poisoning! It was just some stomach pains, certainly nothing serious. He was probably just dehydrated. Then the doctor at the A&E had seen the irregularly shaped mole on his back, up by his shoulder. It was a mole he’d had for a long time. Sure, it had grown some since Fish had last seen it in the mirror, but certainly that was nothing serious. The concerned, overly cautious, over reacting doctor had ordered a battery of tests Fish felt were unnecessary and a complete waste of his time.

But when the results came back, she’d told him he was dying. Metastatic melanoma… stage four… she’d said, gravely.

Cancer. Fucking cancer?

And it had spread. To his lymph nodes. To his lungs. To his liver. One of the scans showed something suspicious on his spine. She’d introduced him to an oncologist and the hospital counsellor. He hadn’t believed it. They had to be wrong. He’d gone for a second opinion. And then a third. The denial had given way to shock. It had started hitting him like a tonne of bricks.

He was going to die.

He closed his eyes as a wave of terror and panic overtook him. His breath came in ragged pants and his heart raced in his chest. His hands turned clammy, a cold sweat was popping out over his body. Fish was suddenly filled with the ridiculous urge to spring up off his sofa and flee. Instead he got up to retrieve his mobile. He examined the screen for cracks.

He'd gone for a fourth opinion. A fifth. The shock had then given way to panic. He'd scoured the Torchwood archives for anything that could help him, cure him, but he'd found nothing. Remembering what they had done for Martin Gilmore, he’d asked Ianto in passing, trying not to arouse the archivist's suspicions but Ianto had said there was nothing. The pill they’d used to cure Martin’s cancer was a bone marrow treatment, not a cure for cancer itself. It only suppressed it from returning for a few decades, in which time given his age, Martin would likely die from other causes. It was all such a blur. It wasn’t even real to him. He still couldn’t believe it.

He'd gone for a sixth opinion. Now a seventh. It had been one thing to hear it out of the mouths of strangers, but his friend?

Fish sat forward, his elbows on his knees. He dug the heels of his hands into his eyes and tried to stamp down the terror in his chest. He felt betrayed by his own body. Everything was falling apart. He shuddered to think what would happen if he told Jack and Miranda about the cancer. He would probably lose his place on the team entirely, but that was the least of his worries.

He wondered how long he could hide this from everyone. He didn’t want anyone’s pity. He didn't want to look into Henry's eyes and see his devastation that the day he’d dreaded was finally here. Fish was going to die and there was nothing he nor anyone else could do about it. It wasn’t just Henry whom Fish would be leaving behind. His son would have to watch as the father he’d just discovered withered away. Fish didn’t want David to have to watch him die a slow death. A sharp pain lanced up through his stomach and he grimaced. It was a strong reminder of the disease destroying his body. It would rob him of his dignity, and finally, it would rob him of his life. The sharp pains continued, making his eyes water. Christ this is only going to get worse…

Another stab of fear and panic shot through him as he realised his death was going to be a slow and gradual affair. He would waste away, the cancer slowly eating at his insides. Everyone who loved him would be forced to watch. He didn’t want Henry or especially David to see him in such a state. There was no way Fish would be able to convince Henry to leave his side. He would end up in hospital, in hospice, waiting for the end in absolute agony, doped up on pain killers, pissing and shitting on himself, while the love of his life and his family watched on helplessly. There’d be no freakish alien device exploding or a Weevil mauling. It certainly wouldn’t be the quick end of a bullet from a Blowfish…

Bullet…

With a stony resolve, he stood up and went into the bedroom. He sat down on his side of the bed and unlocked the top drawer of his bedside table. He took out his Torchwood issue sidearm and the magazine. Slowly and with careful purpose, he snapped the clip into place. He flipped the safety off and pulled back the slide, chambering the first round. He turned the gun over in his hands, feeling its weight and the coolness of the metal. He swallowed on a dry throat, barely breathing. He could prevent all that suffering-his and everyone else’s. 

The first person who came to his mind was his son. Should he ring? Leave some message? No. He had the storage unit full of gifts and letters. It would be enough. Hearing his son’s voice might weaken his resolve. The two of them had become so close these past few years. Fish remembered seeing his mother, a sunken wraith, laying in a hospital bed. He didn’t want David to remember him a withered husk, gasping for breath. His next thoughts turned to Henry. Fish let out a sad laugh as he thought of his husband, his heart full of love and longing. He knew what he was about to do would hurt Henry the most. Maybe Henry would understand someday. His first husband, Matthew, had lived for years, half paralyzed, unable to speak or move. For the first time, Fish wondered if Matthew would have begged Henry to end that misery for him, had he been capable.

He looked at his phone and knew whose voice he wanted to hear. He dialed. Please.

"Hello?!" yelled Henry.

Fish could barely hear him over the noisy background, a crowd of people laughing and talking.

"Henry?" Fish said loudly.

"Joe? I'm sorry, I'm in a restaurant. Can I ring you back later?" he asked.

"Can… can you just talk for a minute? Please?" Fish begged, tears welling in his eyes. "I… I miss you."

"I miss you too," Henry shouted. "Are you all right? Is something the matter?"

The tears in Fish's eyes threatened to spill over. He desperately tried to keep his distress out of his voice. Hopefully, Henry would hear loneliness. He had this uncanny ability to read Fish's moods. "No, everything's fine."

"What? Joe? I can't hear you," Henry shouted again. Fish could hear the sounds of the crowd dwindling, replaced with the sounds of a busy metropolitan street. "Joe?"

"I said, are you having a good time?" Fish asked, trying to keep his voice from shaking.

"Yes, Tom was sorry you couldn't make it. He and Alice would like to have dinner when we return.”

"Sounds perfect," Fish said, smiling. “How’d little Henry handle the plane?”

“Spectacularly, he slept the whole way.”

"Henry… You know that I love you? Right?"

"Of course, I do," Henry said, his voice full of concern. "Joe? What's the matter?"

"Nothing," Fish said, barely keeping his voice steady. "I miss you, that's all."

"Do you want me to fly home?" Henry asked.

"No," Fish said, trying to sound calm and nonchalant. "I'm fine. Rough day. I just… I needed to hear your voice."

"Blast, they're calling our table. I have to go. Can I ring later? Will you be awake?" Henry asked.

He closed his eyes, the tears finally spilling down his cheeks. He couldn't bring himself to sully the last time he spoke to Henry with lies. There was so much he wanted to say to him. But he bit his tongue, holding back the words and saying simply, "I love you so much, Henry.”

"I love you too, Joe," Henry said.

Fish smiled through the tears. It was the only thing he'd wanted to hear.

"Go on," he said. "Don't want them to give your table away."

"I'll ring later, Joe," Henry said. "Good night, love."

"Good-bye, Henry. I love you. I love you so much," Fish said. He looked at the display of his phone, Henry's picture on the screen remained for a brief second before the call finally disconnected. He laid the phone down on the bed, then let his fingers trail over the soft duvet as memories of their love bubbled into his mind.

Not here.

He wouldn’t sully their bed with death. There'd been too much joy and love in this bed. The bathtub was a more considerate choice. Fish reached for Henry's pillow, burying his face in the cloth to breathe in his husband's intoxicating scent one last time. He looked around the bedroom for a moment, pondered leaving some note, but his autopsy findings would be all the note he'd need. When he didn't show for work tomorrow, someone would come looking for him, it was standard procedure. 

He paused for a moment, wondering if he should undress first. There was a certain symmetry about coming into this world and leaving it naked, but after touching the icy cold but, he decided against it.

Fully clothed, he sat down and laid back, nestling himself into the rounded curve. A wash of calm came over him as he parted his lips and inserted the gun, pressing the barrel to the roof of his mouth.

Joseph Fischer closed his eyes, took a breath and held it.

He had no idea how long he sat there, the cold metal scraping his teeth, holding his breath, but he couldn't manage to squeeze the trigger. Frustrated tears streamed down his face as his hand began to tremble with effort. With a frustrated scream, he let the gun fall to the tile with a clatter. He curled into a fetal ball inside the tub, and started to cry.

* * *

The next day Fish wandered into the Hub dazed and exhausted, wincing at the sound of the proximity alarms. Eventually, he’d climbed out of the tub with a wicked crick in his neck and a stiff back. The pain in his belly had kept him up all night. Exhausted and desperate, he'd swallowed more pain killers than the bottle advised. He'd chased it with some booze for good measure. It was with equal parts of terror and hope, he wondered if the combination would cause him to fall asleep and never wake. The pain had, thankfully, receded, but the medication left him slightly nauseated and dizzy. He knew Torchwood's pharmacy had better medications than anywhere on Earth, but to get at them he'd have to go through their new medic, Rupesh Patanjali.

Rupesh was a capable and competent physician, but he was new to the team. It wasn't that Fish didn't trust the man, he did, but there was no way Rupesh wouldn't go straight to Ianto and Jack to report Fish's illness. He wanted to keep his life as normal as he could for as long as he could, and that meant keeping his condition secret. Until my full bloody physical in a few weeks… With a regretful and angry sigh, he realized he shouldn’t have cried off from his previous physical examination.

His first stop was Miranda’s desk. The immortal woman was at her workstation browsing the Web looking at various travel sites. She and John had been planning a holiday, but had been conflicted about the destination. John had wanted to travel off-world, possibly to the future. Miranda, on the other hand, had wanted to remain firmly in the present and on Earth.

“Morning, Evie."

She turned around and smiled. "Morning, Fish. How are you feeling?”

“Little queasy,” he said, but followed the honesty with a lie. “Never quite been the same since that bit of food poisoning.”

“It can take some time for your intestinal flora to return to normal,” she said. “Try to drink more liquids and lean towards blander options.”

Fish nodded. As innocently as possible, he asked, “Where's John?"

"He came in with me this morning but I don't know where he is now.” She reached out for her comm unit. “You want me to call him?"

"No, just wanted to ask him something. Nothing important, it can wait," Fish said, again trying to sound innocent as he walked away. "I'll see you later, Evie."

He made his way slowly towards the Hub's small kitchen. The coffee pot was half full and Ianto was no where to be seen. Fish poured himself a cup. He put in a bit of sugar and then opened the fridge. He saw the small container of cream and the larger container of milk. His hand reached for the milk and then he stopped, diverting for the cream. He normally avoided the fattier option, even though he preferred it. What fucking difference does it make now…He poured in a generous amount of cream and stirred as he yawned. He picked up his mug, turned around. As luck would have it, he saw the red jacketed figure of Captain John Hart moving towards him.

"John," Fish called out, waving him over.

"Morning, Joe."

"I was wondering if I could have a word? Privately? Down in the shooting range maybe?"

"Sorry to burst your bubble, Joe, but I'm taken these days."

Fish had to roll his eyes. He didn't want to deal with John's flirting. "Just… meet me downstairs in a few minutes okay?"

 John shrugged. He took an apple out of the bowl on the counter, and after scrubbing it thoroughly, bit into it. He walked away, and Fish could only take that for agreement. He walked back to his desk, and after taking a few more sips of coffee, he went down to the firing range. He hopped up onto the counter and waited. He let his legs swing freely, a bit impatient and nervous. Finally, the door to the firing range swung open and John walked in. He’d shed his red jacket and was only in his signature white t-shirt and jeans.

“What’s this about, Joe?” he asked, concern in his voice.

"Can you disable that?" Fish asked flicking his eyes up towards the camera.

John nodded, opened his wrist strap and pressed a few buttons. Fish watched as the red light on the camera went out. He repeated, "What's this about, Joe?"

"I can't tell you until you promise me you won't breathe a word of it to Rupesh, Evie, or Ianto.”

The other man thrust his hands into his pockets. He gave Fish a bemused look. “You've met my wife, Joe. That's a deadly request you've just made."

"Then I'm sorry I bothered you," Fish said as he went to leave.

"Wait, Joe," John called out to him. "Fine. I won't say anything to them.”

Fish took a deep breath. At this moment, he was the only one who knew about the cancer. Somehow, saying it aloud and telling someone else felt like it would give the disease more substance and power. He took a deep shuddering breath and looked down at his swinging feet.

"I have terminal cancer-metastatic melanoma. I'm dying. I've got a year, maybe less."

John's reaction wasn’t what Fish expected. The fifty first century man didn’t seem shocked or surprised at all when he’d mentioned the disease. Fish realised John probably didn’t even know what it was, but the words 'terminal' and 'dying' should've garnered more of a reaction. John didn’t seem disturbed or perplexed at all. In fact, he was quite nonchalant. He opened his wrist strap and began tapping. "Well, bollocks to that."

Fish's jaw dropped. He couldn't believe he'd forgotten about John's vortex manipulator! He could head into the future, have his cancer cured, and be back in time for tea! No… I can’t… Christ, I’ve lost my mind…"No, John, stop. I can't do that."

"Don't give me all that bollocks about time lines!" John shouted. "You've been hanging about the good captain far too long."

"John, c'mon mate. It's all right."

"The hell you dying is all right!" John gaped at him. "How can you expect me to keep this from them? They’re healers! They could help you!”

"You gave me your word!" Fish exclaimed. "You think I haven't talked to a doctor yet? I've talked to half a dozen! No one can help me. No one but you."

"Me? What the fuck can I do?"

John's nefarious past was well known. The former Time Agent wasn’t above theft or murder… but was he above helping his friend? Fish closed his eyes, trying to figure out how to word his request. It wasn’t necessary. John figured it out all on his own.

"Abso-fucking-lutely not!" John said. "I'm not the healer, they are!”

“They can't help me, John,” Fish said. "Euthanasia is illegal here!"

John swore. "This backwards fucking century!” He shook his head in disbelief. “How can you ask me to do this?”

"You're one of best mates,” Fish said simply.

"And you don't have the stones to do it yourself, is that it?" he spat back.

"If that's how you want to see it," Fish said, defiant. "I guess I don't."

John ran his hand through his hair. "Joe, for fuck's sake, I can take you somewhere they can help you! You don’t have to die!”

"Please, John," Fish begged, his voice rough. "Let me go out on my own terms."

Hart put his hands on his hips and started to pace. "I need to think about this."

"Don't take too long. I’m on a timetable here,” Fish said, trying to joke.

The former Time Agent didn't answer him. He just turned and walked away, his head bowed.

Fish was left with nothing to do but wait. He spent all day at his work table, tinkering with tech. It had been particularly straining, but it felt like the longest day of his life. He was exhausted and the pain in his stomach was steadily worsening. All he could think about was going home, taking a pain pill, and having a long soak in the tub.

The tub I nearly offed myself in, his mind snickered.

John hadn’t spoken to him or given him a decision. It was a horrible thing he’d asked of his friend. He had to give him some time with the request.

"Hey Fish? Got a minute?" Jack called out from his office.

"Yeah, Jack, one sec,” Fish said, a bit annoyed.

He took off his messenger bag and put it back under his desk. He stowed his keys in his jacket pocket then took it off and draped it back over his chair with a sigh. He rubbed furiously at his eyes, leaning over on the desk for support. Something had completely drained him of every ounce of energy, and he couldn’t understand why...

Oh…

That'd be the fucking cancer eating him alive. He kept forgetting how sick he was. All this time, he hadn't been feeling his age, it’d been the cancer. Easily fatigued? Cancer. A sharp pain in his belly? Cancer. A twinge worse than usual in his back? Cancer. Nausea? Cancer. All day he’d had to remind himself.

You’re dying… "and not in the Tibetan philosophy, Sylvia Plath sense of the word either." Maybe I should find a support group and a power animal... he thought, ruefully. Though some animalistic part of him could do with kicking the shite out of someone. 

If he felt this exhausted after a slow day, he had no idea how he'd manage after a mad one.

He walked towards Jack's office, his head down, wondering what his boss could possibly want. Sure, he was behind on some of his field reports, but that was usually something Ianto nagged on about since Jack didn’t read them. He continued to mentally sort through his unfinished to-do list like a child called into the headmaster right up until the moment he walked into Jack’s office. It was amazing how your priorities changed when you were dying. Fish couldn't care less about some of his neglected duties like mundane paperwork. Things like digging into the tech backlog and some of his side projects had consumed him. 

When he opened the door, Jack and Miranda were both leaning against Jack's desk. Rupesh and John were sitting on the sofa. The reason for the summons was immediately clear.

Fish rounded on John. "You fucking bastard! You promised you wouldn't tell anyone!"

"Actually, Joe, I promised I wouldn't tell Rupesh, Eye Candy, or my wife," Hart said. "I told Jack.”

"And I told Rupesh and Will," Jack said, stonily.  

"You bastard!" Fish shouted. He grabbed the other man's shirt and hauled him to his feet. Finding strength he didn't know he had, he whirled John across the room, bending him backwards over Jack’s desk as Jack and Miranda leapt out of the way. Several of Jack’s things clattered to the floor. The fifty first century man grabbed his piece of coral just as it fell, carefully placing it at a safe distance.

"Let him go, Fish," Miranda said, cooly.

"Stay out of this, Evie!" Fish snapped.

"That is my husband you are manhandling. I suggest you let him go," she repeated, this time adding more ice to her tone.

Could he anger her enough to kill him? He doubted it. He released John, his hands shaking and sank down onto the sofa. "Let me guess? I'm off the team."

"No, Fish," Jack said. "You're still a member of this team."

"Taking pity on a dying man, Jack?" Fish snapped.

“There’s no reason you can’t do your job… until you think you can’t do your job,” Jack said. He gave Fish a hard look. “Itrust you to know your limits.”

The emphasized word was like a slap in the face. He’d lied to Jack and betrayed his trust. It would have been so much better if Jack was angry or yelling, but the sad disappointment in his eyes was far worse.

"I'm sorry, Jack," Fish said. 

Jack didn't answer, he just nodded and looked at Miranda. "John and I are going to have a walk. You three can talk."

After they’d left, Miranda sat down next to Fish. 

"You disappointed too, Evie?" Fish asked. 

"No, Fish. I understand why you didn't say anything," she said. "Rupesh and I have reviewed your medical records. Your condition is quite advanced and your prognosis most grave." 

"I know," Fish replied, sighing. He sank down onto Jack's sofa. 

Rupesh turned to him. "I know I'm new, mate, but you could've come to me."

"It's not that," Fish insisted. He leaned back. "I want things to stay normal."

Miranda glanced at Rupesh. The other physician nodded and stood. He said, "I understand that. Miranda and I will work together to make that possible for you. Look, I'm going to want to do a full work up on you as soon as possible. I have your records, but I want to run my own tests." He put his hand on Fish's shoulder. "I'll see you when you feel up to it." 

"Thanks Rupesh," Fish replied. 

The man nodded and left the room. The next sound Fish heard was the proximity alarms on the cog wheel door. 

Miranda turned the chair in front of Jack's desk to face him and sat down. "Does Henry know?"

Fish shook his head. "He’s busy with Tom, showing Alice, Steven and little Henry the Empire State Building… I don’t want to spoil his trip."

“You won't be able to hide this from him for long… from anyone, truthfully.”

Fish buried his face in his hands, knowing she meant he’d have to tell David. "I know."

“Have you made a decision as to treatment?” There was no judgement in her voice.

He knew every day he delayed treatment shortened his life further. But he’d already made his decision. Quality over quantity...He scrubbed at his face. “I don’t want to lay down and die. I want to fight for my life. But I’m a realist, Evie. I know I should be praying to St. Jude, not St. Peregrine. This is a lost cause. If I use what little time I have left to fight, I’ll gain a few months but I’ll just be so sick that I can’t live them-not like I’d want to. I want to be alive in the time I have left. I don’t want to just be breathing.”

“And it isn’t worth it to you,” she said, again, without judgement.

He shook his head. “No. No, it’s not.” He sighed. He knew he should be including his husband in his decision but he said, “Henry won’t understand.”

She turned, putting her hand on his forearm. “You should have him come home. You don't have a lot of time.”

“Steven was so excited about this trip,” Fish said.

“Then find some excuse to draw Henry home.” She said, sadly, “Joe, you have less than a year, at best. Possibly as little as six or seven months and you will likely be very sick for most of it.”

That was the shortest estimate he’d heard. There wasn't a hopeful estimate or the vague implications he’d heard from other doctors. Someone was finally being straight with him. He took his face out of his hands and let them fall to his sides. He slouched against the back of the sofa.

“Henry would rather be here with you."

"How can I do this to him, Evie? How can I make him watch me die?"

"You are not making him do anything. He does so because he loves you and he will want to take care of you. Would you allow him to send you away if your roles were reversed?”

“Never.”

“This is the twenty first century, Fish. We have medicines and proper facilities. We’ll take care of you,” she said sadly.

He buried his face in his hands. "This is going to kill him isn't it?"

"Henry is a delicate soul. He loves deeply and grieves the same way. He'll be fine. Ifan and I will look after him," she said, putting her hand on Fish's shoulder. "Are you certain you don't want to travel with John into the future?"

"How can I, Evie? How could I live with myself?" he said.

"You'd be surprised what a person can live with," she said, her voice strange. She leaned back as well and gave him a serious look. “I know what you asked John to do for you."

“Coward's way out isn't it?” he said, letting out a rueful laugh. “I was at home. I had my gun in my fucking mouth and I couldn't pull the trigger."

"There are two kinds of strength in this world. The strength to live and the strength to die. One is no greater or lesser than the other.” She paused, waiting for Fish to look at her. When he did, she said, “When the time comes, if it’s what you want, I will help you.”

"I can't let you do that, Evie. You're a doctor."

"I am. Though Rupesh has different views, I am from a time when the line between between prolonging life and prolonging suffering was clearer. There is nothing noble in suffering. There is no dignity or bravery in it, and there is no defeat in death. When you are ready, I will help you. Quick and painless, like falling asleep in a warm bath.”

Fish tilted his head back, staring at the ceiling in Jack’s office. “Thanks, Evie.”

He didn’t think he could or would ever take her up on the offer, but it was a relief to know if it got to be too much the option was there. He hadn’t expected it to be a relief to tell others. Of course, he was worried about telling Henry and David but now that they knew? It was almost freeing. Their friendship reassured him he wouldn’t be alone through all this. Now all he needed to do was to start figuring out how to tell Henry and David. Don’t forget Anna… For some reason the idea of telling his sister scared him most of all. 

“Your friend, Arthur Pierce, said that you have been having some pain,” she said, softly.

Fish nodded, not surprised she’d spoken with Pierce. “Stomach pain. I thought it was the food poisoning then maybe a food allergy… or age.” He sighed. “Arthur said it’s the liver tumors. Those tablets you prescribed for my knee don’t do much. The last oncologist prescribed something, but they’re the same stuff, just a stronger dose.”

He didn’t want to admit he’d been taking far more than the label advised.

She got up and took a small bottle of pills of Jack’s desk and handed it to him before sitting back down. “Rupesh, Ifan, and I have discussed your pain management. Ifan calls this Harpecet. Take one every six to eight hours.”

“I won’t mix them with the others,” Fish said, putting them into his pocket. He looked at his watch. “I took them before.” Three…

“They won’t interact,” she insisted, shrugging.

Fish immediately took the bottle back out and opened it. He dry swallowed one of the pills. “Thanks.”

Miranda raised an eyebrow, clearly surprised at the out of character behaviour. “You can take two but let me know when you start needing to do so regularly. I’ll change the dose or move you to something stronger.”

Like magic, the pain in his abdomen began to recede, replaced with a gentle calm. Some of his energy returned with it. It was the best he’d felt since his diagnosis. He said, “Wow, this stuff is great. Thanks, Evie.”

"Don't thank me," she said, smiling. "Thank Doctor Owen Harper."

Fish deadpanned, "I will when I see him."

Miranda smiled and pulled Fish into a hug. He couldn't help himself, he broke down and started to cry.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I originally began writing this story many years ago, I had given Fish pancreatic cancer. After speaking with an old high school friend, who is now an oncologist, I switched his diagnosis to melanoma. I am now going to pass on the information he gave me when he suggested I change Fish's illness. 
> 
> Melanoma is the number one cancer that kills people under the age of 50. Like pancreatic cancer, it goes largely undetected until it has spread. It is recommended that everyone receive yearly skin cancer screenings with a dermatologist starting at age 30.


	3. Chapter 3

After having a good cry and finally pain free, Fish went home in a good mood for the first time since his diagnosis. These pills of Owen Harper’s were better than the narcotics he’d received in the past. He managed to sleep soundly-well, as soundly as he did without his husband next to him-and woke in the morning feeling refreshed.

Jack had insisted he take the day off and Fish hadn’t argued with him. He needed time to think. His secret was out and he needed to tell his family. After a light breakfast, Fish procrastinated unravelling his dilemma with tidying the loft. Henry kept their living space spotless and while Fish certainly wasn’t a slob, he wasn’t as tidy as his husband. Since Henry wasn’t home, the loft had deteriorated. With the foul mood Fish had been in, it looked as if Jack had been living there. Henry would likely have a complete meltdown when he came home. Fish was in the middle of sweeping the kitchen floor when he heard the sound of the door. He reached into the drawer for his gun and pointed it at the doorway.

Henry entered, dragging a few pieces of luggage.

"Henry?!" Fish said, lowering the gun. He quickly clicked the safety back into place. 

"Lord defend me from Heathrow," Henry snapped. "If you're going to shoot me, please, get on with it."

"What are you doing here? You're not supposed to be back for another two weeks!” Fish said, taking some of the luggage from him.

"You sounded terrible when you rang, and Tom said I was miserable without you," Henry sighed as he dropped the keys onto the counter. "I was on the next flight and here I am."

"You didn't have to do that, Henry! This trip was important to you!" Fish said.

”You're important to me," Henry said.

A hungry look came over his eyes as he hooked his thumbs into the belt loops of Fish's jeans, tugging him close. He buried his nose in Fish's shoulder, ghosting his lips over the skin and Fish shivered. His knees wobbled and, not for the first time, Fish marvelled at Henry’s ability to do this to him. Henry flipped them and pressed Fish into the door, using his body to shut it. After locking it, he sucked hard on Fish’s neck, leaving a large mark. Fish's legs wobbled. 

“I missed you so much, Joe…”

Fish couldn't argue. He had no resistance. Henry dragged him into their bedroom as they left a trail of clothing, hungry for each other. Tears sprang behind Fish’s closed eyes as he thought of the phone call that had brought Henry home. They collapsed onto their bed, Fish beneath Henry's body. Henry began ruthlessly attacking his neck and shoulders with his mouth, his hands running over his skin.

A wave of remorse and sadness cut through Fish’s desire and the lust. How could he have done it? His husband had come home early. What if Henry had been the one to find him? 

"Joe?" Henry asked, his eyes sparkling. "Why do I feel like I'm the only one here, love?"

"Sorry!" he said quickly, snapping back to the present. He cupped Henry's face and felt tears leaking from the corners of his eyes, running back into his ears. "I'm so sorry, Henry."

"You can make it up to me," Henry said brightly, his hand drifting from Fish's hip down between his legs.

Fish arched his back as white hot pleasure shot up through him as Henry pressed his fingers into his perineum.

"Oh, God," he gasped as he drew Henry down for a searing kiss. “I want you… I need you in me…”

Henry smiled, reaching into the top bedside drawer for their supplies. Fish moaned as Henry slid a slick finger into him. This. This moment was everything. Henry’s touch made his body sing and that music combined the love dwelling in his heart to create a perfect moment. As Henry’s fingers moved within him, Fish’s toes curled and he fisted the sheets. When Henry made contact with his gland, he let out a blissful cry. The sensations washed over him, causing his eyes to roll back in his head. His soul reached out for Henry and the oneness of their love. 

Fish reached down, stilling Henry’s hand. “I need you.”

With a possessive moan, he pulled Henry’s fingers from his body and grabbed his husband by the shoulders. He pushed him down, onto his back. Leaning over him, he captured his lips in a deep kiss. Their tongues sliding along each other. Henry held himself steady as Fish sought him with his hips. When he found his prize, he sank down slowly and they moaned into each others’ mouths.

"Oh God…" Fish gasped, his eyes sliding closed. "I missed you so much… I love you…"

"I love you…" Henry whispered as he caressed his sides and legs. "So tight..." 

Fish wanted to do this slowly. He wanted to savour every second, but Henry was having none of it. He took control, grabbing Fish's waist and thrusting into him from below. Fish threw his head back and screamed as his hands gripped the top of the headboard, holding on for dear life. The angle of their bodies meant Henry was perfectly positioned. Henry’s cock made contact with his prostate with dizzying accuracy. Flashbulbs popped behind his eyelids.

"I love you, Henry… oh, fuck… just a little harder…” he called out. He felt his balls begin to tighten and draw up against his body. One jab at his prostate caused a gush of clear fluid to leak from his erection. It dribbled down the shaft and Henry licked his lips.

“Oh God, like that! There!”

Henry sat up and ran his thumb over the glistening fluid at the end of Fish’s cock. He brought it to his mouth and sucked on it, groaning.

“I took myself in hand and thought of you every night, Joe.” He slowed his thrust, but kept his force as he encircled Fish with his arms. Fish shivered. 

“Every climax, I cried out your name...” 

The dirty talk out of Henry's usually proper mouth was so fucking hot. 

"I'm next..." Henry grinned. "Or perhaps I have missed the taste of you too much to wait." 

Fish opened his mouth wide, running the flat of his tongue over Henry’s damp skin. Then sealed his lips and sucked hard. A zing up his spine interrupted him. “I’m gonna come.”

Henry snapped his hips upward faster. “Come with me, Joe…”

Trusting that Henry would follow him, Fish gave in to the wave sweeping him away.  The coil in him snapped and his own release gushed forth, smearing between them. Every cell in his body was on fire. The world spun and Fish swore he almost passed out.

At the same time, Henry buried himself deep inside him, with a sharp cry, filling him. Fish felt the semen leaking out as he collapsed. 

“Holy shit, Henry. That was fucking amazing,” he said.

Gathering Henry into his arms, he slowly waited for their breathing to return to normal. Henry kissed every inch of skin within his reach. "I missed the feel of you..."  

"I'm sorry about your trip," Fish said, brushing his fingers through Henry's hair. 

"Stop apologising, love. It's fine,” Henry said. He traced his fingers through the light hair on Fish’s chest and belly. “Tom and his family will return to the UK when originally planned. They do not need me as a guide, Tom lived in the city nearly his entire life. You’ve spoilt nothing. Tom had mentioned a holiday to see the north. He mentioned he wished to see Sheriff Hutton Castle in a few months. I can't imagine why. It's little more than a ruin now and privately owned." 

"You did grow up there," Fish said, squinting a little. The pain in his stomach had returned which confused him. He’d taken one of the ‘Harpecet’ pills shortly before Henry had arrived. It should have taken effect by now.

Henry was still tracing the hair on his belly and Fish took hold of that hand, pressing it into his chest. Even the slight movement of Henry’s hand was making the pain worse. A nausea was rising in his gut. 

"Yes, my father's grand plan for me… the government of the north," Henry said with a slight scoff. 

"I’m sure you’re a far better artist than politician," Fish said with a laugh. The nausea was worsening. He gently moved Henry off of him so that he could try to sit up. It was just in time, too. A sudden pain lanced up through Fish's belly. He cried out and swung his legs out of the bed.

"Joe?" Henry said, reaching for Fish's shoulders.

The nausea erupted and Fish bolted for the loo, barely making it in time as he heaved. He blinked a little, spitting into the toilet. Panting, he saw a fair amount of blood in the sick. Fuck…Fear lanced through him at the sight.

"Oh God, Joe…" Henry said as he stood over him, blanching at the sight. "We need to get you to hospital."

Fish shook his head. Rupesh, Evie, or Ianto? Rupesh lived the closest. “My mobile. Phone Rupesh."

Henry bolted from the bathroom as he heard Fish heaving again. There was more blood this time. Fish was dimly aware of Henry's panicked voice from the other room.

"Rupesh? Can you come straight away?" Henry said into the mobile. "No, I'm at the flat. Joe is ill… He's vomiting some blood… Should I phone an ambulance?… Should I give him something?… Are you certain?… Yes, we'll be here… Please, hurry?"

Henry dropped the mobile onto the bed and knelt beside his lover, rubbing circles onto his back. "He says not to give you anything."

Fish flushed the toilet and sat down on the bathroom floor as pain lanced through his belly. He pounded his fist against the toilet seat and squeezed his eyes shut, doubling over. He let out a yelp of pain as his eyes watered.

"I'm summoning an ambulance," Henry said.

"No don't!" Fish said. "Wait for Rupesh."

"Joe, have you taken leave of your sanity? You're in agonising pain and vomiting blood!" Henry snapped, angry and panicking. "You could be dying!"

I am dying!he nearly shouted but stopped himself just in time. “Just wait for Rupesh. Please," Fish begged trying to control the outward signs of the pain he was in.

“Joe, for me, please?” Henry begged. Fish kept his head down, staring at the water in the loo. He could tell by Henry’s voice that if he looked up, he’d see a look of pleading on his husband’s face that normally he was unable to refuse. The only way he was managing to resist it was to not even see it. He refused to have Henry find out about his cancer as he explained his medical history to a paramedic.

As Henry hesitated, Fish was positive his husband was about to ignore his wishes.

Without looking up, he said, “Please, he doesn’t live far. He’ll get here before any ambulance.”

Henry sat back on the tile and gathered Fish into his arms. Guilt lanced through him, as harsh as the pain in his belly, when a few tears hit his shoulders. Henry continued to rock him gently and asked, “Do you want to get back into bed?”

“I don't think I should move from here just yet," Fish said.

Henry lifted his head at the sound of their doorbell. He left the room, and returned a few seconds later with a concerned looking Rupesh Patanjali. He had his portable medical kit with him. Immediately, Fish became conscious of his nudity and stickiness. Drying lube and semen had caused his arse to cement itself to the tiles. Even though as an A&E Doctor, Rupesh had probably seen it all, Fish was embarrassed at his state. He could feel heat on his cheeks as they blushed.

"Joe?" he asked, kneeling beside him. Realizing Fish's discomfort, he reached up for one of the hanging towels and draped it across him. After wetting one of the smaller flannels, he handed it to him and politely turned away to talk to Henry in a low voice. Once he heard the flannel hit the inside of the tub, he turned back and said, "Let's get you somewhere more comfortable than a tile floor so I can take a look, yeah?" 

Henry was looming and Fish looked between his husband and Rupesh and back again. After he stood with the towel around his waist, he said, "Henry? Do you mind waiting in the lounge?"

"What?" Henry said, hurt on every inch of his face. "Joe…"

Understanding Fish’s dilemma, Rupesh came to his rescue. "I need some room to work, Henry. Just give us a few minutes, all right?"

Henry gave in and left. Rupesh shut the door behind him and said, "You haven't told him yet, I take it?" 

Embarrassed again, Fish said, "Not yet, he just got back. I wasn't expecting him." After flushing an even brighter shade of pink, he added, “We… uh… got distracted.”

Rupesh helped Fish to the bed and then dug some of the portable medical scanners out of his bag. "No judgement here, mate. Just wanted to know so I could mind what I say and how I say it."

At that moment, Fish was glad he'd had Henry ring Rupesh instead of Miranda. If she were here, she'd be giving him a thorough dressing down about not telling his husband about his condition.  

As Rupesh scanned him, he offered, "When you decide to tell Henry, do you want one of us to be there? Sometimes it can help to have someone there with a medical education to answer any questions loved ones may have... or to help them through any denial."

"I appreciate the offer, mate, but he's not going to want an audience," Fish replied. 

Rupesh nodded and set the scanners back into his kit. "You're not anemic but you're dehydrated. There's a small bleeding ulcer in your pylorus. Strange. Opioids and paracetamol shouldn’t cause this problem and the Harpocet Miranda and I decided on for your pain management wouldn't interact with them.”

Over his shoulder, Rupesh saw the bottles on his bedside table. He squinted at the labels. “Were you taking both of these?”

Fish nodded. “That one on the left, Evie gave me for my knee. The other one is the one the oncologist prescribed. The Harpocet works fine by itself so I haven’t taken either of them since I got it. Why?”

“Miranda and I both assumed you were only taking what the oncologists had prescribed. These are powerful anti-inflammatories, not narcotic pain killers. The combination of these and the paracetamol in the narcotics is what caused the ulcer.” He added, “You’re lucky the ulcer is small. I was concerned you were developing tumors in your stomach or your esophagus. Just take the Harpocet from now on. Don't take either of these.”

After digging out a few pills from his case, he got a small disposable cup of water from the bathroom. Passing them both to him, he said, "Take those. Now."

Fish downed the tablets as Rupesh knelt down for more medications. He held up the syringe in this hand. "This is a pain medication." 

He jammed the needle into his leg before he could protest or refuse and he let out a yelp.

"Now I want you to rest. Let's get you into bed," he said, writing on his prescription pad. "Have Henry fill these in the morning." 

Fish blushed again as Rupesh pushed the lube bottle out of the way so Fish could get under the blankets. He threw the blankets over him and started to look around the room. Not finding what he needed, he went back to the front door to retrieve their coat tree. He set it down by the bed, hanging a bag of fluids over it. After placing a canula in Fish’s arm, he started the fluids and attached the small portable pump to the line. 

"Let that whole bag run into you. I'm going to speak to Henry." After seeing Fish's alarm, he added, "Calm down, Joe. I'm not going to tell him anything. Look, I may be new to Torchwood, but I'm still your doctor. Everything is confidential, all right?"

Fish nodded. "It's not that I don't want to tell him... It's-"

"Complicated, I know," Rupesh said. He put his hand on Fish's shoulder. "I know I'm new and you lot don't know me very well. But if you have any questions about your condition, your options, anything at all, you can come to me. If you want to talk, about anything at all, come talk to me."

"Thanks, Rupesh," Fish replied.

With a smile and a squeeze of his shoulder, Rupesh left the room. Fish could see and hear them through the open door.

"He's fine, Henry," she said.

"You're certain? There was so much blood," he said, panicked. "Shouldn’t he be in hospital?”

Rupesh carefully side stepped the question. "I've given him a few prescriptions and some medicines. Get them filled in the morning. Bland foods for two weeks. Nothing too acidic either. No coffee, no alcohol.” 

"Thank you, Doctor Patanjali, I appreciate you coming over so quickly,” Henry said.

"Rupesh, Henry. Call me Rupesh. And it's fine, I'm just around the corner, if you need anything else, Yeah?" he said.  

After Henry showed Rupesh out, he appeared in the bedroom. He kissed Fish's head. "Better?"

"A little," Fish said, taking Henry's hand in his. He had no idea what to do or say. "I'm sorry..." for scaring you? For not telling you I’m dying yet? For dying at all? For…

"Don't be. What did he say it was? Some sort of stomach virus?" He made an attempt at levity. “Perhaps the stress of Torchwood has finally exerted some effect and given you an ulcer?”

Fish shook his head and swallowed. He still couldn't think of what to say. He didn't know how to begin.

“Is it something more serious, Joe?" Henry asked, his concern growing.

Fish nodded slightly. “Remember you told me to try cutting out nuts because my stomach was so sour?”

Henry nodded, not knowing where Fish was going with this.

“I thought it was just indigestion. Maybe my diet and my age were finally catching up with me… Then, Ianto and I were Weevil hunting me and I collapsed."

“You collapsed?!” Henry cried and then demanded, “Why am I only hearing of this now?”

“I hadn’t been feeling right all day that day. I thought it was the Chinese I’d had for dinner. I thought I just needed some rest. I was worse in the morning, so I went to the A&E.” Fish closed his eyes and sighed. “The doctor there ran some tests… and then sent me to an oncologist."

Henry blanched and croaked, "Cancer..." He swallowed hard, sitting down on the edge of the bed. “That's why you're sick? The treatments? The side effects?"

Fish opened his eyes but couldn’t meet his husband’s gaze. ”I’m not being treated, Henry.”

"What?! Joe, this is lunacy! You can fight this! You're young and strong!" Henry shouted, dropping Fish's hand and gesticulating wildly.

"There's no fighting this, Henry," Fish shook his head.

“How can you just give up?” Henry cried. He leapt to his feet and began pacing the room as he gesticulated at his husband. “Cancer is no longer a death sentence! There are treatments! Chemotherapy! Radiation! Surgery! You have options!”

“Henry! Henry! Stop!” Fish shouted. He slammed his hand down on the bedside table and his husband stopped his pacing and looked at him. “Will you please sit down? I can’t do this with you pacing. Please.”

After Henry sat back down on the bed, Fish continued. “That mole on my back you said looks like the Isle of Man? It’s melanoma. It’s aggressive skin cancer… and it’s spread.”

“There are still treatments, Joe! Spreading doesn’t mean this is a death sentence!”

Fish swallowed hard. He didn’t want to strip away Henry’s hope, but there was a reality to this situation his husband wasn’t seeing. He was beginning to wonder if he should've asked Rupesh to stay.

In a quiet, level and flat voice, he said, “It’s in my liver. That’s why my stomach’s been hurting.”

Henry was about to open his mouth, but Fish cut him off. “And it's in my lungs.”

Henry's eyes went wide.

“And my lymph nodes…”

Henry’s eyes began to fill with tears as his bottom lip trembled.

“And there’s something suspicious on my spine,” Fish finished. 

He didn't think it was possible, but Henry blanched further. He slid off the bed and buried his face in Fish's lap and started to cry. His arms wrapped around Fish's middle, holding onto him as if his arms could hold him in this life with him. Fish gently ran his hand over the back of Henry's head. It broke his heart to cause his husband so much pain. I'm so sorry. I love you … I wish we had more time… I don't want to leave you alone…Fish felt tears streaming down his own cheeks but he didn't want to say any of these things aloud. It felt too much like goodbye.

"There must be something… an experimental treatment, something, somewhere…" Henry said, not lifting his head, his voice muffled by the duvet.

"There's nothing, Henry. Trust me. I've done nothing but look since I found out. And even if there was… it won’t give me much more time. Or it will just make me sicker."

"How long?" he whispered. It sounded like he didn’t even want to know the answer.

Fish finally understood the double talk and the vague answers he’d gotten from the doctors. It wasn’t about lying or not wanting to put a quantity down on someone’s life. He knew if he told Henry the truth, it would rob him of hope. But he couldn’t bring himself to lie.

"Less than a year," Fish whispered. 

He felt Henry's arms tighten on him as he let out an anguished wail.

"I'm sorry," Fish said, finally breaking down himself.

“Hush, my love,” Henry said, holding Fish as he cried.

A long time passed as the two lovers held each other, sobbing. Once they’d both quieted, Henry stood up and scrubbed at his face. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. He reached for his mobile on the bedside table.

"What are you doing?"

"Letting Tom know I've arrived safely and tomorrow I'm ringing the gallery to clear my schedules."

"Henry, don't do that. I want things to stay as normal as they can for as long as they can," Fish said.

"You're not leaving Torchwood are you?" Henry asked, shocked.

"No, I'm not," he replied, almost defiantly.

"Joe, this is absurd! You're dying! We need to tell Olivia and Ian so you can spend time as much time with David as his schooling will allow! I should take you to Perth to see Anna again! We should be making the most what little time we have left!"

"The only way out of Torchwood is for them to retcon me. Do you think I want to spend the last year of my life with no memory of you or David?” Fish shouted. Deep down he knew Jack would never retcon him, but he didn’t know that for sure. 

"Surely Harkness can make an exception!" Henry shouted back. “To whom will you tell Torchwood's secrets? Saint Peter?"

Fish shook his head. "Even if he wanted to, I wouldn't let him. I'm already going to ask him for one favor… I don't want to be interred in the morgue. I want you or David to be able to visit me if you want.”

"Joe, please," Henry said, grabbing Fish's hands. "Don't. Don’t do this. I need every minute I can have with you." And then Henry delivered the lowest blow he could. “Think of David. Think of your son. What will he remember of his father if you waste your remaining days at work?”

Fish saw the pleading look on Henry's face and guilt lanced through him. He wanted to maintain his life as long as he could but time spent at work and at Torchwood was time away from Henry and David. But it was his life that was ending and he wanted it to be on his terms. He wanted time with Henry and David but he wanted time making a difference too. He just needed to find balance. He glanced up at the bag off fluids. It was nearly empty. He turned off the small pump and clamped the line.  

"Can you get me a plaster, Henry?" Fish asked as he started picking at the clear bandage over the canula. He took the plaster from Henry and pulled out the canula.

"I'm not going to be able to work much or for very long,” Fish said, fixing the plaster to his skin. "Please, Henry, I need to feel like I'm leaving this world better than I found it, like my being here mattered."

"It matters to me!" Henry shouted. "You're the only thing that matters to me!"

"Henry, I love you and I'm sorry but this is my life… what's left of it," he said ruefully. "I will keep working at Torchwood on a limited basis. I will spend every waking free second with you and with David and when I am no longer able to keep up with the demands of my job I will leave the team."

"I'll have Tom and Alice fly back immediately," Henry said.

"No you won't," Fish insisted. “We are not telling them this over the phone. Let them enjoy this holiday with the kids before I have to spoil it all with this.”

Henry began pacing the room.

"Henry, please, stop pacing like that. You're making me anxious," Fish said.

Henry sighed and sat down next to Fish and putting his arm across Fish's shoulders.

“I will never leave your side, Joe,” Henry whispered. “I swear it.” 

Those words should have made Fish feel better, but they didn’t. He didn’t want Henry to watch as he wasted away, robbed of his dignity and then his life. They’d had so little time together. He and David even less. It was so unfair. The unfairness of it rose an anger in Fish’s chest. It bubbled and bubbled and suddenly, he pushed Henry off of him, swinging his legs out of bed. He fisted his hands in his hair.

“Joe? What’s the matter? Are you in pain?” Henry asked, worried.

"You’re the love of my life. We deserve a lifetime of happiness together. I just found my son. You’re both the best things in my life and now I'm fucking DYING! I'm DYING!" Fish stood up, enraged. He swept everything off his bedside table. The lamp shade popped off and the bulb shattered. His clock broke as it crashed to the floor. "I'm a good man who's tried to live as best I can! It's not right! It's not fair!"

Fish ran his hands through his hair and then took long strides across the room. With both arms he swept everything off their dresser with an angry growl. Henry’s jewelry boxes went crashing to the ground, cufflinks scattering. One of the boxes containing Henry’s watches broke, the lid cracking in two. He turned and then flung his arms around Henry's neck and started to cry again, his legs giving out from under him. Henry sank to the rug with him, holding him gently as he sobbed.

"I don't want to die!" Fish cried. "I'm not ready to die!" 

Henry rocked Fish in his arms, running his hands over his head and holding him gently.

A deep chill spread right into Fish’s bones. He shivered, feeling a dark figure looming over him, ready to strike. He whispered, “I’m so scared, Henry.”

The terror and dread exploded, vaulting themselves up with tears and sobs. Even in his darkest moments in that metal room as Cassie’s prisoner, Fish had never been this terrified. He could feel the precise moment his consciousness would vanish into oblivion. Forever. The darkness expanding on and on, through an eternity of nothingness. Like before, he was nearly overwhelmed by the desire to stand up and flee, to run as far and as fast as he could away from this danger. But death wasn’t something you could escape. It always caught up to you and it had caught up to Fish.

Henry’s strong arms around him were the only thing holding him together. He breathed in the scent of Henry’s aftershave, comforting and familiar. The thoughts of the eternity of nothingness that awaited him rose up, but this time Fish concentrated on the closeness of his husband, the strong arms and soothing scent. This is what you always wanted. It’s too soon, but it’s not a bad way to go, in the arms of the love of your life.

He buried his face in Henry’s neck and said, “Take me to bed. I need you to hold me, Henry.”

“Always, Joe,” he whispered back. “Always.”

* * *

Fish was sitting at his work table, tinkering with a piece of tech. Henry had been back a week. At first, Fish was surprised that he hadn’t objected to him going to work every day. Then he found out that his husband was using the time alone to research everything he could on metastatic melanoma. He was scouring the globe for clinical trials, experimental drugs and treatments-anything that could possibly save Fish’s life. Of course, he hoped Henry would find something credible, but Fish knew his odds and he didn’t believe in miracles.

It was barely lunch and already he was fighting to stay awake. Yesterday, he’d gone to Jack and requested they strip his field status. He was terminally ill and that wasn’t just deadly to him. It was reckless for him to endanger anyone else on the team for his pride.

Fish took the growing fatigue as a bad sign. He snapped his eyes open and sighed. That was the fourth time he’d nearly dozed off. He wanted to believe the fatigue was just from the emotionally draining week of telling everyone they loved that he was dying.  

Tom and his family returned home early from New York. Fish had been furious with Henry for urging cutting their holiday short. As baby Henry had toddled around, Tom, Alice, and Steven had all burst into tears. 

Fish hadn't wanted to tell his sister over the phone, but had had no choice. Anna had sobbed hysterically. She had become so distraught, Robert had taken the phone from her, demanding what the fuck Fish had told his wife to make her so upset. Then his brother-in-law had also begun to sob uncontrollably. Even though the entire Norton family had made arrangements to fly up to see him next week, Anna had taken to ringing him randomly, confessing she'd done it just to hear his voice only to break down crying. 

Henry and Fish had gone to his ex's for dinner one night while David was staying at a friend's and told both of them. Fish had expected both Olivia and Ian to go into medical mode, but to Fish's surprise, neither had suggested doctors or clinical trials or anything else. Olivia had just burst into tears whilst Ian had looked crushed. The grief on their faces had been a clear message to him that he was well and truly fucked. 

When Anna and her family arrived next week, they would sit all the children down to tell them. Fish wasn't looking forward to that one bit.

Fish walked towards Jack’s office. The door was closed and he knew better than to just enter without announcing himself. He knocked and waited for permission.

"Fish? How are you feeling?" Jack asked as Fish sat in the chair opposite his desk.

Christ, I wish everyone would stop fucking asking me that. Gwen’s watery and pity filled stare had barely stopped since they’d told her. Fish wished they’d all just act normally. 

"Bloody tired,” he replied.

"You want the rest of the day?" Jack offered, looking up from his paperwork. His face held fatherly concern.

“Maybe,” Fish said.

“Come and go as you please. I don't care when you get here or when you leave, Fish, if at all,” Jack said, tossing the pen on the stack of papers.

Fish nodded. He shifted in the chair, rubbing his palms on his jeans. "I have a favor to ask, Jack."

Jack slid the papers aside and gave Fish his full attention. "All right. I'm all ears."

"After I... I don't want to end up in the morgue. I want Henry to be able to visit me if he needs to," Fish said, forcing the words out. "I know it's against policy."

"Is that it?” Jack asked, surprised. "I thought you were going to ask to leave."

Fish shook his head. "I don't want the retcon, Jack.”

"Geez, Fish, how many times do I have to repeat myself. Just like after Cassie, or when you found out about David I told you, you could leave if you wanted. No retcon. That offer still stands.”

"But-"

"They're just rules," Jack said with a shrug. "Will's been floating in and out of here for decades and I haven't retconned her. I promised her she wouldn't end up in the morgue either. Listen, you want to spend every second of what you have left with your husband and your son? Go. You've done your time."

Jack had confirmed Fish's suspicions. Henry would be thrilled, but could he really leave Torchwood completely?

"I'll think about it."

Jack sat back in his chair. "You have options here, Fish, outside of what the twenty-first century doctors are telling you. I don’t remember exactly when, but in another couple centuries, cancer’s eradicated.”

"Time lines, Jack. I can't travel into the future," Fish said.

“It's not like we're ferrying everyone with cancer to the twenty somethingth century, Fish. And that's not your only option," Jack said.

"What do you mean?"

"We could put you into cryostasis. You go to sleep tomorrow and wake up in a few hundred years. It’s not an ideal option but we’ve done it,” Jack said. He leaned back in his chair, resting his elbows on the arms. “We had this kid from 1914 we woke up every year. We could do the same thing for you. Will, Ianto, and I would be here. And so would Henry."

But not David… or Anna... or anyone else mortal... 

Jack's offer was kind, but how could he use anything to save his own skin when the rest of the world suffered? It wasn't fair. How is what's happening to me right now fucking fair either?He stamped down the thought. He remembered a silent promise, a prayer, he’d sent up to God. Henry had been twisted inside of a train wreck and all Fish had wanted was for his husband to be all right. Knowing Torchwood would kill him anyway, in exchange for Henry’s safety, Fish hadn’t offered up his life, he’d offered up his will. When my time comes, I won’t rage against it. I’ll walk up to Your altar and lay down upon it like a lamb. Just bring him back to me.He couldn’t backslide on that promise. Could he? A bitter voice rose up in him, sneering, You don’t even believe.

A warmth filled his chest and his heart. It spread out, coating him in a soothing peacefulness. He did believe. He looked up at the ceiling, the faith he’d abandoned long ago washed over him like a returning tide. Then Fish realised, he'd never really lost it. It had been there all along, dormant. God had stayed with him even though Fish had abandoned Him. When you saw one set of footprints was when I carried you... 

"It's not right, Jack.”

"Fish-"

"No, Jack!" he snapped. He took a deep breath trying to reign in his temper. "Look, I get that you're all just trying to help but I need to accept the fate that God has handed to me."

Jack gave Fish an appraising look and said to him, "Two boats and a helicopter."

"What?" Fish asked, confused by the non-sequitur.

Jack said, "A faithful man was in a flood. Some people came in a boat, but he said, 'God will save me.' The flood water rose and the police boat came, but he told them, 'God will save me.' He ended up standing on his roof, and a helicopter lowered a rope, but he said, 'God will save me.' When he was in the water drowning, he yelled, 'God, why have you forsaken me?' The sky split open and God answered, 'I sent you two boats and a helicopter, what else did you want?'"

Fish couldn't help but bark out a laugh. He shook his head. "So you're saying God's giving me a vortex manipulator and a cryo-drawer?"

“Maybe,” Jack said. He stood up and walked around the desk. “Listen, Fish, just because what you’re deciding isn’t what the rest of us agree with, doesn’t mean it's wrong and that we won’t stand by you. If you want to jump forward in one big step or a whole bunch of little ones for the cure, we’ll support that. When you’re cured, if you want to stay, you can stay, but if you want to leave, you can go-retcon free. Even if you choose to let this play out, we’ll support you. We’ll take care of you.” For a second Jack broke off, swallowing hard. His voice became rough and said, “But it’ll break my heart, Joe.”

"Why are you doing this for me, Jack?" Fish asked. It wasn’t the first time he’d asked Jack that question.

"Because we see enough death," Jack said. "We sacrifice enough. We give enough. Think about it.”

As always, Fish could feel Jack holding something back. He always felt that way around him, but the man was from the future, he was always holding something back. 

“I’ll think about it.”

“That’s all I ask.”

When he left Jack’s office and returned to his work, he sat there, not able to fully concentrate on anything. He turned over what Jack had said to him in his head. On impulse, he stood up and walked into the autopsy bay and down the stairs to the morgue. He stood in the middle of the room, staring up at the rows of drawers. His eyes settled on the large plaque Jack had had Ianto order after Cameron’s funeral.

“It is a far, far better thing that I do than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known.” - Dr. Joseph David Fischer

Fish had been annoyed when he’d first read the heavy plaque. Jack had insisted the quote be attributed to him, even though it was actually the words of Charles Dickens. The fifty first century man had refused to correct it or take it down.

“Fish? You all right?” Ianto asked from behind him.

“Just feeling maudlin,” he replied honestly. He waved at the rows of drawers.

“Ah,” his friend said. He slowly walked forward, his hands in his pockets. “Mandy doesn't have a drawer. She has special instructions on file. I told Jack that if I lose my head, I still want to end up down here… amongst my friends… my family. You know, I picked out a drawer for myself, back when I thought I’d need one.”

Fish smiled. “Which?”

Ianto tapped Cameron’s drawer. “This one.”

“But you put Cameron there.”

He nodded, then stepped to his left and tapped another drawer. “Picked this one next. When Gwen or… well, it’s to remind me that even though my mortal family and friends are dying around me, that I’m not truly immortal. I’m still going to need a drawer someday.”

“I picked one for myself too,” Fish replied. He nodded up. “The one on the top right, next to Charles Gaskell.” He continued staring at it and said, “But I just told Jack I don’t want to end up here. I want David and Henry to be able to visit me if they want.”

He sighed, then dug the heels of his hands into his eyes and said, “I thought I was just being maudlin, turns out I’m being morbid as fuck.” He dropped his hands and wiped his nose. “Jack told me I could use Hart’s manipulator, travel to the future for a cure.”

“But you don’t want to do that,” Ianto said. There was no judgement in his voice.

“No, I don’t,” Fish replied. He gave his friend an appraising look. “It’s funny that the bloody immortals are the only people who understand, who aren’t looking at me like I’m nuts.” 

“There’s no right or wrong choice here, Fish,” Ianto said, shrugging. He leaned against the wall of drawers and asked, "What does your heart tell you?”

Fish looked up. His eyes fell on Cameron's portrait next to Ianto's shoulder. Dance at your wedding for me, Joe…

He took a step back as the tears fought their way up into his eyes. He'd promised Cameron he would live.

“I’m sorry, Ianto. I’ve got to go,” he said, abruptly.

Turning on his heel, he walked away from the morgue as fast as he could until he was running. He paused at his desk, frantically grabbing his coat and gun. Without looking up he said, “Knocking off. See you tomorrow, Gwen!”

He sprinted towards the garage without hearing her reply. He drove towards the city centre, to Henry's studio. He parked and walked up to the second floor room. He wasn't surprised when Henry didn't notice him. Fish hated disturbing him when he worked. The immortal man threw himself into his craft, painting with a shocking level of concentration in a mad juxtaposition of mania and zen. One of Fish’s favourite pastimes was watching his husband paint and draw. It broke Fish's heart to see the painting was of him. Henry had been working on a few paintings where Fish was the subject. They never seemed to be done. Henry was always retouching them and having Fish sit for him. He constantly muttered that portraiture wasn't his forte, but Fish knew he was being a perfectionist.

Henry had requested Fish only interrupt him when he stepped backwards to view his work. So, Fish stood by the studio door, waiting for that moment. He watched as Henry stepped backwards, his brush raised, and his head tilted.

"Henry?" Fish said.

"Joe!" Henry said brightly. He put down the brush and wiped his hands, concern on his face. "Are you all right? Is something the matter?”

Fish nodded. "I'm fine, just tired. I knocked off for the day."

"You should have gone home," Henry chastised as he washed his hands, trying to scrub the paint out from his nails. 

"And you shouldn't be working on those," Fish said with a smile, nodding his head towards his portraits.

"I was taking a break," Henry said with a shrug.

"You're taking a break from painting with painting?" Fish said with a smile. He sat down on the small sofa, feeling all the humour draining out of him. He'd come down here for a reason. He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes.

Henry dried off his hands as he walked over and sat down next to Fish, putting his hand on his lover's shoulder. "What's the matter, love?”

"Two boats and a helicopter…" Fish said.

"I beg your pardon?" Henry said with a laugh, just as confused as Fish had been.

Quietly, Fish laid out the unconventional options in front of him. Henry's response was precisely what Fish had expected-pure rage.  

"You didn't think to mention these things before?" Henry barked.

"I knew you'd react like this. I knew you wouldn't understand-"

"You're bloody well right I don't fucking understand!" Henry yelled.

Fish flinched. He could count on one hand how many times he'd heard Henry use that level of profanity outside their bedroom. "Will you at least let me explain?"

Henry started to pace and Fish launched into his explanation anyway.

"You have no idea how big the Torchwood archive is. It's full of stuff we can't identify, but there’s things down there, Henry, wonderful and beautiful things that could solve so many of the world's problems. So many things that could save so many lives! How can I use those things for myself when there are people all over the world dying without them? I couldn't live with myself."

"Then why are you even telling me?" Henry said, tears now flowing freely. The raw hurt in his words jumped the distance between them, lodging itself in Fish’s heart like an axe. He wrapped his arms around his belly, clutching himself. “Do you understand the depth of your cruelty? Dangling more time with you in front of me only to snatch it away?"

“Because… I would do it for you. For us.”

"What?" Henry gasped.

"Jack said that after I'm cured, he'd let me leave Torchwood, retcon free."

Henry stared at Fish in disbelief. "But it's not what you want, Joe. I couldn't do that to you either. You love your job. You said you couldn't live with it if you saved yourself."

"The view is very different on the way out, than on the way in.” Fish stood up and put his arms around Henry's neck. “I want to live, Henry. I want to spend the rest of my life with you away from Torchwood. I want to watch David grow up. I want to be there when he falls in love and has kids of his own. But most of all, I want to die, old and grey in your arms. So how about we get rid of this cancer and then see about the rest of it?"

Henry's arms flew around Fish, crushing the other man to him as he started to weep with relief.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My brand new laptop is broken and at Apple for repair. I am on my old laptop with the broken "e" key, so I apologize if there are errors. And since the "d" key is also going, this will likely be the last story update until I get my laptop back.

It took two weeks to get everything sorted. Henry would be staying behind while Fish travelled with Hart to the twenty seventh century. He hadn’t wanted to leave Fish’s side, but Jack and Hart insisted there were timeline implications since Henry was immortal. Instead, a plan was hatched between the immortal members of Torchwood and their technicians. Once Fish and Hart arrived in the twenty seventh century, the immortals would be there to greet them. In all likelihood, it would be Jack. Although the thought was unpleasant, Ianto and Miranda were immortals of the Game and could lose to challenges in the centuries between now and then. Once Fish was cured, he and Hart would return only a few weeks after they'd left. 

Though it sounded simple, no one knew what to expect. The Time Agents were well schooled in history, but this was an era beyond the scope of Jack and Hart’s direct experience and neither of them was a doctor or medical historian. The only thing Hart and Jack knew was cancer had been cured sometime in the late twenty-third or early twenty-fourth century. The twenty-seventh had been carefully chosen. Jack and Hart had debated over the date, at length. They hoped that any problems with the cure would be smoothed over and that medical technology would be able to compensate for the advanced nature of Fish’s case. The fifty-first century men had also attempted to choose a relatively quiet period in history.

Fish put his sister back on a plane to Australia, thinking he was being admitted to a clinical trial and would be out of touch for its duration. With the team's well wishes, the vortex swept up Hart and Fish, landing them in Cardiff's twenty-seventh century. Just like the last few times he'd used the thing, he felt as if he'd been put through a meat grinder.

_That's the last time I will ever use that thing..._ then he remembered he had to use the fucking thing to get home. His head pounded and his stomach lurched. With his legs barely able to support him, he struggled to hold onto his breakfast. Each breath he took felt like he was sucking in crude oil. When he finally did manage to stand upright again, he stood transfixed, gazing up at where Roald Dahl Plass had been. The Millennium Centre had been replaced with a massive skyscraper with the Torchwood logo emblazoned on the front. The water tower was also gone, replaced by a large stone obelisk. Fish could see names and dates carved on the base. It was a memorial. He resisted the temptation to look. He rotated in place, staring around him at the people and the changes to the place he knew so well. What surprised him the most were the plain jeans and t-shirts he saw. Most of the fashion didn’t look too outlandish to him. What did surprise him were the people clearly dressed in business attire with vividly neon hair colourings and other body modifications that he found incongruous with business attire, and that would be inappropriate in his own time. 

"Excuse me, sirs," a voice said from behind him.

Fish and Hart both turned to see two men in uniform, the Torchwood logo sewn into their shirts. They were heavily armed and the way they looked at Fish gave him the creeps. It reminded Fish of the time he'd bumped into Hugh Jackman on a beach in Australia. People had looked like they couldn’t believe their eyes. 

"You both need to come with us," one of them said.

Hart and Fish followed them into the building. To Fish’s surprise, the entire lobby was empty. It was like the building was abandoned. Their guards stepped up to one of the lifts and inserted a key card. The doors opened and they gestured Fish and Hart inside. There was no control panel and the lift immediately ascended when the doors closed. What surprised Fish was that he could barely feel it move. When it stopped, they opened again and the two guards gestured for Fish and Hart to step out, but didn't get out with them.

One of the guards cleared his throat and said, "Doctor Fischer?"

Fish turned and saw the man had a sheepish expression on his face, and an extended hand. Confused, Fish grasped it, shaking it firmly.

"Thank you, sir," the guard said. 

The other guard grabbed his companion’s arm and pulled him back into the lift, an annoyed look on his face. The doors closed, and he and Hart were alone in the hallway.

The corridor was sparsely furnished. There were a few other lifts and in between were semi-circular tables adorned with vases full of fake flowers. Fish admired some of the decor. He didn’t recognise any of the flowers. There was a pair of large double doors at the other side of the room, both with the Torchwood logo carved into the wood.

When they opened, a familiar voice said, “Well, that took you two long enough. I’ve been waiting for centuries.”

Fish laughed and crossed to his friend. He threw his arms around Jack and couldn’t stop laughing. Aside from a little more grey in his hair, the man looked exactly the same. In fact, Fish could’ve convinced himself he was imagining the grey. “You look great."

"It's the jawline," Jack said with a smile and a wink.

"What's with the thugs downstairs, Jack?" Hart asked.

"Just a precaution," Jack said with a shrug. He gave Hart a loaded look.

One of the other lifts dinged and the doors opened. Jack said, “And always on time…”

Fish couldn't understand the sadness and nostalgia in Jack's voice. Even more incomprehensible was the tension that had crept into Jack's shoulders. It reminded him of whenever Jack and Ianto’s domestics had spilled over into work. When he turned, he expected to see two people step out of the lift, but it was just Ianto. The Welshman hadn't changed at all. His hair was a little longer, lightly curling at the ends. There was a dramatic stripe of dark blue running through the left side of his hair. For some reason, the light stubble on his face made Ianto look younger to him. Fish grinned broadly, then rushed forward to embrace his friend.

When he pulled back, he asked, “Where’s Evie?”

Ianto's eyes flickered to Hart for a moment and he said, "I'm sorry, Fish. She couldn't make it."

"I understand," Fish said, wondering why Ianto was lying to him.

Ianto nodded. To Fish's surprise, Ianto turned to Hart next. After staring at him for a few seconds with a pained and loving look, he pulled the man into a fierce hug. "It's good to see you, mate." 

After a few friendly slaps on the back, Ianto let go of the former Time Agent and turned to Jack. They shared a low conversation Fish couldn't quite make out, but the tone they used reminded Fish of the fake polite voice his parents used with each other when they'd been fighting and they didn't want him and his sister to notice. Jack began to speak to Hart in Ekumen in soft tones. When their hushed conversation was finished, Hart's face told Fish everything he needed to know.

Evie's dead...

Eager to squash the questions he couldn't ask, he asked, "So do I get the grand tour?” He turned to Jack and said, "This is quite a place. I’m surprised you let it get like this. You were always so dead set against turning Three into anything resembling One.”

It was Ianto, not Jack, who answered. “Well, that was then.”

“And there’ll be no tour for you, Fish. You’re sequestered,” Jack said.

“We can’t let you learn anything that might impact the timeline,” Ianto replied. “You can’t leave the building.”

“What? Can’t leave the building?” Fish cried. “Oh, c’mon! I want to take a look around!"

“Not happening, Fish,” Jack replied, clapping him on the shoulder.

Fish groaned as Jack guided him towards Ianto. “We want to get you started right away. The less time you’re here, the less possibility of damaging the time stream.”

“You want me to come with, Eye Candy?”

Ianto shook his head. “You don't even have to stay, if you don't want to. Jack has the time coordinates for your first check-in.”

That cemented Fish's suspicions about Miranda. Fish knew Hart bounced around in Miranda's timeline. He'd heard Jack and Hart argue about it once or twice. If Miranda were here, Hart would visit with her. And if Miranda wasn't here, then there was only one place she could possibly be. 

"Evie's dead, isn't she?" Fish said. What was it she'd always said? _And m_ _ay the Gods guide her to the_ _afterlife_ _..._

The startled looks on their faces were all the answer he needed. "You could've told me that from the off." He looked at Jack and Ianto. "Just say you can't tell me and leave it at that, but don't bloody lie to me."

"We're trying to keep any foreknowledge away from you, and that's going to involve lying. Deal," Ianto said. He gestured at the door. "Let's get you down to the medical wing."

Ianto led Fish into a different lift and hit one of the buttons after inserting a special key card. They took the ride in silence. Fish watched the emotions play out on Ianto's face. "You can't tell me what happened with Evie can you? Aside from the obvious, I mean."

Closing his eyes, Ianto shook his head. Fish swore he looked almost haunted.

"I can't tell you that, Fish."

There was a special kind of pain in Ianto's voice.

"It was you, wasn't it?" Fish didn't manage to keep as much accusation out of his voice as he'd intended.

A resigned look came over Ianto's face. "I'd forgotten how perceptive you always were Fish."

Fish winced internally at the past tense.

"Mandy always warned me that someone I cared about could end up at the business end of my sword, but I never thought it would happen to me. I was wrong and I’m still having a rough time with it even though it was the right thing to do."

Fish pulled Ianto in for another hug, thumping his friend on the back. When the lift stopped and the doors opened, they broke apart. "I know you wouldn't do it if you didn't absolutely have to."

Ianto gave him a weak smile and gestured into the hallway.

“How are you feeling?” he asked. The usual professionalism had a few cracks in it.

“Better. That bloody wrist strap is rough,” Fish said. He twisted his neck, hearing a few very loud cracks. "But if you mean that I have melanoma eating away at my insides, it hurts and I'm bloody tired all the time."

"There will be pain medication in your protocol."

Fish took a USB drive out of his pocket. "By the way-"

"Your records, great thanks, Fish," Ianto said, taking the drive.

"I hope you got something that can read that. Probably a bloody fossil by now."

"I kept something around," Ianto said with a wink. He clapped Fish on the shoulder. “Oh, by the way, I may be able to do something with your knees."

He pushed Ianto's hand off his shoulder. “Bloody grip like iron, you've got now. Higher on the scoreboard are you?”

The grin immediately vanished from Ianto’s face. A haunted look came over his eyes.

“Sorry, mate, didn’t mean to... I'm sorry.”

The doors opened and Ianto ushered him out of the lift and into the imaging room.

"Just stand there, Fish. I need to do some scans first," Ianto said, pointing at the center of the room. "Shouldn't take more than a few minutes."

Fish stood on the black square and said, "Here, mate?"

"Yup, just stand still, okay? You shouldn't feel a thing," Ianto replied. He moved to the other side of the room and began tapping at a workstation built into the wall. "Do me a favor, Fish, and take as deep a breath as you can comfortably hold for a few seconds."

Fish sucked in the air and held it.

"You can let it go now, Fish. Thanks." Ianto turned a few dials then approached him with another device. He attached it to his forehead and hit a button. "Okay, don't move and look straight ahead. A bunch of words, some simple maths, and some pictures are going to flash on the screen. Try to think of the answers to the maths. For the rest, you don't need to do anything, just whatever pops into your head."

"Uhh, okay," Fish said. He followed the instructions and then Ianto removed the device. "What was that for?"

"I'm checking the two lesions in your brain."

Fish frowned. "The doctors back home didn't tell me it was in my brain."

Ianto gestured him into the hallway. As they walked, he said, "They wouldn't have seen it. It's too small for a twenty-first century scan. I found it on my scan."

Fish's spine felt icy. This shit's in my brain. Fantastic.

Ianto led him into a small room that had a comfortable looking chair in the middle of it. "Don't worry, Fish. We'll take care of it. All of it."

Fish sat down and asked, "If I hadn't come here, with what you've seen on your scans, how long would I have had?"

"Fish..."

"I want to know, mate. This coming to the future, it doesn't sit right with my conscience. I want to know this is the right thing for me to do. I need the whole truth of it."

Ianto sighed. "From what I've seen on your scans, if you hadn't come here for treatment, you would've had maybe three, possibly four months."

Fish swallowed hard. "Well, that's sobering, isn't it? The shortest estimate I got was Evie's when she told me nine months.”

After dragging over a rolling stool and sitting down down, Ianto said, "Don't worry, like I said, we'll take care of all of it, but before we get started, Fish, I need you to understand that there are risks here."

“Risks? How bad can they be, mate? Without this treatment, I’m going to die. Pretty fucking soon too from the look of it. I’m pretty sure any risk can’t be worse than that." 

“There are side effects that you need to be aware of, Fish.”

“Shit." Frowning, he asked, "How bad is this going to get?”

“It's not going to be too bad, but I do need to explain that one side effect might be permanent,” he said.

"Permanent?" 

He put out his hand trying to ease Fish’s anxiety. “It’s almost a certainty that this treatment will make you sterile.”

“Sterile? That’d be a risk in the twenty-first century as well, wouldn’t it?”

“For different reasons. These treatments are based on a different concept. Back in the day-"

"Mate, what you're referring to as 'back in the day' was barely an hour ago for me."

"Sorry," Ianto said with a grin. "Anyway, since chemotherapy was, essentially, poison, there were numerous side effects that also impacted fertility.”

For the first time, Fish noticed a rolling metal tray at Ianto’s right. Ianto picked up a device that was sitting on it and began tapping at it. “This treatment doesn’t try to kill the cancer." He held up a glass ampule. “This medication will saturate the cancer cells and turn off their ability to divide permanently so when they die, that’s the end of it.”

“And it’ll make me sterile? It doesn’t seem like a bad trade off, mate, but everyone who comes down with cancer is sterile now?”

“The advanced nature of your case means I had to invent a treatment from scratch. I had to adjust the dosages and also add an older, outdated medication. That’s the medication that has the sterility side effect. The rapidly dividing cells that create sperm are delicate. They’ll also lose their ability to divide, and your sperm count will fall to zero. This is effectively closing the door on any future genetic offspring. I wanted to give you the option to preserve your fertility before we began the treatment.”

“Preserve my fertility?” Fish asked, raising his eyebrows. He let out a wry chuckle. “I don't think shooting blanks into my husband is going to matter much, mate. I never planned on ever having children and I have David. Henry and I talked about it, yeah, but it never went anywhere. I appreciate the thought, Ianto, but I don’t have a problem with letting that ship sail off into the horizon.”

“Are you sure, Fish?” Ianto gave his friend a serious look. He reached behind him for a sample cup. “All it would take is a quick wank.” 

“Are you saying that Henry and I change our minds after this? That after I’m cured and I leave Torchwood, that we decided to do the surrogacy, to have a baby?” Fish asked. 

Ianto set the cup down. “I can’t tell you that, Fish. This needs to be your decision. I’m not trying to influence you. I just want to make sure you understand your options.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Fish blurted. He stood up and crossed his arms, staring at the sample cup like it was the devil itself. After a few minutes of debate, he held his hand out for the cup and said, “Sod it. Better safe than sorry.”

He turned the cup in his hands. "I'm surprised there isn't some new way to do this." 

Ianto smirked. "Well, I could clone your testicles and give you new ones, but I didn't think you wanted me slicing into your bollocks." 

Fish tapped the cup with his finger. "I'll stick with this." 

Keeping his face neutral, Ianto passed him the cup and removed his gloves. “I’ll give you some privacy.”

When he was gone, Fish blew a breath out of his mouth. Six hundred years ago, Ianto would’ve teased Fish relentlessly before leaving the room. Embarrassed and nervous, Fish sat back down on the chair and reached for the button on his jeans. He froze when there was a knock on the door.

“Oi! I need more time than that!” he shouted.

Ianto opened the door and tossed a sachet of lube at him, which he barely caught.

“Sorry, Fish. Figured you might need that.” Ianto was wearing the familiar smirk now. "Would you like a magazine? A film? Or perhaps a toy?" 

Fish pointed at the door and shouted, “OUT!”

This time Fish heard the sound of Ianto's laughter as he fled. Once he was alone again, he waited a full five minutes staring at the door. When it showed no sign of opening, he muttered, “I can't believe I'm doing this...”

Once his jeans were undone and his dick in hand, he gave it a few tugs, frustrated when it remained flaccid. This was a far cry from Fish's ideal wanking conditions. He liked to be in a pitch dark room, earbuds in, with his favourite type of porn at a pleasant volume. For him, masturbation was a solitary activity done in the privacy of one's own bedroom. He closed his eyes, trying to drown out the sounds of people walking passed the door. Once his erection began to fill, it would flounder when the outside noises intruded. He never understood men who whipped it out at work or even a public toilet. Henry had also given him an athletic send-off and his completely sated state was also not helping.

Henry… focus on Henry…

Fish closed his eyes and tried to remember last night and this morning. The way Henry had bit into his nipple just hard enough to sting. How it had felt when his tongue had licked its way around his balls and up his hard shaft. Hard shaft.Oh...He ripped open the lube packet and took himself in hand, stroking gently.

As he stroked, he rested his other hand on his upper thigh. The sound of Henry's moans and cries as Fish had pistoned into him. The unbelievable dirty talk that had spilled from his normally oh-so-proper husband. Fuck me! Joe! Deeper! 

He’d nearly forgotten the sample cup. As he squeezed the last drop of spunk from his wilting dick, he winced at the small volume. 

After tucking himself away and washing his hands, he opened the exam room door. To his mortification, Ianto was leaning against the wall, tapping away on what he guessed was what was considered a smart phone in this century. Fish found it surprising they weren't sewn into people's heads by now or something.

“All finished?” he asked, brightly.

Fish felt his cheeks burn. “Umm… before I left, this morning, umm, and last night… Henry and I… erm three times actually…” He held out the cup. “There isn’t much…”

“This is fine, Fish. All we’re just looking for is a sample of genetic material. We’ll add some preservatives, cryoprotectants, and other ingredients to it, freeze it, and send it back with you.”

“Uhh, thanks, I think,” Fish replied. His face was probably so red, it looked like it was going to explode.

Ianto handed the cup to a passing nurse who winked when Fish gave him an embarrassed smile. When he opened his mouth to say something to Fish, Ianto cut him off, “Yes, thank you, Nurse Dodd."

The nurse turned a bright shade of scarlet and hurried off. As Fish went back to sit down on the chair, he said, “Big boss around here, eh, Ianto?”

Ianto gave him an awkward smile and rolled over a bag of intravenous fluids hanging from a pole. The setup looked very familiar to Fish, not very different at all from something in his own time. The cannula surprised him. Instead of a plastic piece that disappeared into his body beneath tape, it was just a piece of clear tape that Ianto pressed onto the back of his hand. Fish wasn’t quite sure how it was delivering anything since he hadn’t been stuck with a needle.

The device was a different story. It clearly looked futuristic to Fish’s eyes. It was flat and wide on a velcro band. Ianto rolled up his other sleeve and strapped it to his forearm.

“You'll feel a small needle stick and then some pressure. Any discomfort should pass in a few moments. Ready?”

“Whenever you are,” he said. 

Ianto gave him a comforting smile and tapped one of the buttons. Fish did indeed feel the sharp sting of a needle followed by pressure. A lot of pressure. “Oi, ‘some’ pressure, eh?”

“It should pass in a minute. It’s just the catheter snaking up the vein in your arm.”

“I wish you hadn’t told me that, mate,” he said, nervously. The pressure finally eased and a strange cold sensation blossomed up by his armpit. Desperate for a distraction, he asked, “You said something about being able to help my knee too?”

Ianto nodded. He lifted Fish’s foot into his lap and began feeling his knee through his jeans. “I’ll look over the scans, determine the precise cause, then I can come up with a treatment. I may need to bring in an orthopedist, but I won't know until I look at your scans. I remember you had some damage to the cartilage, but a modern scan will give me a better idea of what the other soft tissue is doing. Without factoring in your knee, you should only be here about two months, barring any major complications. I'll be able to give you a better idea once I look at your knee scans.”

“You a doctor now, mate?” Fish asked as Ianto bent his leg in a few different ways. 

“I finally got round to medical school," Ianto said, without looking up.

Fish’s brow furrowed as the cool sensation became cold, almost icy. Before it was annoying, now it was uncomfortable. He rubbed at his shoulder. "Is it supposed to feel like you're injecting me with ice?"

"No, it isn't," Ianto said as he stood up. He looked at the device and changed a setting. "Better?"

"Much, thanks," he said.

"The medicine is refrigerated. The device heats it as it injects. The temperature setting was too low,” Ianto said.

“That won’t make a difference will it?” Fish asked, concerned.

Ianto shook his head. “Nope. Reheating is done for comfort not stability.”

Fish sat back, trying to get comfortable. “I can't believe you just dropped everything to do this for me. 

“I knew you were coming. It’s not just me. My entire team has been working on this for years.”

“You’ve had an entire team of people working on my treatment? Are you bloody kidding me?” Fish shook his head in disbelief. “Whole team of people just because I couldn’t give up red meat and processed food?”

“Actually, your melanoma is most likely caused by UV radiation exposure from all your years running.”

“Great, my exercising gave me cancer,” Fish said, rolling his eyes.

“Your lack of sunscreen use gave you cancer, Fish,” Ianto replied, looking stern.

“Well, now I know the nice tan wasn't worth it. I’ll buy a case of it when I get home.” He furrowed his brow and asked, “Will this keep me from getting cancer again?”

The Welshman shook his head. “In two weeks, we'll add another medication. That medication is the primary agent that will prevent reoccurrence of any form of cancer."

Anxious, Fish asked, “So what else should I expect?"

Ianto put his hands on the edge of the stool between his legs. “For the first two weeks, you'll be on a loading dose of this first medication. You'll get a dose today, then another one tomorrow. Then every other day until we reach eight doses. That's when we drop the first medication down to once a week and add the second which will also be once a week. If you tolerate it well, I'd like to do them both at the same time." 

"Bloody glad you're keeping track of that." 

"You’re a unique case. In this time, cancer is treated before it even becomes cancer.”

“So my being a bloody dinosaur is cocking everything up.”

“It's providing some unique challenges,” Ianto said, smiling. “If I gave you enough of the most recent cancer cure, it wouldn't do bugger all and you'd die.”

“Well that sounds counterintuitive to what we want.”

Ianto nodded. “Instead, I’ve designed a treatment protocol from the ground up using obsolete medications. You'll experience side effects a typical patient would never see since I'm combining medications that have never been combined before. In fact, the two main medications I'm giving you were invented centuries apart.”

“What sort of side effects?”

“Aside from the sterility, you'll have some fatigue, nausea, acid reflux, a risk of GI ulcers-”

“I already have an ulcer,” Fish said.

Ianto nodded. “I know. In addition to the treatments, you'll have oral medications I'm going to need you to take. There will be something in there to prevent ulcers. There’s a fair risk of high blood pressure too, so there's something for that as well. Because it’s going to do damage to your testicular tissue, there’s also a fair chance you’ll have some temporary sexual dysfunction.”

“Christ, I hope you’re certain about the temporary part,” he joked.

“We’ll monitor your testosterone level carefully and supplement you if it drops too low. I'm going to give you instructions for when you go back to the twenty-first. I'll want you monitored for a while, including your hormone levels,” Ianto replied. “Like I said, this protocol is unique. The pharmacology and pharmacokinetics have only been tested in simulation. There is a risk here, an element of unpredictability.”

“I trust you.” Fish grinned and said, "You know there are about a million things I want to ask you about everything."

"I can't answer anything, you know that.”

"Just one thing, please… Is Henry still alive?” he asked, almost afraid to hear the answer. Fish watched as Ianto struggled whether or not to answer. His friend finally let out a small sigh and nodded.

“Is he happy?" Fish asked softly, choking a little on the words. “He’s not alone, is he? Has he found someone?"

"Fish…" Ianto sighed.

"Ianto, please. I need to know at least that,” Fish begged. “I told him to stay away. If he's managed to move on, I don't want to disrupt his new life.”

Ianto stood up and shut the door. "Henry gets by, mostly. But there hasn't been anyone serious since you.”

Fish nodded. Ianto hadn't told him anything he hadn't expected. 

"Is there anything you can tell me?" 

"There's so much I want to tell you, Fish, but I can't." 

Fish nodded. "I understand, mate." He paused. "Can you at least tell me who becomes ruler of the Seven Kingdoms?" 

Ianto laughed. "I had a feeling you'd ask me that."

"Am I really that predictable?" Fish asked, rolling his eyes with a smile. 

"I just know how much you loved the series," Ianto said, shrugging. 

Fish suppressed a wince at the past tense. 

"Do you really want me to ruin it for you?" Ianto asked. 

"Sure. I think Martin's going to end up dying before he finishes it anyway," Fish said. 

Ianto cleared his throat, and in an official, stately sounding tone, said, "Aegon of the House Targaryen, the seventh of His Name, the Resurrected, the King of the Andals, the Rhoynar, and the First Men, Protector of the Realm, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms, the White Wolf, the King in the North, the Prince that was Promised, the Nine Hundred Ninety Eighth Lord Commander of the Night's Watch, the Lord of Winterfell, and the Warden of the North, Beater of the Bastards, Friend of the Free Folk." 

"Well that told me fuck all. I've no idea who that is!" Fish laughed. He frowned. "How would a brother of the Night's Watch become king? It's in their vow to wear no crowns."

Ianto wagged his finger at him. "Spoilers." 

"I don't suppose you'd let me read the books whilst I'm here since I can't leave this bloody tower?" Fish asked. 

Ianto grinned, broadly. "There's a set of them in your quarters. And Martin does finish it." 

Fish threw his head back and laughed. "Thanks, mate. Screw the cancer cure, this trip was worth it just for that!" 

Ianto laughed then put his hand on Fish's. "I won't leave you alone, Fish. I'm going to be right here, okay? Every step of the way. Let me know if you have any questions about your treatment or if you have any pain or discomfort."

Unable to talk about the twenty-seventh century or anything that happened after Fish had left the twenty-first, it left Ianto unable to say much of anything. He sat off to the side, staring at a tablet, occasionally tapping on it. Fish wondered if he was working or playing some game. 

Contemplating who Aegon Targaryen was, how a Targaryen had lived and reclaimed the Iron Throne, and how a commander of the Night's Watch ended up with a crown on his head only lasted him so long. Fish became mind numbingly bored. Every time he thought of a topic of conversation, he'd think of some reason Ianto wouldn't be able to talk about it so he said nothing. With the exception of Ianto and Jack, everyone else Fish had ever known or loved was dead. The world was probably nothing like what he remembered and even with Jack upstairs and Ianto sitting on the other side of the room, Fish had never felt more alone in his life. 

 


	5. Chapter 5

Once Fish's treatment was over, Ianto went back upstairs to his office which was temporarily Jack's. Ianto had felt bad sitting there in silence with his friend, but there were no topics of normal conversation possible. They all had too many timeline implications. 

It was one thing for them to know they had to hide things from Fish or lie, but it was another thing to actually do it. Fish had been one of Ianto's best and closest friends. Much had happened to Ianto over the centuries and he would often nostalgically think how He had wanted to tell his friend. There was so much he wanted to share that he simply couldn't. 

He walked out of the lift, mentally bracing himself. Jack had asked for an update. After smiling at his secretary, Cora Gilbert, he walked into his office. The room always made Ianto nostalgic. He'd had it decorated to resemble Jack's original office. Jack's desk was long gone, but this was a faithful recreation. The only thing that was original was the coral. How the fragile thing had survived the explosion that had destroyed the Hub, Ianto would never know. The sight of Jack behind the desk made his stomach lurch, plummeting him all the way back to the twenty-first century. 

He’s your ex-husband now. And you’re not the same man you were then... he thought, nostalgically. 

In truth, neither of them was. Ianto had no idea how long it had been for Jack living non-linearly on the TARDIS, but he guessed it had been just as long, if not longer. 

They had had been separated for so many centuries with so much animosity between them, Ianto had upgraded their status to divorced, even though no legal divorce on paper was possible.  There had been plenty of times they could barely stand to be in the same room. At least now, they could be civil to each other and Ianto no longer saw Alicia's frowning face when he looked at him. 

Ianto noted Jack had donned their wedding ring for this visit. He didn't bother picking at the scab to ask why. He assumed it was in case he visited Fish and left it at that. 

“How'd it go?” Jack asked. 

There was a forced nonchalance in Jack's voice. Ianto noticed only because he knew the man so well. He hated the regret permeating the room. The air was awkward with the smell of centuries old rotting emotional baggage. Alicia would've been furious with them. Ianto had hated to ask Jack for help with this, but there was no one else. And Alicia had exacted a promise from them to always be there for each other, together or not. 

“It was good. I'm waiting for the post-treatment scan. I need to compare it to the one I took earlier. If the changes don't line up with the simulations, I may need to make adjustments," he said, dropping in the chair opposite the desk. 

"You get the sample?" Jack asked. 

Ianto nodded. "I'm having the lab add a modern cryoprotectant to the semen. No one in the twenty-first century will notice, plus I think it's what I did anyway. The sample was remarkably well preserved for being five hundred-ish years old." He grinned. "You should've seen his face. I forgot how Fish blushed." 

"Well, we needed his DNA for the simulations and we had to get it somehow. Those bones in the memorial are too degraded from the sea water. You were the one who remembered the old semen sample he and Henry had frozen. The circles are closing," Jack said, setting down the tablet. 

Ianto leaned, reaching for the tablet. “Anything need my attention?”

Jack lifted it out of his reach. “I've got it all under control, Yan. You take care of Fish.” He opened his wrist strap and tapped at it. “Would you like to have dinner later?"

Ianto tried not to show surprise at the invitation and shook his head. “I'll take a rain check. I'm expected at home."

Expectedly, Jack smirked. "Ah, yes, the new hubby. This is your third marriage right?”

“Second,” Ianto said, flatly. “Marriage hasn’t really been a thing for a few centuries now.”

“How long have you been with... I'm sorry, I forgot his name." 

"Five years. And his name is Will. William Dodd," Ianto supplied. 

"You've been married five years already?" Jack said, surprised. 

"We've been together five years. We got married last year. Thank you for the singing bowl, by the way." 

"I got the note. I was surprised you even invited me. Sorry I couldn't make it to the wedding."

"Will insisted. I can't believe you got the invitation. That psychic paper in your old safe was half burned to a crisp." At the dip in Jack's expression, Ianto added, "It wasn't that I didn't want you there, Jack. I just didn't think you'd want to come all the way back to Earthfor your ex-husband's wedding."

Jack shrugged. "We split a long time ago, Ianto. I was happy for you. I am happy for you. The invitation was thoughtful and I appreciated it." The tone of Jack's voice changed, saddening almost imperceptibly. "You deserve to be happy." 

You do too, Jack, he thought, but said, "Thank you."

He cleared his throat and asked, "You're certain nothing needs my attention?"

Jack opened his mouth and looked as if on the cusp of some sort of sexually flippant remark, but hesitated, then said, “I'm handling everything.”

They sat there in an awkward silence for a few minutes. Ianto shifted and said, "I want to thank you for this, by the way, coming here." 

"Well... we made a promise didn't we? And I owe you this much," Jack said. He paused then said, "Do you think we'll ever be able to be friends again, Ianto?" 

Ianto's eyebrows shot up. He wasn't sure he wanted to have this conversation with his ex-husband now. Or ever.

"Maybe we should clear the air a little," Jack offered as he stepped out from behind the desk. 

Ianto asked, "What's brought this on?" He paused and said, sharply, "And don't you dare say it's what Alicia would've wanted." Even though it is...

Jack shrugged. He used the toe of his boot to dig at the carpet. "Being back here. Seeing Fish. It's brought up a lot of memories."  

Seriously, Ianto said, "I think that's part of the problem. A lot has happened. That doesn't get erased because Fish is here again." 

Jack asked, “What happened to us, do you think?”

If Jack had asked that question four or five hundred years ago, Ianto would've brought up Alicia. He would've shouted about how it had all been Jack's fault just to wound him, even though he'd never really blamed Jack for what had been Alicia's choice. Now, Ianto shrugged and repeated something he'd once heard Methos say. "Time."  

“That's such an immortal cliché,” Jack stated, rolling his eyes.

"That doesn't mean it isn't true."

Jack's expression became sad. There was so much love and longing in his eyes that it transported Ianto right back to the twenty-first century. "I never stopped loving you, Ianto."

That annoyed him. Since they were going to have this conversation, Ianto leaned over Jack's... HIS... desk and tapped the 'do not disturb' button on the intercom. He sat back down and stretched out his legs and said, "Love was never our problem and you know that." 

Jack opened his mouth but Ianto interrupted him. "Yes, it hurt when you left. You talked about the future like it was something you wanted us to build together. Then it was here and you went swanning off with the Doctor. You didn't even have a good excuse this time. You just wanted to wallow in self-pity and grief. Well, I was grieving too. We all were. And you'd abandoned us. Again." 

This time Jack had the sense to sit there and look apologetic. It surprised Ianto he wasn't spouting apologies and asking what he needed to do to make things right, or his usual contingency plan of sexual distraction. 

"It didn't know what to do next," Jack admitted. "And I was scared." 

"I was scared too, Jack. Gwen and I were advising His Majesty, the PM and Cabinet. All while we were running Torchwood, and by extension, half the fucking world..." Ianto shook his head. "It's a bloody good thing I'm immortal otherwise the stress would've killed me same as Gwen." 

At that, Jack winced. "I hope you can forgive me someday."

Ianto closed his eyes and said, "I wish Gwen could hear you say that." He opened his eyes and continued, "That was one thing you never understood. I always forgave you, Jack, for all of it. I forgave you the moment the TARDIS's door swung shut. How it all made me feel is different. That's harder for me to let go of." 

"Gwen did hear me say it. I was with her, at the end," Jack said, sadly. 

"Gwen died in her sleep. Another stroke." Watching the fiery, vibrant Gwen Cooper cut down by a string of small strokes had been one of the worst things Ianto had had to endure. The droop of her face and the slur to her speech had broken his heart. 

"She used Martha's old phone, rang the TARDIS and asked to see me. I think she knew it was almost her time. I sat with her. She asked me to tell her again about the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen." 

"The firebird," Ianto said, softly.

"She forgave me, Ianto." 

Ianto couldn't reply, he was too shocked. After Jack had left, no one had cursed him more than Gwen. The idea that Gwen had forgiven Jack, even on her deathbed, was unbelievable, but Jack would never lie about such a thing. The smoldering chunk of bitterness buried in Ianto's gut cooled. Until this moment, he hadn't realized how much of him was angry for Gwen's sake, since she was no longer here to do so. His voice wasn't entirely steady when he spoke. "I'm glad you told me that."

Gwen wouldn't like this bitterness hanging between them if she'd let her own go. The thought of Alicia's reaction, as always, made Ianto want to curl up and cry. 

_C’mon, Eye Candy. You're better than this._

He stood up and held out his hand. "The end is where we start from." 

Jack grasped Ianto's hand firmly. "Thank you, Ianto." 

Ianto nodded. He turned off the 'do-not-disturb' lock on the intercom and it immediately beeped. Jack tapped it. "Yes, Cora?" 

"Sorry to disturb, Captain Harkness, but is Doctor Jones in with you?" she asked. 

"Right here, Cora," Ianto said. 

"They need you down in the secure wing. It's important but not an emergency." 

"Thanks, Cora, tell them I'll be right down," Ianto said, standing. After Jack turned off the intercom, he said, "Probably Fish's test results." 

"Go on, I've got everything covered up here," Jack said, turning back to his work. "Let me know how Fish is doing." 

"Yup, thanks, Jack," Ianto said, leaving the room. 

"And Ianto?" 

Ianto stopped and turned. 

"It's good to see you again," Jack said nostalgically. "And I'm glad we talked."

"Yeah, Jack, me too," Ianto said. He was surprised that he meant it. From far back in time, he saw Alicia smile at him. 

* * *

Ianto hadn’t been lying about the exhaustion. It hit before the infusion had even finished, as if the device had been sucking out his energy rather than putting in medicine. It was as if someone had let the air out of his limbs. He’d felt so weak, he'd been grateful for the wheelchair ride up to this flat. The young nurse helped him inside and into bed. When Fish had woken, he’d been surprised to find the same young man who'd taken his sample sitting in the lounge tapping on his mobile telephone. His cheeks immediately heated. 

"Have a good kip?" he asked, brightly.

"Yeah, sorry about that," Fish said. Self-conscious, he reached up to smooth his hair. "What time is it?" 

"No worries, sir. It's just gone noon," he replied, standing up. "If you're up to it, I'll show you round and teach you how to use everything." 

Fish tried to pay attention as he demonstrated everything from the microwave to the television. He wasn't surprised at the medication slot, but the panic buttons in every room worried him a little. 

"There's also an intercom in every room. If you've forgotten something I've said, need someone to demonstrate something else again, or have any questions-anything at all-don't hesitate. It's monitored twenty four hours a day and you're the only person they're listening for."

“Thanks, umm, sorry, I didn't ask your name?” he asked.

“Nurse William Dodd, sir. I'm one of the nurses assigned to your direct care,” he replied, blushing. 

"One of? How many of you are there?" Fish asked.

"Six, sir. Three daytime and three night. There's relief staff as well. Do you have any other questions before I go?”

Fish shook his head. “Umm, I don’t think so.”

"Well, I'll be seeing you tomorrow," Will said, smiling. He held out his hand. “It’s a great honour to meet you, sir." 

“Uhh, thanks, I think,” Fish said, shaking his hand. "You know you say 'sir' and I want to turn around and look for my father. Joe's fine." 

"Joe it is then," Will said, brightly. "If you need anything, don't be afraid to use the intercom." 

Once he was alone, Fish shook his head. Aside from the odd handshake, that was the most normal someone had treated him since he'd arrived. It wasn’t like he was some sort of celebrity or historical figure, but a few of Ianto’s staff had fluttered in and out while he’d been receiving his treatment in order to shake his hand or say hello. Ianto had scowled at each of them. Since Torchwood was now a massive tower in the middle of Cardiff and not in a secret underground base, Fish assumed that something must have happened to bring it into the spotlight. Perhaps as one of the earliest operatives, he’d achieved some sort of notoriety with the current employees or they were simply curious about this man from the past. 

Trying to remember how the food slot worked, Fish walked into the kitchen to find something to eat. He hit the button Will had showed him and a menu appeared on the screen. To Fish’s disappointment, he recognised everything listed. He selected a simple chicken soup and waited. The steaming soup slid out of the slot. It smelled delicious. The noodles were wide and thick. He opened random drawers until he found some utensils. At least forks and spoons haven’t changed in six hundred years. Then he sat down on the sofa and turned on the telly. 

After flipping through the channels, he realised it wasn't ordinary programming. The only programmes available to him were shows that had existed before he’d left the twenty-first century. For fuck's sake, I'm in the twenty-seventh century, and all I have to watch are six hundred year old reruns of House and Breaking Bad?

He sighed and turned on Breaking Bad, then tucked into his soup. After he was done eating, he turned off the television before the episode had finished. Once he was back in the kitchen, he put the dishes into the food slot and hit the return button. Then, he wondered what the hell to do next. At a loss of what else to do, he began examining his surroundings. Jack had said he would be sequestered, but Fish hadn't realised he'd be so completely cut off from the outside world. The windows were fake, just screens projecting images of a twenty-first century Cardiff. The only music or television available was from at or before the early twenty-first century. He looked at the complete set of A Song of Ice and Fire and decided to hold off. If he voraciously read them, he'd be without fresh entertainment once he was done and he was going to be here a long time. 

He was about to try the intercom to ask if someone could find Ianto for him just so he could have someone to talk to when there was a knock at the door. When Fish peered through the peep hole, Henry was there. His husband looked dramatically different from when Fish had left him in the twenty-first century. In a strange twist, he looked exactly as he had when Fish had first met him, at least physically. The more youthful haircut and absence of dyed grey were where the similarity ended. His green eyes had lost their lustre and looked profoundly old. 

Fish had emphatically told Henry he did not want him visiting. It had been a difficult decision, but Fish didn’t want his husband holding onto him. He’d felt the only way to guarantee that was for Henry to say his final goodbyes when he died. Now, Henry was breaking that request and it made Fish annoyed. He stepped back from the door, debating whether or not to let him inside. He took another look. The Henry on the other side of that doorway wasn’t sad or forlorn, he was anxious and impatient, shifting his weight from one leg to another and restlessly tapping his foot. He's here. You may as well let him in and give him a bollocking about it later. 

When the door swung open, Henry's impatience vanished and was replaced with shock and awe. Henry stood frozen, unable to even blink his eyes. 

Fish's annoyance evaporated, replaced with concern. "Henry?" 

At the sound of his voice, Henry burst into tears and launched himself into Fish's arms. “Joe… my darling Joe…”

Supporting Henry's weight, Fish pulled him inside and shut the door. The two of them collapsed just inside, Henry sobbing and clinging to Fish with such force it was hard for him to breathe. "Shh... It's okay. I'm here, Henry. I'm here. It's really me."

After a few minutes, Henry's sobs dissolved into laughter. Fish had mistaken the fuel of those tears as sorrow and grief, but it was actually joy and elation. Henry sat back, a wide smile that bordered on mad. He cupped Fish's face in his hands. "I've missed you so much, Joe." 

With a giddy, almost drunk look, Henry kissed him. It was full of gratitude. Henry stood, pulling Fish to his feet. He pressed him against the wall and kissed him again, sliding his tongue deep into Fish's mouth. Despite the exhaustion, Fish moaned, responding to his husband's enthusiasm. His erection strained against his jeans, aching and twitching in Henry's direction. The two of them stumbled towards the bedroom. 

Fish expected lust and desperation, but he was wrong. Henry undressed him slower than he ever had before. Each inch of skin exposed was carefully memorised before Henry moved on. Every single touch of Henry's hand or lips was gentle and soft. He refused to allow Fish to take part in the encounter at all. No words passed between them, the only sounds were Fish’s occasional gasps and moans. As Henry entered him, his shoulders trembled with emotion. Tears of joy dropped down onto Fish’s chest as his husband moved within him. Fish’s own climax built slowly and when he finally came with Henry, he let out a stifled scream, surprised by the intensity of his orgasm. He was about to reach for the tissues on the bedside table when Henry stopped him. He locked his gaze with Fish's and then dipped his head, running his tongue along Fish's come spattered belly and chest, licking greedily.

That had been Fish's fifth orgasm in twenty four hours, but the sight of Henry lapping at the thick come sent a surge of lust rocketing up through him. As Fish's dick twitched, he swore he could feel his own pupils dilate. 

“Holy shit.” He swallowed hard and pulled his husband in for a deep kiss, tasting himself on his lips. “Christ, please tell me that isn’t the first and the last time I see you do that because that was one of the hottest things I've ever fucking seen.”

“I’ve missed the way you taste,” Henry whispered. He draped himself across Fish’s body and with a shaking voice said, “I’d nearly forgotten the taste of you.” He buried his nose in Fish’s neck. “Your wonderful scent.”

"I'm here, Henry. It’s me,” Fish said, softly into his ear. “It’s all right. I’m here.”

As if trying to meld their bodies together through sheer force, Henry embrace him with fervor. Fish was positive there would be bruising. 

"I've missed you so very much, Joe," Henry whispers. His voice trembled. 

Fish pulled back, trying to give himself space to breathe. He wiped the tears away from Henry’s cheeks even though more continued to fall. He leaned and pressed his lips to Henry’s. A gut wrenching sob broke the kiss. Henry’s hands went from the back of Fish’s neck to the sides of his face. His fingers gripped his hair almost painfully. The tears continued to fall as Henry choked out a sob, trying to gain control of his voice. His words were unsteady and Fish barely understood them.

"I loved you from the moment I saw you. How could I muster the courage to speak to you when I could barely breathe from the sight of you? When you spoke to me, my heart nearly stopped. The years with you were the best of my life. You are my everything… my world… my whole heart… my soulmate… There are no words to describe my love… our love... the depth of what I feel for you. You are and will always be the greatest love of my life, Joe."

Fish's own tears welled up at his husband's words-a goodbye they had likely been denied. He dismissed the long winded bollocking he'd planned. 

“I’ve missed you so much, Joe,” he whispered.

"I'll be here two months,” Fish said as he ran his fingertips down Henry's side. “I’m sure I could ask to stay a while longer, if you wanted.”

Henry's arms tightened around Fish and he said nothing. 

“How would you like to move in while I'm here? I'm sure I could clear it with Ianto and Jack. We'll spend every second together,” Fish said with a smile, running his fingers through Henry's hair. The soft hair slid across his fingers. He gently twirl a lock around one of his fingers. Maybe he'd ask Henry to grow his hair back out when he returned. "It's longer, like when we first met. I like it."

For years, it had been shorter with wisps of dyed grey strands. Henry had cut and dyed it a few days after they’d met since Fish had been so uncomfortable with his teenage appearance. Fish had gotten used to it and despite the fact that Henry's body and scent were the same, the longer hair and lack of grey made him feel like he was laying beside someone else.

When Henry said nothing, Fish chuckled a little and said, "This is a bit weird. I feel like I'm cheating on you… with you."

"You tell me about this when you get back. You were quite guilty about it," Henry said softly. There was some amusement in his voice. "It was how I knew to be here despite our agreement.”

It was the most himself Henry sounded since entering the little flat. He turned his head so he could gaze at Fish, brushing his fingertips down Fish's face. The nostalgia etched in Henry's features broke Fish's heart. "You're as handsome as ever. The most handsome man I've ever seen."

Fish looked down, smiling at his lover. As always when he laid in Henry's arms, he felt cherished, but this was different. This felt more... past tense. 

“Don’t stop talking. I’ve missed the sound of your voice,” Henry said, softly. He ran the tip of his finger around Fish’s lips. “These delicious blunted vowels that once made my toes curl and my knees weaken.”

Fish forced out a laugh, but internally winced at the past tense. Living decades outside of his native Australia had dulled his accent. It might sound Australian to someone in the UK or in America, but not to another Aussie. His sister lamented about how she heard less and less of home in him every time he rang. Deliberately thickening his accent he said, "Well, maybe I can record myself reciting a novel for you."

Fish wiggled the ring on Henry's finger. “You're still wearing this?"

"I never take it off," Henry said. "It's become quite worn."

Curious, Fish lined the hand up with his own. Henry's ring was significantly thinner than Fish's. The fingerprint etching was gone entirely, the surface shiny and smooth. He was both saddened and touched by the sentiment.

“Ianto told me there wasn’t anyone else… no one serious,” Fish said, cautiously. 

Avoiding the subject, Henry said, "I have missed you so much, Joe. Your humour… your companionship…"

"I told you, we can spend every second together. If you're allowed to show me, I'd love to see some of your new work."

"I haven't painted in some time," Henry admitted.

Fish felt his voice breaking a little from anger and despair. "Do you have any idea how much you're breaking my heart right now?”

"Joe…"

Fish sat up and began gesturing angrily. "You shut the fuck up! You have some serious fucking explaining to do! You're not painting? It's been six hundred fucking years! Do you know how much it hurts me to know that you're alone? Christ, Henry! I can understand taking some time but over half a fucking millennium?"

"It is not entirely my doing," Henry said, a bit exasperated. "Every lover I take, I compare to you. Often, they leave, tired of competing with a ghost."

Immediately, Fish began to regret his decision to open the door. "I shouldn't have let you in this fucking room." He shook his head. "My being here is just going to make this worse. When I leave you're just going to grieve all over again."

"No, Joe," Henry said, adamantly. "I needed this. You have no idea how much.“

Fish narrowed his eyes at him. Time to take off the gloves. “Here's the long and short of it. You can't replace me, Henry. I'm dead. I'm dead and I'm not coming back. You have got to stop using me as some sort of excuse to not let yourself be happy! You need to fucking let me go!"

Henry sat up, pressing himself into Fish. "I love you, Joe. I will always love you."

He's not listening to me. "I know you will and I'm grateful that I'll always have a place in your heart. But you cannot keep doing this to yourself. Please."

He shivered as Henry licked up his neck.

"Hey, don't think you can distract me with sex," Fish said, even though he'd started to tremble. He leaned back, giving him a hard stare. "Promise me, Henry. Promise me that you will move on."

He continued to lick and suck at Fish's neck, running his hands up and down his chest. "I promise, love."

The sincerity of the words let Fish give in, mentally noting that this would be the sixth time he'd had sex in 24 hours. That must be some record. Not that I'm complaining...He shifted down and pulled Henry down to him. When they finally collapsed against each other, again, Fish was panting heavily, sweat dripping back from his brow down through his hair and onto the pillowcase.

"Wow, been a while since you wore me out like this," Fish said and he immediately felt Henry's arms tighten around him.

Henry said, “I should be more considerate. You're ill.”

“Sex is supposed to be therapeutic… lowers your blood pressure… releases endorphins… improves sleep…” Fish said. He smiled at Henry, running his fingers through his hair. He rolled, sucking on Henry’s neck again. “I love you so much…”

Henry kissed him deeply, running his hand up through his hair. He pushed Fish back into the blankets. “Joe… my Joe…”

He tangled their legs together, pressing his entire body into Fish’s. He ran the tip of his nose along Fish’s skin, inhaling as he went.

Fish carded his hands through Henry’s hair. He could feel sleep creeping up to claim him. There was a soft but slightly guilty smile on his face when he said, “As amazing as round six sounds, Henry…”

"Six?" Henry asked, confused. 

"You probably don't remember. The night beforeI left, you swore you could make me come twice in a row without my touching myself. And that morning, after we had sex in the shower, I bent you over the dining room table," Fish said. 

Henry's eyebrows shot up. "I do! I'm sorry, Joe. You must be exhausted!" 

"I'm not going to complain about eight orgasms in twenty-four hours, Henry," Fish said, laughing. 

"Eight?" 

"Well that first time was twice, and then before my treatment, Ianto had me wank into a cup," Fish said, rolling his eyes as he cheeks heated. 

Henry laughed, pulling him in close. "You're tired." He fluffed at the pillow behind Fish’s head then pulled him close. “Sleep, love.”

“Promise me you’ll get some sleep too,” he said, sleepily. His eyes were heavy and he could feel himself drifting away. "Love you..." 

“I promise. Sleep, love…”

“I'm glad you're here... You’ll be here when I wake?” Fish asked.

“Of course,” Henry replied but Fish barely heard the answer.


	6. Chapter 6

Just about the time Henry was knocking on Fish's door, Ianto was walking out of a meeting with his staff. With his head starting to throb, he walked towards his temporary office. He shut the door behind him and scrubbed at his face. 

Fish's arrival was the culmination of centuries of waiting and years of planning and research. Five floors of Torchwood Tower had been sealed from the rest of the building and secured. Everything from Fish's living space to the research area had been designed from the ground up. All the staff from the researchers to the nurses had gone through a rigorous selection and training process. 

But all final decisions rested with Ianto, and therefore, the timeline and humanity's fate.

The Welshman could already feel his stress levels rising. At the moment, Ianto was dealing with the first major decision in Fish's treatment. His team had expected no problems with the first dosage, but the second was different. Ianto's team had expressed serious concerns regarding the possibility Fish could develop a significant allergy to the drug. The second dosage could cause a deadly allergic reaction. The meeting Ianto had just come from had been regarding whether or not to pre-medicate Fish with anti-histimines. The addition of the anti-histimines could react with the medications to cause an equally dangerous heart complication. The research team had presented Ianto with their recommendations, but the final decision was his. 

So, he began looking over Fish's tests as well as all the latest computer simulations. Those simulations were more accurate now that they had a living, breathing Joseph Fischer to model them after. He could feel a pinch beginning in the back of his neck. He rubbed at his eyes and sighed. There was a slight frown etched on his face that deepened when there was a knock at his door. 

“I said no interruptions,” he barked out.

"It's me, Doctor Jones." 

Will, Ianto thought with relief. He dug into his pocket and slipped his wedding ring back onto his finger. He'd been careful to remove it when he was in Fish's presence. He hadn't wanted Fish to learn the truth about his and Jack's relationship. Not only was it foreknowledge of the future, but it would probably upset his friend. 

"It's not locked," Ianto called out. 

His husband leaned into the room. Maintaining the level of professionalism Ianto demanded whilst they were at work, Will said, “I'm sorry, Doctor Jones. I have that enhanced scan for you."

"Thank you, Nurse. Come in." 

Nurse William Dodd had done his nursing internships at Torchwood, performing admirably. Once he'd finished his course, Ianto had hired him despite his lack of experience and the fact that the young man was KEL positive, but he couldn't have come to Torchwood with more glowing references and recommendations. Since KEL was transmitted by bodily fluids similarly to HIV, all KEL positive medical personnel are required to disclose their status to all potential employers. The decision to hire a KEL positive individual hadn't been without criticism, but Ianto had never regretted it. Will had an easy and gentle nature, and was an efficient and hard worker. The young man had impressed his staff and continued to do so during his employment. 

One late night barely a month after he'd hired him, the daring young nurse had uttered a cheesy pick up line, and offered himself to Ianto. Charmed by the boldness, Ianto had accepted, and that athletic and creative one night stand had grown into much more-a loving marriage. Will hadn't wanted to accept-marriage having fallen out of fashion-but Ianto had worn him down. 

Working with his husband provided unique challenges. Like all of those he'd selected for this team, Nurse William Dodd's personnel file had come across his desk with the highest of recommendations. To ensure there was no appearance of nepotism, Ianto had let his second-in-command, Joe Devon, select the nursing staff. Will's KEL status had been a serious concern, but Will's fantastic bedside manner had outweighed the remote dangers of Fish being near a KEL positive individual. Being able to share this with his husband was special to Ianto. Since Will knew about Ianto's immortality, he also had the unique privilege of being one of only two people who knew of Ianto's past connection to Fish. 

With a tablet in his hand, Will stepped inside and shut the door behind him. He strode forward, passing it to his husband. Ianto transferred the information to his station and it appeared on the large wall screen. He kept his professional demeanour up and asked, “You took him upstairs?”

“Yes. He had a kip, then I showed him how to use everything in the flat.”

Ianto rose from his seat, nodding in acknowledgement. He stared at the scans, his arms crossed over his chest. “You showed him the medication slot?”

“Of course.” Will moved to stand behind Ianto, looking at the scans.

He slid his hands up Ianto's back. They came to rest on his shoulders, kneading them firmly. Ianto let out a barely audible sigh of contentment, glad Will had shut the door. Since they were married, their relationship was hardly a secret. He wasn't opposed to the occasional at work tryst, and they'd had plenty. Will's KEL status meant he was on borrowed time and Ianto preferred to make the most of it. 

“All the pre-cancerous lesions are gone. That's excellent after one treatment and in line with the simulations."

Ianto tapped the screen, then reached and pulled Will's arm around his chest. "The ancient scans completely missed the two small brain lesions and a few of the other bone lesions."

"Bloody dark ages," Will muttered. "A lot of the lymph nodes are back to normal too.” With his hand still linked with Ianto's, he pointed at the screen. “That bile duct's pretty obstructed. That's got to hurt."

“The larger masses are going to take time. There's pain killers in his regime,” Ianto said. He kneaded at his temples then rubbed his eyes. He was well on his way to a stress migraine. 

“Are you all right, Ianto?” Will asked. Using Ianto's given name had become a signal between them while at work. He wasn't an employee now, but a concernedspouse.

“I'm fine, babe,” he replied.

“I doubt that.” He walked to Ianto's desk and pushed the chair towards him. “C'mon, then, have a seat.”

“I don't have time right now, Will-” 

“We always make time for each other," Will said, repeating one of their rules. He patted the chair. "Let me take care of you for once." 

Ianto sighed, sitting down. Will pushed his head forward, then dug the point of his elbow into the thick muscles running down Ianto's neck.

“AH!” Ianto cried.

“It'll pass in a minute.” He changed the pressure, sliding his elbow up and down in a smooth motion. “It's because you're so tense.”

Within moments, the pain radiating up Ianto's head evaporated. His shoulders dropped down away from his ears and his stress began to also ebb.

“That's it,” Will said, softly. He pressed a kiss to the top of Ianto's head. “Just relax.”

He shifted Ianto's head to the other side and began working the opposite group of muscles. This time instead of a yelp of pain, Ianto let out a groan of pleasure. After a few more minutes, Will gripped his shoulders, using his thumbs to ease the knotted muscles. Ianto almost felt himself begin to drift off. 

Will pressed a kiss to his neck and Ianto let out a sigh of contentment. The young man stepped back, smiling. “Better?"

“Loads. Thanks.”

“You're welcome,” Will said, looking pleased. He put his hand on Ianto's shoulder and let the back of his forefinger lightly caress Ianto's neck. “Is there anything else I can do to help you relax?”

Ianto waggled his eyebrows and glanced at the floor. "I'd love to get you on your knees, but I need to take a look at that scan."

"Another time, then," Will said. He bent, picking up Ianto's hand. He ran his lips over the knuckles, warming them with his breath. "Or can I break your will now?"

Ianto's breath quickened as a jolt of lust zinged up his spine. He stood up and pulled Will into his arms. A brush of his lips was all it took to weaken the younger man's knees. Ianto heard his hand hit the top of the chair as Will braced himself. Ianto pulled back, smiling, then kissed him again, but deeper. "I'm the one usually doing the breaking." 

Will laughed and said, "Yes you are... sir." He stepped back and asked, "Do you think you'll be home some time reasonable tonight? I miss you." 

Ianto leaned against the edge of his desk, tugging the younger man close. "I miss you too. I'll be home for dinner, at the latest. Now that Fish is here, things should calm down." 

Will said, "I'll come back here and wait for you once my shift's done. I'll kneel, if you'd prefer." 

"I would," Ianto said, smiling. He kissed the tip of Will's nose. "Do you want to play tonight?" 

Will slid his hand down Ianto's arm and laced their fingers together. "Sure, nothing too deep though." 

Ianto considered for a moment and said, "The bed post and the light suede flogger?" 

With a groan, Will kissed him. "Sounds perfect. Don't tell me anymore. I don't want to explain a hard on to my colleagues. Love you."

"Love you, too." 

Ianto gave Will another quick kiss and a slap on his arse as he left the room, walking on a cloud of excitement. Ianto was also looking forward to the night ahead. 

When Will was done with his shift, he did come back to Ianto's office and knelt beside Ianto's chair. As Ianto worked, he would gently ran his fingers through Will's hair, the other man leaning into the touch. Just as Ianto was wrapping things up, there was a knock at his door. The person on the other side didn't bother waiting for permission to enter and since the door was only lightly closed, it swung aside. 

Jack's voice boomed, "Hey, Ianto, remind me about that addendum to the Cardiff Accord..." 

He trailed off as he caught sight of Will kneeling. To Will's credit, he didn't move or change his posture. 

Unruffled at the sight, Jack said, turning to leave, "Oh, sorry..."

Ianto nodded to Will who stood. "It's all right, Jack. Come in." He turned to Will. "Go wait for me in the car, out of scene." 

"Yes, sir," Will said. He walked to Jack and held out his hand. "Captain Harkness, I presume." 

"You must be Will," Jack said, shaking his hand firmly. 

"I am, Captain. It's good to finally put a name to the face," Will said. 

"Same here." Jack gave Will his high wattage grin. 

"Stop it," Ianto said. 

"I was just saying hello!" Jack whinged. 

"That's my husband you're 'just saying hello' to," Ianto said, rolling his eyes. 

Will chuckled as he left the room. "I'll see you downstairs, babe." 

Jack leaned, watching Will leave. "Excellent bottom... It's always the quiet ones..." 

"So it would seem," Ianto said, flatly. He wondered if Jack would have the nerve to suggest a threesome. The idea actually made Ianto suppress a shiver. After giving himself a good mental slap, he said, "You had a question, Jack?" 

"Yeah, a piece of a weapon dropped through the Rift this afternoon. I thought the addendum to the Cardiff Accord says we need to alert major world powers about new arms in Torchwood's possession-"

"Do you know it's a piece of a weapon because it's obviously a piece of a weapon, or do you know it's a piece of a weapon because you're a Time Agent from the fifty-first century?"

"The latter."

"Can R&D learn anything from it?"

"Maybe in a couple hundred years."

Ianto nodded. "Classify it as unknown in the Archive with a green triangular tag and leave it at that."

Jack nodded. "That's what I thought. Thanks. I didn't want to make the decision without asking you directly." He jerked his head at the door. "Bit young for you isn't he?" 

"That would apply to just about everyone on the planet as I'm over six hundred years old," Ianto said, rolling his eyes. 

"You knocking off?" 

Ianto nodded as he collected his things. 

"Have a good date night, Ianto," Jack said, smirking. 

"Can we drop you somewhere? Where are you staying?" 

"In my room on the TARDIS," Jack said, jerking his head up at the ceiling. "He's parked on the roof."

"He's okay with sticking around?" Ianto asked, concerned. 

Jack nodded. "If he decides he wants to go, I can find something else. Night, Ianto." 

"Night, Jack." 

Jack gave him a little wave as he left. Curious, Ianto stepped around the desk. He tapped at his workstation, bringing up the internal surveillance. He watched as Jack, his hands clasped behind him, rode the lift up. When he got to the top floor, the lift opened. Ianto followed Jack on the cameras as he walked down the hallway to the stairwell and then up to the roof. Ianto couldn't help but smirk. He's good on roofs. 

Ianto switched cameras, watching Jack approach the north east corner... and a blue box. Jack took the key from around his neck and unlocked the door. When he opened it, a man leaned out with wavy, salt pepper hair. He was in a white shirt and black waistcoat. He raised his hand and laced fingers with Jack's. They disappeared into the TARDIS together. 

Jack disappearing into the TARDIS intimately hand in hand the Doctor had been the stuff of Ianto's nightmares, a deep insecurity that Ianto had never quite shed during their marriage. But that marriage was over and no vestige of the old jealousy remained. Ianto turned the camera off. You deserve to be happy too, Jack... 

* * *

The events of the day had Ianto's head all over the place and his feelings were just as scattered. A night with Will, where roles and expectations were clearly defined, was just the order he needed. 

Jack had been Ianto's first introduction to BDSM. The two would often play with light bondage, and the occasional role play. As the world around Ianto became more and more unrecognizable to him, Ianto delved deeper into the lifestyle, finding comfort in the control and the power play. Learning Will was also kinky and willing to regularly play had been a joyful discovery. He'd become Ianto's first contracted submissive. After a few short term contracts, they negotiated an open ended one. Ianto collared Will not long after. 

The ride home had been uneventful. After years of being together, the two had settled into a domestic routine. Once home, Will changed his clothes while Ianto started dinner. Sometimes, Ianto would change, but not if they planned to play. Like Jack, Will had something of a suit fetish. 

Ianto set the bowl of pasta on the table and sat down. "Wine? Beer?" 

"Not if we're playing tonight," Will said, tucking into his food. 

Ianto poured them both some water. As he served himself a portion of food, he said, "We're due for one of our contract check-ins soon. We could go through it tonight, if you're up for it." 

"Yeah, sure, we could do."

“Is there anything you want changed?” Ianto asked. He got up to retrieve the cheese from the fridge. 

Will shook his head. "Not much. In terms of scenes, I'd like deeper bondage and more sensory work. I'd like to do longer, deeper scenes, more often. I love our relaxing weekends, but I'd like more play."

Ianto nodded. "I'd like that too." He sat down and handed the cheese to Will. Then he said, tentatively, "I'd like to talk about relaxing your limits." 

Will set the cheese down along with his fork. He gave Ianto a hard stare and said, "You're talking about the condoms." 

Ianto set his own fork down. "Yes, I'm talking about the condoms."

He'd been trying to get Will to ditch the condoms for years. Before Ianto had even proposed, he'd explained his immortality, including his immunity to disease, but Will still insisted on safe sex. Every time they did a contract check-in, Ianto would politely bring up the limit. At first, Will would react with anger and frustration, but after they'd had several serious discussions, Ianto had gotten to the heart of the matter. Will knew Ianto wasn't in danger intellectually, but the concept hadn't sunk in. It was a belief Will needed to come to gradually. So, Ianto continued to ask as their contract check-ins came up every few months. 

Will didn't answer him, just turned back to his food. Ianto didn't press, he'd learned early on that was the wrong thing to do. He turned back to his own food and tucked in. 

When their meal was nearly over, Will said, "I'm not there yet." 

Like any D/S relationship, the submissive was the one with all the power. If Will said no, the answer was no. "I understand. When you're ready, not before. I'll bring it up at our next check-in." Ianto drank the rest of his water and asked, “Bottom or top tonight?” 

“Surprise me,” Will replied with a grin. 

They finished their dinner in silence and shared in the washing up. Once the dishwasher was closed, Ianto stretched upwards and turned to his husband. "I think you're overdressed, boy." 

"Yes, sir," Will said, grinning. 

“Your words?” Ianto asked. 

“Yellow and red.”

With a nod, Ianto knew there wouldn't be any changes, but the ritual of the questions helped them both to settle into their head space. Ianto stood and said, “Go get yourself ready. Strip, and display in the middle of the bedroom.”

Will said, “Yes, sir.”

Practically skipping, Will disappeared into their bedroom while Ianto went into the guest room. He loosened his tie and undid the top button on his shirt. After toeing off his shoes and yanking off his socks, he opened the wardrobe. He lifted out the soft floggers and set them out on the bed, trying to decide which one he wanted to use. Unable to make up his mind, he chose two smaller ones. He used to change clothes, donning leather pants, and sometimes a harness, but he'd learned quickly that Will enjoyed him in his suit the best. 

Ianto smiled and draped the floggers over his shoulder. He was so eager, he nearly forgot to grab the length of rope and the blindfold, which he tucked into his pocket. When Ianto entered his bedroom, he drank in the luscious sight. It wasn't the first time Ianto was silently thanking Will's first master and lover, a man who Will spoke of only with praise. The man had trained Will exceptionally. Will was standing with his feet apart and his hands clasped behind his back. His posture was beautiful, the shoulders broad and muscled. His eyes were still downcast, but it was likely out of habit. Unlike some doms, Ianto didn't require downcast eyes. 

Always wanting to be prepared, Ianto stepped to his bedside table and opened the drawer. He removed the bottle of lube and a condom. He set them within easy reach of the bed. 

Ianto stepped forward, reaching up for the muscular shoulder. He ran his hand along the smooth skin, stepping around Will and admiring his body. A light touch here and there, like he was examining a prize stallion. He let his eyes flick downwards to the young man's heavy, thick length, jutting straight out. Taking Will in hand, he stroked him a few times, just enough to tease. He instructed, “You do not come without permission.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Your words again?”

“Yellow and red, sir.”

“Stand against the bed, your hands on the post,” he said.

Will obeyed.

“Higher, at eye level,” Ianto said. He stepped towards his bed and dropped the floggers onto it. He skillfully began to wind the rope around Will's wrists and forearms, binding him to the post at the wrists and then binding his forearms together. The knots spiraled beautifully around Will's arms. “You'll be here for a while. Tell me if you think your arms are too high or the ropes too tight.”

Will carefully tugged at his bonds. He could wiggle his arms, but that was it. “It's fine, sir.”

"Tell me if your fingers start to lose sensation," Ianto ordered.

"Yes, sir." 

“Let's begin.” Ianto held up one hand, sensually sliding his hand into the opening of the sleeve and popping the cufflink out. As he stepped around Will, he kicked the young man's leg's further apart. "Eyes front, boy."

"Yes, sir," Will said, casting his eyes down again.

Ianto paused, rolling up the cuff, then did the same to the other sleeve. He hooked his finger into his tie, slowly loosening it, making sure to do it as noisily as possible. The hiss of the silk was the only sound in the room as Ianto pulled the tie free of his collar. He stepped just into Will's peripheral vision and popped the button on his collar, and the next two. For the second time, Will tried to peek over his shoulder at him.

"I said, eyes front." 

Will's head snapped forward. “Sorry, sir.”

Ianto took the blindfold out of his pocket and fastened it around Will's eyes. He smacked Will's arse with a loud crack, pleased with the other man's sharp inhale and the reflexive jerk his dick made. “You don't sound very sorry."

Once his sleeves were up, he carefully slid the tails over Will's legs and sides, letting the young man know they were there. Then, he spun his arm, licking Will's upper back. A sharp intake of breath was his only reaction. Ianto repeated the motion-a harsh thwack to the other side, carefully avoiding the shoulders. He also landed a sharp thwack to Will's right arse cheek to match the one on his left. Once the redness began to appear, Ianto stepped back, gently rotating his wrists. The florentine pattern criss crossed the tails, striking Will's back like a double-dutch jump rope striking the ground. The rhythmic sound pulsing through the room, relaxing both the men. Ianto carefully managed the speed and force behind the blows, only lightly grazing the skin. It had been some time since he'd attempted this rhythm. He was out of practice and it took him a few moments to regain his form. Once he felt comfortable, he began to shift himself, widening his stance and shifting his footing to changing his target to the round globes of Will's arse.

The shift away from the tender red skin caused Will to let out a relieved sigh. Ianto began to work the same pattern on his arse, admiring the way the flesh bounced under the, so far, gentle assault. A light sheen of sweat popped out over Will's skin and his breathing became ragged. Ianto slowed the blows and then paused, stepping back to admire his work. There were no distinct marks anywhere on Will's back, but the entire area was bright red. Between Will's legs, Ianto saw a glistening drop of precome fall and hit the floor. His mouth watered as Will let out a low moan.

“That's it. I want to hear you. Give me your sounds, your voice,” Ianto said, softly. He ran his hand gently over the warm skin, then pressed a kiss to the other man's shoulder. Will shivered, his cock jerking upwards.

Ianto stepped around, carefully judging Will's body. The endorphins were pulsing through him and even though Ianto hadn't touched him sexually, he could tell the young man was close to climax. Will had exceptional control and wouldn't allow himself release until Ianto gave him permission to do so.

Ianto began to loudly undress. It wasn't a strip tease, just the normal act of undressing with exaggerated movements so Will could hear him. Each button undone and each inch of skin revealed to make cloth rustle as loudly as possible. When he tossed his shirt aside, he heard Will's breath catch. With the corner of his mouth turned up, Ianto unbuckled his belt, but left it in place. Next, he unbuttoned the trousers, but left the zip up. The trousers shifted, falling slightly off Ianto's hips.

As Ianto walked back into position behind him, each step caused the buckle to rattle. Will let out a groan, licking his lips. Instead of a steady pace, this time he began with light, gentle strokes, but slowly crescendoed. The sharp thwacks rang out in quick succession as he picked up speed. Now that he had his form back, he carefully edged one of the floggers up so that it was just barely licking Will's shoulders. He usually avoided letting the ends of the flogger curl around the shoulders or the sides. The added rotational momentum meant the tips would hit harder and sting more, but Ianto lightened the strokes to compensate. 

“Oh my God,” Will gasped. He shifted forward in an attempt to rub his aching dick against the bed post.

“Don't move,” Ianto snapped, but didn't stop the floggers. After a few more thwacks, Will's shoulders began to tremble. 

“Please... oh God, sir, please...” Will gasped. His knees began to tremble and his fists clenched. Will's forearms strained against the ropes and Ianto's orders to remain still. 

Ianto didn't let up, continuing the constant blows. He could tell the other man was nearly there.

"Please... sir, please..." 

Will's dick gave a powerful jerk upwards and a large gush of precome emerged from the slit. The glistening blob hit the carpet. 

“Please, sir... I need... I'm yours... anything you want... take it from me... Please,” he whimpered.

Ianto dropped the floggers and strode forward. He dumped the lube out onto his fingers, sliding them into Will's hole.

“YES!” he screamed. “Thank you! Thank you!”

Will was shorter than Ianto, so they weren't lined up properly for Ianto to penetrate him like this. Instead, he reached up for the quick release knot. The single yank undid all the knots binding Will's arms and the ropes fell away from the bedpost. He shoved him into the bed, face down. The ropes still dangling from his lover's wrists. Slowly, he kissed and nibbled at the reddened skin of his back. 

“You're so gorgeous, warmed and reddened,” Ianto whispered against his skin. When his fingers connected with his gland, Will let out a cry of delight. His hands flew upwards, fisting themselves in the duvet. Ianto reached for the condom, rolling it on with one hand. Messily, he dumped the lube onto the latex, half of it spilling off onto the rug. He didn't care about the mess. He needed Will's heat. 

He nearly lined himself up when the desire to see the younger man's face overwhelmed him. He flipped Will over and hooked his arms under his legs.

“Is your back okay like this?” he asked.

Will nodded and grabbed Ianto's neck, pulling him in for a deep kiss. The two continued their exploration, hands and tongues roaming, but Ianto's control had its limits. He aimed with his hips, trying to line himself up without letting go of Will's legs. Will reached down, guiding Ianto into him. With a sharp cry, Ianto slid balls deep in one quick stroke.

“You're all right?” he asked.

His only response was a nod. Ianto pushed his knees up onto the bed, one at a time, sliding Will up the duvet as gently as he could. Will hissed as the tender skin of his back grated against the fabric. Ianto stopped with just enough room to balance himself. He kept his pace slow and sensual, frequently slowing so he could kiss or lick Will's neck and shoulders.

There was a frustrated look on Will's face even though Ianto was positive he had the correct angle. His head turning one way, then the next and his eyes were squeezed shut. If Will's back was bothering him, grating up against the duvet, Will would say so. The frustration on Will's face deepened and he began to worry his bottom lip between his teeth. 

"Red!" Will shouted. 

It was the first time Will had ever used his safe word. Ianto stopped and withdrew. He yanked the blindfold off Will's face and sat him up, near panicking. 

"Will? What's wrong? Did I hurt you? Is it your back? Your wrists?" Ianto began frantically unknotting the ropes around his wrists. "I'll have you free in a second."

Once the ropes were on the floor, Ianto asked, "What happened? Did I hurt you? What's wrong?" 

Will leaned forward. He grasped the condom and removed it from Ianto's softening cock. After tossing it into the bin, he slid back against the pillows and under the blankets. 

"Nothing now," Will said. 

Ianto swallowed hard. This decision needed to be made when they were both clear headed, not in the middle of a scene when feelings and sensations were riding high. It was also Ianto's responsibility to point that out, but the look his husband was giving him had the words dying in his throat. "Will... Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am. I should've done this a long time ago," Will replied. "When I first knew I was falling in love with you, I was heartbroken I'd never be able to feel you, with nothing between us. It was my fault. I was guilty and I covered that feeling up with fear. I'm not afraid anymore." 

Ianto's heart started to pound. He bent for the discarded lube bottle and set it on the nightstand. "Can we break scene?"

Will nodded and lifted the blankets. "Please."

Ianto's eyes pricked with tears as he slid into the bed next to his husband. He encircled him in his arms and kissed his reddened shoulder. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Will gasped. "I love you so much."

Ianto slid his hand over the warm skin, following it with his mouth. The anticipation of finally being inside of Will bare was almost too much for him. It was only six hundred years of experience that enabled him to slow down. 

They didn't rush, taking their time with each other's bodies even though it was well know territory by now. Though Will was certainly no virgin, Ianto treated him like one. So accustomed to his lover's responses, he knew the exactly how to make this perfect for him. 

"Top or bottom?" Ianto asked. 

This time, Will had a preference. With a quiver, he replied, "Bottom."

Ianto reached for the lube again. Once he'd coated himself, he settled between Will's legs. 

"Is this okay?" he asked. 

Will nodded. "I need to see you."

Ianto gathered Will into his arms and kissed him, gently. "I love you."

"I love you," Will answered, closing his eyes. 

"Don't," Ianto said. He ran a fingertip down Will's cheek. "Look at me."

Will opened his eyes. Ianto smiled softly at him. He shifted his hips into position, and gently teased Will's entrance. It clenched in anticipation and Ianto slowly pressed forward. The look on Will's face alone made it worth the wait. The sensation of flesh against flesh made them both moan. After years of latex between them, Ianto had nearly forgotten the feeling of bareback sex. 

Will's fingers dug into his back as he thrust, slow and even. He kept his angle from before and none of the previous frustrations were on his husband's face. It wasn't long before he felt Will's channel quivering around him. The young man was practically vibrating from the inside out. Ianto slid his arms under Will, hooking his hands on his shoulders for leverage. 

“You're close. I can feel it.”

Ianto shifted himself forward, and spied the patch of red skin on Will's shoulder. He whispered in Will's ear, “Come for me, now. Come with me.”

Then he bit down, hard, on that tender, red skin.

Will's back arched, as he came hard. His cock erupted, spraying a fountain of hot, thick come up and over his chest. Tendons and muscle s stood out on his neck and his face flushed as his mouth gaped in a soundless scream.

The feel of Will's muscles milked his own orgasm from him. Ianto pulsed into his lover, slamming his fist into one of the pillows, gripping it like iron. He didn't cry out, but bit into Will's shoulder harder and was rewarded with another vice like contraction of the young man's arse. Will's aftershocks continued for a long time, his body twitching along with the muscles still encasing Ianto's softening length. 

Ianto held him, murmuring softly into his ear, words of love and affection. He shifted his knees forward so Will's legs could rest on his thighs. With some of the weight on his elbows, he laid against Will's chest. Will's eyes were closed, a blissed look on his face. 

Even though their scene had ended a while ago, Ianto examined the skin he could see in the dim light. There were some abrasions on Will's forearms and wrists. When his softened shaft slipped from Will's body, he gently turned Will onto his side so he could see to his back, but the light was too low.

He pressed a soft kiss to his temple. "I'll be right back."

He retrieved a warm, wet flannel and other aftercare supplies from the en suite. First, he applied some antiseptic to some of the chafing. He wiped the come from Will's chest, resisting the urge to lick the young man clean. Then, he eased him gently onto his stomach so he could apply the gel to the reddened areas. While it soaked into Will's skin, he used the flannels to gently clean the lube and come from his arse. He tossed both flannels in the direction of the en suite, hearing them thump onto the tile floor. He pulled back the blankets, and eased Will underneath them.

Long gone were the days when Will would leave afterwards, a wide grin on his face as he waved. Now, Ianto would hold him as they fell asleep and cook him breakfast in the morning. He nuzzled his nose in Will's hair, breathing in the scent of his shampoo. Beneath it he could smell the sex and even Will's own scent. 

“Are you all right?” he asked. 

Will's eyes were still closed as he nodded. “Wonderful, babe.”

Ianto felt as good as Will looked-sated and relaxed. 

Will nuzzled into Ianto's neck and said, sleepily, "Love you..." 

Ianto caught Will's lips with his own, kissing him softly. The tender intimacy made Ianto's heart skip and his body tremble. When they separated, Ianto stared into Will's eyes and said, "I love you, too." 

Will let out a half laugh, half sob. He buried his face in Ianto's shoulder, nestling in as close as he could. Ianto threw his leg over Will's, tangling them together. He could feel the joy radiating off his lover. "Do you need more gel for your back?" 

"No, want to feel it tomorrow," he said, sleepily. Then he rolled and promptly fell asleep. 

Ianto gushed with affection. He carefully turned on his nightstand light to examine the skin on Will's back more closely. After ensuring Will wasn't damaged, just red and maybe a little bruised, Ianto reached into the bedside table for the cooling gel anyway. As he lovingly rubbed it into Will's back, Will shivered and even shrugged his shoulder as if to cast off the sensation of the gel tingling as it sunk into his skin. 

“Good night, Will.” Ianto pulled the blankets up over both of them. He closed his eyes, savouring how good it felt to have Will in his arms. He let the warmth of the other man's body carry him off to sleep. His own heart was light and happy. How long since I was this happy? he wondered, feeling himself float on the edge of sleep. He didn't want it to end. The last thing that whispered in his mind before he joined Will in sleep was a single thought...

Jack.


	7. Chapter 7

Despite Ianto’s assurances things would settle now Fish’s treatments had started, Ianto’s stress levels continued to explode under the weight of the responsibility. The technology of this century was good, but computer simulations were no substitute for real life. Fish was far more fatigued than the simulations had predicted and there were more blood pressure fluctuations. 

The stress had started to eat away at the Welshman. He was having trouble sleeping and was starting to skip meals. Fed up, Will had given Ianto a thorough dressing down. The shouting and yelling had probably startled the neighbors, not to mention the shouting and yelling as they had made up. 

It hadn't been the shouting that had convinced Ianto, it had been the sweet, quiet words of concern Will had uttered afterwards as they'd lain in each other's arms. If he kept up, he'd drop from exhaustion and stress, and then he'd be no good to anyone. Fish would be here for months and it'd only been two weeks. Ianto had been immortal for centuries and often forgot that just because he couldn't drop dead from a heart attack or develop an ulcer, didn't mean he wouldn't feel the effects of stress. 

Will had done his best to keep Ianto relaxed and sedate. This morning, Ianto had woken to warmth of his husband's mouth that had led to more spectacular activities. In fact, Ianto was walking into work significantly late, feeling it with every step. 

Fish had reached the two week mark and it was time to begin him on the second major medication of his treatment. Ianto was confident the allergic reaction his staff had feared wouldn't happen. All of Fish's precancerous lesions were gone and the other tumors were shrinking. The treatment was going smoothly, but Ianto wasn't going to rest on his laurels just yet. Adding this second medication was a major hurdle. It would more aggressively attack the larger tumors and prevent the cancer's reoccurrence. 

The earth shattering orgasms from this morning still on his mind, Ianto walked into the exam room practically whistling. He couldn't understand why the tray that normally held the infusion device was empty. Then he realized the person who usually set it up for him had also been late this morning due to the fact he'd been pounding Ianto into their mattress. 

Grinning, Ianto patiently waited, wondering if he should engage in a little boss/employee role-play and chastise Will for his tardiness even though he was the reason for it. He wasn't above a quick mutual wank or blowjob at work, but penetrative sex and play were strictly home activities. Today, however, Ianto had a naughty spring in his step.

Ianto stepped over to the door, hiding himself behind it. When Will entered the room, he was carrying the two infusion devices on a tray. He set them down and began to arrange them neatly, humming to himself, completely unaware of Ianto's presence. With a slam and evil grin, Ianto shut the infusion room door. 

Will jumped, let out an unmanly shriek and turned. "Ianto! You tosser! You gave me a fright!" 

With a stern look, Ianto said, "Is that how you speak to your boss, boy? I've been waiting for this treatment area to be set up for nearly five minutes now. I expect efficiency from my nurses. This is an unacceptable waste of time." 

For a few seconds, Will looked confused, but Ianto's "dom" voice and the diminutive were enough cues. Will caught on to the game and slipped into character, but not the one Ianto expected. 

"Won't happen again, sir," Will said, not sounding apologetic at all. Then he muttered, "Bloody patient isn't even here yet."

Oh, bratty this morning... Ianto took two steps towards him and said, "Need I remind you, boy, that I am your boss and the director of this institute, both of which entitle me to some measure of respect?" 

Will let his voice rise, but not enough so someone passing by the room would hear. "Respect? You're on me about five fucking minutes that don't even matter any!"

As much as Ianto enjoyed punishing his lover, he disliked when Will took on a bratty streak at home. Here, in their workplace, it was sending blood surging to his dick so fast he was a little dizzy. 

"I will not tolerate this sort of cheek." Ianto stalked over to Will, resisting the urge to adjust himself. "I shall have to think of a suitable punishment for this unacceptable and inappropriate behavior."

"Punishment? I don't think so! You're always riding my arse about stupid shite like this! This is harassment, it is!" Will cried. He flicked his gaze to the growing bulge in Ianto's trousers. "Oh, is that it? I got your number, I do. You get off on this, picking on people, ordering them about." 

In an uncharacteristic burst, Will boldly strode towards him. He fisted his hand in Ianto's lab coat and shoved him backwards. The edge of the worktop dug into Ianto's back and Will grabbed the bulge in his trousers.  

"I'm inappropriate? Look at you, all hot and hard. Have you been figuratively riding my arse because you actually want to ride my arse?" Will gave him a hard squeeze and Ianto yelped. Switching was never something they'd discussed. Ianto was the dom and Will was his sub. This spontaneous role reversal sent a jolt of lust through him. He let out an involuntary moan that made Will pounce. He smirked and said, "Got your number, I do. You don't want to order me about. It's the other way round." He looked straight into Ianto's eyes and said, "On. Your. Knees."

Ianto couldn't suppress the moan at Will's words. He obeyed before he knew what he was doing. He had never considered himself a switch and never thought Will was either. There was something intensely arousing about this role reversal, especially in these surroundings. He made a mental note they needed to have a serious conversation about this. This entire scenario had Ianto hard as granite. His dick strained against his trousers. Will leaned down and grasped the zip, easing it down. He reached inside the cloth and tugged out Ianto's hard cock, teasing it a few times before standing up to admire the sight.

"Tell me I'm wrong?" Will demanded. 

"If you value your position-" Ianto broke off when Will slapped his arse, hard. 

"You insolent-" Another hard slap interrupted him. "All right! I hired you so I could watch that gorgeous arse of yours!"

Will yanked at the drawstring of his scrubs, loosening them enough so they'd slip down passed his hips. "Like what you see?"

"You know I do," Ianto muttered through gritted teeth. 

After unsnapped the boxer front, he pulled out his cock. He ran the head along Ianto's lips, leaving them glistening with precome. When he licked his lips, Ianto groaned. "Is this what you want... boy?"

Ianto nodded. 

"Open wide," Will ordered as he slid himself into Ianto's mouth. 

The smell of him permeated Ianto's senses as Will fucked his mouth with abandon. Ianto choked and gagged, feeling Will's hard cock strike the back of his throat and slide down. Drool ran down his chin and Ianto didn't want it to end. He was so turned on, he was about to come in his pants like a teenager. So lost in their lust, neither man heard the door open.

Fish's voice rang out, "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!"

Will yanked back, wincing as the sensitive skin of his dick scraped Ianto's teeth. Ianto turned. Fish was standing in the doorway with Henry. While Henry was smirking and barely holding back laughter, Fish gaped at them, appalled and horrified. The nurse couldn't hold back her own laughter and disappeared back into the hallway. Ianto reached up, and wiped his mouth and chin while Will turned to right his clothing. 

Ianto stood up about to utter some apology. Smirking, Henry cleared his throat loudly and flicked his gaze to Ianto's crotch. Blushing hard, Ianto turned and tucked himself away. Henry cleared his throat again. This time his gaze indicated the small puddle of precome and larger puddle of saliva on the floor. Blushing, Will bent down and cleaned the mess. 

Ianto could still smell Will and the sex. He turned towards the sink and began scrubbing his hands and face. 

Now that the scene had more thoroughly dissolved, Fish found his voice and shouted, "What the fuck, Ianto? Jack is right upstairs! How could you?" 

Henry tried to delicately interrupt. "Joe..."

Will stepped forward and said, "Joe, you don't understand-"

"Oh don't you 'Joe' me! You're fucking around with a married man!" Fish's shouted. 

Will's half smile inflamed Fish's anger. 

"Oh you think that's funny, do you?" A realization dawned on Fish's face. "Oh no! Ianto, I'm sorry! Is this some sort of threeway thing you and Jack and Will have going on? The three of you are together, like with Alicia?"

Ianto's heart tightened at Alicia's name. He and Will looked at each other and for a moment, Ianto debated letting Fish carry on with the assumption. 

Through gritted teeth, Will practically growled, "Don't you dare. You're mine!" He turned to Fish and said, "Ianto's my husband, Joe."

Fish's jaw dropped and he stepped backwards into Henry. "What?" 

Ianto leaned over to Will and with more bite than he intended said, "I'll handle this. Go on upstairs."

Will looked at him and nodded. He ducked out of the room, his cheeks flushed. Henry led Fish over to the infusion chair. Fish shrugged off his grip and demanded, "Please tell me there's another bloody room we can use because I won't stay in this one." 

Ianto tapped the intercom and gave some instructions. In a matter of minutes, they had another room set up for Fish's treatment. 

Ianto shut the door and turned to his friend. He reached into his trouser pocket and took out his wedding ring as Fish watched. After slipping it onto his finger, he said, "Jack and I haven't been together for centuries. I met Will when he was hired here almost six years ago now. We started seeing each other shortly afterwards. We got married last year. I'm sorry I kept that from you and that you had to find out second hand like that."

"Second hand? You mean seeing you with his cock down your throat? Jesus Christ, Ianto, I got more of an eyeful than I ever did walking in on you and Jack all over the fucking Hub!"

Ianto flushed and said, "Will and I got caught up in the moment."

"You know, I'm used to you having a shag randomly at work, but with Jack. What happened, Ianto? You and Jack are the most stable couple I know!"

"Things changed, Fish. I wish I could explain better, I do, but I can't. A lot happened that caused resentment and anger. We had to separate. After some time apart, we tried again, but it was a disaster. What we'd needed wasn't more time apart. We just needed to be apart. Jack's been traveling with the Doctor and I run Torchwood. He's filling in so I can see to you."

Fish opened and closed his mouth a few times as if to speak, but nothing came out. He shook his head. 

"How many times have you been married now?" Fish asked. 

"Just Will," Ianto said. He pulled over a rolling chair and sat. "There was someone else seriously about one hundred and fifty years ago but we never married."

Fish shook his head. "Is Jack remarried?"

"Not that I'm aware." Ianto paused, considering telling Fish about Jack and the Doctor, but that would probably make this situation worse. Fish was from a time when the Doctor was still a deep insecurity of Ianto's. "Will's a good man, Fish. I love him. Very much. I haven't been as happy as I've been with him in a long time."

Fish studied Ianto's face for a while and said, "I'm happy that you're happy, Ianto. I just... I think I just need some time to digest it. Will and I've had a few friendly chats. He never mentioned it."

"Because I asked him not to," Ianto said then changed the subject. He reached for the infusion device. Cracking on through the awkwardness, he pushed back Fish's sleeve and attached the first device, trying to ignore the sad and pensive look on his friend's face. He hit the button and Fish made the familiar grimace as the catheter snaked up his arm. 

Ianto picked up the second device and attached it to Fish's other arm. "Same as always. A small pinch, and some pressure."

He kept his gaze fixed on the infusion device's blinking light for a few minutes. "How's that feel, Fish?"

"It's fine," he replied.

"There's two main drugs in your regime now. This is the first dose of the second drug. There's no loading dose like for the first, but just like the other drug, the infusions will be once a week for the duration. We've lined them up to make it easier on you. You'll be more tired afterwards, but we're hoping you'll have more energy overall. If you tolerate it well, we'll keep them that way. Otherwise we can stagger them. This will further kill the cancer in your system and prevent reoccurrence."

"Is there anything new we should expect, lad?" Henry asked. 

"Just more of the same. You may lose your sense of smell, temporarily. There might also be some light and sound sensitivity. How are you feeling since your last round?"

"Nothing new. Tired, but overall not as wiped as I was when we started this. A little queasy sometimes. The odd headache now and again." Fish paused, shifting uncomfortably. 

Henry cleared his throat loudly. "Joe..." 

"I'm getting to it, all right?" Fish's ears turned pink. 

He opened his mouth to speak, but Ianto decided to save him the embarrassment for once. "You're having some trouble."

Fish nodded. "A couple times now. I didn't realise. I thought I was just tired because things... um... just... uhh... took longer. I was fine eventually, but last night... nothing."

Ianto nodded. "I was going to bring this up-"

"Ianto, mate, bad choice of words..." Fish groaned. 

"-your testosterone level has been steadily dropping but today it's well below what it should be. I've added some to your plan. Should clear up soon. Do you want me to prescribe you something to help in the meantime?"

"Please," Fish said. His ears turned red.

Ianto nodded. "There'll be a pill with your midday medications as well as a cream. Take the pill a half hour to an hour before sexual activity. The cream can be used in the moment, if something happens spontaneously, but don't use it for fellatio."

Fish's face turned bright scarlet as he nodded.  

"Let me know if you need something stronger or if the cream doesn't work. Anything else bothering you?"

"Some muscle weakness in my legs. My right one gave out on me yesterday."

Ianto nodded. "I'll make note and have the team investigate medication possibilities if it becomes more common. It wasn't high on the list of likely side effects, but it was there. Anything else?"

Fish shook his head. 

"I'll be upstairs. If there's any problems or if you have any questions, just ring for the nurse." Ianto stood and washed his hands at the sink. He tried not to make it seem like he was fleeing.

When he got back to his temporary office, Will was waiting for him. 

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything," Will said. 

"This would happen the one time we get carried away," Ianto scrubbed at his face. "I should've told him anyway. I'm sorry I nearly let him assume something that wasn't true." He regarded his husband carefully. "I didn't know Jack was such a sore point for you."

"He isn't. He's your past. I'm your present." Will sounded more like he was trying to convince himself. "You're mine now, but you two have so much history. He's immortal, like you. All that is something I can't compete with. "

The words rang familiar for Ianto who'd thought much of the same when he'd first met Miranda and discovered she was Jack's ex-wife. Late wife... Pain rose in Ianto's chest and he pushed it back down.

"There have been lovers before you. There will be lovers after. But right now, it's us, Will. I'm married to you. Jack is my ex-husband for good reason." He paused. "Are you all right with him being here?"

"I'm not jealous, really. It's hard to explain, but I do feel a little threatened. I'm more worried with how you're doing. I know it was bad when he left the last time. You said it was what? Three hundred plus years ago?"

Ianto nodded. "We talked. It's better. I think things are healing. I may ask him and the Doctor round for dinner or something."

"Well, no pressure... bloke who saved the human race in my care and a Time Lord and my husband's immortal ex-husband coming to dinner," Will said. He let out a nervous laugh.

"Did Ally see anything?"

Ally Ferguson was the other day nurse who'd been bringing Fish down for his treatment. Will blushed a little. "Yeah, and the fact that you were giving me a blow job in the infusion room is spreading all through the project staff. They're going to be ripping the piss out of us for it for a long time."

Ianto groaned. "Fantastic."

"You're never going to blow me at work again, are you?" Will asked with a grimace. 

Ianto laughed and took Will's hand. "Well, I don't think I'd go that far. But we need to have a serious discussion about adding switching to our regular play and about exploring that sort of role play more often."

Will shivered. "I don't know about the switching. I think it worked only because we're here, you know? But we can talk more later." He brushed his fingertips down Ianto's face. "Do you want me to talk to Joe? See if I can't explain or-"

Ianto waved him off. "I think he needs some time with it. Remember for him, Jack and I were a happily married couple a few weeks ago. Six hundred years haven't passed for him."

Will took Ianto's hand and squeezed. "I love you. I'm going to have a quick shower and get back to work. I'll see you later."

After a quick kiss, Ianto decided to do the same. He took the lift up to his usual office. Ianto tried to face mostly away from Cora as he waved and pushed the door open. Jack hadn't been expecting him and looked up from his tablet. Before he could speak, Ianto said, "Just ignore me."

Jack nodded and returned to his work. Ianto stepped into his private washroom. With a sigh, he saw a stain on his shirt where drool had dripped and dried. There was also a minute circular stain from where precome had seeped through and dried on his trousers. Wrinkling his nose and feeling slightly embarrassed, he went back out into his office. It had probably been a mistake to pass behind his desk instead of in front of it. Ianto tapped the sideboard's touchpad and a panel in the wall slid aside revealing a hidden wardrobe. As he selected a change of clothes, he heard Jack sniff, testing the air. Maybe Jack wouldn't smell-

"Why, Ianto Jones. You sly dog, you," he called out.

Cachu...

Ianto didn't answer him. He just went back into the washroom. Oblivious, Jack pushed the door open and smirked at him. "A mid-morning tryst with the hubby? That brings back memories."

Ianto laid his tie on the vanity, and after a moment's hesitation, he unbuckled his belt. After untucking his shirt, he began unbuttoning it, praying Jack wouldn't begin wolf whistling or something. 

"Details, please," Jack asked, sweetly. 

Ianto rolled his eyes and tossed his shirt at Jack's face. Jack caught it and sniffed deeply. "Wow, it got really hot and heavy."  

Nose like a bloody dog... He hadn't intended the shirt as an explanation. He thought about telling Jack to go away so he could continue undressing, but there wasn't an inch of his body Jack didn't know intimately, inside and out. He unfastened his trousers and slid them down with his pants. Jack let out a contented sigh as he drank in the sight of Ianto's nude body, then reached down to adjust himself.

Ianto glared at him, "Don't you dare have a wank at my desk!" 

"Wouldn't dream of it!" Jack said. 

Ianto made a mental note to have Cora tell the night cleaning staff to thoroughly wipe his desk down.  

"So? Fill me in!" Jack pleaded. 

Ianto just tossed his pants at him and opened the shower door. While he adjusted the water, Jack said, "Oh c'mon, Ianto! Let me live vicariously through your relationship!"

It was only after he was under the spray that Ianto registered Jack's words. He couldn't help but tease. He opened the shower door and asked, "The Doctor not as exciting in the bedroom as he is running about time and space, eh?"

Jack gave him a confused look and said, "What?"

Ianto flicked his eyes up at the ceiling. "You and the Doctor. It's all right, Jack. You don't need to deny it. It's been half a millennia. It doesn't bother me. Really." He gestured at his clothes and the sex whafting off them. "I've moved on, you know."

After he shut the shower door, he adjusted the spray and began washing. A blast of cool air told him the door had been opened. Jack was giving him a serious look and said, "It's not like that with me and the Doctor. I don't know how many times and for how many centuries I need to tell you that, Ianto." 

After rinsing himself off, Ianto stepped out of the shower stall. He began toweling himself off, not looking up. "Jack, honestly, it doesn't matter. I'm happy for you."

Jack leaned, taking hold of his wrist. "The Doctor and I are just friends."

Ianto wrapped the towel around himself and sat down on the closed toilet. "But I saw you two on the CCTV. You were holding hands."

Jack started to look uncomfortable. 

"Jack, really, it's okay," Ianto misinterpreted. He began dressing and continued, "I've moved on. You've moved on."

With his shirt still unbuttoned, Ianto stepped out of the humid washroom, not understanding the pained look on Jack's face. He sat down on the sofa to put on his shoes and socks. Jack watched, waiting patiently for him to finish. When Ianto's pristine appearance was restored, Jack said, "He wasn't being affectionate, Ianto. He was being concerned."

Ianto gave him a confused look. "What do you mean?"

Jack folded his hands over his chest and looked down at his feet. He spoke quietly and honestly, "It's hard for me being here, Yan. I did a lot of things I'm really ashamed of. Running away is easy. Being here and facing it-facing you-is hard." He sighed, deep and sad. "The Doctor knows that. He was just trying to be comforting."

"That doesn't sound like the Doctor."

"Not my Doctor, no. The Doctor I fell in love with is gone, Ianto. That was three regenerations back. This twelfth version of him is completely different and not someone I have those sorts of feelings for. At all."

Ianto had heard those words many times out of Jack. Maybe it was because so much time had passed that they actually sunk in this time. "I'm sorry, Jack. For assuming... and your loss." 

"Thanks," Jack said. Eager to change the subject, he said, "How's Fish?"

Ianto grimaced and said, "He's fine. Had a bit of a shock though."

Over the next few minutes, Ianto relayed what had occurred between him and Will, as well as Fish's reaction. To Ianto's annoyance, Jack burst into laughter. "Oh Gods, you're kidding?" 

"It's not funny, Jack!" Ianto cried. 

"Yeah it is!" Jack wiped the tears of laughter from his eyes. "Oh c'mon, Ianto! The number of times he walked in on us? Now he's six hundred years in the future and he's still walking in on you and your husband doing the dirty at work?"

Ianto let out a half chuckle. "All right. All right. It's ironic, at the very least. I'll give you that. Bloody embarrassing, it is." 

"You were never embarrassed when it was us."

"That was different, Jack. The Hub was our home." Ianto walked over to the hidden wardrobe and checked his reflection. Then he went back to his desk and leaned over the workstation. After tapping in his code, he brought up the cameras in Fish's rooms. Fish was sleeping peacefully and Henry was in the small kitchen, puttering. 

He stood and buttoned his suit jacket. "Fish was asking to see you again,” Ianto said. 

“I know. I’ll try to check in on him soon,” Jack said. 

Ianto nodded. “I'm going to check in on them, make sure Fish isn't having some meltdown. He acted like our divorce would bring about the end of the universe."

Jack sat down and nodded. The teasing in his voice sounded forced. "Give Fish a real blast from the past and invite him to bed with you and Will. He might even take you up on it. Give Will a thrill."

Ianto rolled his eyes. "Not everyone has a list of historical figures they'd like to shag, and even if they did, just because Fish was on your list doesn't mean he's on everyone's."

"Fish is hot," Jack said, shrugging. "Will wouldn't want a threesome?"

"No, we don't share. And Will is KEL positive," Ianto said, flatly.

All frivolity vanished from Jack's face. He said, gravely, "Oh Gods, I'm sorry, Ianto. I'm so sorry. What stage is he in?"

"He's in stage two, but in remission and stabilized. He hasn't needed a transfusion yet."

Jack leaned over and knocked lightly on the table behind him. "Touch wood."

"Indeed. See you later, Jack."

Ianto stepped out of the lift on the residential floor. Not only was Fish living on this level with Henry, the staff had been given the option of rooming in the Tower. A good portion of the night staff had taken them up on the offer. Ianto knocked lightly on the door to Fish's suite. Henry opened the door, a curious look on his face. It brightened when he saw Ianto then turned concerned. 

"Ianto! Nothing is the matter, I trust?" he asked, leading Ianto into the room.

"No, just checking in, making sure Fish is okay after before."

"Joe is asleep," Henry said, returning to the kitchen. "I was about to wake him so I could serve him a late lunch." 

Ianto walked over to the bedroom door and shut it as quietly as he could. Then he sat down at one of the bar stools. "I've got some questions since I've got you alone. I'm looking after his physical health, but it's hard for me to get a good feel for where he is emotionally and mentally."

Henry poured them some water and sat down next to his friend. "He feels isolated. He understands the reasons, but it is affecting his mood. At first he refrained from asking me about the future, but now he regularly attempts to ask me leading questions. I do not believe he is attempting to ascertain anything, he is merely attempting to break free in any means available to him."

"Does he suspect anything?" Ianto asked. 

At that Henry nodded. "He has noticed the strange manner in which the staff treat him. Joe is a remarkably clever man. He has expressed confusion on more than one occasion regarding why this is being done for him. I do not believe he is suspicious as to the reason, but it is puzzling. And you know Joe when he gets his hands on a puzzle." 

Ianto nodded. He needed to give the staff a stern talking to at the weekly meeting... again. He dropped his voice and said, "I'd also like to discuss the other matter."

Henry nodded. "Have you reconsidered? I know you have been having trouble assimilating Mao-Lin's quickening. I do not wish to be burdensome."

"Not at all, Henry. Her promise to you fell to me with her quickening. And even if it hadn't I'd still be there for you. I'm the logical choice. I just wanted to make sure you still wanted to do this immediately after Fish leaves," Ianto said. 

Henry nodded. "Yes, thank you lad."

"Your affairs settled?" Ianto asked. "Do you need help arranging anything?"

"Not at all. There are instructions with my solicitors," Henry said. He cleared his throat. "You are my sole beneficiary and may do with my estate as you see fit."

Ianto's eyes widened. "Henry, I have plenty of money."

"It isn't about the money, lad. I have a number of personal and intimate items-paintings, letters, and such. I trust them to no one else. Do with them as you see fit." Henry smiled at Ianto fondly. "My dear Ianto. You are like a son to me. During these centuries without Joe, your companionship has been invaluable. I pray God protect and watch over you all the days of your life."

Ianto stood and embraced his friend. "I love you, Henry. I'm not trying to dissuade you, but I'll miss you and I wish it could be different."

"So do I," Fish's voice spat. 

Ianto and Henry broke apart. Fish was standing in the bedroom doorway looking furious. Henry said in a measured, level voice, "If you'll excuse us, please, lad."

Embarrassed, Ianto stepped out of the room. In the hallway, he sighed. The list of things Fish had been inadvertently discovering was getting too long. He wondered if he should wait or if he should make his way upstairs. The sound of raised voices from inside the suite made Ianto cringe. He decided to linger in case Henry needed some back up. The shouting got louder and Ianto strained to try and make some of it out. After a loud thud, Ianto wondered if Fish had punched a wall or door. 

When the door opened, Ianto expected to see Henry, what he hadn't expected was to see him dragging an unconscious Fish.

"Ianto! Thank God in Heaven you're still here! He was complaining of chest pains and trouble breathing, then he collapsed!" Henry shouted. "It happened so fast!" 

Ianto seized Fish by the legs and ran with Henry towards the lift. When they got inside, Ianto hit the emergency button. 

"You hit the panic button inside the flat?" Ianto asked as he quickly assessed Fish's condition.  

"I did," Henry said. 

The doors opened and Henry bolted out to make room for the nurses. They lifted Fish onto a trolley and Ianto began barking orders. Once Fish was on the trolley, the monitors began to blare. Ianto shouted, "PTE! Let's move him down to the..."

The monitors began to screech even louder.  Ianto immediately registered Fish's plummeting vital signs. "He's crashing! EVERYONE MOVE!" He turned back to Henry and as he ran after Fish, he called, "Wait in my office, Henry! I'll send someone down to talk to you in a few minutes! I promise!"

The weight of time came tumbling down around them as they all desperately worked to safe Fish's life. Trying to keep a clear head and failing, Ianto's mind thought with terror as he gazed at the monitors and scanners, He's not going to make it... 


	8. Chapter 8

The first thing Fish noticed was that the pain in his chest was mostly gone, but there was still an elephant sitting on it. He didn’t realise the groan he heard was coming from him. It sounded muffled and he was dimly aware there was something on his face. 

“Fish, leave it!”

Ianto? 

"Ianto?” He reached up, automatically trying to brush away whatever was obstructing his mouth and nose.

“Oi! Leave the oxygen mask,” Ianto warned.

“It hurts when I breathe,” he said, rubbing his chest. There was the touch of gentle hands and sound of beeping of equipment.  Six hundred fucking years and they haven't changed that sound?  “What happened?” 

“You had a blood clot in your lung,” he said, examining the monitors.

“What?” Fish asked, alarmed.

“It’s not as bad as it sounds. Henry and I got you here straight away. We’ve broken the clot down and put you on a drug to prevent any more. There's some lung damage, but we're going to take care of it. You may not be able to run marathons anymore, but you're going to be fine. My team is investigating since this is an unexpected complication.”

Half of what Ianto had said went completely in one Fish's ears and out the other. It was too much for his brain now. “Where’s Henry?”

“He went upstairs to get cleaned up.” Ianto sat back down in the plastic chair. He crossed his legs and set his tablet down in his lap. “I told him I’d sit with you. He'll be disappointed. You woke up only a few seconds after he left.”

Fish stared out of the open door and admitted, “You know we had a row.”

“Having a row didn’t give you a blood clot in your lung,” Ianto insisted. He returned his attention to the tablet balanced on his lap. "The two drugs have been giving you blood pressure spikes. That's what caused the blood clot." 

“What’s going on with him, Ianto?” asked Fish, ignoring Ianto's medical assessment. He wanted to rip the mask off his face, but left it. 

“Fish, you really need to rest.”

He wasn’t willing to let it go and Ianto was far too eager for him to drop the subject. “Can you help me sit up?”

“Fish…” Ianto groaned.

“C’mon, mate. I know you said he hasn’t been right,” he said, trying to sit up on his own. Ianto stepped forward, helping him up and shoving a few pillows behind him. “What’s with this suicide plan you two have got going?”

Ianto stood up straight, staring down at his friend. “I'm sorry you found out about it that way.”

“Well, that seems to be the fucking flavour of the month around here!” he snapped. The monitor next to him began to beep.

Two nurses entered the room and Ianto waved them away. “Fish, I need you to calm down. Take a few deep breaths, please.”

While Ianto watched the monitors, Fish obeyed the instructions. Seemingly satisfied with the change in numbers, he sat down on the edge of his bed and said, “I understand you’re upset, but you don’t understand, and you can’t. Christ, I used to think Mandy was so full of bollocks when she said shite like that. A lot of us don’t reach the four digit mark because people don’t have the stamina for this. Losing you was fucking hard on him, but losing Tom was worse. And everyone else... Stephen... David... Little Henry..."

Fish felt his heart constrict at the thought of his son dying. After a long life. Please, after a long, happy, over-fucking-flowing life... 

"You need to cut him some slack, Joe."

He didn’t know what surprised him more, the fact that Ianto wasn’t on his side or the uncharacteristic bluntness. He slammed his hand down on the bed railing. “Why does everyone think that using my name is going to win them points?”

The monitors beeped again and Ianto snapped, “Fish! Don't make me give you a sedative!"

He took a few more deep breaths while Ianto watched the monitors. “Look, Henry’s been in a bad way.” Ianto shook his head. He closed his eyes, sighing. “I didn’t think he’d lift his head up out of a bottle in time for your visit."

Fish’s eyes went wide. Henry was a drunk? He buried his face in his hands. “I can’t believe this…”

“This isn’t your fault,” Ianto insisted.

“Like fucking hell-”

“No, Fish, you don't get the luxury of heaping that on yourself. This is just what happens to us. Time changes everything. I've spent my fair share of time knee deep in alcohol, too.” Ianto sighed again, deeper this time. He dropped back down in the chair and said, "Fine. Fine. Fuck it. What I'm about to fucking tell you better go with you to your grave. I told you I had no choice when I killed Mandy."

"What does Evie have to do-"

"Just fucking listen," Ianto snapped. He rubbed at his eyes and said, "John's been making jumps into Mandy's future. His visits stopped a long time ago. She knew he'd be here now, but she couldn't make it."

Ianto had used the exact phrase when Fish had arrived. "So you killed her."

"Not at first. She begged me to, but I wouldn't do it." Ianto swallowed hard. "I thought she was okay, but I was wrong. I hadn't heard from her in a couple months, so I went and checked on her. She'd stopped eating and drinking to the point where she wouldn't revive anymore." 

Fish buried his face in his hands. He couldn't imagine the level of emotional turmoil that would put a woman like Miranda into such a state. 

"I nearly let her revive so I could apologize to her, but that would've been selfish," Ianto said, quietly. "Jack came back for the funeral. He took his portion of her ashes and said to me that she'd been dead a long time, and he was glad I had had the strength to finally bury her." 

Ianto put his hand on Fish's arm and shook it gently. When Fish looked up, Ianto said, "I don't want to kill someone I love, but I won't let Henry deteriorate like that. It was her time. And now it's Henry's." 

Fish didn't say anything. Surely, they were different situations. Miranda had been thousands of years old.

Ianto leaned back in his chair and said, “Don't you think you're being a hypocrite?”

"What are you talking about?" Fish resisted the urge to fidget. 

"You almost eating a bullet when you got diagnosed with the cancer," Ianto said, flatly. 

"How did you-"

"Mandy told me."

"That's different," Fish defended.

"How is you wanting to end it before the pain got to be too much different?"

"Because I was going to die anyway!" Fish cried. 

"You didn't want to needlessly suffer. Here's the thing, Fish. We can't die and I know it's fucking hard to hear, but Henry's suffering. I've watched him suffer for centuries. I won't let what happened to Mandy happen to him too. If there's one thing living for nearly six hundred years has taught me, is that there is a profound difference between prolong life and preventing death."

Fish let those words sink in for a minute. Here he was, fighting for his life. What was it Miranda had said? 

There are two kinds of strength in this world, Fish. The strength to live and the strength to die. One is no greater or lesser than the other.

Before the words could fully permeate, Henry burst into the room, interrupting his thoughts and cried, "Joe!"

He took Fish's face in his, kissing him. "Thank God in Heaven you're all right!"

Without thinking, Henry began climbing into the bed with his husband. The monitors began to beep. Embarrassed, Henry began to untangle himself from Fish. Ianto's hand came down on his shoulder. "Stay, Henry. Let me adjust these so they only read Fish. I'd like to keep him until the morning-”

“I’m feeling better,” Fish interrupted. 

Ianto continued to talk over him, “-irregardless of how he feels.”

“That’s not even a fucking word!” Fish objected.

“It’s 2612. It is now,” Ianto said. He and Henry both chuckled a bit. “You need anything, Fish?”

Fish shook his head. "You knocking off? How long have I been out anyway?" 

"All day yesterday and most of the day before. I'll be around for a bit. I need to go over all your tests and meet with my team. There's a lot of work to be done still. I'll probably sleep in my office again." He squeezed Fish's shoulder. "Think about what I said, yeah? Behave, the both of you. No sex. No blow jobs. Not even a quick, mutual wank. Heart rate spikes will bring the nurses running.”

Ianto squeezed Henry's shoulder and left the room. Henry turned to Fish and kissed his cheek, gently. "Joe..." 

"We don't have to talk about it right now, Henry, but I do want to talk about it," Fish said, softly. He sighed. "Will you just hold me for a while?" 

Henry's arms encircled him. Fish nuzzled into the embrace and unintentionally fell asleep. 

* * *

With Fish finally out of the woods, Ianto's team shifted gears and flew into damage control mode. It wasn't long before they'd discovered a more specific reason for the clot and had a plan of action to prevent future ones. Ianto called in the relief staff and sent everyone home to get some rest. He was also in need of a good rest and hoped his staff hadn't noticed how he'd staggered out of the conference room. All Ianto needed to do before he went home was tell Fish about their revised plan, but first, he was going to stop in his office for a cup of coffee. 

He wasn't surprised to find the office empty. It was well past the end of business and unlike the early days of Torchwood, there were no more all nighters or rift alerts at all hours of the day. Torchwood's main purpose was global law enforcement and diplomacy, foreign and domestic. It was a normal job with mostly normal hours. Torchwood still policed and monitored the rift, but that division was small. 

Thinking everyone had gone home, Ianto jumped a bit when the door to his private washroom opened. Jack stepped out, still adjusting his braces. 

"Yan? What are you still doing here?" he asked, surprised. 

"I would've asked you the same thing," he replied equally surprised. He sipped at the steaming mug of coffee. "I needed some industrial strength before I talk to Fish and knock off, otherwise I'll fall asleep behind the bloody wheel and I hate the auto-drive. I thought you'd gone already." 

Jack shook his head. "We had a network issue downstairs in the Archive, a security breach." 

"What?" Ianto asked, alarmed. 

"I took care of it. Had to deal out some harsh punishments though. I sacked two security guards, and I had to file espionage charges against two technicians. The other staff unintentionally involved are on probation."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Ianto demanded.

"Ianto, dial it down a little. You're busy with Fish and I had everything under control. The last thing you needed was the distraction. Nothing leaked and everything is still secure," Jack replied.

Ianto had asked Jack to take over the running of Torchwood while he saw to Fish's treatment. A security breach was part of that. He rubbed at his temples. "Sorry, sorry. I'm still on edge." 

"It's okay, Yan. You're running on fumes. What exactly happened, anyway?"  

Ianto swore inwardly. The only updates Ianto had given Jack on Fish's condition had been one or two worded. "Sorry, I should've been more thorough in keeping you updated."

"There's nothing to apologize for, Yan. It wasn't a complaint. You had your hands full. I know you wouldn't dream of leaving if Fish was still in any danger, so I figured it you would have time to give me a more comprehensive update. If you're too tired, I can wait  until tomorrow ." 

"No, it's fine." He gulped the last of his coffee and set the mug down. "He had a blood clot in his lung. It was touch and go for a bit." The stress of the entire incident came crashing down on Ianto. He rubbed at his forehead. "I almost lost him, Jack." 

Jack walked over and put his hand on Ianto's shoulder. "You okay?"  

To his surprise, Ianto wasn't offended by the contact and found it comforting. He squeezed Jack's hand. "Yeah, I'm okay. Scared the bloody piss out of me though. If it'd happened to Fish back in the twenty-first, he would've died for sure. He's got some lung damage, but my team is pretty positive the regen units will take care of most of it." Ianto strode to the sofa and sat down, stretching out his long legs. "Might as well sit if we're going to talk."

Jack sat down next to him a polite distance away. 

"So he's going to be okay?" Jack asked. 

"He'll have most of his pulmonary function when he goes back to the twenty-first. He won't be running anymore marathons, though. I had them turn on the full surveillance in the flat. Someone'll be watching him, twenty-four seven." 

"You really think that's necessary, Yan? I mean, you have the medical monitors. You're getting readings on his vitals constantly. And he's got Henry in there with him. The cameras were just a precaution. He's not going to like being watched like that." 

"He doesn't need to know we're watching and Henry can't watch him every second of every day and the monitors aren't a hundred percent. You can't tell the difference between a heart rate spike from him and Henry fucking each other silly or a clot in his lung." 

"What about the people watching?" Jack asked. 

"It's just going to be the nursing staff and they all know the truth. Protecting the timeline supersedes protecting the Game and our secrets," Ianto replied.

"I take it there's changes to his medications?" Jack asked. 

Ianto nodded. "We're going to lower the doses of both drugs. It'll extend the cancer treatment time from two months to four. The worst bit is that we're not going to be able to completely cure the cancer." 

"What?" Jack cried. 

"Let me finish, Jack. It's going to end up leaving the primary skin lesion and the liver mass. I'm going to give Fish the option of going back to the twenty-first for chemo and radiation-"

"He's not going to want to do that."

"Even if he wanted to, I'd try and talk him out of it. The chances of it working aren't great. I'd like to do a resection of the melanoma from his back with a modern artificial skin graft, and do a cloned liver transplant. Then we'll do another round of half doses. All totaled, it'll add another two months to his cancer treatment." 

"He's going to be here for six months?" Jack asked, alarmed. "That's triple your original estimate. Could you add another medication? Or change the protocol again?"

“The simulations are consistent. It's the combination of the two drugs at this dosage that's caused the clot. In particular, it was mixing in the second drug, the CBA. We can't remove it from the protocol, because without it he’ll have a ninety percent chance of reoccurrence in the first two years. I don't want to add another medication because I don't know how it will react with the other two. We ran simulations for years before we settled on this combination. It had the least side effects."

"He nearly had a fatal blood clot, Ianto."

"And imagine what would be happening if we were using one of the other combinations. His case is just too advanced. These drugs weren't designed to deal with this. We never see cancer like this anymore and we haven't for centuries."

"What if we send him back to when cancer was more common?" 

Ianto shook his head. "His case is too advanced for that too. The treatments would kill him. His system is too compromised. I've completely scrapped the idea of fixing his knees." 

"He was really excited about that." 

"I know," Ianto said, disappointed.

"What would the knees involve?" 

"I called in Bella Sook, showed her Fish's scans. She says it needs replacing, but I can't send him back to the twenty-first century with twenty-seventh century devices in his body. She swears up and down she can fix it without the replacement. He'll need a twenty-first century knee replacement in twenty, twenty-five years or so, depending, but-"

"He'll be dead by then," Jack finished for him.

Ianto nodded. "The surgery is intense, too. We're going to have to clone cartilage and bone, use the special cell fusing techniques, the advanced meshes, the osteo-regen devices too. He has to do the physio here. His right knee's worse off, but Bella thinks we may have to do both knees to keep him from limping anyway and the healing time is the same for two as for one." 

"So you might as well do both."

Ianto nodded. "He'd be non-weight bearing for a month, which I know he'll hate and will make the research team shit kittens about clots from immobility but I wouldn't do it until his cancer treatment is done." 

"How long would all that take?" 

"Six months-minimally-depending on how he reacts to the physio."

Jack let out a low whistle. "He'd be here a whole year." 

"I know, that's why I scrapped the idea," Ianto hesitated. He knew Jack was not going to like what he was about to say. "Even though we're not going through with fixing his knee, I think we should talk about loosening some of his restrictions."

With a click of his tongue, Jack stood up. "Ianto..." 

"Hear me out, Jack. He's going to be here nearly half a year. That's a long time for him to be cooped up inside with just Henry and the medical staff for company.”

“He’s got me too,” Jack said. 

Ianto suppressed an eye roll. Jack had visited Fish a grand total of once since he’d arrived. 

“Jack, look, Henry says he's going stir crazy and it's affecting him. We can control it. Schedule something. Small outings in controlled environments at first, see how it goes. If it goes well, maybe let Henry take him out to dinner or let him walk in the park or something." 

"Oh, that's a great idea, Yan. How about we take him down to Fischer Square? He'd get a real kick out of the statue of him and David. Maybe we can arrange for him to do a lecture at Fischer University? We can let him get a load of his own memorial down by the bay, might get creeped out by the fact his bones are in it though." He pointed at the window. "I'm not worried someone's going to recognise him. I'm worried he's going to see or hear something he shouldn't. This is Cardiff, Ianto! Nearly everything here is named after him or David."

"You know what it's like being out of your time, Jack. I'm thinking of his mental as well as his physical well-being. He feels isolated. He's nothing to do other than fuck Henry and watch six hundred year old re-runs on the telly. He can't carry on a conversation with any of the staff and the weather isn't going to cut it. He can't even have a real conversation with us because there's nothing we can bloody talk about." 

Jack let out a frustrated huff and said, "Fine. We'll start with controlled environments first." He paused then asked, "Will waiting on you?" 

Ianto sighed. "No, he went home. I didn't know how long I'd be and I didn't want him to wait." He smirked. "Although seeing him kneeling next to my desk is always a treat." Ianto cleared his throat and said, "Anything else that I should know about?" 

"You sure you don't want to go talk to Fish so you can go home? It can all wait."

"If it's all the same to you, I'd rather get it done now. Tomorrow's going to be hectic."

"Just some housekeeping." Jack walked over to the desk and picked up a tablet. He handed it to his ex-husband. "It's that time of year again-personnel reviews and pay rises."

"Cachu. Slipped my mind." The last thing Ianto needed or wanted was to sit down and sift through hundreds of performance reviews. He had so many other things that were more important right now.

"I did them," Jack said. He stood up and tapped the tablet. "I highlighted the ones I thought you should see. There are a few under performing and a couple dozen who're pretty exceptional." He sat back down and folded his hands in his lap. "I've red flagged the under performers who did poorly last review too and green tagged the ones who've been consistently exceptional for bonuses or pay rises, or potential promotions."

"Thanks, Jack. This was a lot of work," Ianto said, squinting at the screen.

Jack shrugged dismissively. "I know you're busy with all this stuff with Fish. You've got the senior management well trained. The day to day is pretty minimal around here and I saw it sitting in the to-do pile."

Ianto smiled and said, "Thanks, I really do appreciate it."

"I made a promise, Ianto," Jack said, a strange tone to his voice. He cleared his throat and asked, "Are you hungry? We could grab a really late dinner?" 

"Will brought me a sandwich earlier," Ianto said, but quickly added, "but I'll take a rain check." 

Jack looked pleased with that answer. "Oh, by the way, I got a head start on the budget review, which is good because Fish's extended treatment time's going to conflict. If you forward me all your notes, I can take care of it. All the department heads can give me everything I need."

At that, Ianto's jaw dropped. He sat there, gobsmacked. Jack reached over and shut his mouth. "Flies, Yan."

"Sorry. I just... You want to take care of a budget overhall?"

"I don't want to take care of it, but I will. It's gotta get done, right?" he said, shrugging.

Ianto narrowed his eyes and said, "Who are you and what have you done with Jack Harkness?"

"Oh c'mon, Ianto. I'm basically you while I'm here. So I'm doing what you would do." 

Ianto's eyebrows shot up to his hairline. "Promises aside, Jack, I appreciate all this, I do." 

Jack shrugged it off and said, "This thing with Fish is important. I told you, I'd handle everything while you were busy with this. I'd think the performance reviews and the budget falls under the category of 'everything.'"

Budgets and personnel reviews didn't exactly get Ianto's blood pumping either, but Jack positively loathed that sort of mundane work. When he'd asked Jack to fill in, he'd imagined that he would do the bare minimum just to keep the place functional and that he'd have a holy hell of a shit storm to clean up when he got back to his desk. Instead, Jack was going above and beyond.

"Thank you, Jack," was all he could think of to say. 

"Don't mention it," he said as he stood. He shoved his hands into his pockets. "I owe you this much. It's easy out there with him to forget. You may be travelling through time and space, but you're really living in the moment. The Doctor and the TARDIS are the perfect distractions. It's like I said, being here, facing it all... I've been done a lot of thinking about... Well, everything. I could've and should've done more." He scratched at the side of his nose, then shoved his hand back in his pocket as he scraped his boot sole against the rug. "It's something I do, Yan. I like to lose what hurts in adrenaline. When Fish was gone... Alicia... I was hurting too much to deal with the world of work in front of me. The whole world was like a graveyard. I thought I had dirt to shake off my shoes, but I was running away. Then I was too ashamed to own up to it." He looked at Ianto with so much vulnerability in his eyes it made Ianto's heart ache. "I used to apologise over and over again, not pay attention, then fall back into the same patterns. I'm not that guy anymore. Or at least I'm trying not to be him anymore."

"I fell in love with that guy," Ianto said, softly.

"That guy also took you for granted more times than he should've ever been forgiven for, and was stupid enough to be surprised when you'd finally had enough," Jack said, sternly. He winced and said, "That was my rock bottom. Losing you." 

"You're the one who left," Ianto countered. There was lingering bitterness in his voice.

"I know. It was a stupid thing to do and I was too stupid at the time to realise it was a stupid thing to do," Jack said, shrugging. "I told myself a lot of excuses. Fish's death wasn't my fault. I could never have saved him. Alicia... it was her choice." 

A lightbulb went off over Ianto's head. "How long has it been for you, Jack?" 

"What do you mean?" 

The overly innocent tone didn't fool Ianto for a second. "I told you five hundred and forty six years ago that if you were leaving to not bother coming back. How long ago did you hear me say that?" 

"Ianto..." 

"How long, Jack?" Ianto demanded. When Jack didn't answer, Ianto narrowed his eyes and said, "Jack!"  

"Two years," Jack said. 

"Two years?" Ianto croaked. That was  not  what Ianto'd expected. "Not two hundred... or two thousand..."

Jack shook his head. "Two years, give or take a couple months." 

Ianto's eyebrows shot up to his hairline. "Is that including the time we spent almost four hundred years ago trying to... reconcile?" If you could call three months of nothing but fighting and fucking reconciling... 

Jack shifted in his seat. "Yes. I tried to get back faster, but it didn't work out." 

" I don't know what to say, Jack," Ianto said, flabbergasted. 

"You don't have to say anything," Jack said, shrugging. He stepped over to the desk and picked up the used coffee mug. After cleaning it in the washroom sink, Jack replaced it next to the coffee machine. He shrugged into his own coat and as he walked out of the office, he said over his shoulder, "Go talk to Fish before the caffeine wears off. My best to Will. Good night, Ianto." 

"Good night, Jack," was all Ianto could think to reply. 

* * *

When Fish woke, the hallway lights were dim. The building was in night mode. He vaguely wondered if it was still his programming that did that. Henry was in the chair next to the bed, turning the pages of a novel. Once he noticed Fish was awake, he stood, pulling over a rolling table. 

"The night nurse brought this for you. It's your supper," he said, settling the table in front of Fish. He took the lid off, wrinkling his nose at the stone cold broth. "I'll go find someone to heat it for you." 

With the bowl in hand, Henry stepped into the hallway, looked left, then right, then wandered off. Fish sighed, deeply. He scrubbed at his face. The oxygen mask was gone so he could only assume he didn't need it anymore. He looked up at the monitor, reading the numbers. He wasn't a doctor, but he had some basic medical training. His heart rate, blood pressure and oxygen saturation were all perfectly normal and he would love to keep them that way, so the last thing he wanted to do was have another row with his husband. 

Turning over Henry’s plans for suicide in his head, he watched as the numbers fluctuated upwards. He took a few deep breaths and tried to think without inciting his own anger. Like Jack and Ianto's split, he couldn’t believe Henry would throw his life away and give up. Was Ianto right? Was he being a hypocrite? 

He was so lost in his own musings, he barely noticed Henry return. The bowl was now steaming hot. Henry placed it on the tray in front of him and began laying out his utensils, then draped a napkin across the blankets. "Tuck in, Joe. It's a light broth." 

"I'll eat in a minute, I just want to talk first," he said. 

"I don't think it wise to spoil your appetite, Joe. You need to keep up your strength," Henry insisted. He pushed the tray towards his husband. "And Ianto wishes for you to remain calm." 

"I want to talk about this thing with Ianto…”

“Joe, I believe this conversation will-”

“I promise I won’t get myself worked up,” Fish said. “Just hear me out.”

Henry put the insulated lid back onto Fish's plate and gestured for him to continue.

“When I found out about this thing with Ianto, I didn't think about it from your point of view. All I could do was see someone I love, wanting to die. I'm here fighting for my life, for every moment because I want to live."

"Joe-"

"Do you remember the day I told you I had cancer and was going to die?"

"Of course," Henry choked. 

"You came home early because I sounded upset on the phone." He stared down into his lap. "When I called, I was sitting in our bedroom, gun in my lap, getting ready to eat a bullet. I rang to say goodbye." He drew in a shaky breath and let it out, grateful Henry didn't reply. He didn't want to look up and see whatever expression was on his husband's face. The rest of what he wanted to say rushed out of him. "I want to say it was because I didn't want you or David to watch me die and that was part of it. But the real reason was selfish. My insides felt like razor blades in a blender. I saw all the pain ahead of me and knew that when that moment came that I'd just want it all to be over so the pain would stop. It wasn't how I wanted me to end. I didn't want the cancer to kill me before it killed me. So I decided a bullet to the brain would be better, but I couldn't do it."

Fish finally looked up and saw that Henry's face was soft and attentive. He turned away, ashamed, and said, "I felt like shit afterwards when you came home." 

He looked back at his husband and said, "I understand why you want to do this, Henry. I get that you're suffering with no natural way for it to end. I know it's been over five hundred years, but I wish you’d give it more of a chance before giving up.”

Henry leaned forward, taking Fish's hands in his own. “Joe, you mistake my reasons. Perhaps, I have not been clear. This is not a decision motivated entirely out of depression. It has played a part, but it is not the central cause. It is very possible I could stumble upon love again as I did that day I met you. I know that there is still happiness and beauty in the world and wonders to be seen. I have seen and experienced them."

“Then why are you doing this?”

Henry sat for a few moments, carefully thinking. When he finally spoke, as always, it was slowly and carefully. “It is difficult to explain. I have reached the point in my life where I feel complete. I have accomplished all I wished. Yes, at first I did not paint out of despair. When I began to paint again, like a writer coming to the end of a novel, I found there was nothing left to say. I have tried to continue to live. I have taken lovers. I have attempted varying careers… but it is simply time for me to move on. I find existing merely for the sake of it to be hollow and pointless."

“Ianto said you’re drinking,” Fish said. He didn’t mean it to sound as accusatory as it did.

Henry shifted uncomfortably. “While my decision to end my life is not motivated in despair, Joe, I wish I could say the same for my earthly weaknesses. It is an unworthy habit I occasionally fall back into.”

“Ianto made it sound like it was more than that.”

Henry stared down at their joined hands. “After Cassie abducted you, and you struggled so with your post-traumatic stress, there were many things that triggered panic and anxiety for you. It is the same with me. There are reminders of my grief everywhere." Henry's eyes hollowed out with agony. It was like a knife in Fish's heart. His voice cracked and twisted. "Sometimes I can scarcely breathe and the only way is to drown the memories away else the grief swallow me. Even now, with you... I remember my... my Thomas... What wonderful friends you once were to each other..." Henry buried his face in his hands and began to weep. "My sweet, sweet boy..."

Fish shoved the rolling tray aside and climbed out of bed. He put his arms around his husband. Henry put his feelings into a tight noose as he urged Fish back into bed. He continued, shakily, "It is an unworthy thing to do, to try to drown my sorrows in drink, but sometimes it is the only way I could survive to this moment. There were so many times, Joe, that I wished to give up, to end my sufferings, believing that waiting for this moment was too hard…” He shook his head.

"Like it was for Evie," Fish said, softly.

Surprised, Henry nodded.

“Those thoughts were made in a dark place, when I was feeling at my lowest. That is not the decision I am making now, Joe. I do not know if there is a heaven or a hell, but I do believe there is more after this life. It is time for me to move on.”

It was finally dawning on Fish how much his husband was suffering. He pulled Henry into the bed with him and threw his leg over Henry's. He kissed his forehead. "You don't need my approval or permission. It was wrong of me to be judgmental."

"I understand you're upset, love. It is distressing to me, as well, that you were also close to ending your own life." Henry's arms tightened briefly. "There is no disease or malady that will bring about my death, Joe. I cannot merely grow old, fall ill and die. I must be more... proactive. I wish I did not have to burden someone else with the task. True, I could merely throw myself into the Game, but my preference is not for my quickening to go to some random stranger. All that I am, my memories, my soul. I shall reside within Ianto Jones, a man have looked upon as a son."

"Ianto's okay with it?"

Henry nodded. "Actually, it was Mao-Lin who promised to end my life at the time of my choosing. But as you know, she has passed from this world. There are others willing to take on the task, but of them, Ianto is the youngest and would benefit the most from the quickening. He has had great difficulty assimilating Mao-Lin's quickening. I believe he feels mine may balance hers to some degree."

Fish snorted. "I hope he doesn't think you'll improve his temper." 

Henry smirked and playfully slapped his husband's arm. "Hush." 

A light knock on the door brought their heads up. Ianto opened the door and stepped inside. Seeing that Fish was awake, he said, "Hey, Fish, glad you're awake still."

Fish looked at the clock on the wall and the deep bags under his friend's eyes. "For fuck's sake, Ianto, you're still here?"

"I told you I would be. I'm about to knock off but I wanted to update you on the new plan." He sat down on the edge of the bed and waited for Henry to extract himself from Fish's arms and sit up. "I've gone over everything and met with my team. There are sensors in your rooms to monitor your vitals. We've known about the blood pressure spikes but weren't concerned. One of the drugs is causing more vascular damage than we anticipated. My team and I agree that lowering your cancer treatment doses will be the most effective way to handle this, which means your total treatment time won't be two months, it'll be four."

"That's fine." He gave Henry a smile. "No arguments about more time together."

"Well hold up, that's the good news."

Henry sat up a little more. "There is bad news?"

Ianto nodded. "The cancerous lesion on your back is large, as is the tumor in your liver. With the reduced dosages, the consensus is that our course of treatment won't cure you."

"Bloody hell, Ianto!" Fish cried. 

Ianto held up his hand. "It's all right, we have some options. The first is we could send you back to the twenty-first century to do chemotherapy and radiation there, which may or may not be effective. The second option is we resect the skin lesion and do a cloned skin graft to minimize the scarring along with a liver transplant with your own cloned liver." 

"Well, I'll go with the twenty-seventh century option and plan B," Fish said.

"I thought you would. The liver will take a month to grow. We'll need to let the drugs pass out of your system completely before the transplant. Then, to make sure we've gotten everything, we'll do another course of treatment. This'll further extend your stay another two months." 

Fish nodded. "Hey I've been meaning to ask. You've not said anything else about my knee."

"Honestly I was going to scrap the idea entirely, Fish."

"What? Why?"

"Because you're already going to be here six months. If we do your knee too, you'll be here a year. At least." 

"A year?" Fish exclaimed. So much for a quick leap forward.

"You need a knee replacement and I can't send you back to the twenty-first century with twenty-seventh century apparatuses in your body."

"Pity, that," Fish said with a grin. The theme song to the Six Million Dollar Man started playing in his head. 

"The orthopedist I consulted can do a correction but it won't be easy. We need to do both knees and you'll need extensive physiotherapy."

"I can't do the physio at home?"

Ianto shook his head. "If we do a twenty-seventh century surgery and send you home to do twenty-first century physio, you'll never walk again."

To Fish it was a moot point. More treatment time meant more time with Henry. "If I do the surgery, would it fix everything permanently? Or would I need another knee replacement eventually back home?"

Ianto looked intensely uncomfortable, but the expression was gone almost as fast as it had appeared. "Not for a couple of decades."  

Well that decides it. Fish took Henry's hand in his. "I'd like to do my knees too."

"Are you sure, Fish? We're not talking months anymore. This is an entire year."

"I'll live. I'd rather get as much of a futuristic tune up as I can," he said with a laugh. 

"Joe, you needn't prolong your confinement for my benefit," Henry said. 

Ianto said, "Jack and I talked about relaxing some of his restrictions, Henry. We don't want him going stir crazy." 

"Thanks, Ianto. From both of us," Fish said, squeezing Henry's hand. 

"I'm not done yet. The clot caused significant lung damage, so during your infusions I'm going to hook you up to a regeneration device. It will help repair the damage. You've probably already noticed some trouble breathing."

"Yeah, I get winded easy." Just getting up out of the bed to hold Henry earlier had made him out of breath. 

Ianto nodded. "If you were back home, you'd end up with pulmonary disease, but I can repair most of the damage here. You won't be able to run marathons anymore, but a light jog and the odd 5k isn't out of the question."

"Thanks, Ianto."

He smiled and stood, looking at his watch. "Well, I'm off. Will's probably wondering where I am." 

"Night, Ianto." 

"Have a good night, lad."

Once Ianto had waved and left, Fish and Henry resumed their embrace. 

"Are you certain about staying, Joe? You needn't do so for my benefit."

Fish tilted Henry's head so he was looking at him. "When I go home, you'll be there and we'll have my whole life. When I leave here, that's it for you. If I can make the most of this time we have together here, I will." 

Henry's eyes welled with tears as he clutched Fish to him. "I'm right here, Henry, and I'm not going anywhere yet." 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story will be going on hiatus, likely until the New Year. I am having some serious health complications currently. It will be back, I promise!

Henry set Fish's breakfast down in front of him while Fish sighed and laid out the handful of pills. The number of medications and their frequency had increased significantly after his blood clot a couple weeks ago. When he'd arrived, it had been only four or five pills with the slot chiming two or three times a day. Now there were nearly twenty different pills he needed to take in a specific order and the slot was going off what felt like constantly. Some he took with food. Some without. Thankfully, the pills came in little plastic cups with instructions otherwise Fish would never be able to keep it all straight. 

Fish and Henry had settled into a good morning routine. When the medication slot chimed in the morning, Henry would bring him the pills he had to take on an empty stomach. After he'd showered, the next item he had to take was a liquid medication-a foul artificially fruit flavoured concoction that made him gag. Once that was in him, he would have breakfast and then the medications he needed to take with a food. 

"Tuck in, love," Henry said, smiling.

As Fish ate his eggs, he watched Henry eat and read, enjoying the longer hair and bright look in his husband's eyes. Henry had changed a great deal over the past months. He had put on some healthy weight and much of the grief and sadness had left him. 

"You're staring at me again, Joe. Eat your food. You need to keep up your strength." 

"Sorry. I was just thinking that I'd ask you to grow your hair out when I got back. Maybe stop dyeing it."

He said, simply, "I'm certain my past self would have no objection."

Fish swept some of the pills into his hand. 

"Have you asked Ianto what all those are for?" Henry asked. 

Fish shook his head and gave Henry a one shouldered shrug. "No. There's so fucking many of them and half of them I probably wouldn't understand what they do anyway. I reckon I should just do as I'm told and take them. I'm getting good at taking a whole mess of them at once though. Remember I was taking one at a time before?"

The bell to the flat sounded and Fish said, "Tell them to wait a minute. I haven't even finished eating yet."

Henry stood up and opened the door. It wasn't William Dodd, but Ally Ferguson, one of the other day nurses. "Ally, good morning. Please, come in. Joe is still eating."

"Your carriage, m'Lord!" she said, brightly. 

Fish adored Ally. She had a bubbly sense of humour and infectious happiness, but she got flustered around him. She'd often stammer and blush. 

He cast the wheelchair a glare. "I may have married royalty but I don't have any fancy titles." He turned to Henry. "Wait, I can't believe I'm only realizing this now. Don't I also get a ducal title by marrying you?" 

Henry shook his head. "After my mortal death, both of my ducal titles passed on to others, as did my earldom. There is currently a living Duke of Richmond and Duke of Somerset and an Earl of Nottingham.  Dukeor Lord-consort is the current tradition."

"So Evie wouldn't curtsey to me and call me 'your grace'?"

Henry rolled his eyes. "It was a style reserved only for the king in the time of my birth. As it was my father's intention to place me into the line of succession which brought about my assassination and death,  Mao-Lin used it to mock me."

The idea that Miranda had been subtly digging at Henry about his first death for centuries caused Fish to burst burst into laughter. 

Henry rolled his eyes again. "Perhaps you will, at last, see why I find such address irritating."

Ally cleared her throat. 

"Sorry, Ally," Fish said. Though he'd forgotten the nurse was there, Ianto assured him all of the staff knew the truth of the Game as well Henry, Ianto, and Jack's immortalities. It was quite strange to be in the company of people he barely knew, but be able to speak freely. 

He began shoveling in the last of his breakfast and allowed Ally to wheel him upstairs. He used to protest this ride, complaining he was perfectly capable of walking upstairs himself, but he'd learned to conserve every ounce of energy. It hadn't taken them long to discover everything was cumulative and prudence was best. On days when Fish went for his treatments, they kept sexual activity light, if they engaged at all. This morning, Henry had woken Fish with a blowjob, which was all they dared. They'd discovered anything more athletic would be detrimental to Fish's energy levels. In fact, even the small walk upstairs or Fish bustling about the kitchen serving himself breakfast and coffee would have an impact. 

Allowing himself to be served breakfast, restraining themselves, and accepting the wheelchair meant Fish would be awake this evening. If he went to bed early, he'd have enough energy tomorrow for more vigorous activities. Properly budgeting his energies had become his new normal. It felt rather like having one of those step-counters that counted down, rather than up.

As always, Fish's first stop was the scanning room. He stood in the same outlined box and waited while Ally performed the scans. Once they were done, it was on to the infusion room. Ally waited until Fish was in the infusion chair and then collapsed the wheelchair. "Can I get you anything, Doctor Fischer?"

"Nope, thanks Ally," Fish said. "And for the last time, please call me Joe. I'm going to be here a whole bloody year now."

Ally blushed and chuckled. "Doctor Jones should be in shortly." 

Ianto actually walked past Ally as she was leaving. He asked, "How are we this morning, Fish?"

"Everything is still the same. No change in status quo."

"What I like to hear. I have some great news. Jack and I scheduled your first outing."

"About bloody time! You told me you were letting me out ages ago. I feel like fucking Rapunzel," Fish said, relieved. 

"Mind your phrasing, love," Henry teased. 

Ever since Ianto had mentioned the idea of outings, Fish had been bouncing with excitement. It had waned as the two weeks had passed with increasing promises of "soon". The prospect of finally getting some freedom made him want to leap around with joy. 

"So where to? Any place exciting? Though having been cooped up here for this bloody long a corner shop would be exciting," Fish said. 

While Ianto began affixing the infusion devices to Fish's arms, he said, "The first outing will be dinner at me and Will's."

"Oh, mate, I don't know how to thank you. I've been going mad cooped up in here!" Fish replied. 

Ianto smiled, pressed the button on the infusion devices and stood up. "Tomorrow at seven all right?"

Fish put on a pensive look and said, "Dunno, let me check my calendar..."

Henry laughed. "I believe my car is still downstairs."

Ianto shook his head. "Sorry, Henry. We've prepared a special car. That's what took so long. Tinted windows, automatic driver, and full safety features." He waggled his finger at Fish. "You'll not ruin my efforts by getting into an RTA."

Henry asked, "The liver transplant is next?" 

"It is. It'll take a month to grow and mature."  

"Would it be possible, lad, to delay? I'd like for Joe to have at least some time feeling himself," Henry politely requested. Fish could've kissed him. 

"That's already part of the timeline, Henry. I'd like him to get some energy and strength back before the procedure. This might be the twenty seventh century, but an organ transplant is still major surgery."  

"What's that going to be like?" Fish asked.

"I wish I could tell you that I'm going to teleport your liver out and the new one in, but surgery is much the same as it was. I'm going to have to make an incision in your abdomen, remove the old liver and replace it with the new," Ianto replied. "The only difference is the more advanced techniques I'll be using to reattach vessels and close you up. You won't even have a scar." 

"Oh, that's fantastic," Fish said, grinning. The grin immediately vanished and he asked, "Is there anything I'm going to have to worry about when I get back home? If I have a CAT scan or something, they're not going to know are they?" 

Ianto shook his had. "No one will be able to tell. Well, no one in the twenty-first century anyway. Your recovery will be faster than back then too, with minimal pain. You should be up on your feet in no time. I'll collect the live tissue for the cloning process in another two months."

"I thought you'd just pluck out one of my hairs or something," Fish said. 

"I wish it were that simple," Ianto replied. "I need to collect a liver tissue sample." 

"Mate, I hate to break this to you, but there's cancer in my liver," Fish joked. 

Ianto nodded. "I'll take the sample from the healthy part. We're going to do some fancy footwork with your stem cells and your DNA." 

"Over my head, got it," Fish replied. "How bloody long am I going to have to keep swallowing an entire pharmacy?"

"The duration, I'm afraid. That's another thing I wanted to discuss with you. Some of those medications need to be stopped for the transplant, but you'll go back on all of them when the cancer treatment starts back up again. Some of them we can wean you off of when we do your knee, but there are some I'd like to keep you on until you go back." Ianto paused, nervously. "There are a few you might have to continue permanently, but we won't know for certain until your treatment is complete."

Fish said, concerned, "I don't think I'll be able to find twenty-seventh century drugs back home, Ianto."

"There'll be twenty-first century equivalents. It's likely the blood pressure medication and the blood thinner will be permanent. Plenty of those in the twenty-first century." 

"Oh, well that's not that bad," Fish said.

"I'm glad you're okay with it," Ianto said, relieved. 

Fish laughed. "Ianto, stop being so bloody hard on yourself. If I hadn't come here, I would've died. Popping a few pills every day isn't a bad trade off." He paused, his voice rough with emotion. "Thank you for this Ianto. I mean it."

To Fish's surprise, Ianto turned and took a knee in front of him. He put his hands on Fish's and squeezed. There was so much emotion in the Welshman's eyes, it made Fish's own well with tears. 

"You're my best mate, Joe. I know I've said this to you before, but it can't be said enough, I love you. I've missed you."

Fish bent and hugged his friend. "I love you too, Ianto. You're one of my best mates too." He gestured at Henry and said, "You helped open my mind to possibilities. You're part of the reason I have Henry. I hope I've said it before now but thank you for that."

Ianto slid his arms around Fish's waist and hugged him tightly. There were tears in his eyes when he said, "I'm glad I could give you two more time, Fish." 

With a sad smile, Ianto stood. As he left the room, he said, "I'll be back when those are done. I have to review your scans."

As Ianto walked out, Will walked in. The two men shared a bit of affection as they passed each other. Their hands lightly brushed against the other's and a radiant, loving look passed between them. At first, those looks had made Fish intensely uncomfortable, but Henry reminded him that hundreds of years had passed for Ianto and Jack. It was good to see Ianto happy, but Fish was still sad that happiness wasn't with Jack. 

"Morning, Joe. How are you feeling?" Will asked, brightly. 

"Good. Tired." 

Will checked the settings on the infusion devices. He began feeling the lymph nodes in Fish's neck as he smiled politely. 

Fish cleared his throat and Will's focus shifted. Concern was on every inch of his face as he began more aggressively feeling around Fish's neck and asked, "Sorry, was I pressing too hard? Any of that uncomfortable for you? Any pain?"

"No, Will, I just never properly apologized for what happened a few weeks ago. I'm sorry for losing it on you like that."

Will gave him a friendly smile. "You didn't understand, Joe. It's okay. If you're dead set on making it up to me, you can pretend my husband's a decent cook when you come round to mine." He winked and laughed. 

Fish laughed and held out his hand. Will shook it and gave him another wink. "See you Friday, Joe."

* * *

Fish was practically bouncing when Friday came. He didn't even care the windows of the car were blacked out and that the view remained hidden until they arrived. He had been intensely curious about the shouting protesters he'd heard. The ride to Ianto and Will's flat was quick. For some reason, Fish had expected a house, but the car pulled into the car park beneath a large high rise building. The guards led Fish and Henry right to Ianto's door. 

Ianto opened it and gestured them inside. He waved at the guards. "Thanks, guys."

Fish grinned widely as he stepped into Ianto's flat. It was strange seeing Will in something other than the dark green scrubs he wore every day. He walked right to the window. It was his first look at twenty-seventh century Cardiff. The city had grown and was now a sprawling metropolis. If he didn't know better, Fish would've thought he was in New York.

"Wow, Ianto, that is some view!" 

As Ianto hung up Fish's coat, he said, "It's why I bought the place." 

"It's sure better than my old flat," Will said, smiling. 

Henry laughed. "I suppose the view was a factor in accepting when Ianto asked you to move in?" 

Will nodded. "Well, the rent's better." 

"He means free," Ianto teased.

"Oi! I buy all the food," Will retorted. 

Ianto laughed. "Make yourselves at home. Something to drink, Fish? Henry?" 

"Beer if I'm allowed," Fish replied, sitting on the sofa. "Uhh, you still have beer in this century, right?" 

Will smiled. "Yes, there's still beer." 

"Henry?" Ianto asked.

"Whatever wine you have on hand, lad." 

Will chuckled and said, "It's always so weird when you call him 'lad.'" He turned to Fish, "Let me know if it's too warm. I keep the thermostat high."

"I'm comfortable, thanks," Fish replied. 

Henry sat down next to Fish and draped his arm around his shoulders. Will gave the two of them a sweet smile. He looked at Ianto, poignantly. After covertly wiping his eyes, he put the crisps and dip onto the coffee table while Ianto handed them their drinks. He sat down next to Will and leaned. He asked, "You all right?"

Will nodded. "I just... didn't realise." 

Fish made a mental note to try and get Will alone at some point to talk to him. He knew what Will was going through. It was hard being the mortal component of an immortal-mortal relationship. He knew the guilt. That guilt had brought him all the way to the twenty-seventh century. 

"Thanks for letting me out. I don't suppose you could tell me about the protesters outside the Tower?" Fish asked. 

"How did you know there were protesters?" Ianto asked. 

"I heard them," Fish replied. 

Ianto nodded. "Torchwood's mandates can be controversial." 

"Gone are the days of being hidden under the Plass, eh?" Fish said, smiling. He set his beer down on the coffee table and reached for some crisps. As he did, he caught sight of the wall behind Ianto and the sideboard beneath it. "Oh, wow!" 

He popped the crisps into his mouth as he stood up. The tennis ball had caught his eye. "Was this Cameron's?" 

Ianto stood, smiling. "Yes, it was. And yours." 

"I guess I shouldn't ask why it's charred." Fish turned the singed tennis ball in his fingers. 

Ianto shrugged and said, "It's pretty obvious, I'd think. There was a fire in the Hub." 

"Shame, that," Fish said. He wondered if anyone had been hurt and what had caused the fire, but he squashed the questions since he knew Ianto wouldn't answer. He set it down and then stood back, gazing at the blank wall. There were numerous picture frame outlines. Ianto must have taken them all down. "Sorry you had to rearrange your flat for me."

"I just took down some pictures, Fish. I didn't knock down a wall or move the furniture," Ianto said.

He pointed at the picture of a woman. "Is this Gwen, Ianto?"

To his surprise, Ianto lifted the frame off the wall and tucked it under this arm. "Oops. Missed that one." 

"Oh c'mon, Ianto! Throw me a bloody bone!" he begged. 

Henry said, gently, "There is nothing leading in that picture, lad." 

"He's got a point," Will added. 

Ianto rolled his eyes and handed him the picture. "All right, all right, I surrender. It's Anwen." 

"Anwen? No shit!" he gasped, taking in the image. "Wow! All grown up... She's beautiful. Christ, she looks just like Gwen. How old is she here?" 

"Mid-forties, I think," Ianto said. He took the frame back from Fish and opened the back. "Thirty six."

When he passed the frame back to Fish, there was a sad look on his face and that was when Fish realized Anwen was dead and had been for many years. 

Shit.

He hung the picture back up. "Thanks, Ianto." 

Fish tilted the digital frame upwards. It was cycling through Will and Ianto's wedding pictures. "Beautiful day you two had."

"The forecast was rain," Will said. 

Fish turned and said, "Ianto told me you two met at work."

Will nodded. "It was at a distance at first, of course. Eventually he succumbed to my charm."

"It wasn't charm. It was the worst pick-up line I'd ever heard," Ianto said, rolling his eyes. "And given the fact that I'm nearly six hundred years old, that's saying something." 

"Go on, do tell," Fish said, sitting back down. 

"I was working on the clinical trial floor. I had to bring a status report upstairs. Ianto's got this thing for paper reports. Anyway, I could tell he was checking out my arse-"

"I was not!"

"You were! I don't know why you keep denying it. I'd been eyeing you since I was hired." Will rolled his eyes and continued. "Anyway, he didn't like whatever was in the report and he slammed the folder on his desk."

Ianto, barely containing his laughter, managed to say, "To which you said..." 

"'Would you like to slam me too?'" Will said, grinning. 

Fish groaned while Will and Ianto laughed heartily. Henry grinned, clearly having heard this story already. 

Fish said, "Oh, mate, that is the worst." He looked at Ianto. "It's even worse you went for it!"

"It wasn't the line. It was the delivery." Ianto sat down next to Will and pulled him close. "It didn't come out confident at all. In fact, his voice was shaking a bit. It was hours past the end of his shift. It didn't come off as cheesy. It came off as nervous and sweet."

Will kissed Ianto's cheek. "He took me home."

"And decided to keep him," Ianto replied. He stood and stretched. "I'm going to start heating dinner."

"Let me help you," Fish said, starting to rise. 

Ianto waved him back down. "There's nothing to help with, Fish. Trust me, heating food takes a few seconds these days." 

"Let me lay the table at least," Fish said, trying to stand again. 

Will shoved him down. "There's no way Doctor Joseph Fischer lifts a finger in my home. Sit!" 

Fish gave Henry a questioning glance, but Henry just shrugged. Fish rolled his eyes, assuming it was something he wasn't supposed to ask about. He watched as Ianto and Will worked together, moving around each other with ease in the kitchen. The small touches and kisses made Fish smile. He felt Henry's arm around his waist. He said, quietly, "It's weird, seeing Ianto with someone else, but they look really happy. Will's a great bloke." 

They backed away from the kitchen door. Henry nodded, running his fingers through Fish's hair. "It has been some time since I've seen him this content." 

Fish asked, "He said there'd been someone he was seeing before this?" 

"Chelsea Evans," Henry replied. He rolled his eyes. "A dreadful woman. She was possessive, jealous, and often dramatic. It was a tumultuous relationship, at best. It broken down completely when she began to want children Ianto could not give her. He was quite heartbroken. I still have no idea what Ianto saw in her." 

"Come sit, you two, and tuck in. Henry? Can I top off that wine for you? Sorry, Fish that's the only beer you're getting," Ianto said. He gestured at the chairs around the table. 

"Is there soda in this time? Otherwise water is fine," Fish said. 

Ianto came back with a bottle of soda. "It's not going to taste like you remember. There's no Coke or Pepsi anymore. The flavors have moved more towards fruits."

"I'm sure it's fine, mate. Just looking for something fizzy. Lemon-lime would be great, if you have it. This looks delicious. Evie'd be proud of you, learning to cook so well," Fish said. He dumped healthy portions of everything on his plate. Some stuff he didn't recognize, but knew Ianto wouldn't serve him anything dangerous. He took a bite of the pasta salad and said, "This is great. Better than that stuff from the slot."

"Hospital food hasn't evolved," Henry said. He sipped his wine and helped himself to the salad. "This is delicious, lad. Thank you. You needn't have gone through so much expense."

"I know I'm missing something," Fish said as he waved at the food. "Is pasta expensive now?" 

"All food's expensive, but Henry means that," Will said, pointing at the salad.

"The salad?" Fish asked, confused. 

Before speaking, Henry glanced at Ianto for permission. 

Ianto shrugged. "You're not telling him anything he couldn't deduce. The ice caps were already melting in the early twenty-first." 

Henry said, "Climate change and the fragile bee population has made fresh fruit and vegetables expensive." He waved at the salad. "I indulge in a fresh salad only twice a week, and never in the off-season."

"Twice a week?" Fish gasped. In the twenty-first century, Henry was a healthy eater. He loved salads and ate them daily. An entire shelf in their fridge was devoted to dressings and an entire shelf in their pantry had every type of crouton imaginable. 

The rest of the conversation flowed well. Only occasionally would Fish stumble towards something that the other men were unable to talk about. Jokingly, Fish kept trying to get Will to slip and tell him things about the future.

"Hey, stop making me look bad in front of the boss," Will said, laughing. He stood and started collecting the dirty plates. When Henry rose, Will shoved him back down. "Sit, Your Royal Highness."

Henry rolled his eyes. 

Fish laughed, handing over his plate. He found it hilarious people would still tease his husband with honorifics and even more hilarious it was still happening several hundred years later. "You sure I can't help you?"

"Nope, just going to shove all this in the dishwasher," Will said, waving him down.

Fish picked up his glass. "Well, show me where the water is then." 

Will and Fish went into the kitchen, passing Ianto who had a coffee carafe in his hands. Will took the dessert out of the fridge and began picking at the string around the box.

"Funny the things that don't change," Fish said, gesturing at the box. "I could never get that bloody string off either."

Will laughed. Abandoning the box, he turned to the cupboard, removing a decorative cake plate. "Ianto wanted to bake something, but..." he looked towards the ktichen door, "...don't tell him I said, he can't bake for shit."

Fish laughed, then leaned, seeing Henry and Ianto deep in conversation. To his annoyance, the two immortals had taken to speaking in some language Fish couldn't understand when they desired privacy.

Will opened a drawer for a knife to cut the string and said, "He's a great cook, though. He's always cooking these old fashioned dishes. When we first got together, I thought he was brilliant and inventive. Told him he missed his calling as a chef. Then I found out the truth." He laughed and said, "The web of lies." 

Fish laughed. He stood next to Will and said in a low voice, "You know how I'm going to be here for a bit longer?"

"Yes, the whole team knows," Will said. 

"I wanted to let you know that if you ever want to talk, I'm here."

"Talk? What about?" Will asked.

"About Ianto. I know I flipped out before, but I'm really okay with it now and I know what things are like on your end. Being with an immortal isn't easy. I understand how hard it can be. There's a lot of complicated feelings going on. I know you haven't know me long, mate, but if you want to talk, if you have any questions, I'm here," Fish said, softly. "I can't imagine there are lots of people you can talk to about this, if any."

Will was looking at him as if he'd never seen him before. "Thank you, Joe. I appreciate that." 

Fish frowned and said, "If I'm crossing some line here-"

"No, not at all. It's just that you're right and, well, I've never had anyone to talk to about it before," Will said, taking a knife out of the drawer. He sliced the string and took the dessert out. "And I'd like that, very much." 

Fish squeezed his shoulder and smiled. He leaned, looking at the rich cake. "I see Ianto still adores chocolate."

"It's his favorite chocolate gateau," Will said, shrugging. "He wanted to really splurge. Chocolate's really rare and really expensive. It's hard to grow-finicky. This cake's about as much as a week's worth of groceries and we had to order it in advance." 

"That's a shame, mate," Fish said, frowning. "Chocolate's bloody fantastic."

"I never cared for it myself when I finally got a taste of it," Will said, shrugging. "Bitter." 

"That's because you probably had the dark stuff. There's all sorts of chocolate in the twenty-first. Milk. White. Dark. Super dark."

While Will went to put the knife into the dishwasher, Fish examined the ancient looking cake plate. To his amusement, it looked exactly like the one he'd bought his sister when she'd gotten married. There was no gold rim, but Fish could see one had worn away. The flowers on the top were very faded, but they may have once been pink-his sister's favorite color. He smiled at it. There was a small chip in the edge, just like in his sister's, where Peter had once knocked it into another bowl. 

"This an antique, mate?" Fish asked. 

Will nodded. "From my mum's side. Been passed down for centuries. It's the most prized possession of our family. We actually have a line of succession for it." 

Fish let out a little chuckle. "Looks exactly like the one I gave my sister when she got married." 

Will gasped. "You're shitting me?" 

"Nope. I mean, obviously hers is a couple hundred years younger so the colors are brighter and the gold edge is still intact, but it looks exactly the same. If I had my mobile, I'd show you. Anna breaks it out all the time for holidays and special meals." Fish leaned down again. "I can't tell if the flowers were pink though." 

Will said with a grin, "They were pink. I remember hearing my gran say that once. I only use that plate on very special occasions." 

"Well, I'm honored you pulled it out for me," Fish said smiling. For a moment, he wondered if Will was a descendant of his sister's.  _That'd make him my dozen times over great-nephew..._ he thought with a shudder. The cake plate had become spooky. He ran his fingers along it-this piece of the past. His sister and her husband were dead now. But, possibly, here was something he'd given them hundreds of years ago, her family lovingly caring for it for all these years. He slipped the cake onto the plate, then shifted it so it was centered nicely. He got some of the icing on his finger and licked it off. "Wow, this is good." 

"Not much washing up," Will said. His voice sounded distant and slightly slurred. He said, "I reckon there's cups and dishes." Then he paused and said, " Pudding later on the floor." 

"You have a little too much to drink, mate?" Fish asked. He turned just in time to see Will collapse. He was too far away to help him and Will's head smacked against the edge of the worktop, splitting his scalp. 

"WILL!" Fish shouted, "Ianto! Henry! Help!"

He turned to look for something to staunch the blood. He grabbed the tea towel and fell to his knees. To his shock, Ianto ignored his fallen husband. Instead, he grabbed his arm like iron and dragged him away, roughly. He shouted, "FISH, NO! DON'T!"

"JOE! NO! DON'T TOUCH HIM!" Henry bellowed.

Henry's arms joined Ianto's, yanking him back from Will. 

"You have him?" Ianto asked, gripping him painfully.

"I do, lad. Go," Henry said.

Ianto let go of Fish's bruised arms, while Henry still held on like a vise. As Ianto scrambled towards Will, he snatched the tea towel out of Fish's hands, flinging it away as if it were on fire. Henry pulled Fish further back into the lounge, forcing him into a chair. 

"Did you touch the blood, Joe?" Henry asked, panicked. He shook Fish a little. "JOE!" 

"What?" 

"Will's blood? Did you touch it?" Henry asked, shaking him harder. "Answer me!" 

"No!  You're hurting me, Henry! " Fish cried. He'd never seen Henry behave like this towards him. He tried to wiggle his way out of Henry's grip, pain shooting up his arms, but Henry only gripped harder . Fish wondered if his bones would begin breaking. He started to struggle. "Yeow! Fucking ow! Henry! Fuck, stop! Are you trying to break my bloody arms?"

Henry gripped harder and Fish let out another yelp. "Joe, listen to me! Will is KEL positive. It's a blood transmitted disease similar to twenty-first century HIV. Did! You! Touch! His! Blood!?" 

Fish stopped struggling, but Henry didn't ease his grip. His eyes went wide. "No. I didn't. Is that why he's fainted?"

Ianto dialed for an ambulance while Henry explained, "KEL attacks the bone marrow causing fatal anaemia and immune suppression. It's barely treatable and there are still many complications of the disease. You're certain you didn't get any of the blood on you, Joe?" 

Fish shook his head. "No. Unless I got splattered and didn't realize."

Henry carefully examined his face and neck, then his shirt and arms. "You appear clean."  

"Henry? Can you get me my kit from the front cupboard, please?" Ianto asked. "The ambulance is on its way, if you wouldn't mind opening the door for them?" 

"Of course, lad," Henry said. He gave Fish a serious look and said, "Do not touch him. Do not even enter that room, Joe." 

Fish nodded, and while he didn't enter the kitchen, he did take a few steps closer. Ianto snapped, "Fish, stay back, please. I don't want to take any chances. If you become infected, you won't be able to leave this time." He paused and said, "KEL is one hundred percent fatal."

Fish backed away. He let Henry hand Ianto his medical bag. The sound of strange voices caused Fish to back out into the lounge. He watched as the paramedics wheeled in a trolley for Will. Once the young man was being wheeled outside, Ianto turned to Fish and said, "They're taking him to the Tower's KEL ward."

"Is he going to be all right?" Fish asked. 

"We're going to run some tests. He might need a transfusion," Ianto said, his voice carefully level. Fish got the distinct impression Ianto wasn't telling him something. "The guards will be taking you back, too." 

The drive back to the Tower was spent in silence. Once back in his suite, Fish sat down on the sofa and said, "I hope he'll be all right. Why didn't they tell me Will was sick?" 

Henry sat down next to him and said, "Before you arrived, a temporal committee was formed. Ianto, Jack, myself, and another Torchwood employee. We carefully examined which information would and would not be safe to disclose. There were some facts I believed were less of a danger than others, mostly things you could either infer or deduce from your surroundings. Torchwood now being a large organisation as an example." 

Fish gestured at the massive tower around him. "Well." 

"Precisely," Henry said, nodding. "All KEL positive medical personnel are required to disclose their status. Ianto hired Will when others would never have done so. That decision was met with a great deal of criticism, especially once their personal relationship began. Though often the victim of prejudice, Will is open regarding his KEL status. Ianto was not involved in Will's selection for your nursing staff, but many believed it was an unnecessary risk to place someone KEL positive near you at all and the accusations of nepotism increased. I had wanted you informed of Will's illness, but was overruled." 

Annoyed, Fish demanded, "How can my knowing someone born six hundred fucking years in the future is sick change anything?"

Henry crossed his legs and folded his hands in his lap. "There are implications beyond your own personal timeline, Joe. The KEL virus is a disease of the twenty-seventh century, a century where Ianto Jones is alive. The twenty-first century is also a century where Ianto Jones is alive. Torchwood's mandate still encompasses the alien, but it has largely expanded. The Institute has almost complete autonomy regarding all things alien, and many liberties that existed in the twenty-first, do not exist now. The controversy of which you heard earlier. When the virus first began spreading through the population, Ianto made critical decisions regarding research and public information practices. Not only were these decisions unpopular, they turned out to be incorrect and detrimental to public health."

"Shit."

"Now you understand." 

Fish ignored the annoying smugness in his husband's voice. He lifted his feet off the floor and placed them in Henry's lap. "I never realized he was sick."

"Will has lived with this disease for some time, and it was managed well, but there is no cure. And as Ianto said, it is always fatal." 

"You said it causes anaemia? Can't they just give him transfusions?" 

"I'm not a doctor and do not understand the reasoning, but I do know that transfusions are detrimental. Needing a transfusion is a sign of the last stages of the disease." 

"How long does he have?" Fish asked. 

There was a polite knock at the door and Henry rose to answer it. Looking pale and shaken, Ianto stepped into the room. 

"I wanted to apologise, Fish, for my recklessness-"

"Oh shut up, Ianto," Fish said, angry. "You sound like you're wording a fucking press release. I'm fine. I wish you'd told me, but I'm fine. The more important question is Will all right?" 

"They've started a transfusion," Ianto said, quietly. 

Henry gripped Ianto's arm and said, "I'm very sorry, lad." 

"Henry told me what's going on. I'm sorry too," Fish said. He sighed. "Everyone's been acting so bloody weird around me since I got here. Will's the only nurse that treats me like a real person. If he wants to come back, you won't stop him, will you, Ianto?" 

"Fish, Will's KEL status-"

"Oh for fuck's sake, Ianto!" Fish cried. "I don't have a problem with him or whatever this illness is that he has. I get you're all trying to protect me, but I think the final decision should be mine. I'm willing to take the risk. Being here out of my time isn't easy. Will makes it easier. He's my friend." 

Ianto sighed. After a pensive moment, he said, "If he's willing to come back, I won't stop him, but it might be out of my hands." 

"Can I visit him in hospital?" Fish asked. 

"That's not a good idea. He's in a KEL positive ward. He won't be in long at any rate. Once the transfusion is done, they're discharging him," Ianto said. 

"If he's going to be off sick for a while, I'd like to visit him at home, if you'd let me," Fish replied. He waved around the suite. "I'd send a get well, but I've no way to order one or pay for it." 

Ianto smiled and hugged his friend. "I'll tell him you send your love." 

"He's going to be all right, isn't he, Ianto?" Fish asked. 

In a voice strained with grief, he said, "For now." 

* * *

Ianto leaned against the wall outside of Will's room. Several of his staff scowled at him as they passed. He hated the way they were all looking at him. Many of the nurses not selected for Fish's team had filed formal complaints when they'd learned their boss's husband had been selected over them. Ianto had been absolved of any nepotism as he'd allowed Joe Devon to handle the selection of the entire nursing staff. Will had been selected for precisely the reason Fish liked him-his bedside manner. Because it was so crucial Fish never suspect his historical importance, bedside manner had been the highest criteria for selection. 

The entire team had raised concerns about Will's KEL status, even those who had not been opposed to Will's employment. They simply felt it was an unnecessary risk. Ianto told himself the risk was so minimal that it may as well have been zero. He believed because Will knew the truth about his immortality, it made him uniquely qualified to provide emotional support to Fish. But it had been selfish. He'd wanted Will on this project with him. He'd wanted to share it with his husband and not have to hide it. Will's KEL status should've excluded him immediately. The idea KEL positive blood had come anywhere near Fish made Ianto's own blood run cold. 

One of Torchwood's doctors, Joe Myers, walked out of Will's room, giving Ianto a tight smile and nod as he passed. Ianto knew the man wouldn't tell him anything so Ianto stepped into his husband's room. The two empty bags of blood hanging made Ianto's chest tighten. 

The entire course of treatment for the KEL virus was designed to delay the need for transfusions as long as possible. These days, blood transfusions were simple. A machine cloned the blood from the patient's own DNA, but the KEL virus made changes to Will's immune system that made regular transfusions an impossibility. Since Will's body could not receive his own cloned blood, he needed the cloned or donated blood of another individual, as genetically similar to Will as possible. Once transfusions began, the virus altered immune system would attack his blood supply making more transfusions necessary. It was a viscous cycle. The end stage of KEL was largely considered the beginning of transfusions and once they'd begun, no patient had lived longer than a year. 

Ianto sat down on the edge of Will's bed and took his hand. "How are you feeling?" 

"Better now that the transfusion's done, I'm free to go. Doc Myers said he should have the last of my results soon if I wanted to wait around." Will kissed Ianto's hand, then stood staring at it. "Joe... he didn't-" 

"No, he didn't," Ianto promised. 

Relief washed over Will's face. "I shouldn't have even-"

"No, that was my choice. And it happened at home, not at work." 

"I still shouldn't be around him," Will said. 

"Will, Fish likes you. He said you're the only nurse that treats him like a normal person. Do you understand how important that is?" 

"He can't possibly-"

"He does. He asked when you'd be back." Ianto took Will's hand. "He remembers the HIV crisis of the twentieth century. He remembers the stigma, the prejudice, the fear. He doesn't care you're KEL positive. He said you're his friend and you make being out of time better for him." 

Will snorted. "That heirloom serving plate-"

There was a gentle knock at the door. It was Joe Myers with one of the nurses. 

"C'mon in, Doctor Myers," Will said. 

Ianto made to leave but Will touched his arm. "Please stay." He turned to Myers and said, "I'm officially declaring my husband, Ianto Jones, as my medical proxy and confidant." 

Myers nodded, tapping his tablet. "So acknowledged in the presence of witnesses." He clasped his hands in front of him and said, "I just got the results of the rest of your tests, Will. I'm sorry, there's no easy way to say this, your genetic changes have passed the critical level and your antibodies are significantly elevated. Your spleen is also showing significant changes." 

"Radical splenectomy?" Ianto asked. 

Myers shook his head. "The data is against it. The danger surgery would present to his blood volume isn't worth it. I know splenic rupture sounds scary, but protecting Will's blood volume should be our top priority." 

"What do you recommend?" Will asked. 

"It depends on how aggressive you want to be," Myers said.  

Myers was one of the best haematologists in the world. He had been on Ianto's KEL taskforce. Ianto hadn't listened to the man then, he would now. 

"That depends on what Will wants," Myers said. He shifted to half sit on the arm of a chair. 

Will looked over to Ianto who nodded at him. Will said, "Ianto and I have discussed this. I want to prolong the quality of my life as long as possible, not necessarily its length." 

Myers nodded and said, "As you know, the transfusions only make things worse. We gave you this one because you were in crisis. You have a week, maybe two, before you need another one. We're going to increase a few of your medications and I want you doing home monitoring three times a day. When your numbers drop again, I recommend a full blood volume replacement rather than transfusions. We'll follow that up with a course of medication-slam your system. That should keep you good for a month and a half, if not more before we need to do it again." 

Will nodded. "How long will those last me?"

"We can't get away with the full volume replacements like we can with the transfusions, but your aim is to improve the quality of your life, not give you significantly more time. As you know, the transfusions give you six months to a year." 

"I've seen friends on the transfusions. Most were too weak to get out of bed or leave their homes," Will said. 

"You'll have more normalcy with the full volume replacements, but we can't give you as long, and they sharply increase your risk of splenic rupture because the  replacements trigger a larger immune response ," Myers said. 

"How long?" Ianto asked. 

"Three to six months. But you'll spend them feeling very much like yourself," Myers promised. 

"Can we start with transfusions and then move to the replacements?" Will asked. 

Myers shook his head. "I'm afraid it's one or the other. The transfusions will leave you too weak to withstand the medication required after full replacements. The full replacements will cause too many immune changes to make the transfusions last." 

Will looked at Ianto who said, "It's up to you."

Without hesitation, Will answered, "I'd like to do the full volume replacements." 

Myers nodded. "Once we've exhausted that option, we can move to the artificial blood." 

"No! I don't want the artificial blood!" Will practically shouted.

"We can save it as a last resort-"

"No, I don't want it! Under any circumstances!" Will shouted. 

Myers raised an eyebrow. "I'd like for  you to think that over, Will. It can prolong your life significantly when we've exhausted natural blood products.  I'm also running a clinical trial of full volume replacements with it.  Artificial blood transfusions are the only option after the full volume replacements and could give you months more. " 

"And ruin it at the same time. I've seen the artificial blood dementia. I won't have it," Will said, shaking his head. 

Myers said, "The dementia takes weeks to set in. It can be months before you lose significant quality of life."

"No. Artificial. Blood," Will said through gritted teeth. "I want it in my record I'm declining it." 

Myers nodded and threw a glance at Ianto. He looked back to Will and said, "You understand your discharge instructions. Three times a day monitoring. You drop to low normal, I want you back in here for the first full volume replacement. Don't forget, the cell loss is exponential." 

"Thanks, Doctor Myers," Will said. 

"I'm sorry, both of you." Myers squeezed Will's shoulder and left the room, also giving Ianto's shoulder a pat as he left. "You're one of the finest nurses I've had the privilege of working with, Nurse Dodd." Then he turned to Ianto and said, "I'm very sorry, Doctor Jones."

Ianto shook his hand in thanks. Once Myers was gone, Ianto picked up the bag of scrubs he'd swiped from the staff cupboard. "They cut your clothes off in the ambulance." 

Will took the bag from him and tossed it on the bed. "I'm sorry." 

"You don't need to apologise for being sick. Ever. We've known since day one this was coming." Ianto opened the bag of scrubs and began unfolding them. 

When Ianto had been mortal, he and Jack had ignored Ianto's mortality, treating his inevitable death as a taboo subject to never be discussed or mentioned. Ianto had been determined not to repeat that mistake ever again. He and Will had talked about this day, at length, throughout their relationship. Ianto knew exactly which procedures Will would and would not allow. He knew precisely what sort of funeral service Will wanted and what he was to do with Will's possessions once he was gone. All of the preparation had made Ianto feel better, more in control. Now that the time was finally here to say goodbye to his husband, all Ianto wanted to do was ignore it and pretend it wasn't happening. He wasn't ready to lose Will any more than Will was ready to die. 

Ianto began trying to smooth the wrinkles from the scrubs, his hand shaking.

Will took hold of them and said, "We knew it was coming, but that doesn't make it any easier." 

The knife in Ianto's heart twisted. He fell to his knees and buried his face in Will's lap and began to cry.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Health issues averted. I was having heart trouble that was determined to be benign. Thank you everyone for your support!

Will attached the device to the end of his finger and hit the button. He closed his eyes and waited for it to beep, his stomach churning. The transfusion had helped him feel better, but it was the beginning of the end. It bought him some time, but not much. Since yesterday, his monitor's light had been green, but he'd been tired and freezing. When the device beeped, Will had to force himself to open his eyes. The light on the end was yellow. It had been solid green last night.

Fuck.

The minute he'd woken up freezing yesterday, he should've gone in straightaway instead of waiting, green light be damned. He was letting the fear win. Will reached over for his mobile telephone and sent a text to Ianto and his response was almost instantaneous. He'd be home in less than thirty minutes to take him back to hospital.

Will dropped his phone onto the bed and scrubbed at his face. Ever since he'd been diagnosed, this had loomed over him like a fog. He was a nurse and knew the numbers. Being KEL positive no longer meant he'd be dead in a few weeks, but there was no way he could expect a normal lifespan. He'd already beaten the odds and survived longer than ten years.

The first day of his nursing course, he'd fainted. He'd dismissed it as low blood sugar and nerves, but back then, any case of fainting meant an automatic KEL test. The positive result had been a shock to Will. He couldn't imagine when or where he'd been infected. He'd had to fight to stay in his course, but he'd won and graduated with honours. To his surprise, Torchwood had offered him a position, assigning him to the KEL clinical trials.

He'd seen Ianto around the tower, of course. There was a strength of presence to Ianto Jones that made Will weak and his heart race. He wanted nothing more than to sink to his knees before the other man. He'd been even more surprised when the cheesy line he'd muttered to the Torchwood director had worked. What followed had been years full of happiness and love. They'd been the best years of his life. 

At least I'm ending on a high note... 

You would think living with a terminal illness for years would give someone plenty of time to prepare for the end, but it hadn't. Will was so happy, he hadn't wanted to think of himself as being on borrowed time. Now that he was in the end stage of his disease, it was all he could think about. As a nurse working on KEL treatments with other KEL positive patients, he'd seen plenty of people in end of life care. Everyone handled it differently. Some wore a mask of calm stoicism while others sank into deep depression and despair, and everything in between. Will was an emotional mess. 

Sporadically, he was having anxiety and panic attacks. His mood would volley between bone crushing depression and manic. At night, he would lay awake, staring at the ceiling, frightened to fall asleep. He'd gone to Doctor Myers and asked for some mood stabilizers and sedatives. They'd helped immensely.  

Ianto had been amazing. Even though he was busy with Fish's treatments, he'd been taking care of everything. There was no domestic component to their D/S relationship, but because of Will's lighter workload and more regular schedule, most of the housework fell to him. To keep his husband from having to concern himself with anything, Ianto had hired a housekeeper and personal shopper. Will only had to text the shopper what he needed and it would be delivered to their doorstep. The housekeeper came twice a day to tidy and clean. At first Will had told himself he wanted to keep their lives normal, but there had been many days when he'd been too emotionally drained or physically exhausted to think of cleaning the flat or doing the shopping. 

He looked around for something to do while he waited for Ianto. After sorting some laundry for the housekeeper, he went into the kitchen. As usual, Ianto had left him breakfast in the microwave with a small love note. Will was reading the note when the door opened and Ianto stepped into the flat.

"Will?" he called.

"In the kitchen," he replied. 

"You ready to go? I rang Doctor Myers," Ianto said. 

Will shifted the food from the microwave to the fridge with regret. It was his favourite vegetable omelette. He held out the plate. "I don't suppose I could eat this first?" 

"I don't think it's a good idea. It'll keep. You can have it later," Ianto said. 

With a sigh, Will put the plate into the fridge and got his coat. They drove back to the Tower in silence and took the regular elevator up to the medical floor. Torchwood was running three clinical trials and coordinating most of the worldwide research regarding the KEL virus. 

Myers looked up from his tablet. "Morning, Will. We have the room all set for you." 

Will passed several of his regular patients as one of his colleagues led him to the infusion room. There was both fear and pity in their eyes when they realized he wasn't there working. He now represented the greatest fear of his patients. He tried to smile at them, tried to bravely face his fate, but he couldn't manage it. 

Once he was hooked into the machine, he closed his eyes, trying to drown out the sound of it whirring and clicking. He heard someone enter the room and sit down. Assuming it was Ianto, he feigned sleep. He didn't want to talk. He just wanted to get this treatment over with and go home. A few nurses wandered in and out to monitor him and the machine's progress. He heard one of them lean over and say he was nearly finished, so he decided to end his ruse. He blinked his eyes and lifted his head.

"Joe?" he gasped.

"Hey, Will," Fish said, grinning. "The nurse said you're nearly done."

"What are you doing down here?" he asked. He couldn't believe they let Joe Fischer even set foot on this ward. 

"I'm visiting a friend in hospital," he replied, cheerfully. He cleared his throat and said, "I talked to Jack-Captain Harkness. I asked if he could do for you what they've done for me."  

Will shook his head. "They're not going to do something like that for me, Joe. I'm a nobody."

"Yeah, well I'm just a mediocre Torchwood technician and an electrochemist," Fish said shrugging. "Pretty much nobody too."

Will managed to keep himself from rolling his eyes. The person who sacrificed himself to save humanity had shite self esteem. 

"Jack told me the KEL virus is never cured. A vaccine is developed against it instead," Fish said. 

At least no one else will ever get this again, Will thought. "Thank you for asking, Joe. Really." 

"You're my friend and so is Ianto." He was about to open his mouth to say something else, but a nurse came into the room and turned the machine off.

She disconnected Will from it and sealed the wounds. "All finished. Anna has the discharge paperwork for you. Go home. Plenty of fluids." 

"Thanks," he said, standing. 

Fish also stood up and stretched. He said, "Ianto's busy upstairs with Jack. Don't know with what, they couldn't tell me, so me and my security detail are going to take you home." 

By the time they'd gotten back to the flat, Will was feeling better. His energy was up and the dizziness was gone. He sighed as he took the omelette out of the fridge. 

"Would you like half of this, Joe?" he said as he popped it into the microwave. 

"I'm fine, thanks. Henry fed me before I went down to see you," Fish said.

"Drink?" Will asked. 

"Water is fine," Fish replied. 

Will set the omelette down and handed Fish the glass of water. He tucked in and said, "Sorry for being rude like this, but I'm starved." 

"I don't mind. Eat," Fish said, gesturing dismissively. "Ianto said you weren't doing so good with things, asked me to talk to you." 

"I'm fine," Will replied. 

"Somehow, I doubt that," Fish said. 

"Really, Joe-"

"Will, c'mon, mate," Fish interrupted. "I know I'm not bloody dying anymore, but that doesn't mean I don't know exactly what you're going through." 

Will swallowed the last of the omelette and chased it with his own water. He paused and wiped his mouth, fully intent on denying his feelings. Instead, he sighed and said, "I didn't expect to be so bloody scared."

"It's like fucking ice in your heart. You just want to get up and run," Fish said, softly. 

"Yeah... yeah that's exactly it," Will replied. "Where the fuck do you run to?" 

Fish picked up Will's plate and took it into the kitchen. He refilled their glasses and set them on the coffee table, then sat on the sofa. Will got up and joined him, scrubbing at his face. 

"This is going to sound like a load of bollocks... but what you're feeling, it's not fear. It's dread." 

Will thought about the subtlety for a minute. "Interesting distinction."

"I wasn't afraid of dying so much as I was dreading it and its impact on everyone around me." Fish crossed his legs and leaned back. "I remember what losing my Dad did to me when I was young." 

"I lost my Tad when I was young too. He had a heart attack when I was fourteen." Will looked at Fish and said, "Your father was killed by a drunk driver, wasn't he?" 

Fish nodded. "It changed my life, and not for the better. When I found out about the cancer, well, I wasn't worried about myself as much as what my death was going to do to everyone around me. Especially Henry and David. I didn't want to cause the people I love grief and pain. There were the selfish things too. I wanted to see my son grow into a man. I wanted to grow old with Henry."

Will winced. For the first time since he'd met him, Will seriously thought about telling Fish the truth. It was on the tip of his tongue but he realized it would be a cruel thing to do. Here Fish was, thinking he'd gotten his life back, and telling him the truth would be taking that away from him.

"Nothing selfish about wanting those things, Joe." Will shrugged. "I wish I could live forever with Ianto." 

Fish actually laughed. "I said the same thing to Henry once."

"It makes you wonder, don't it, what else is out there?" Will said. "I mean, Ianto's six hundred years old. The Game. This whole mystical quickening business. I'm a scientist and I can't even fathom how it's possible. Ianto told me he can come back to life. I've seen people die, but the idea of them coming back? I can't grasp it."

"I've seen that horror more times than I care to remember."

Will's eyes went wide. "You've seen him come back to life?"

"Torchwood wasn't some cushy office job back in the day. Christ, I sound like my grandfather talking about walking miles to school, uphill. Anyway, it's dangerous work. When Jack recruited me, they didn't sugar coat it. They told me inside of ten years I'd be dead. Jack, Ianto, and Evie were a big part of why Gwen and I lived. I can't tell you how many times I owe my life to them." He paused and said, cautiously, "Did Ianto tell you how he died the first time?" 

Will nodded. "He said some alien beast clawed him up." 

Fish shuddered. "That's one way to put it." Swallowing hard, he continued, "He died right in front of me. He took a breath, said goodbye to Jack, then sighed it out, and he was gone. His head fell back and his eyes went blank. I watched him have this horrible fit. We tried to bring him back, but he was gone. I knew it even as I electrocuted his chest and shoved drugs in his veins. I'll never forget the sight of all that blood as long as I live. I can still smell it."  
"I hate the smell of blood," Will whispered.

"I came into work two days later and there he was as if none of it had ever happened. It was hard for me to even look at him. I'd seen Jack do it. I'd seen Evie-Miranda do it. But in my mind, Ianto was mortal, same as me. But there he was. Whole. It was the most unnatural fucking thing I'd ever experienced, bordering in supernatural. It was so miraculous, it hints of the divine. The whole concept of the Game suggests some sort of plan." 

The question tugged its way out of Will's mouth. "It makes me wonder if there's anything... you know... after... a beautiful paradise with everyone you love. That's what people told me when my Tad died. I'd like to think I'm going to see him again." 

"We're scientists. We're taught to believe in facts and evidence. Life after death and the spiritual is more about faith," Fish said. 

Will nodded and put his feet up on the coffee table. "Never been much for it. When you said something about joining a group, I did when I was first diagnosed. It was a bunch of people sitting around, talking about a higher power, trying to convince themselves in life after death. The people trying weren't what turned me off. It was the believers trying to convince everyone else. Everyone I've ever known who was religious was a nutter." 

"Having faith isn't the same as having religion. Religion is what mankind says about God. It's humanity's attempt to describe and define something wholly unknowable. You don't need religion to have faith. All the religions have the same basic message of peace and love anyway. Having faith is what's important."

"My parents didn't believe in God," Will replied. 

"But what do you believe?" Fish asked. 

"I don't either," Will said, shrugging.

"Well, what is God? Is it God in the traditional sense of an omnipotent being who created everything? Or is God more of a concept? Is God a feeling? That piece of your heart that aches for your patients? That voice in your mind that tells you, you should comfort them and do your best to take care of them because it's the right thing?"

"You sound like a priest," Will said, smiling. 

"It was all I wanted to be when I was a kid," Fish confessed. "I went to church every chance I got. I couldn't wait to enter seminary and take my vows and start doing God's work."

"Wow, really?" Will said with a half laugh. There's something that never made the history books.

Fish nodded. "I was raised in a very religious family. It's easy to believe when you're young, before life gets at you. When you're an adult, it's harder. And when you're dying, it feels like cowardice and hypocrisy."

"That's what my Mum always said. She yelled at everyone telling me my Tad was in a better place, said it made it sound like he'd wanted to leave us." Will sighed. "I do feel like a coward. My parents had always said religion was for people who were too scared to accept the truth that there's no great plan to everything and that life is meaningless."

"Free will is a beautiful thing because it means that faith and God are what you make of it. My father's death destroyed my faith. What good had believing done him? Cut down by a drunk driver when he had a family that needed and loved him? It felt like a slap in the face no matter how many times the priests told us it was just a test and a trial and, what pissed me off the most, 'God's Will.' Bunch of bollocks." 

Fish drank the rest of his water and continued. "People think religion is about faith and that faith is about belief, but they're all separate things. Religion is about behavior and actions. On this holy day do I suspend work or do I fast? Do I have to wash my hands before I pray? Do I attend worship on Sunday or Saturday? What rituals are in that worship? If you want a code to follow, something that tells you what to do and how to behave, then look to religion. But belief is about ideas and faith has nothing to do with belief. Faith is a feeling. It's about hope. Having faith in God is about hoping there is something more and greater than ourselves. It doesn't have to be a plan or destiny or whatever. If there is more, than our lives are so much bigger than just our time on this earth. And isn't that what life is? Something big and grand and just more?"

Will smiled and Fish continued. "Faith has a lot of layers and shades of grey. It's not something that either exists or doesn't. Faith is a relationship with God, and like any relationship, it's a choice you keep making every day. And just like in a relationship, some days it's harder to make that choice than others. Loss of faith isn't losing belief. Belief and faith aren't like your keys or your wallet. You simply stopped making a choice, and sometimes it's easy to make that choice again." 

Will let Fish's words sink in. He smiled softly and said, "You would've made one hell of a priest."

Fish said, "Not a big fan of the celibacy."

The two men laughed heartily. Fish wiped at his eyes and asked, "Feel better?"

"Oddly, yeah. Thanks, Joe." Will stood up and raised his arms. "C'mon, mate, bring it in."

Fish laughed, stood and hugged his friend. At that moment, the flat door opened. Will yanked Fish down onto the couch. "Just run with it," he whispered. 

Suppressing a giggle, Fish threw his leg up around Will and feigned a moan. Will hoped a punishment would be coming his way for this. To his embarrassment, the thought of Ianto's hand coming down on his arse caused blood to rush towards his groin. Fish shifted and Will knew he could feel it. 

"You know, when I told you to make my husband feel better, Fish, this wasn't what I had in mind. I think Henry would have an objection to you 'dancing' with us," Ianto said, smirking. 

Fish couldn't hold back anymore and laughed as he extracted himself from Will's arms. He winked at Will and threw him under the bus. "Wasn't my idea, mate."

"Least convincing practical joke ever, the both of you," Ianto teased as he shrugged out of his coat. "Would you like to stay for dinner, Fish?"

"Nah, I think Will has other plans for you," Fish said with a smirk. 

Will blushed furiously. 

Fish said, "Needs some punishing, this one."

Ianto raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"Yes. A thorough spanking, definitely," Fish said, smirking. 

"Why Fish, I had no idea you were so kinky," Ianto said, with a smirk of his own.

"I'm not. But then again I wasn't getting done up the arse until I spent a few years around you and Jack," Fish said, putting on his own coat. "Have fun you two. If you're walking funny tomorrow, mate, I'll know why!"

Ianto asked, "Are you talking to him or to me?"

Just before the door shut, Fish choked out through his laughter, "Does it matter?"

Ianto heard him laughing even after the door shut and given the excellent soundproofing in the building that was saying something. He turned to Will and straightened. 

"I believe Doctor Fischer is correct, boy. You're in need of punishment. That was a nasty joke you tried to play on me."

Will's pulse quickened. "Yes, sir."

"Your words?"

"Yellow and red, sir."

"Go strip and kneel in the bedroom. Now."

Will nearly tripped over his own feet as he bolted down the hallway. He owed Fish, big.


	11. Chapter 11

Will ran the towel over his hair and checked his reflection. His color was good and his energy was up, so when he slipped the monitor onto his finger, he wasn't surprised the light was green. He went back out into the bedroom and got dressed for work. Will had always considered the comfortable scrubs a perk of the job. In the beginning of their relationship, he'd often tease Ianto about the uncomfortable suit he wore daily, then he discovered his husband actually liked wearing suits. Ianto had trouble getting Will into suits for suit appropriate occasions. 

"Will! Breakfast!" Ianto called out. 

"Coming!"

Ianto had been breaking out all sorts of surprise food treats for Will lately and he couldn't wait to see what was in store for him this morning when he walked into the kitchen. He was slightly disappointed when Ianto set the plate of eggs in front of him.

"Tuck in, babe," he said. 

Will smiled. "Thanks." 

Then, Ianto set a glass down with a flourish. Will's eyes went wide with surprise and he actually dropped his fork. His husband had pulled out all the stops today if that glass contained Will thought it did. "Is that orange juice?"

"Yup," Ianto said, popping the "p." 

"You really do love spoiling me," Will said. He picked up the glass. He hadn't had orange juice in ages. 

"Squeezed it myself," Ianto proclaimed. 

Will's eyes went wide. He jerked the glass away when it was halfway to his mouth, nearly dropping it. He stared at it in shock. "You bought fresh oranges just to squeeze juice out of them?"

Ianto nodded, producing a glass of his own. "A treat I haven't had since before the food crisis. I thought we could really splurge."

"How many fucking oranges did this take?" Will cried, staring at the two large glasses. 

"About twenty," Ianto said. 

"TWENTY?!" Will shouted. Terrified he’d drop the glass, he gripped it with both hands. “You spent over ten thousand quid on oranges just for juice?"

Ianto replied, "Yup. Now, drink your juice."

Will lifted the glass. He'd only had the frozen sort of orange juice a few times in his life and it always had added sugar and a strange taste that Ianto described as cooked. He saw the bits of pulp floating in the beautiful orange liquid. It was orange, but nearly clear, and not opaque like the frozen kind. The first thing he did was close his eyes and smell. Then, he took a tentative sip and the sweet yet acidic flavor of oranges burst in his mouth.

It was like drinking sunshine.

It felt like how food was supposed to be and it actually brought tears to his eyes. He let it roll around his mouth then trickle down his throat slowly. He stared at the glass. "Oh my God! That's absolutely heavenly, that is."

Ianto grinned at him. "You know, back in the day you could buy gallons of it. They had machines in the market loaded with oranges. Kids would watch the machine split the oranges and press out the juice all while you waited."

"Wow," Will took another small sip. "This is amazing. Thank you."

"You're welcome, babe," Ianto replied. He buttered a slice of toast for Will and passed it to him. 

"I can't imagine what sort of food you're going to surprise me with next," Will laughed. 

Ianto shrugged and said, "I wish I could take you back in time before the food crisis, before the invasion. It was something, the twenty-first."

"I would've liked to have seen you younger. More carefree," Will said and then rolled his eyes. "What the fuck am I saying? You were never carefree."

Will took his time, eating the eggs and nibbling at his toast. In between, he'd take small sips of the juice. It was the perfect compliment to the food. He finished the food first, wanting the last flavour in his mouth to be the juice. He downed the last of it with relish. 

He picked up his plate and saw the small piece of paper. Grinning, he said, "You know you don't need to leave me these sappy notes when you're sitting right here."

"Well it's a treat for me. I never get to see your face when you receive one," Ianto replied. He took the plate from his husband and took it to the sink. 

Will unfolded the piece of paper and smiled as he read. "And here I was hoping it would be one of the naughty ones."

"Tomorrow, maybe," Ianto said. He looked at Miranda's watch. "Better get going. Fish is at the halfway mark. I want to check in with him."

Will nodded. "Be right with you."

He stood with the note hidden in his hand and went into their bedroom. He opened his nightstand drawer and took out the wooden box. His Tad had made it in school and had given it to Will as a small boy. He'd kept random things in it until Ianto had started leaving him these little notes. Will adored them. Because of his position, Ianto often was off somewhere working either in the Tower or on some trip. Whenever Will was lonely, the notes always made him smile. 

"Will?" Ianto called. 

"Sorry! Be right there!" He put the note in with the rest and shut the lid. 

When they got to the car, Will smirked and asked, "Can I drive today?"

Ianto only glared at him. 

"Just checking," Will laughed. 

He slid into the passenger seat, as always. In the beginning, he used to whinge about not being able to drive, but stopped when he realized it was never going to happen. Ianto reached across and laced their fingers together. "I love you."

"I love you too," Will replied. 

He settled back and watched the city pass by the window. When Ianto stopped at a light, Will saw a girl of no more than ten digging through a rubbish bin. He locked eyes with her for a second before the light changed and Ianto drove on. Too often he'd felt badly sitting in this expensive, comfortable car while there was so much suffering in the city. It was why he'd become a nurse. The clinic near where he grew up was always short staffed. He'd wanted to help people.  Ianto told him it was how it had always been, but to Will, t here was a lot of people who needed help these days. It had meant the world to him that someone, somewhere, had let him be a nurse despite his KEL status. 

After being ushered through the throngs of protestors, Ianto parked the car and Will got out. They rode the lift up to the top floor together. As always, Will passed his floor to see Ianto up to his office, but this morning, instead of the light peck on the cheek, Will pushed him against the lift wall and snogged him silly. 

Breathless, Ianto laughed. "I should write you cheesy notes more often."

Will rolled his eyes. The little note this morning underneath his cheese omelette was that he made Ianto's cheese melt. "You really know how to run with a bad theme don't you?"

"Well, it's what our relationship is based on," Ianto replied. He kiss Will lightly and stepped out of the lift. "I love you."

"Love you too. Have a good day and I'll see you later." Will checked his phone for the time. "Ally should have Joe all set up. I may stop in on the ward."

Ianto was about to enter his office, but Cora stopped him. "Doctor Jones, the special research team needs to see you. Something about a growing problem."

Will and Ianto both looked at each other, alarmed. They hadn't begun to grow Fish's liver yet. "Best see to that."

Ianto nodded and stepped to the secure lift. Will ducked back into his own lift and hit the door open button. When he heard Ianto's lift descend, he popped his head back out. 

"All clear, Cora?" he asked. 

"Up to no good this morning, are we?" she asked. 

"You might say that," Will said.

"Last time you were up to no good, I couldn't look Doctor Jones in the eye for a week." Cora waggled her finger at him. "Back in my day, a tumble at work was done behind closed doors, young man. We had discretion and a little decency. You'd do well to remember that." 

"Won't be like that this time. Cross my heart, love," Will said. He pushed the door open and stepped into the room. 

"Hey, Yan, how's Will this morning?" Jack asked, not looking up. 

"I'm fine, thanks for asking," Will said. 

Jack's head snapped up. "Will? Where's Ianto?"

"Checking in with the research team. There's some problem."

Jack nodded. "Thanks for letting me know."

"That's not why I'm here, Captain Harkness."

"I'm intrigued. Go on..." Jack said, leaning back in the chair. 

Will rolled his eyes at the flirtatious tone. "Ianto and I are monogamous, Captain." He sat down in the chair across from Jack. "I just wanted to have a little chat. Man to man, I believe is the old expression."

Jack dropped the stylus onto the desk and turned. "All right."  

"I'm sure Ianto's told you it's the beginning of the end for me, and I want to dot all my t's and cross all my i's as my Gran would've said."

"Will..."

"I haven't heard much about you, Captain, which says a lot, all on its own. But, whenever Ianto does talk about you, he tries to sound bitter and angry, thinking it'll hide that he's actually sad and regretful." He gave Jack a hard stare. "I tell Ianto all the time I'm not jealous of your history together, and I'm not. I'm jealous that you'll have his future, because I know you're where he'll go next."

"Woah, woah..."

Will held up his hand to forestall any protest. "I'm dying, Captain Harkness. I don't have time to waste dancing about and playing this game or listening to false platitudes and lip service. A person knows when they're just filler."

"Will, Ianto loves you-"

"I know he does and I don't need you or anyone else to tell me that, because he's done nothing but make me feel loved for going on nearly six years now. He's the love of my life. But I know I'm not the love of his. You are. I knew that the minute he uttered your name."

Will stood up and leaned forward, his eyes narrowing. "I can see it in your eyes. He's the love of your life too. And you lost him. I don't know the story of how, but I'm guessing you've already realized that it makes you about twelve different sorts of plain fucking stupid."

Jack nodded.

"And I'm also guessing it's not the first time you did something plain fucking stupid."

He shook his head.  

"When I'm gone, he's going to walk right back to you because he's hurting and he'll reach for something familiar. He takes comfort in the familiar and in routine, my Ianto." Will was pleased with the almost imperceptible flinch when he called Ianto his. He planted his hands on the desk and Jack leaned back from the threatening stance. "But my guess is your routine with him is fucking, fighting, and taking him for granted." 

Jack swallowed hard.

"I thought that, I did." He pushed aside some of the tablets and leaned closer. "Look at me, Captain. I'm mortal. I'm dying.  I am dying.  I'd give anything,  anything , to have the possibility of eternity with him like you have. And here you are-fucking it up. Don't you go fucking it up again."

"I'll do my best," Jack said. 

Will saw red. He pounded his fist on the desk. "Not. Bloody. Good. Enough. You know who says they'll do their best? Tossers and useless gits. People who aren't doing their best by a long shot. It's whinging. It's making excuses." He stood up straight. "It wasn't your best, Captain, and you know it. You're just lying to yourself to make fucking up and losing him hurt less. Stop taking him for granted. He doesn't expect much and he's more than worth the effort." 

Hot tears began to sting his eyes. The idea of Ianto in this unworthy man's arms twisted Will's gut. Will had Jack figured out the minute he'd clapped eyes on him. Everything about the man screamed look-at-me from the period clothes to the ten thousand watt grin. Will tried to imagine a young Ianto Jones in his early twenties, the kind of man who would get swept up in someone like that. He couldn't manage it. Ianto was too good for him.  He's too good for me too ... He walked to the office door before Jack could see the tears swimming in his eyes. 

"Why are you doing this?" Jack wondered.

Without turning around, Will said, "I thought I made myself clear, Captain. I'm dying. I'm getting my affairs in order and making sure my Ianto's well taken care of is one of them. Thanks for the further confirmation that you're a knob end." He shoved open the door and stomped to the lift. 

Hoping to clear Jack from his mind with work, Will stopped in on the ward to talk to a few of his favorite patients and then took the stairs to the secure ward to see Fish. He rubbed at his stomach. That omelette wasn't sitting well.  Too much cheese , Will thought and laughed at his own cleverness. 

The secure door scanned his retina and accepted his code and fingerprint. After stepping through, he closed it securely behind him. 

He smiled at Ally. "Thanks for letting me go down to the ward."

"You owe me lunch," she insisted. "I covered all your shifts when you took that mini-holiday."

"Promise. How's Joe?" he asked. 

"I've no idea how you do that, call Doctor Joseph Fischer by his first name," she said. "You know my whole bloody university was named after him. I look at him and all I can see is that statue we had in the quad."

"He asked me too call him that. We're supposed to be treating him normally," Will said with a shrug. "I went to Fischer University too. Did that report on him in primary."

"We all had to do the report on him," Ally said. "I didn't expect him to be so down to earth. I always figured he was the reluctant hero sort. Just in the right place at the right time."

"Or the wrong place at the wrong time."

"Yeah, that." She finished tapping at the workstation and turned to Will. "I mean, I figured he'd be a good bloke, but I thought he'd be a little stuffy, more awkward maybe. He's someone I'd like to grab a pint with."

Will pounced on the idea. "We should make that an outing for him. All the nurses should take him down the pub for a pint."

"Talk to your man about that," Ally said, nodding. 

"Have you seen him?" 

"He popped his head in. The researchers were having a fit about the liver."

"Oh yeah what was that about?"

"One simulation said it would fail so they panicked and wanted to scrap the whole idea," Ally said, rolling her eyes. 

"Over one simulation?" Will asked. 

"Well you know how cautious they're being. Already in hot water about that near fatal PTE he had, they are. They're the ones who told Doctor Jones and Doctor Devon that the higher doses would be fine and convinced them the risk was negligible even though a quarter of the simulations showed the PTE possibility."

"Catering to Ianto's desire to get Joe in and out of this century quick as we can."

Ally nodded. "You know, it's been the chance of a lifetime, getting to know him. Shame we can't tell no one about it."

"I know, my Mum would flip. She always swore we were related through his sister. I always thought she was full of it, but now I'm not so sure," Will said. He grinned and told Ally about the cake plate.

"That's something, that is!" she said with a laugh. "He could be your great whatever number of times uncle!" 

"That'd be something, eh?" he laughed. He reached into his pocket and took out a small card. "Here. I trust you with it. Go get yourself some lunch. I've got it covered from here."

Ally grinned and took the food card. "Thanks! He just needs disconnecting and to go back upstairs. I swear, I won't buy anything fresh."

"Go on, treat yourself. You grab a piece of fruit or two," he said, smiling. "Did me a real favor filling in for me, you did." 

Will waved as she left then turned to the workstation and tapped in his access. He brought up Fish's vital signs for the day and began work. He checked his test results and scans and double checked the medication orders. When he was done, he picked up the tablet from its slot and walked down the hallway to the infusion room. 

Brightly, he said, "Morning, Joe, how are we feeling today?"

"The usual. The fatigue's way better with the lowered the doses. How about you?"

Will pushed back Fish's sleeves and checked for bruising or redness. While he palpated the lymph nodes in his neck, he said, "Energy's good and my numbers are normal."

When he went to input the information into the tablet he noted the empty chair. "Where's Henry?"

"Don't know, actually. He said he had a few things to take care of today."

"He left you on your own? Bastard." Will winked and Fish laughed heartily. Glancing at the tablet, he sat down in Henry's usual chair and said, "Everything looks great, Joe."

"So how was that holiday in Manchester?" Fish asked.

"Oh it was amazing," Will replied. He felt his ears warm. 

"Didn't see any of the city did you?" Fish teased. 

Will laughed. "Not one bit."

"How much of that time did you spend tied up?" Fish asked, turning pink.

Will laughed again. "Quite a bit, actually. Ianto took me to a club."

"Showing you off, eh?"

Will blushed and nodded. "We've never been to a club or done public play. I've done it before, just not with him. I was never too keen on it. I'm always too self-conscious to really relax. I'm always worried I'm going to slip up and embarrass my Master." His eyes twinkled as he smiled at him. "Must say that learning you're kinky is a real surprise, Joe."

It was Fish's turn to blush. "Not me. I dated a bird who was into the lifestyle."

"Really? Domme or sub?"

"Domme," Fish said. The blush spread to his ears. "She tried to get me into it, took me to a few munches and a few clubs. I learned a lot and it was all very interesting, but it wasn't my thing." He shrugged.

Will asked, "How did you know Ianto and I played?" 

"You mean aside from that locked collar around your neck?" Fish said with a laugh. "Once you bent and your scrub top rode up. I saw the whip marks on your back. You've had some chafing and bruising on your arms and neck too. Your scrubs are short sleeved, mate. It was the only explanation since I knew Ianto would never abuse you," Fish said. He rolled his eyes. "You two aren't exactly subtle."

Will laughed. He tapped the collar fastened around his neck and the lock jingled. "There's no stigma attached to it like it was in your time."

"Certainly wasn't something you wanted getting around at work in my day. Even being gay got you funny looks in my time," Fish said. 

"You and Henry got funny looks?" Will asked. 

Fish nodded. "People stare and frown. One time, this cow tutted at us. Henry's seen way worse. He's lived in times when you could be hanged for it."

"Fucking barbaric. I can't imagine that," Will said. He shook his head. "I always forget how old Henry is. He looks so young."

"Made me uncomfortable as fuck when we first met. I mean, he died at age seventeen. I'm bloody old enough to be his father. Soon his grandfather. I got used to it though. It's easy for me to forget how he's physically young sometimes, he acts so much older."

"I'm surprised you can walk straight," Will teased. 

"Well, it has lots of benefits," Fish laughed.

"He doesn't strike me as the kinky sort," Will said.

Fish laughed again and blushed. "He's the one who's introducing kinky shit to me."

Will barked out a laugh of his own. "Now there's a surprise."

"One of the fucking hottest nights of my life was when he blindfolded me with one of his ties and tied one of my hands to the bedpost," Fish said, shivering. 

"Sensory play can be pretty intense," Will said, raising an eyebrow. "BDSM isn't all about pain. It's about trust and the power play, the giving and taking of control." 

He confessed, "I worry about keeping up with him when I get older. What will I have to offer him when I'm sixty or seventy? Or eighty?"

Will tried not to let the truth betray in his features. "I'm sure Henry won't care."

"I know. I worry about it still. Male vanity I guess," he said then winced. "Sorry, mate, here I am complaining about turning into an old man. Fucking inconsiderate of me."

"Once I tried to insult my gran by calling her old. She gave me a real dressing down and a slap across the face. Told me that growing old was a privilege-one that too many people don't get to enjoy."

"How are you doing, really?" Fish asked. 

"They increased my mood stabilizers and that's helped a lot. I was having these bursts of terror and some panic attacks. I'm still having some trouble sleeping." 

Fish nodded. "I was like that too. You keep trying to crack on but it's not the same. Have you talked to someone else, mate? A counselor or gone to a support group or something? I know you said you don't like the religious aspect, but they can help widen your support network."

Will shook his head. There were plenty of KEL support groups and other groups for the terminally ill, but he wasn't keen. 

"Maybe you should," Fish said. 

"I like chatting with you better," Will insisted with a wink. He cleared his throat and said, "I'd like to ask a favor, Joe." 

"Sure, mate, anything." 

"I've already cleared it with Jack and Ianto." He paused and asked, "Would you speak at my funeral?"

"What?" Fish gasped. 

"Just something short. A few words..." He paused and swallowed. "Ianto's going to be too upset."

Fish blinked and nodded. "Sure, Will. I'm a shite public speaker, though. I'll warn you, it won't be poetic."

"It's all right, I've come up with the poetic already," Will said, reaching into his pocket. He handed him a slip of paper. 

Fish unfolded the paper and cleared his throat.

"'Turn Again to Life' by Mary Lee Hill..." he recited,

" If I should die, and leave you here awhile

Be not like others sore undone, who keep

Long vigils by the silent dust and weep.

For my sake, turn again to life, and smile,

Nerving thy heart and trembling hand to do

Something to comfort weaker hearts than thine.

Complete these dear unfinished tasks of mine,

And I, perchance, may therein comfort you.'" 

He reached up and wiped his eye. "It's  beautiful , Will. Sure, mate, I'll read it, come up with a bit of something to say too."

"Thanks, Henry's already agreed to speak too," Will replied.

"What's he reading?"

"Bit of something by a bloke named Walt Whitman," Will replied. He cleared his throat.  "’I bequeath myself to the dirt to grow from the grass I love,

If you want me again look for me under your boot-soles.

You will hardly know who I am or what I mean,

But I shall be good health to you nevertheless,

And filter and fibre your blood.

Failing to fetch me at first keep encouraged,

Missing me one place search another,

I stop somewhere waiting for you.’"

Fish said, "Do you mind if we switch?" 

Will  shrugged, "Sure. You like the bit of Walt Whitman better?" 

"I think that bit's more appropriate for me to say as if I were speaking for you," Fish said. He held up the piece of paper. “This sounds more like one immortal to another.”

Will nodded.  "I can see that. Thanks, mate. I appreciate this, more than you know."

Fish held out his hand and Will clasped it. He yanked and the young man embraced him. "You need anything, you let me know, okay?"

"I will, thanks," Will replied.   

The devices on Fish's arms beeped and Will stood. He removed the first device, carefully checking for bruising. Then, he massaged Fish's arm before turning to the second device and doing the same. 

"All done, Joe. I'll go get your ride." Will pointed at the infusion chair. "You stay put. I'll be right back."

Fish obediently sat back down with his hands up. "Just wanted to stretch my legs."

"Sit. You get dizzy post infusion and I don't want you dropping on me." 

"Yes, sir," Fish said with a wink. 

Chuckling, Will stepped out into the hallway and walked towards the cupboard. Halfway, he turned the corner and walked straight into his husband. "Oi!"

"There you are!" Ianto leaned, kissing him. "How's it going?" 

"Good, all done. Just going to take Joe upstairs and then find some lunch," Will said. 

"Henry's upstairs with Jack. They're planning another outing for Fish," Ianto said. 

"Outing, that reminds me. Ally said it'd be a great idea to take him round the pub for a pint with the staff," Will said. 

"I'll bring it up to Jack," Ianto said. He followed Will as he continued to the cupboard. 

Will opened the door and stepped inside. To Will's surprise, Ianto stepped in with him. "Oi! There's barely room for one of us in here!"

Ianto opened the door and shoved the wheelchair into the hallway. After slamming the door behind him, he sank to his knees. "No risk of Fish walking in on us here."

Will grinned and began fumbling with the drawstring on his scrubs. "God I love that wicked fucking mouth of yours. Suck me.”

Ianto grinned and swallowed him down. Will leaned back, enjoying the sensational effort. There was nothing like an enthusiastic blowjob in the middle of his work day. He tried to hold back, to let it last as long as possible. When Ianto slid a finger into him, he lost it. Without care or thought to who might be able to hear them, he cried out Ianto's name as he pulsed down his throat. 

"Fucking amazing," Will gasped. 

The sight of Ianto on his knees in his suit made Will's heart race. 

"You look so fucking sexy like that," Will said, caressing Ianto's cheek. "Take your cock out. Stroke it for me."

To Will's surprise, Ianto obeyed. He kept his eyes locked with Will the entire time. 

"I'm gonna come," he whispered. 

"Stand up and don't hold back," Will ordered. He dropped to his own knees and opened his mouth. 

Ianto understood, taking aim. "Coming! Now!"

Will sealed his lips around Ianto's cock and his mouth filled with hot come. Ianto threw his head back and howled, grabbing a shelf for purchase as his knees weakened. 

"We should do this more often," Ianto asked. "Tell me why I don't do this with you every day?"

Will licked his lips, savoring the taste of his lover. "Because you're old fashioned and past it."

Ianto laughed. He pulled Will in for a passionate kiss. "I love you."

"I love you too," Will replied. "Joe must be wondering where I am."

Ianto chuckled. "Jack is probably wondering the same about me. Once he's done with Henry, he wants me to go over the latest Triad demands."

Will rolled his eyes. "Little better than interplanetary pirates. Bullies. Paying one bully to keep away the other ones never works well. It's going to backfire on us."

"A necessary evil, babe," Ianto said. He agreed with his husband but the situation was complicated. He carefully adjusted his clothes and checked for any mess. "Do I look all right?" 

Will opened the door and they stepped into the hallway. He scrutinized Ianto's suit. "You're fine. Might want to spray yourself down with whatever it is Jack wears." 

Ianto rolled his eyes. "He smells like that naturally." 

"You are joking, right?" That exotic scent wafting off Jack in the office earlier had been one of the most sensual and erotic things Will had ever smelled. 

"Nope." Ianto shook his head. "I'll see you later," Ianto said. He jerked his head towards the cupboard. "There's more where that came from."

"Can't wait," Will said. He unfolded the wheelchair and flexed his fingers. He felt cold despite their tryst. "Go on. I'll see you later.

Ianto waved as he walked away, grinning, and Will pushed the chair back towards the infusion room. He stopped at a workstation to check the thermostat setting. It was fine. A lump in his stomach, he reached into his pocket. He shook his hand out and slipped the monitoring device onto his finger. He shut his eyes and prayed. 

Please...

The device beeped and Will opened his eyes. The light was green. He blew out a relieved breath, then pushed the chair down to the infusion room.  Remember the last time you didn't listen to your body ... With a sigh, he decided to finish up and then head down to the ward and get his levels more officially checked. The handheld device was for convenience and was accurate, but the larger machine downstairs would be able to provide more information. 

"There you are!" Fish exclaimed. He wrinkled his nose. "Oh lovely, you have a quickie with Ianto?"

"Quick blowjob." Will gave a nervous cough. "Sorry, Joe."

Fish laughed. "Nothing changes. Ianto's still shagging all over Torchwood premises." 

Will grinned. He pushed Fish into the hallway and turned towards the lifts. When the doors opened he wheeled Fish inside and hit the button. A strange ache started in his arm. He flexed his fingers.  Maybe I slept on it wrong. 

The doors opened and Will wheeled Fish to his suite. "Bedroom or sofa?"

"Bedroom," Fish said. "Henry's not here. I may as well take a nap."

"Ianto said he's upstairs talking to Jack about your next outing."

"Oh great! I haven't been out since we went to yours," Fish said. He stood and wobbled. The wheelchair rolled back and bumped into Will's leg. 

Will grabbed his arm to steady him. "Woah, careful there, Joe. You all right?" 

"Yeah, little dizzy like you said," Fish replied. 

The ache in his arm got worse. It could be radiating belly pain.  Better safe than sorry . 

"Give me a second, Joe. Sit down on the bed for me, okay?" He walked over to the intercom. "This is Nurse Dodd. Can I have a replacement nurse sent in to help Doctor Fischer undress? I'm not feeling well."

"Be right there," Ally's voice answered. 

"Thanks, Ally, can you call the ward and let them know I'll be down immediately?"

"Sure thing." 

"You all right, mate," Fish asked. 

"I'm not feeling well. Stomach's tetchy," he said. He put a hand on his belly and sat down in the wheelchair. "I'm a bit dizzy too."

Fish stood up and Will pointed at the bed. "Oi! Sit! I'm in no shape to help you if you fall. Just sit down and wait for Ally." 

Obediently, Fish sat back down. Will took out the monitor. He just took a reading, but something was wrong. He knew it and he was fucking terrified. His hands were trembling, cold, and clammy with fear. He couldn't manage to get it onto the end of his finger. After watching him fumbling with it for a few minutes, Fish took it from him. He slipped it on his finger. 

The light was yellow and blinking which meant he needed immediate medical attention. It had been green only a few minutes ago. That meant... 

Acute bleed.

FUCK!

"Fuck... Fuck..." he muttered. His breath started to shake as panic gripped him. 

The ache in his belly worsened, accompanied with some nausea. Terror trickled like ice down his neck.

My spleen. Oh God it could be my spleen...  

"Joe? I need you to hit your emergency button. Now. Please..." his voice shook. 

Fish didn't hesitate. He hit the button and was back at Will's side. "What's wrong, Will?"

"Pain... dizzy..." Will said. The dizziness got worse as did the ache in his belly. It was becoming sharp. "I don't want to take any chances it's... my... my spleen...” 

The room's floor felt like it tilted and Will slid out of the chair. The pain exploded in his belly and he screamed.

"WILL!"

He didn't even hear Fish as he tried  to get up. Then the pain ebbed away, replaced with a floaty feeling. His limbs felt heavy and cold.  Splenic rupture...  he thought distantly. 

This is it... This is the end... I'm going to die... Surprisingly, he wasn't afraid. He'd spent so much time since that first transfusion afraid, but that fear was gone. Calm washed over him as something swept him backwards. 

"It's okay... my spleen's ruptured..." he whispered. 

"I don't know how the fuck that equates to okay!" Fish cried.

Will was dimly aware of Ally shouting and some more footsteps. He could feel everything and everyone around him. There were shouting voices. 

Fish cried, "Hold on!" 

Will's training told him all the reasons why there was no helping him. The disease and the blood replacements had done their damage. His spleen was destroyed and he was bleeding into his belly. He needed immediate surgery and the transfusions they'd have to give him during the procedure would kill him. He looked up at Fish. 

"I'm glad I got to know you... Tell Ianto..." he trailed off not knowing what message he should give. 

"You'll tell him yourself!" Fish cried. 

"It's okay..." Did something wet just hit his face? "Doesn't hurt. Itches."

The cold feeling was gone and Will felt warm. He closed his eyes, sinking into that comfortable warmth would be so perfect right now, but someone shook him. "Oi!"

He blinked, opening his eyes. Why was someone shaking him? Why was everyone shouting?  Joe...  Standing just behind Fish was a man. 

That man leaned over and put his hands on his knees. There was a wide, warm smile on his face. He held out his hand to Will and said, "Time to go, son." 

Tad?

"Hey! Oi! Oi! Don't you do that! You stay with me!" Fish shouted. 

Will wished he would stop shouting and shaking him. He tried to reach for his father's hand, but Fish took it instead. Then, he caught sight of his father, smiling, in the doorway which was bathed in bright light. He'd heard about it, but had always thought it was a load of rubbish. 

"Huh... how about that... an actual light..." Will said, amused. 

"No, no, no!" Fish cried. 

"Tad?" Will whispered as the light enveloped his father.

"You see him? Your tad?" Fish weeped. 

"Yeah, he's right there..." Will said as he stood up. He craned his neck, trying to see into the light. He couldn't see his father, but he heard his voice. "I'm so very proud of you, son. You were fantastic. Come on. It's time to go."

"Yeah. It's time," Will said, smiling.

He got up and followed his father's voice. He paused and shouted, "Be right there, Tad!" He could see and feel everyone around him trying to save him. He felt their panic and their sadness. He could see Ianto. He was in he lift, anxious and concerned. He thought the alarm was for Fish and was frantically wondering what could have gone wrong, turning over options in his head. Love burst through Will, not overflowing but filling his heart which had become infinite, transcending time and space. He smiled and shouted, "I love you, Ianto! Always!"

The light grew brighter and brighter until it was blinding. Then in an instant, it winked out and William Dodd vanished into the darkness beyond. 


	12. Chapter 12

A scarce number of people Ianto had known in the past six hundred years had impacted his life like William Dodd. The days following Will's death were a blur. When Jack had led Ianto away from Fish's suite, he hadn't taken him home. Instead, he'd set him up in a hotel, and in the days following, he had been Ianto's rock. In a bizarre reversal of the usual roles, Jack had seen to everything. The funeral. Will's mother's travel arrangements. Torchwood. The flat. Everything. 

Ianto had lived long enough to have heard every theory and belief possible associated with the dead. Some people swore they felt the presence of loved ones or heard their voices. Ianto felt nothing like that. In the days leading up to and following Will's funeral, there was a great absence and a profound nothingness where his husband had once stood. 

It was easy to ignore among the flurry of concerned and sympathetic family, friends, and colleagues, but once they were gone, silence fell. Jack put him to bed after the funeral, staying in the guest room, but only for that one night. Then, he politely retreated to allow Ianto to grieve in private. Ianto got by-eating and exercising and existing. The flat was too big. There was too much air and he couldn't breathe. He imaged it was similar to dying in space-choking on a vast emptiness, cold and alone. Ianto found himself wishing Jack was still there so someone, anyone, could block the space his husband had left. 

Ianto couldn't wait to return to work, but couldn't stand the thought of coming home to this tomb of their short life together. So, the day before he was due back, he manically began cleaning the flat. He started in the kitchen, cleaning the floor and appliances until they gleamed. Then he moved to the lounge, hoovering and dusting away. When he got to the guest room, he packed away everything in their toy chest. He attacked the bedroom and the en suite with equal fervor, bagging up all of Will's clothes, and shoes. He was about to reach for the sheets, but paused. Tears gathering in his eyes, and he stripped nude, climbing into their bed. After yanking the blankets up over himself, he wrapped his arms around Will's pillow and closed his eyes. 

When he woke, it was dark and he wasn't sure what day it was. He rubbed at his eyes and checked his phone. It was nearly dawn. 

He'd thought going back to work would provide a distraction, but it made things worse. The wound of Will's loss burned every moment of every day, but this morning's routine made it flare into an inferno that burned down to his bones. 

Will usually showered first. But when he got into the shower, it was dry, and the scent of Will's soap and shampoo wasn't there. When he walked into the kitchen to prepare breakfast, choking back a sob when he accidentally took out enough eggs for two omelettes. Each bite was tasteless. Surely the car ride would be better? No, Will wasn't there to ask him if he could drive, and Ianto reached across for a hand that would never be there to hold his again. The only passenger in his car was Death. Ianto wished it would grab the wheel and steer him into oncoming traffic. But Death was just relaxing in the backseat, touching anyone who rode with him while Ianto continued on and on.

For the first time since he'd taken Miranda's head, he finally understood the depth of her sufferings. Ianto could hear John Hart snickering an I-told-you-so at him from beyond the grave. Hart had said to him, Not only does the sun not shine as bright, but it doesn't shine at all for you anymore. And the only thing that will ever make it right again is getting that person back. 'Cept they're not coming back.

Relieved the agonizing commute and grief stricken internal monologue was over, he'd forgotten another lonely ride in the lift was waiting for him. There was no gentle kiss to warm his cheek as stepped out into the hallway. The empty lift descended taking Ianto's spirits with it. He twisted his wedding ring around his finger, wondering if he should take it off. 

With a heavy sigh, he walked into his office, giving Cora an empty smile as he walked past her. He stepped into his office, bracing himself for the day, but his desk was occupied. 

"Jack? What are you doing here so early?" he asked. 

"I could ask you the same thing," Jack replied. "You just lost your husband, Ianto. You should take some more time. It's only been a month." 

Ianto shook his head. "I can't stay home anymore, Jack."

He put down his briefcase and walked over to the sideboard to fix himself some coffee. "I need to keep busy. Fish's liver tissue collection is today."  

"Ianto, you're in no shape to be performing surgery," Jack insisted. 

Ianto shook his head. He poured himself some coffee and snapped, "I'm fine."

Jack stepped over to his ex-husband. He rested his hand on his shoulder. "Okay, Ianto, I want you to carefully think about what you just said and think whether or not you should be wielding a laser today."

Ianto's shoulders slumped and he put the mug down so hard the coffee sloshed out. "I can't go back to that empty flat, Jack. I can't just sit around at home feeling him not there. I need to keep busy. I can't..."

Jack slipped his arm around Ianto's chest from behind, pulling him close. "Why don't you stay on the TARDIS? There are plenty of rooms. The Doctor won't mind." 

He held out the TARDIS key. "Go on. The TARDIS will take care of you. How about a nice hot shower?"

Ianto wanted to argue, but didn't have the strength. A hot shower and some time in a place that had nothing to do with Will sounded like a relief. He took the key. "Thank you, Jack. You're sure he won't mind?"

"Not in the least. Go. Take a long, hot shower, and try and get some sleep in a bed that doesn't remind you of him." 

Ianto nodded. Holding it together to drag himself into work had emotionally drained him and the wave of accompanying exhaustion crashed up his legs. He let out a half sob and Jack caught him in his arms.

"Hey, it's okay... It's going to be okay, Yan. I got you."

 He pulled Ianto over to the sofa and sat him down. Ianto let  cry as Jack held him, whispering soothing words. They were words Ianto had never understood and assumed were in Jack's native language. It brought back memories of late nights in the bunker and the bowels of the old Hub. When his sobs finally quieted, Ianto sat up and wiped his eyes. Jack tugged the handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to him. After Ianto blew his nose, he realized this was the first time he'd had a good long cry since Will had died. 

"Fish's surgery-"

"I'll handle it, Ianto."

"The idea of you performing surgery is bloody terrifying," he tried to joke. 

"You want me to walk you up?" Jack asked. 

He shook his head, wiping at his face. 

"Thank you, Jack," Ianto said, again. He'd been saying that to his ex-husband a lot lately. A distant part of his brain noted this was the first time Jack hadn't mentioned promises they'd made. His legs not quite steady underneath him, he walked to the lift with the key in his hand. 

Once he was on the roof, he stood there, staring at the blue box. He turned around it, looking at the wooden surface. Chameleon circuit... He wondered what it actually looked like. Fingering the key in his hand, he stepped to the front door which flung open, narrowingly missing his face. The Doctor leaned out, a long apron over his waistcoat and trousers. Ianto had only seen him at an awkward angle on a CCTV video. He recognised him immediately. He'd been at Will's funeral with Jack. 

"Ah, hello!" The Doctor frowned at him. "I don't remember you looking this peaky the last time. Memory's a bit fuzzy though. Different brain cells. And I certainly don't like the color of the kidneys." 

Surprised, Ianto stayed rooted on the spot. The last time he'd met the Doctor had been six hundred years ago, at his and Jack's wedding. Ianto immediately understood what Jack said about his Doctor being different. The man standing in front of him was not the same one he met six hundred years ago, at all. Why does he sound Scottish? 

"Well, what are you standing there for? All of time and space doesn't mean all of time and space this very minute." 

Ianto stepped into the TARDIS and the door swung shut behind him. He turned in place, he muttered, "Bigger on the inside..." He said, louder, "Jack had always said, but I didn't really believe it. Umm, he said it might be all right if I stayed for a bit."

"Course," the Doctor said. He waved behind him. "Pick a room." 

"Erm, thanks. I'm-"

"Ianto Jones," the Doctor replied. He shook Ianto's hand then wiped his hand on the apron. "One of Jack's ex-husbands." 

Ianto's eyes shot up. "One of?" 

"Well, yes, you were married to him and now you're not so you should understand."

Ianto rolled his eyes. "Actually, yes, I do." 

"So, go on then, pick a room," the Doctor said. He bounded up the stairs and out of sight calling, "I know your husband's just died, but I don't do hugging. I'm against hugging!" 

Ianto raised an eyebrow at the odd statement. He wasn't completely comfortable wandering about the ship alone, but as he was left with no choice, he walked towards the hallway the Doctor had indicated. He opened the first door he came to and the smell of Jack hit him full in the face. Jack's room. Ianto smiled, looking around. Why are there bunk beds? 

Resisting the urge to be nosy, Ianto closed the door and continued down the hallway. When he came to another turn, and saw another door. Hoping it wasn't the Doctor's room, Ianto opened it. Again, Jack's scent hit him. That's not possible... 

He looked back over his shoulder. There was no way he could've come to Jack's door again! Shaking his head, Ianto shut the door and continued. He turned the corner and there was another door which opened to reveal Jack's room. 

"Oh bloody hell!" he cried. The ship was obviously playing with him. With a sigh, he stepped into the room and set down his briefcase. Jack will be able to figure out this bloody ship. 

The room was surprisingly tidy. The top of the dresser was strewn with random items, pictures, and mementos from the Hub, but there was an actual clothes hamper. Ianto was surprised there wasn't a ring of clothes around it. He opened the wardrobe and took out a hanger for his suit. As he undressed, he realised he didn't have anything to wear. Well, this certainly wouldn't be the first time I've worn Jack's clothes. Once he was undressed, Ianto stepped into the en suite and took a scorchingly hot shower. 

Dried off and very pink, Ianto dressed in his usual Jack's-borrowed-clothing outfit of t-shirt and pajama bottoms. Having a space that didn't remind him of Will every two seconds was a relief. Ianto let out a snort at the bunk beds. He decided to climb into the bottom bunk. He'd never slept in a bunk bed and the last thing he wanted to do was fall out of the top one. The minute he climbed in, he knew he'd chosen the bunk Jack used. The soft bed and Jack's spicy scent carried him off to sleep. The sleep was thankfully dreamless until warm hands shook him. 

"Gerrof," he mumbled, rolling over. 

"Ianto?" 

"Jack?" Ianto rolled back and saw Jack staring down at him. 

"Ianto? What are you doing in here?" Jack asked, confused. 

Ianto sat up, annoyed. "This bloody ship! Every door I came to was this room! I couldn't find one of my own!" 

To Ianto's further annoyance, Jack actually burst into laughter. 

"It's not funny, Jack!" 

"I'm sorry Ianto. The TARDIS probably thought you'd be more comfortable here and made a loop corridor to get you here. Even replaced my bed," Jack said, waving around the room. "You did get some sleep, didn't you?"

Ianto had to admit it'd been the best sleep he'd had since Will had died. He nodded and said, "You mean this bed wasn't here before?" 

Jack shook his head, chuckling. "Why would I sleep in a bunk bed?" He waggled his eyebrows at Ianto. "You want the top or the bottom?" 

Ianto rolled his eyes. "A room of my own would be preferable." 

Jack pointed upwards. "If she wants you in here, you're probably stuck in here." He stretched upwards and began unfastening his braces. "Joe Devon did Fish's tissue collection, by the way. Told me Fish's doing great."

Ianto nodded. Joe Devon was Ianto's second-in-command on Fish's project and an excellent surgeon. Questions were fighting their way through Ianto's brain, but Jack wouldn't be able to answer any of them. 

Sensing Ianto's distress, Jack reached into his pocket and held out a tablet. "The surgery and any tests." 

"Thanks," Ianto said, tapping it. He didn't bother watching the video recording of the procedure, but he did read Devon's lengthily report. The analysis of the tissue was also included. "Wow." 

"What?" Jack asked, looking up from unbuttoning his shirt. 

"Joe had to remove a much larger portion of Fish's liver than we originally estimated to get enough healthy tissue for the cloning-almost the entire left side. The scans these days are great, but nothing beats examining the actual tissue," Ianto said. He swiped and continued to read as he spoke. "Joe ran a reverse simulation from the sample he collected. The liver was much worse off than we thought. It would've killed him in a few months, possibly as little as two."

"Glad we didn't dilly dally getting him here. Taking that much of his liver won't hurt him, will it?" 

Ianto shook his head. "It shouldn't. He's been weaned off most of his medications. The tumor is much smaller and his liver is much healthier. Joe took that much of the liver to make sure we give him the best possible clone." 

Jack nodded and pointed at the en suite. "I'm going to rinse off quick. Then we can try to find you a room of your own." 

Ianto slid back up on the bed and shoved some pillows behind his back. He glanced over to the right and saw some framed pictures on Jack's bedside table. Next to the picture of Alicia, there was another picture of Jack with his arm around a handsome young man with a button nose and wide ears. 

Curious, he picked up the frame and began examining the picture. He called out, "Who's this, Jack?" 

"Who?" Jack shouted over the water. 

"This bloke you're with!" Ianto shouted back, holding out the picture. 

Jack opened the shower door and poked his head out, squinting at the picture. "Alonso." 

"Oh, Alonso," Ianto teased. "Handsome bloke. Were the ears good to hold onto?" 

"Wasn't like that, Ianto," Jack shouted. "Alonso was just a friend." 

Ianto put the frame back on the nightstand. He leaned to the side and saw Jack washing his hair. After over a century of marriage, Ianto knew Jack's habits fairly well. Jack would have a quick wank and then continue with washing. Feeling nosy, Ianto silently pulled open the nightstand drawer. 

He'd expected the virtual cornucopia of lube and sex toys, but he hadn't expected the pile of well worn photographs of him. The edges were tattered and the corners were bent. 

As none of them were of dubious stickiness, Ianto suspected they weren't wanking material. The worn box resting on top of them was further proof. The false leather coating was flaking away and the hinge wasn't working well. He listened and still heard the shower running, so he opened the box. Inside was a tungsten carbide ring with a thin gold inlay.

Ianto swallowed hard. The ring could be Jack's. Both of their wedding rings had had the phrase 'I love you' in Welsh engraved inside. Ianto's ring also had the word always while Jack's had the word 'now.'  He carefully removed the ring and checked the inscription. This wasn't Jack's ring. It was Ianto's and it took him back to the exact moment he'd lost it. 

You cannot run away, Jack! 

Jack had looked so defeated saying, Watch me. 

You walk out that door, don't you ever come back! 

As Jack had walked out of the door, Ianto had yanked the ring off and thrown at him as hard as he could. He could still hear it plinking against the wall and hitting the floor. He'd kicked the door closed behind Jack and stormed off. He hadn't seen Jack pick it up. By the time he'd bothered to try and find it himself, he assumed it must've rolled under an appliance or dropped down a floor vent or into the hallway for someone to find. At the time, his anger towards Jack had eclipsed its loss, but Ianto had always been upset he'd never found it.

Ianto heard the water cut off and quickly replaced everything. He'd shut the drawer just in time. Jack emerged from the shower, nude, of course. Ianto averted his eyes and sat up. Jack began tossing fresh clothes onto the bed. He sat down on the end and began to dress. "You rested enough, Ianto?" 

"Yeah, I did," he said. He looked down at his lap. "I borrowed some clothes." 

"I don't mind, Yan," Jack said. "Let's try to find you somewhere of your own." 

"Aside from the bunk beds this reminds me of when I moved into the bunker. Tiny sleeping space, no room to move round, and nothing to wear." 

Jack laughed. "It is kinda like that, isn't it?" With a snap, he gestured at the door. "But there's a ship the size of a city out there." 

Ianto stood up, staring down at the bedside table, and said, "Thank you, Jack."

* * *

Jack had been right, he'd needed more time to be alone with his grief and a ship the size of a city had done the trick. Soon, Ianto started to see the appeal of the TARDIS. While wandering the corridors looking for the kitchen, he'd found a gigantic library with a swimming pool in the middle of it. It was so absurd, he'd had his first good solid laugh since Will had died. He'd spent the next few hours crying on and off as he'd read and swam, wishing Will was with him to share in it. The library became his refuge in the weeks that followed. 

He spent his days reading and swimming, then return to the bunk beds in Jack's room. Jack had been right, the TARDIS insisted Ianto stay with Jack. She must've been on to something because after a day in the TARDIS library, Ianto actually looked forward to returning to Jack's-their-room. Jack would shower and change while Ianto read the comprehensive report on Fish's current condition. 

An entire month on the TARDIS had managed to take the sharpness out of the sting. It still hurt. Oh God, how it hurt, but Ianto could finally breathe a little. He'd managed to collect a few suits from his flat yesterday with only a dull ache in his heart, not blinding agony. It was time for Ianto to get back to work and the odd assortment of clothing he'd found in the TARDIS wardrobe, while interesting, was not Ianto's preferred work attire.

As he buttoned his suit jacket, he wondered about selling the flat, but a voice in his head told him he shouldn't make that decision with the loss so raw. He checked his reflection as Jack adjusted his bracers. 

"You ready for this, Yan?" he asked. 

Ianto nodded. "Yeah, I'm a lot better, thanks Jack." He waved around the room. "You're right, getting away was what I needed. This was a way for me to do that and still stay connected with Fish's treatments. This place feels like somewhere else." 

Jack's hand twitched, as if he were about to reach for him. Instead, the fifty-first century man stepped towards the door, his coat draped over his arm. "Transplant's tomorrow?" 

"Yes, I'm having Joe Devon do the procedure. He's the surgeon, not me." As they walked through the control room, Ianto admitted, "When I thought about it, I realised I shouldn't be the one doing any of Fish's surgical procedures. Devon's on my team for a reason. He's the best surgeon we have. I've been micromanaging this whole bloody project, being a control freak." 

Ianto pushed the TARDIS door open and held it for Jack. He gave the Doctor a wave as they left. "He spent too many nights home, having dinner and getting into bed alone. If I'd taken a step back, trusted my team more, I could've had more time with him." 

"You can't beat yourself up for stuff like that, Yan," Jack said. He pulled open the roof access door and held it for Ianto. 

"We both knew he was on borrowed time-"

As they descended the stairs, Jack waved at the building below him. "They're all on borrowed time." 

"Okay, fair enough," he said with a sigh. "Hindsight is twenty-twenty." 

"You need to drop this should-a, could-a, would-a, Ianto. It'll drive you nuts." 

Ianto pushed the door open to the executive floor and held it open for Jack. 

"You and Will had the time you had. Hold onto the good," Jack implored. They stepped through the double office doors together and hung their things up. "Cora's coffee's nearly as good as yours." 

"You bloody can't tell the difference and you know it," Ianto said. He went over to the sideboard and poured them both mugs. Once Jack was seated behind the desk, Ianto set the mug down by his hand. "I'm going to check in on Henry and Fish, run through everything with them." 

Jack nodded. "Have a good day, Yan." 

"You too, Jack," Ianto said. He slid into his lab coat and then nodded at Cora on his way to the secure lift. 

Every time he got into the lift at work, he paused. He half expected to see Will standing there when the doors opened. His heart aching again, he rode it down to the secure ward's residential level. It was well past the time for Fish's morning medications, so both men were likely up. Ianto rapped his knuckles on Fish's door and waited. He was standing there a full five minutes before it opened. Henry's hair was tousled and he looked flushed. Up indeed...

"Sorry to interrupt," Ianto said, trying to sound teasing.

"My apologies, come in, lad," Henry said, looking sheepish.

Fish emerged from the bedroom. There was shame on his face. "Morning, Ianto." 

This was the first time he'd seen them since the funeral and Ianto certainly hoped their attempt at hiding their love wouldn't continue. Ianto's life was dark right now and seeing his two friends so happy and in love was like staring into the sun, but even though it was painful and blinding, it still kept him warm. 

"I can see we're having a good morning now that we have our energy back," Ianto said, forcing amusement. "The liver's fully formed and matured so we're all set for the transplant. I just wanted to go over the procedure with you so you know what to expect."

They all sat down around the small table and Ianto outlined the plan. "No food or drink tonight after midnight, and yes, come counts." 

Fish and Henry both blushed. 

"Tomorrow morning, you'll be prepped for the procedure. It'll be the same operating theatre we used for the tissue extraction."

"Are you doing the transplant, lad?" Henry asked. 

"I'll be assisting Devon. He's the best surgeon on my team. He's done this procedure dozens of times. Your recovery will be exactly the same as the tissue extraction," Ianto said. 

Fish's eyes widened. "Seriously? Because there was no recovery time."

Ianto nodded. "Welcome to the twenty-seventh century where getting a brand new liver is like having your appendix out." Forcing out a smile, Ianto asked, "Any questions, Fish?"

Fish gave him a careful look. "Are you okay, mate? How are you holding up?" 

"I know it's been a couple months. I'm sorry about not popping round-"

"It wasn't a criticism, lad. We're concerned for your well-being," Henry said.

"I'm doing better. Some days are better than others," Ianto lied. He wished to God everyone would stop asking him that. "We always knew this would happen. We talked about it a lot. I was prepared."

"There is no preparing yourself for so great a loss, lad," Henry said, gently. 

"It's just going to take time," Ianto lied. He could tell Henry didn't believe him for a minute. He might be able to fool Fish, but not another immortal of the Game who also had buried spouses. "I'm fine to assist in your procedure-"

"Mate, that's not why I'm asking. I'm worried about you. You need anything, to talk or whatever, you let us know, okay?" Fish said. 

"Thanks, Fish," Ianto said, forcing a smile.

"Jack says you're staying with him," Fish said, bemused.

He didn't think it would be a good idea to tell his friends he was sharing a room with Jack barely two months after his husband had died, no matter how platonically. He cleared his throat and said, "Technically, I'm staying with the Doctor in the TARDIS. She's parked on the roof, but I think I'm ready to go home." He stood and said, "See you tomorrow, Fish."

"Ring if you need anything, lad," Henry said, embracing his friend. 

"You know where to find us," Fish said. 

Ianto gave them a tiny wave as he left. He walked back upstairs and found Jack behind the desk, tapping away at the keyboard. 

"You know the system is voice actuated," Ianto said. 

"I like the clicky noise."

"Of course you do," Ianto chuckled. "Everything under control here? I'm going to knock off and go home. I have errands."

Jack looked up. "Yes, everything is good here. You going to be okay?"

"I think so. If I get overwhelmed, I'll ring," he said. 

Ianto could feel Jack's concerned state as he left the office. He took the lift down to the underground car park. When he sat behind the wheel, a new loneliness slid into the passenger seat beside him alongside the emptiness, grief, and sadness. When he got to the flat, and the door swung open, it was still too empty. Ianto often heard people say they would forget their loved one was gone, that they'd expect them to appear. He had had a few moments like that. There was a stillness in the air, and Will's absence had substance and presence. Ianto shrugged out of his coat and put it into the cupboard, his heart constricted when he spied Will's coat. After hanging up his own, he removed Will's coat and held it in front of him.

Will's scent hit his nose and he buried his face into the coat's collar, clutching the wool to him. After replacing it into the cupboard, he walked into the bedroom and moved the bags of Will's clothes into the guest room. He tried to strip the bed again and failed. Sitting down on Will's side of the bed, he lied down on his side and buried his nose into the pillow, feeling alone. 

He'd cleared most everything of his late husband's away he didn't intend on keeping. There were some childhood mementos Ianto had set aside to forward on to Will's mother, including his beloved heirloom cake plate. Despite having been through most of the flat, Ianto had found no recording or letter from his husband. Ianto wasn't positive Will had left some message behind for him, but he would have found it unusual if he hadn't. Ianto suspected it was hidden somewhere strange or out of the way, or both. Likely, Will would've done something clever with it, to ensure Ianto wouldn't stumble upon it before he was meant to.  

When he opened his eyes, he saw the scattered items on the nightstand. These nightstands were private space and off-limits to the other. He leaned, his hand resting on the handle of the nightstand drawer. For the first time since Will had died, Ianto felt his presence. His soul was scowling at him. He let his hand fall away and wished more than anything for Will to be here, to have a colossal row about their rules and the invasion of his space. 

The grief and pain split his entire being in two as he cried himself to sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

Ianto pulled the surgical cap off of his head as he stepped away from the table. He patted Joe Devon's shoulder and said, “Great, job, Joe.”

“Thanks for the assist,” he replied.

Attempting to be as unobtrusive to their conversation as possible, Devon's surgical assistant, Kye, began undoing the fastenings on Devon's gown. Devon winked at Ianto and asked, “How was it seeing these masterful hands at work?”

With a snort, Ianto teased, “How do you manage to get to work like this, Joe? Does that ego ride shotgun? Or do you have an extra large boot?” 

Devon laughed and winked. "Nah, my bollocks ride shotgun." 

The entire surgical team laughed, used to their boss's antics. When Devon had come to work for Torchwood, he'd brought his entire staff with him. 

"Thanks for that image, mate," Ianto replied, rolling his eyes. 

Devon winked at him again, then turned to his nurse, also named Joe and said, "The next forty eight hours on the ward. He can whinge all he wants." He added, "I'll monitor him myself."

Ianto elbowed his friend gently. "Don't trust me, eh?" 

With a laugh, Devon said, "I prefer someone who uses critical thinking instead of out dated mnemonics to monitor for post-operative complications." 

"Oi! I've been practicing medicine since before your great-great-grandparents were born!" Ianto said, with mock offense. 

"And it shows," Devon replied with a laugh. Again, the entire surgical team laughed.

Ianto put his arm around Devon and hugged him. "You're never going to let that go, eh?"

Devon pinched his cheek. "You said post operative fever was caused by the five Ws, mate. A concept people haven't used in three hundred fucking years. My surgical professor at med school used it as _the_ classic example of how not to practice medicine." He waved at Fish. "Are you going to tell me how we should open him back up to let the evil spirits out?" 

"Fuck you, Joe. Not either of you, Joe," Ianto said as Kye began unfastening his gown. There were actually three people named Joe in the room, not counting Fish. 

The surgical team chuckled as Joe and the other nurses wheeled Fish out to the recovery ward. Devon followed and said, without turning around, "You'll have my report before lunch." 

"No rush," Ianto replied as Kye turned to help him with his surgical gown. 

He tilted his head to wink at Devon, and his jaw brushed against Kye's hand. The assistant said, "Oh, excuse me, sir." 

"It's all right, Kye. Thank you for the help," Ianto said. Normally, Kye would only help Devon out of his surgical kit. Ianto assumed he was helping him because he was the director. 

"You're welcome, sir," Kye replied and set to cleaning the theatre. He carefully held up each instrument, examining it for damage.  

As Ianto turned to leave, he cast a glance in Kye's direction as the young man bent to retrieve something Devon had dropped. The surgical light hit the young man's well rounded arse and when he stood to examine the dropped instrument, Ianto flicked his eyes up and down Kye's body. A licentious pulse ran through his spine. 

Ruffled, Ianto left the theatre for the prep area. As the staff moved around him tidying and finishing up, he turned on the sink and began washing his hands. 

This wasn't the first sexual feeling he'd had since Will had died, but it was the first one directed at another person. The last thing on Ianto’s mind after his husband had died was sex and sex was the last thing he'd expected to be on his mind after he'd just cried himself to sleep with grief. But, his body had begun expressing desire again over the past few weeks. His sexual activity had been limited to the solitary act of masturbation. They had been dull and perfunctory wanks, done out of simple necessity. 

Ianto knew Kye, of course, but only in the way he knew all his employees. He put his hands on the edge of the sink, digesting what had just happened. His body had made an interesting first choice. From what Ianto could tell, Kye was absolutely nothing like Will. 

But was he ready to take someone else to bed? His desire for the young man could be nothing more than his hormones exerting themselves more forcefully. He closed his eyes, imagining what an intimate evening with Kye Smith be like. It was the first time he'd fantasized about anyone at all. 

_Dinner? No, just a drink or two... Take him home? No... not in our bed..._ _A hotel?_

A warmth spread through his body as he imagined pinning Kye's wrists over his head. 

He jumped when an arm brushed his and took a step backwards.  

"Sorry to startle you, Doctor Jones. You left it running," he said, indicating the tap he was closing. 

Ianto blinked, swallowing hard. "Thank you. I didn't realize." 

Kye waved at the puddles of water at Ianto's feed. "The floor’s wet. Be careful." 

"Yes, I'm sorry about the mess. I... I'm... distracted.” _Because of you_... Because of someone who wasn't Will. 

He wiped his hands and saw Kye staring at the bulge that had formed in his scrubs. Kye knelt down to wipe up the water as Ianto lowered the towel in his hands to cover himself. He cleared his throat and said, awkwardly, “I'll get out of your way." 

Kye said, pointedly, "You're not in my way, _sir_.”

Something in the way Kye had emphasized the honorific made Ianto turn back towards him. The young man was still on his knees with his hands clasped behind his back. His posture was impeccable. There was an impressive bulge in the front of his scrubs. His eyes dropped, focusing on the floor in front of him. Ianto recognized a well trained submissive when he saw one and his mouth started to water. 

Kye asked, “Is there something I could do for you while I’m down here, _sir_? Anything at all?”

He felt a surge of lust. The idea of Kye sucking him off right here in the theatre prep room was as arousing as it was tempting. But Kye was offering a D/S dynamic. That was a level of intimacy and trust that went beyond mere sex.

He was ready for sex.  _More than ready_ , he thought as he adjusted himself. But was he ready to engage in play with someone else? He flicked his eyes to Kye's neck. The collar he wore was subtle and obscured by the scrubs. 

Ianto walked towards him slowly. The young man was nearly vibrating with excitement, but maintained a level of composure that was impressive. Not only was Kye well trained, he had experience. He reached down for the neckline of Kye's scrubs and pulled to ensure there was no lock on the collar. 

“I’m unattached, sir,” he said. 

“Did I say you could speak?” Ianto snapped automatically.

Kye froze and fell silent. The order made Ianto's stomach squirm with discomfort. He pushed the feeling aside, hooking his finger under Kye's chin to force him to look up. “You make a pretty picture... boy.”

The uncomfortable feeling returned in full force once he uttered that word. This wasn't going to happen, no matter how much his dick was jumping in Kye's direction."But I’m not ready for scenes yet.” 

Kye nodded and stood. “I understand, sir. Completely.” 

Ianto licked his lips. It was too soon for him to play with someone else, but maybe if that was removed from the equation. He asked, “What time is your shift over?”  

"I need the D/S dynamic, Doctor Jones," Kye admitted. 

There was disappointment in the young man's voice. Ianto said, "I understand too." 

Kye waved at where he'd just been kneeling. "Whenever you're ready." 

"Thank you," Ianto replied. 

William Dodd was not the first employee who'd successfully offered themselves to Ianto. He usually found his bed partners exclusively at his workplace. There was no taboo against it in this century, and it was more convenient for him than the bar, club, or online scene. The list of employee's he'd bedded with his personnel department was likely several pages long. Ianto was an attractive man. If word got out he was receptive to potential bed partners again, he would have to begin fending off all manner of advances. And that was the last thing he needed or wanted right now. 

"I'll ask you to keep this between us, if you don't mind. I'm not ready to begin fending off a plethora of advances right now." He swallowed hard and added, "This was the first time I've considered anyone since..." 

"Of course, Doctor Jones," he said, tapping the side of his nose.

"Thank you." 

Kye turned away and went back into the surgical theatre. Ianto turned and strode towards the door to the hallway. Henry was likely going spare. They'd wheeled Fish into the recovery ward nearly a half hour ago. He closed his eyes, willing his erection away. Once his arousal had dissipated, he brought his hand up to push the door open, but stopped and dropped it again. He looked at the spot where Kye had been kneeling. Ianto was disappointed. He had looked forward to the idea of connecting with someone else. He wanted to touch and be touched, possibly not going to sleep alone and potentially not waking up that way. 

_I'm lonely..._

With a sigh, he stepped out into the hallway. Henry was standing outside of the door and Ianto jumped slightly.  

"I'm sorry to startle you, lad. I was concerned, Joe was wheeled into the recovery ward some time ago," he said. 

Ianto cleared his throat and jerked his thumb over his shoulder, saying, "I'm sorry, I got distracted." 

"Oh?" Henry asked. 

The theatre door opened again and Kye stepped out, his arms laden with bundles of instruments. He threw Ianto a shy smile and hurried down the hallway. 

"Ah, I see," Henry said, smirking. 

Ianto decided not to correct Henry's assumption and changed the subject back to Fish's recovery. He led Henry into the infusion room for privacy. "It all looks very good. We need to monitor him for the next forty-eight hours, but Joe Devon and I don't expect any problems." 

"When may I see him, lad?" Henry asked. 

"Once we're done in here, you can go see him. He'll be groggy, just like the last time. I know he’d rather recover upstairs, but I'd prefer him down here. I don't want to alarm you, because we honestly don't believe anything will happen, but since the PTE-" 

"You are wary. I understand, lad. Whatever you feel is best." 

"Go on, go sit with him. I'll have the staff move another bed into the room so you'll be more comfortable. Sorry I can’t let you share this time. I have to help Jack with a few things, but I'm not going anywhere. I'm even staying on the TARDIS for the next few days so I can be close." 

"Thank you, lad," Henry said. 

Ianto watched the Duke follow the trolley and then he went upstairs to change clothes. 

Jack's head snapped up the minute he was through the door. 

"How is he?" 

"He did great. Everything's looks great. Joe Devon's keeping him on the ward for the next two days. He'll probably go mad, but we don't care," Ianto said. He stretched and said, "I'm going to take a shower and change." 

Surprised Jack didn't at least come into the en suite to leer at him, Ianto took a fast shower and then dressed in one of his suits. As he tightened his tie, he tried to ignore the agitated feeling in his body. 

_Should've had a wank in the shower..._

When he got back into his office, Jack had his nose buried in a tablet. It was red, so that meant classified, eyes only information. It was likely about the treaty with the Triad. There were no other projects with that level of secrecy.

"Anything going on I should know about?" he asked. 

"You should take the rest of the day, Ianto," Jack said. He gestured at the pile in front of him. "I have your number if I've got any questions."

Ignoring him, Ianto picked up the red tablet. "Are you sure about this deal with the Triad, Jack? If it ever became public-"

"From the future, Ianto. I know it never becomes public. Besides, Torchwood controls all the major media outlets," Jack said. He pointed at the ceiling. "Tosh's programs are still running. We can kill any story we want."

Ianto's gut twisted. Democracy and free speech had fallen long ago in the chaos that swept the world after Fish had died to save it. Knowing that to preserve order and save lives, they had to sacrifice not just Fish’s life, but liberty and freedoms had made Fish’s sacrifice so much harder on them. The state of the world now would appall him. Gwen and Ianto had thought it a temporary measure to more easily and swiftly return order to the planet. Some nations had clamped down harder than others. What Gwen and Ianto hadn’t realized was that once civil liberties had vanished, governments wouldn’t want to return them. Looking back, Ianto wondered if they'd been naive or foolish. 

Probably both.

That uphill battle had been Ianto's life for nearly half a millennium. Legally, he could have the protestors outside arrested, but he only did so when they became violent. He actually liked seeing them by the barricades. 

He stepped to the window as his gut twisted. He was responsible for ushering in an era of fascism that had eased into authoritarianism, and now he was doing back alley deals with the Triad. He repeated Will's words, "Little more than interplanetary pirates..."

Jack said, "A necessary evil, Yan."

The Triad had more advanced ships and weapons than Earth. This treaty Torchwood was brokering in the dark would protect the interplanetary trade routes that would bring materials and technology to Earth enabling her to protect herself one day. But Will was right. Though the Triad was a legal coalition of planets, they were little more than pirates and thugs hiding behind the distinction. Torchwood had few options because Earth was so technologically inferior to the rest of the galaxy, they had nothing to offer anyone in return for protection. Well, nothing they were willing to give anyway. The Triad only wanted a few natural resources. It was a deal where Earth was definitely the winner, but the whole thing made Ianto feel the need to shower.

"Is it?" Ianto asked. "Could we manage without them?"

Jack dropped his pen on the desk and sat back in the chair. "It's part of history, Ianto."

"Does it have to be? You only learnt it because you're a Time Agent," Ianto turned from the window. "You and John said the invasion didn't happen precisely the way you'd learnt it. Doesn't that mean this timeline is different?"

"Not necessarily." 

"What was different?" Ianto asked. 

Jack hesitated for a moment, twisting back and forth in the chair. "I learned that the Zabaydians vaporized almost every densely populated city on the planet. New York. Tokyo. Sao Paulo. Delhi. They all became ash, but just because Cairo and Los Angeles didn't become smoldering piles of rubble doesn't mean we can go messing with the timeline. Time compensates on its own sometimes." 

"But that's a major difference, Jack. That's tens of millions of lives!" Ianto insisted. 

"Yes and the food crisis happened earlier and claimed tens of millions more than it would've because of the larger population. Time wants to happen, Ianto. It balances itself out." Jack paused. "A familial line that didn't end when New York became a pile of rubble probably ended during the food crisis." 

Ianto looked out at the protestors. "Is this really the future, Jack? Everything changed and it feels like humanity took a step backwards."

"Social progress isn't linear. It's three steps forwards, two steps back." Jack stood up and came to stand next to him. "Why don't you tell me what this is really about, Yan?"

Ianto turned and sat down on the sofa. "I told Will about the treaty with the Triads."

He was surprised how easily Will's name had fallen from his lips. It was the first time he'd uttered it since the day he'd died.  

"All right..." Jack sat down next to him. 

"It never sat right with him and, truth be told, it's never sat right with me either. He said we were paying off a schoolyard bully to keep the other bullies away and that it'd backfire on us."

"So what do you want to do, Ianto?" Jack asked. 

Frustrated, Ianto blew out a breath and slammed his hand down on the sofa arm. "I don't know. I don't fucking know. I'm always making these huge decisions on my own. I've no idea if they're right or not." He buried his face in his hands. Doubts swirled around in his head. "Maybe if I'd been more aggressive with the KEL virus, Will would still be here."

"Oh c'mon, Ianto. That's self-pity and that's not like you." Jack leaned over and shook his shoulder. When he sat back, he said with hard honesty, "Yes, the initial reports were misleading and you underestimated the virulence. You didn't respond as aggressively as you should've. But it's done. You're compensating by pursuing research and providing for public health. The infection rate halved this year and last year."

Jack knelt down and stared up at him. "Ianto. Stop. You're developing my atlas complex."

"I do sound a lot like you used to, don't I?" Ianto replied with a small grin. 

Jack shrugged. "You do. That's what happens when you don't let anyone else in and take everything on yourself." After a pregnant pause, Jack added, "Fish was here, asking if we could send Will to the future to cure him." 

Ianto let out a snort. "Did he really?" 

"He didn't want me to tell you," Jack said. 

"That you'd said no..." Ianto whispered. 

Jack said, "If it would've made a difference, I would've done it. But KEL is never cured." 

Ianto closed his eyes. He wasn't sure what hurt him more, that all the research into finding a cure goes no where, or that he hadn't thought to send Will into the future. 

"We find a lot of great treatments here, but no cure," Jack said.

"Thank you for telling me," Ianto said, softly. "I can't believe I didn't think to send Will into the future."

"Don't beat yourself up over that either. What's gotten into you, Ianto? Marrying a subordinate, an atlas complex, and wallowing in self-pity and loss... Is this some alternate universe where we've switched places?"

"Fish said that when he walked in on me and Will." He smiled and the amusement was immediately followed by a corresponding crash. The memory of that last blowjob in the supply cupboard came barreling through Ianto's mind, enveloping him with Will's feel and scent. Ianto sat down on the sofa and hugged his belly as the rats ate away at his insides. 

"Hey, hey," Jack said. He pulled Ianto into his arms. "It's okay, Yan. I got you."

Ianto tucked his legs up, curling into Jack's lap. "I miss him so much, Jack." He shook his head. "I'm so lonely." 

"I know," Jack whispered back. He kissed Ianto's hair. "I'm here for you, Ianto." 

Ianto heard the unspoken words. _I still love you, Ianto._  The solution to his loneliness was right here, the same way it had been so many years ago. He vaguely wondered what had happened to his stopwatch... 

"You always are, promises not withstanding," Ianto whispered. He raised his hand and caressed Jack's cheek. The same want he'd felt before surged through him. With a tilt of his head, he pressed his lips to Jack's. His body and heart reached out for the familiar hand hold. Jack returned the kiss for few seconds before he pushed Ianto away gently. 

"Woah, woah... hey... not a good idea, Ianto," he said, with a soft, nervous laugh. 

"Shut up, Jack," Ianto said. He put his arms around Jack's neck and pulled him close. 

Jack extracted himself from Ianto's arms and said, "You're not in a good place right now, Yan. I won't go down this road like this with you again." 

"What the fuck does that mean?" Ianto spat, angrily. 

Jack spread his arms and said, "Oh c'mon, Ianto. This is just like that night in the morgue. You're hurting and you want to make it go away and I'm a convenient warm body. I was too horny for you and too oblivious to realize it at the time, but I'm not making that mistake again." 

"Oh for fuck's sake, Jack. I'm not saying let's get remarried or even be a couple again." Ianto stood. He pointed at the desk. "I want the same thing I wanted then! I want you to bend me over your desk and fuck me! I want to feel something that isn't pain! And your dick in my arse sounds like the perfect solution!" 

"I won't take advantage of your grief again," Jack said. 

"You didn't take advantage of me then and you're not now! I'm a grown man, and I’m perfectly capable of making decisions about who I fuck and when," Ianto said, his voice rising. "My being your part time shag never bothered either of us before! Why the bloody hell should it now?" 

Jack took a step forward, and Ianto saw the row coming. He could already hear Jack's sanctimonious speech about how Ianto was still grieving and how Jack not shagging him was actually protecting him and for his own good. 

Instead, Jack said, softly, "No it didn't bother either of us, but you deserved better. The time's not right and I can wait." 

Jack strode over to the coat rack and took hold of his greatcoat. After he'd shrugged into the coat, he walked out the office door. Ianto knew exactly where his ex-husband was headed, he just wasn't sure if he should follow him or not. 

After a moment's consideration, he stood and took the lift up to the roof. Jack was standing on the ledge and didn't turn. 

"I came to apologize," Ianto said, softly. 

"You don't need to,” Jack said without turning around. 

"No, I do, Jack. I keep forgetting how little time has passed for you." He waved between them. "It's been over half a millennium for me. I'm a different man than I was back then." 

He was glad Jack was turned away and couldn't see the sheepish look on his face. He slipped his hands into his trouser pockets. 

"The rats are in my stomach again," Ianto said and Jack turned towards him. "There's not an inch of me that doesn't feel the loss and the hurt." 

With a deep sigh, he said, "Joe Devon's surgical assistant offered himself to me this morning, and I couldn't believe it, but I wanted him. Nothing happened because he didn't want me as another man, he wanted me as a dom and I'm not ready for that yet. But it showed me how lonely I was. And there you were again." He looked down at his feet. "I knew I'd miss him, but I didn't think I'd be this lonely so early on. I'm sorry if I gave you the impression that I wanted to start us back up again. There's this... emptiness. This hole. I was reaching out to fill it. But you're right, it would've taken us down the same road again.  Old habits." 

Jack hopped down off the ledge and walked over to him. He cupped Ianto's face and said, "I'm not what you need right now, Ianto. You need to hurt. You need to miss him. It's call mourning and it's important you do it right."

Ianto nodded and put his hand on Jack's wrist and began to cry. "I want him back. I want to tell him how much I love him, how much he means to me-" 

"Hey, he knew all that, Ianto," Jack said. He leaned down to try and catch Ianto's gaze. "He knew. He told me you'd done nothing but make him feel loved every minute of every day. He told me you were the love of his life." 

Ianto let out a sharp sob of grief and Jack brought his other hand up to his face. He rubbed his cheeks with his thumbs. "C'mon, lets get you into the TARDIS and into bed." 

"You're a good friend, Jack," Ianto said, with a relieved sigh. 

"I'm here for you, Ianto. Always." Jack threw his harm around Ianto's shoulders as they walked towards the blue box. 

Friends was a good start. 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have just realized that I never posted my casting choices. Doctor Joe Devon is Sean Bean. Nurse William Dodd is Donald Glover, and Cora Gilbert is Linda Bassett.

Ianto's head lifted at the sound of a knock. "Come in!" 

The sandy head of Joe Devon appeared. In his thick northern accent, he politely asked, "Ianto? You got a minute?" 

"Sure, have a seat," Ianto said. He waved at the seat across from him. "What's up?" 

"I just got done with Dr. Fischer's second follow up," he said as he dropped into the chair. "And I'm concerned." 

Ianto sat up straighter. "What's wrong?" 

"Nothing is technically wrong. The incision's healed great and the liver's showing excellent perfusion with top function. All his liver values are completely normal," Devon said.

"But?" 

"But, it's my opinion he needs a cholecystectomy," Devon replied. 

"You want to yank out his gall bladder?" Ianto asked. He tossed his stylus onto his desk and gave Devon a cheeky grin. "It's my opinion it would've been more efficient to do that when we were rooting around in his abdomen a month ago." 

Devon flashed Ianto an amused look, and chuckled. "Aye, there was no evidence on the scans indicating we'd need remove it, but when we were in theatre, his tissues felt thickened. At the time, I laid it down to the cancer." 

The assumption was sound. Most of the doctors on Ianto's team had never treated anyone with cancer, much less someone with cancer as advanced as Fish's. Since they didn't have any experience, a lot of them were making highly educated guesses, but for Joe Devon, a guess may as well be a fact. "You've reconsidered that assessment." 

"I have. I looked back at his original scan. His bile was a little sludgy when he got here. So, I think maybe it's dietary." Devon laced his fingers together and put them into his lap. "I don't want him going back and ending up with gallstones. Henry says he eats, in his words, 'a lot of swill.'" 

Ianto rolled his eyes and smiled. "His diet's not that bad and Henry exaggerates. But if you think going under the knife again is warranted, we can schedule the cholecystectomy." 

"I do," Devon said, standing. 

Ianto nodded. "Schedule the staff. I'll talk to Fish about it. Everything else about the liver looks good, though?" 

Devon nodded as he stepped towards the door, looking smug. "It looks great. Some of my best work, in fact. I stitched my initials into it." 

"I was standing right there and you did no such thing, you knob," Ianto said, smiling. 

"Well I did think about it," Devon said. He paused, turned, and asked, "You doing all right, Ianto?" 

"Yeah, I'm good." He wished people would stop asking him that. 

"Look, if there's ever a night you don't want to be alone, you want a home cooked meal or just want to maybe relax and watch telly or a game, all you have to do is ask. Lizzy and I would love to have you round, any time." 

Ianto had had many such offers lately. His staff were worried about him. He had no idea why. He was doing fine. Or was he? What were they seeing that he wasn't? 

"Joe? Hold up a minute," Ianto said. He stood up, and unconsciously mimicking Jack's habit of stepping out from behind the desk for non-professional conversations. He leaned against its front. "Everyone's been inviting me out for a drink or offering me a meal or a spot on their sofa or a night in their guest room. Do I not seem right to everyone?" 

Devon shut the door behind him and leaned against it. "Ianto, we've been working together for almost twenty years now. You've told me the truth about yourself. That means we're friends, right?" 

"Of course, Joe," he said. 

"I get grief isn't something altogether rational. We all process it differently, deal with it differently. I'm not trying to be judgmental about how you're handling Will's death..."

"But?"

Devon sighed. There was worry on every inch of his face. "It's the fact that you've been doing so bloody well that’s got us all worried. I understand what we’ve got going on right now is mega serious and that when the mega rains down, you get this old fashioned British stiff upper lip. You're always the epitome of crack on. But your husband's just died, mate, and you've been rock solid." After a pause, he added, "Kye told me what happened in the prep room."

Ianto rolled his eyes. "Nothing happened. And I asked him to keep that between us."

"I know, but he told me because he was worried about you." 

"Worried? Why?" Ianto said, annoyed. "Because he propositioned me and I said no?" 

"No, because you told him it was the first time you'd considered sleeping with someone since Will had died and you handled the whole thing as cool a cucumber," Devon replied. "None of us know how you're managing it, because a lot of us have been having trouble with Will's death, and we weren't the ones married to him. We're all worried you're pushing yourself too hard, too fast, and over compartmentalizing to the point of suppressing and ignoring your grief. We're worried you're going to have a crash or some sort of breakdown. We care about you. And Will? He would've wanted us to look after you."  

Ianto's heart warmed. He walked over to Devon and took his hand, squeezing once before letting go. He stepped back and sat in the chair in front of his desk, turning it to face his friend. "I’d probably be more of a mess if I didn't have to hold it together, but this thing with Fischer's important. I miss Will. It hurts and I'm lonely as fuck. I made a few rash decisions at first. I cleaned up all his things before I was ready and that first time I came back, it was too soon." 

Devon nodded. "We were all glad you took more time." 

"Will and I both knew this would happen. I'm not saying that it's making things easy, but it did make things a little easier." 

"I know the name of a good grief counselor, if you're interested. He helped me a lot after my sister died," he offered. 

Ianto looked upwards at the ceiling, then back down at Devon. "I promise you, I'm talking to someone. I've had plenty of good solid cries too." 

"Have you gotten cross with him yet?" Devon asked. 

"There's nothing to be cross about, Joe," Ianto replied with a shrug. "How can I be cross with Will for being sick and dying? KEL has a one hundred percent mortality rate." 

Devon regarded him for a moment, sizing him up. Ianto could see the psychiatric wheels turning in his colleague's head. He might be a surgeon, but Devon was definitely trying to psychoanalyze him. Slowly, the other man nodded and said, "Yes, it does. But there were some choices." 

"He didn't even know how he was infected. He was never careless," Ianto said, defensive.

"I didn't mean to imply he was," Devon said, holding up his hand. He shrugged and prodded, "KEL isn't the most treatable illness, and we all knew Will was doing the best he could. He was watching his diet, doing the monitoring, taking his meds. After he died, Ally and Myers told me he'd chosen an unconventional treatment method." 

"The full volume replacements? That wasn't my decision, Joe. Will and I talked about what he would and wouldn't allow. The full volume replacements are a new development. He didn't want the transfusions and the artificial blood. He made it very clear he wanted quality over quantity," Ianto said, his temper rising. He clamped down on it tightly. 

"With traditional transfusions Will could've extended his life another year. Possibly up to eighteen months if he'd taken the artificial blood," Devon pointed out. "Instead, he chose a dangerous treatment that only bought him a couple months. That's more than a year's difference. A year's a long time when you’re that sick." 

Those words sunk a knife into Ianto's heart and then twisted it.

 _Take it down a notch, Eye Candy_ , Hart's voice whispered in his mind.

His voice hardened. Hoping the icy tone would be a warning to Devon, he said, "Will didn't even want to risk the blood dementia. He didn't want to die before he died. It was his choice." 

"Yes, it was his choice." Devon put his hand on the doorknob and said, "But you're the one he left behind." 

Before Ianto could get his hands around Devon's neck, the other man opened the door and slipped out into the hallway. Ianto knew Devon hadn't meant a word of it. The man was just trying to help by prodding at the new scab over Ianto's grief. Devon was right, Ianto should be feeling some amount of anger towards his late husband for leaving him alone or for not extending their time together or any number of other things. But Ianto wasn't ready to be angry with Will. He was, however, furious with Joe Devon and he still needed to have a professional discussion with Fish about his gall bladder. 

He wanted to scream. He wanted to destroy smash the wall monitor, the chair, the desk. He wanted to punch the walls and kick the doors. Most of all the fantasy of squeezing the life out of Joe Devon was playing over and over again in his mind. It took him several minutes to calm the murderous rage. Then it took him nearly half an hour of yoga breathing and deep meditation to return him to stop the blood pounding in his ears. Ianto straightened his back and rolled his shoulders. When he closed his eyes, he pictured the Hub, destroyed long ago, at night with the sound of the water tower in the background. Along with several deep breaths, the image helped to further centre him. He wasn't exactly calm, but he didn't want to commit mass murder either. As he stood up from his chair, he silently cursed his teacher. 

Though he was a purely defensive fighter in the Game, Ianto had taken a number of heads over the centuries. He'd never had trouble assimilating a quickening, until he'd beheaded Miranda's frail body in the middle of the countryside. The quickening of the nearly six thousand year old woman had knocked him unconscious for a day. 

Worse was the effect on Ianto's mind. He had begun to hear voices. Though they whispered in languages he had never heard, he understood them. They bid him to commit all manner of vile atrocities and unnatural acts. He had heard vague whispers and apocraphyal stories ofquickenings like this, and it scared him to death. Ianto's mind was rejecting Miranda's quickening, like a failed organ transplant. He'd ended up spending years on anti-psychotic medication and mood stabilizers. He'd long since abandoned those medications, but he still had a violent temper that he struggled to control even after centuries. 

He could still feel the murderous rage bubbling just below the surface. This wasn't the time for him to be having a professional discussion with Fish about his health. Instead, he decided to knock off. He grabbed his suit jacket and headed for the lift to tell Jack. It wouldn't be a bad thing to see a friendly and understanding face either. 

When Ianto stepped out, he gave Cora a curt nod. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her stand as he pushed his office door open. 

"Jack, I..." He trailed off as he saw there was no one behind his desk. "Jack?" 

"He's not here, Doctor Jones," Cora said from behind him. 

Ianto turned and snapped, "I can see that, Cora. Do you know where he is?" 

"Captain Harkness took today off. He asked me to clear his schedule," Cora replied. "I'm sorry I didn't mention it to you, I-" 

"It's fine, Cora. You needn't inform me of the Captain's schedule," he said, trying to smile. 

"I can try and find him if you'd like," she offered. 

He waved dismissively. "I was just coming to tell him I'm leaving early. Please let Doctor Devon know I'll be in tomorrow morning, and I'll still handle what we spoke about myself." 

She nodded. "Of course, Doctor Jones." Concerned, she asked, "Are you all right, sir?" 

"Not especially," he admitted. 

"Grief's a funny thing. After my Lenny died... It wasn't easy, putting up a face for everyone else. Every day, it got a little easier until I thought I was fine. His birthday. Holidays. Our anniversary. I was fine. Then I went into a bake shop and saw those little cookies he liked so much and then, suddenly, I wasn't fine anymore." She asked, "Is there anything I can do?"

"I think I just need to go home," he said. 

She patted him on the arm. "Go on then. Go home, make yourself a nice cup of tea. Don't you worry about anything here." 

He smiled at her. "Thanks, Cora. I'll see you tomorrow."

"If you don't feel up to it, don't you go coming in tomorrow," she insisted. "We're fine here."  

"Thanks, Cora," he said. 

"Good. Now, off you fuck," she said, waving him off. 

Ianto let out a laugh and walked to the lift. Once the doors slid shut, he took out his mobile phone and dialed Jack. Not surprisingly, it went to the answer phone. He stared up at the floor numbers, watching them light up as the lift descended into the car park. 

"Hey Jack, it's me." A flood of embarrassment made his cheeks burn, and he lied, "Cora said you're not in today. I was wondering if you wanted to get some lunch-my treat..."

Ashamed of the lie, he let out a frustrated sigh, then amended, "I'm not having the best day and was looking for some friendly company."

He rang off and sighed. Each floor number continued to count down and Ianto dialed Jack again. Again, he got the answer phone. "It's me again, Jack. I..."

Ianto paused again, embarrassed. The lift reached the car park and the doors opened. He stepped out, remembering the call was still connected. 

Grow a pair, Eye Candy... Hart's voice whispered in his mind. The fact that his mind had been choosing Captain John fucking Hart as his internal voice of reason since the death of his husband disturbed him to no end and Ianto blurted, "Fine. Fine. Fuck it. I'm having a shite day and I could use someone to talk to and that person used to be my husband. You're also in the 'husband' category. You might be my ex-husband, but I can't exactly talk to my late husband, so could you please ring me back when you get this?"

Realizing how barely coherent he'd been, he took a deep breath and said, "I need you, cariad." 

When he rang off, he wasn't sure what to do, so he drove home. After parking his car, he rode the lift up, dreading enter the flat alone. For a moment, he pondered going back downstairs and having a walk or something, but when the doors opened, he saw Jack banging on his door. 

"Jack?" he said, loudly. 

Jack's head snapped up and he said, "Ianto!" 

With his coat flapping, Jack jogged towards him. He put his arms around Ianto, tugging him in close. "You okay, Yan? You sounded awful in your message." 

Ianto closed his eyes, sinking into the embrace. “I'm better now." 

Jack pulled back and led Ianto to his door. "C'mon, let's get you inside and we can talk." 

Once they'd stepped through the door, Jack helped Ianto take off his suit jacket. He carefully hung it into the cupboard and then led Ianto to the sofa. 

"Want me to make you something to drink, Yan? Water? Coffee? Tea?" he paused and then asked, "How about a beer?" 

"Yeah, a beer sounds great," Ianto said. 

Jack disappeared into the kitchen and then returned with the bottle. He passed it to Ianto and sat down next to him. 

"You wanna talk about it?" he asked. 

"Joe Devon was trying to help, but all he did was piss me off," Ianto said. He took a breath. "He was trying to move me into the anger stage of things."

"Her quickening still isn't sitting right, is it?" Jack asked. 

Ianto shook his head. "No." He scrubbed at his face. "I'm bloody glad I've stopped hearing voices, but for fuck's sake, was she always this bloody angry?"

Jack nodded. "Yes. She was good at hiding it from everyone. Took me a long time to see it."

"When Devon started in on Will, I saw red. If he hadn't left the room, I would've struck him, but what I wanted to do was kill him." He rubbed his eyes and took a long pull from the bottle. "My first instinct never used to be murder. Christ, it's been centuries since I took her head and I still can't get a fucking grip. How did she live like this?"

Jack said, simply, "Because she was a killer, Ianto. There was a cruelty to her. She never let anyone see that part of her, except John. He wouldn't have cared, in fact, it probably turned him on." He rested his hand on Ianto's forearm. "What did she tell you about anger?"  

"Use it," Ianto replied. 

"And that's what she did," Jack replied. "It made it easier for her to hide it." 

"She hid a lot of things," Ianto said, softly. "The last time I saw her, I had no idea how much she'd been suffering. She'd been working for some fashion house, doing hand sewing and lace work. I thought she was okay. She wanted to have dinner, some drinks. I sat down next to her, told her she was a gorgeous bird with great legs and asked her what time they opened." 

Jack laughed. 

"She paid for dinner. After dessert, she asked me if I wanted to go half in with her on a bastard," Ianto said with a sad smile. "I had no idea she was serious. But she took me to bed that night." 

"One last time," Jack said, softly. 

"She was saying goodbye, but I didn't realize it at the time," Ianto said. "I'm so angry with her for doing this to me, when it's really my fault." 

"You gave her mercy, Ianto. How is that your fault?"

He didn't know how to explain it to Jack. Maybe, if he'd beheaded her when she had first asked, when she was in a better state of mind, maybe he wouldn't be having the trouble he was now. He had no evidence to support the idea, but it was a feeling in his gut he couldn't shake. Also, the fact that he hadn't yet managed to regain control felt like weakness to him. He didn't want to admit that to Jack because his ex-husband would tell him it was nonsense. Worse was the fear her quickening was bringing out a darkness in him, that what had happened to Duncan Macleod would happen to him. 

Jack's hand squeezed his arm again. "You're not her, Ianto. You're not a killer. She may have been your teacher, everything she was is a part of you, but you're still not her." 

Seeing the confidence and faith in him overflowing in Jack's eyes, made Ianto believe. The gush of affection he felt wasn't tinged with nostalgia. 

"I'm angry too much," Ianto said. 

"But you’re not ready to be angry with him," Jack said, returning them to their original subject. 

Ianto sighed. "I think I got that out of my system before he died, truth be told."

"Being angry at him?" Jack asked. 

Ianto nodded. "I'm immortal. I can't get sick. But he kept insisting on the condoms for years. I know I shouldn't be cross with him for it. He was the sub. It was always his call, but it hurt." He didn't bother hiding his anger when he said, "It felt like he didn't trust me." 

"And the D/S relationship is all about trust," Jack said. 

"He'd let me tie him up, blindfold him, and flog him till he bruised and bled, or cut off his air. But there was always this barrier between us that didn't even need to be there," he said, bitterly. He paused and then said with just as much bitterness, "I knew he didn't want the artificial blood and that he was vehemently against it. I didn't want to make the same mistakes we did, and ignore Will's mortality. Sometimes I thought I was overcompensating for it, talking about it almost too much. But we didn't talk about specifics like treatments often, because I think if I'd pressed, he would've caved. He would've done it for me and I don't think either of us wanted to risk that, but I still..." His grief welled. "I wanted more time with him." 

He hugged his middle and said, "The timing was never right. I knew Fish was coming so when I met Will I couldn't step aside in favor of the board like I did when I met Chelsea. I had to stay. I was balls deep in research, computer simulations, historical data..." The tears welled, hot and angry. "So much wasted time." 

Jack put his arm around him, pulling him close. "There's nothing you could've done about any of that Ianto. You two did the best you could with what time and the universe gave you." 

"It wasn't enough," Ianto sobbed.

"No, but it never is," Jack said, sadly. He lifted his head, searching the wall of pictures. He pulled Ianto in close and the two men settled back on the sofa together, holding each other as the flat filled with the memories of the dead. "You could've had a whole life with him, and it still wouldn't have been enough." 

Ianto closed his eyes, feeling the truth of Jack's words. The idea of a lifetime with Will compared to the few short years they had made his heart ache.

Jack continued, "John tried to squeeze out as much time as he could for him and Will and it was never enough. You think Henry's going to be satisfied when Fish goes home? He can say he's come to the 'natural end of the road' all he wants, but he wouldn't be doing this if he still had Fish. You know it and I know it." 

Ianto lifted his head, looking around the flat. "I miss him, Jack. I accept he's gone, the inevitability of it. It hurts. I knew it would. I want him back. Then I tell myself I knew this was coming, I did, and it starts all over again." 

"You're all over the place, Ianto," Jack replied, shrugging. "You just lost your husband. How is what you're going through not normal and natural? Grief isn't linear or logical. It hasn't even been that long." 

After toeing off his shoes, Ianto leaned into Jack more. "I'm thinking about selling the flat." 

"Don't do that, Ianto. Not yet. It's too soon," Jack said, waving around. "If you're overwhelmed here, why don't you sublet the place, and move? Better yet, you've got plenty of money, just move. That way you don't have to worry about a lodger." 

"It feels like I'm running," Ianto confessed. 

"You know better than that," Jack replied. "It wasn't running when you were staying with me on the TARDIS."

Ianto learned back, resting against Jack who draped his arm over his shoulders. As he hooked his finger into his tie to loosen it, he said, "Maybe you're right." 

“Feel better?” Jack asked. 

“Loads, thanks Jack,” Ianto said. 

Jack smiled and said, “Good. I'm gonna get going, find some dinner, give you your privacy.” He opened his vortex manipulator. Without looking up, he said, “If you need to talk or anything, Ianto, just call, okay?”

Ianto learned and put his hand on Jack’s arm, tugging lightly. “Why don’t you stay?”

Jack turned, sharply, and Ianto saw him pull back on his incorrect assumption. Neutrally, he said, “Are you sure, Yan? I don’t want to impose.”

“Well how about you buy dinner, then?” Ianto suggested. "I'd like some company." 

“Sounds good,” Jack replied, stretching. "You feel like anything specific?" 

"Surprise me," Ianto said, shrugging. "I'm going to go splash some water on my face and change." 

Once the take away arrived, they ate on the sofa, informally. It was what passed for Italian in the twenty-seventh century, but Ianto missed the original. 

“So tell me about that Alonso,” Ianto said, cutting into his food. 

Jack took a sip of his drink and began to explain about what had happened at the bar. Then launched into a spirited telling of their adventures that had Ianto rolling with laughter in no time. 

“What is it with you, Jack? Seriously? Do you get sexually propositioned everywhere you go?” Ianto asked, laughing. 

Jack winked. “It’s the jawline. Anyway, when I said no, he said he hadn’t had his heart set on all three of us so Alonso went with him alone. He didn’t come back to the ship for two days.”

Ianto laughed. “Maybe the ears were good to hold onto!”

Jack smiled. “Alonso’s a great guy. You’d like him.”

“I hope to meet him, someday,” Ianto said. 

Jack nodded. “I wish I knew how he was doing. I don’t even know where he is. He was angling for a job on another leisure vessel.” His eyes got wide and he gasped. “Oh, Ianto! I forgot to tell you!”

“What?” Ianto asked, alarmed. 

“You will not believe who I ran into!” Jack practically shouted. 

“Who?” 

Jack’s grin was so wide, Ianto barely gave him two seconds to answer before he urged, “Oh for fuck’s sake, Jack, don’t leave me in suspense! Who?”

“Andy Davidson!” Jack proclaimed, clapping him on the knee. 

Ianto’s fork dropped. Instead of happiness, he was flooded with annoyance and indignation. He exclaimed, “What the fuck, Jack? You’ve been here this fucking long and you’re just bringing this up now? I’ve thought Andy was dead for going on six hundred years now! You're telling me he's alive?”

"Alive!"

"And he's all right?" He frowned. “Wait, when did you run into him?”

“About a year before I came here."

"No, Jack, not in your linear timeline. What year was it?"

Jack blinked and shifted his gaze upwards. "Twenty two something or other. I don't remember. He’d been knocking around, working as a hired hand on ships."

"PC Andy Davidson was working as a hired hand on spaceships?" Ianto gasped.

"Yup! He still had Cassie’s manipulator too! He’d figured out how to use it. Guess he’d held a grudge for me never taking him seriously, because he wouldn’t let me use it.”

“No way!” Ianto laughed. 

“Yup, but he helped me get back to the Doctor. It took a few jumps, but we found him eventually,” Jack said. He dumped some more sauce onto his food. 

“I hope he’s still all right,” Ianto said, frowning. 

Jack snorted, some food flying out onto the table. “He’s fine, Ianto. Trust me. I barely recognized him when I saw him. He was wearing clothes from four different systems and had two blasters from two different centuries on him. Andy can handle himself.”

As Ianto stood, he picked up Jack’s empty plate. “I’m glad he’s surviving.”

Jack followed him into the kitchen with their empty glasses and the take away rubbish. As he binned the rubbish, he said, “He was more than just surviving. He was thriving in a situation that would’ve destroyed most. Makes me kind of wish I’d hired him sooner. This manipulator is an amazing tool, but it’s only as good as the person it’s attached to.” 

Ianto handed Jack his refilled glass and the two settled on the sofa. Jack turned to Ianto and said, “So, I’ve told you what happened with me. What about you?”

Ianto shrugged, crossing his legs. “Nothing overly exciting.”

In a quiet voice, he began to tell Jack about everything that had transpired over the past six hundred years. The stories didn’t sound anywhere near as exciting as Jack’s adventures with Alonso and Andy. Jack waved and stopped him when he mentioned Chelsea. 

“Woah, wait a second. Is this the same Chelsea you said you took time off for?” Jack asked. “She must’ve been something.”

Ianto nodded and stood. He opened the drawer and took out a faded photograph. “She was.”

Jack blinked. “Woah. She looks a lot like-“

“Gwen,” Ianto said. 

“One of her descendants through Anwen?” Jack asked. 

Ianto shook his head. “No relation. I keep an eye on Gwen's line. She still has living descents through Anwen's four children." He looked at the picture fondly. "She wouldn't marry me. I planned this elaborate proposal... and it ended up with her shouting at me how marriage was an antiquated practice she wanted no part of because she wasn't some possession."

Jack laughed but stopped as Ianto's expression turned sad. "What happened?" 

Ianto stood up and shoved the picture back into the drawer. "She wanted children I couldn't give her." 

"I'm sorry," Jack said. 

"Yeah, so was I," Ianto replied. He set the picture back in its place. "She was fiery like Gwen. Drove me absolutely mad, but Christ, did I love her." He paused and said, "I know what you saw in Gwen now." 

"Ianto..." Jack groaned. 

"Oh, please, Jack. If I'm over you and the Doctor, I'm certainly over you and Gwen," he said. 

"There was never a me and Gwen," he insisted. 

"No, there wasn't. But there could've been. She wanted you. And I know you wanted her." He teased, "Don't deny it." 

Jack stood up with the take away containers and dumped them into the kitchen slot to be composted. "I never did. But there's something everyone, including you, always forgot."

"What's that?" Ianto asked, leaning back on the sofa.

"Rhys."

"What about him?" Ianto asked.

"Owen may have ignored Rhys, but I wouldn't," Jack said. 

He was right. Everyone on the team saw how Gwen threw herself at Jack, but he never gave her what she wanted. His eyes flicked to the clock. He hadn't realized how late it had gotten. "Thank you for dinner, Jack."

"My pleasure, Yan," Jack replied, smiling.

Yawning, Ianto said, "I'm knackered. I'm going to change and turn in. You're welcome to the guest room, if you like." 

Jack nodded, stretching. "Thanks, I think I'll take you up on that. I don't much feel like driving back to the Tower and going all the way up to the roof." 

Ianto waved at the hallway. "There's clean towels in the cupboard. Toiletries in the bag next to the bed." He paused and added, "They were Will's. I was going to throw them away, but I hadn't gotten round to it yet." 

Without another word, he turned and went to the bedroom. Out of habit, he left the door open as he undressed. He heard the distant sounds of Jack puttering in the kitchen, likely putting their glasses in the sink or starting the dishwasher. The sounds were familiar, but they weren't Will's. They had none of his rhythm, and they made Ianto's heart tense. He glanced at Will's pillow, then walked around the bed to rest his hand on it. 

"Hey, Ianto, you're out of dish-pods... Oh, sorry," Jack said from the doorway. Seeing Ianto was nude, he turned.

"It's all right, Jack. Nothing you haven't seen plenty of," Ianto said, turning. "There should be a new box in the cupboard above the fridge." 

To Ianto's surprise, Jack didn't leer at him, just remained respectfully turned away. With a nod, he disappeared back to the kitchen. Dishwashers in the twenty-seventh century were practically silent, so Ianto didn't hear it start. What he did hear was the hallway cupboard opening up. He assumed Jack was collecting a towel. After yanking his pyjama bottoms on, he walked to the doorway, barefoot. Jack was just about to head into the guest room. His braces hung down at his sides. His shirt was untucked and mostly unbuttoned. His feet were also bare. This state of half-undress was one Ianto had always found particularly stirring, so he wasn't surprised when his dick jumped in Jack's direction. It was a half-hearted jump given his state. 

"Good night, Jack." 

Jack turned, and uncharacteristically, shrugged to close his shirt better. "Yeah, good night, Yan." 

Ianto reached his hand out and after Jack took it, he said, "Thank you for being here for me, cariad." 

Jack immediately tensed at the affectionate word. He let go of Ianto's hand and stepped back. There was depth to the pain and longing in Jack's eyes. 

Ianto sheepishly said, "Sorry, that just slipped out." 

Jack swallowed hard and said, “It's all right. It was just good to hear it again. I’ve missed it.”

Jack stared at him for a few seconds, then abruptly turned away, as if gazing at him was too much. Without another word, Jack slipped out into the guest room, shutting the door behind him. 

After retreating to his own room, Ianto slipped into bed and laid awake for some time, staring at the ceiling in the dark. As he'd often done this past month, he rolled to stare at Will's empty side of the bed and the still unexplored nightstand. Ianto had no real idea why, but he slid across the bed. He reached for the drawer handle and waited. Unlike last time, there was no descending guilt, so he reached for Will's lamp and turned it on. Half propped up on his side, he slid the drawer open. 

There was a half empty bottle of lube and his husband's favorite sex toys. On top of a carved wooden box was an envelope with his name on it. 

This was the last place Ianto had expected Will to leave a message. He'd expected it somewhere more whimsical, not in Will's intimate and private space. Grief began lashing Ianto's heart and the loneliness seeped out. 

_You knew me so well_... 

He knew Ianto wouldn’t open this drawer until he was ready to read whatever was in this letter. With trembling hand, Ianto slit open the envelope and began to read. 

_Hey babe, I'm glad you found this. I don't know how long I've been gone, but long enough you've started cleaning and felt comfortable enough to open this drawer. You always swore you'd never go snooping in my things like this unless I was dead. If I'm not dead and you're bloody snooping, you better put this back or I'll not fuck you for a month!_

Ianto let out a sad laugh. 

_I know we talked about this. A lot. To death if you'll pardon the pun. I know that was all about you trying to take control of it which is why I know that right about now you're falling apart because it's something we had no control over. Even if I hadn't been sick it was always going to end up like this._

_The tears streamed down Ianto's face and he gripped the paper so hard it nearly ripped. He rested his head on Will's pillow._

_I wish I could put something down here that would make this better somehow, but I know there's nothing that will do that or could ever do that. All I can say is that these years with you have been the best years of my life. I couldn't believe an amazing bloke like you fancied me. Let's face it, you're way out of my league. But you made me realize that I must be pretty amazing to have caught the eye of someone like you. You saw past my KEL status and made me feel seen. I loved the way you saw me and I hope that I did that for you because you're shite at realizing your worth._

_One of Ianto's hands let go of the paper and wrapped around his belly._

_You spend so much time doubting yourself and your choices because you've made a few bad ones. Well, you hired a KEL positive nurse and took him home when he laid the worst pickup line of your life on you. Someone would say those were bad choices, but look where we ended up._

_Ianto paused to wipe the tears from his face and the took hold of the paper again._

_I know the only person you really trust is yourself and you need to stop that. Have faith in others. Sometimes they disappoint us, but most of the time they'll surprise you if you give them a chance._

_If you give him another chance, know that it's with my whole-hearted blessing._

_I love you, Ianto. Always._

_Will_

The paper fluttered to the floor as Ianto buried his face in Will's pillow and sobbed.


	15. Chapter 15

 

 

Despite crying himself to sleep, Ianto woke feeling well rested, though that may be because he'd slept an hour later than usual. He carefully picked Will's letter up off the floor and put it back into its envelope, then replaced it into the drawer. After looking around the room, he decided Jack was right, maybe finding somewhere else to live was a good idea. 

After showering and dressing, he stepped out of the bedroom, surprised to still see the guest room door was still closed. Just as he prepared breakfast, he heard the guest room door open and Jack strode into the kitchen. His braces were hanging down at his sides.

"Morning," he said, brightly. 

"Morning, there's coffee," Ianto said. He waved at the pan in front of him. "Eggs all right?" 

"Yeah, that's great, thanks, Yan," Jack said. He poured himself a mug and asked, "You sleep okay?" 

Ianto nodded. "Surprisingly well. You?" 

"Fine," Jack replied.

He sipped the coffee and walked to the cupboard, taking out some plates. Ianto dumped the eggs out onto them. He spooned some beans onto his toast and moved to the table.

“I think I’ll be taking your advice.” he said. 

“Oh? What about?” Jack asked. 

“Moving,” he said. He waved over his shoulder. 

"You're not going to sell the place, are you?" Jack asked, fork halfway to his mouth. 

"No," Ianto replied. "I'm going to leave it vacant in case I change my mind. And I may want someone to come back to once in a while to remember him." 

"Sounds like a good plan." He shoveled the last of the egg in and then wiped his mouth. Once Ianto was done, he took the plates into the kitchen. "Thanks for letting me stay. You must be getting sick of me by now." 

Ianto heard the bit of truth in the joke. He said, seriously, "Not at all, Jack." 

Jack turned his back to the sink. He put his hands on the worktop and said, "Well, now that Fish's treatments are reaching the end, you'll be taking back the reins, I assume?"

Blinking, Ianto said, "No, I suppose it won't. Not just yet anyway." He paused and said, "Fish isn't going to be able to walk for a while after his surgery." 

With a one shouldered shrug, Jack said, "I'll stick around until then." 

Once he flew off with the doctor, it would be anyone's guess as to when Ianto would see him again. He'd just gotten Jack back in his life. Their relationship was healing and Jack was becoming his friend again. He didn't want Jack to leave, but had no idea how to get him to stay.

How about you just fucking ask him to, Eye Candy... 

But Ianto didn't say anything except, "Sounds like a plan." 

The drive to Torchwood Tower was spent in silence. Once Ianto parked in his space, John's voice, once again, whispered to him, Don't be such a coward, Eye Candy.

Gritting his teeth, Ianto rested his hand on Jack's arm to stop him from getting out of the car. Curious, Jack turned and said, "What's on your mind, Yan?"

Spit it out, John snickered.

Ianto turned to Jack and said, "Look, Jack, we... I feel like we're on the mend, you and I. Like we're learning to be friends again, yeah?" 

Jack nodded. "I like to think so." 

For a few moments, he fell silent, unsure of how to word what he was thinking. 

Stop playing games and spit it out, John snapped in his mind. 

Ianto slapped his hands down onto his thighs and said, "Right, fuck it. Having you stay here in Cardiff for a while would mean a lot to me. I need help with the Triad treaty, but that's not all of it. I feel like we're learning to be friends again, and I don't want to derail that. Plus, I've just lost my husband. I'm lonely and heart broken. Having you here is helping me, a lot. And... and..."

Jack gave him a level look. "If you want me to stay Ianto, all you just have to ask. You don't need to come up with a long list of reasons to convince me. If you want me to stay, that's reason enough." 

"I'd like very much if you stayed a while," Ianto said. 

A loving smile crossed Jack's face and he reached for Ianto's hand. He said, "As long as you want, Ianto." 

Ianto squeezed. "Thank you, Jack." 

With a wink, Jack let go of his hand and got out of the car. They rode the lift up together to the top floor. The doors opened and they stepped out. 

Cora smirked at them and said, “Good morning, gentlemen." She turned her eye to Ianto. "You're looking well, sir." 

Ianto rolled his eyes. Their simultaneous late arrival clearly had his secretary making assumptions about how he and Jack had spent their night. Cora had known Ianto a long time. In fact, Ianto had hired her himself and she’d been ripping the piss out of him for going on nearly fifty years. 

"I am, thank you, Cora. I had a good night of sleep." 

"I can see that. Sometimes getting the blood pumping does wonders for the constitution,” she said, smirking at them both. 

Jack winked, then smiled at her. "You have no idea.”

Not helping Jack...

Cora stood and handed a tablet to Jack. “You messages, Captain Harkness.”

“Thank you, Cora. Coffee, please,” he said, accepting the tablet. He walked to the office door and stepped through. “Maybe something sweet?”

“Oh, so we’ve had our protein already, have we?” she said, loudly, as the office door swung shut. 

Jack roared with laughter and Ianto rolled his eyes. Clearly pleased with her assumption, Cora was smirking at him with her hands clasped in front of her. 

He said, “Nothing happened, Cora.”

If Cora believed he and Jack were shagging, it would spread through the entire tower. He'd already avoided that happening once. 

Cora tapped the side of her nose and said, “Of course, Dr. Jones.”

Ianto glared at her and said, patiently, "Cora, there is absolutely nothing romantic or sexual going on between myself and Jack Harkness, am I clear?"

Disappointed, she nodded and said, "Crystal, Doctor Jones."

"Good," he said. 

Before he could turn away, she said, delicately, "If I can say so, sir, after my Lenny died, I never thought I’d want another. But I did, and a lot earlier than I thought was proper. My body was ready before my mind and my mind was long ready before heart. I’m quite certain you know this, but there’s nothing wrong with it. And there’s nothing wrong with seeking comfort, as you well know.”

Ianto smiled. “Thank you Cora.” 

She reached out and patted his arm. “One day you'll be ready." With a smirk, she added, "I won’t say no when you decide you are.”

“I’ll bear that in mind,” Ianto said. "It would be good for you to return the favor." 

Cora laughed. "I'm not as limber as I was then." 

Over forty years ago, six months after she'd been windowed, Cora had strut into Ianto's office, and seduced him. It had been a memorable night. Ianto had tried to take things further, but it hadn't been what she'd wanted. 

"A rub and a tug can go a long way towards relieving one's stress," she said, smirking.  

"I'm not stressed, Cora," he insisted. 

"Of course you aren't, sir," she replied. "It was just a general observation." 

After a moment's pause, he added, "I need to ask a favor, if you wouldn't mind, Cora. It's not work related and of a personal nature. I understand if you're too busy." 

"It's not a rub and a tug, is it?" she asked. 

Smiling he shook his head. "No, it isn't." 

"Well, in that case, I'll hear it before I agree," she replied.  

"I've decided to look for a new place to live, but with the special project I don't have much time, so I need someone to contact some estate agents for me, someone who knows my tastes," Ianto said.

She nodded. "Of course, sir, I'd be happy to. I'll take care of it straight away."

After going through what he wanted in his living space, he said, “Thank you, I appreciate it.”

"You're welcome." She began waving him away. “Now, off you fuck. Some of us have work to do, and I’ve estate agents to call to boot, and Captain Harkness’ll be wanting his coffee and breakfast.”

As he turned to the lift, he said, "There's a fruit basket in it for you." 

"I'd rather a rub and a tug," she muttered.

Ianto let out a chuckle as the lift doors shut. Shaking his head and grinning, he rode the lift down. He stopped in his temporary office to drop his bag and hang up his coat. Once settled, he brought up Fish's most recent test results. Joe Devon might take the piss out of him for his age and his occasionally antiquated methods of practicing medicine, but they were helpful here. Ianto evaluated the twenty-seventh century scans of Fish's abdomen with a twenty-first century eye, an eye that had seen cancer and what it did to the human body. 

Devon was correct, Fish's gall bladder was thickened and his bile was off. He didn't necessarily need to remove his gall bladder, but if they left it in, Fish would be at risk for developing gall stones in the future. In the twenty-first century, that would mean a cholecystectomy. 

Time to lose that gall bladder.

He shrugged into his lab coat, then he proceeded down to the residence level. When he got to Fish's door, he took a deep breath and knocked. 

 

"C'mon in, Ianto!" 

He opened the door and stepped inside. Fish was on the sofa, his feet up on the coffee table. He turned to look at Ianto over his shoulder. "Hey, come in. Sit down. I'm glad you got my message." 

"Message?" Ianto asked, confused. 

Fish pointed over his shoulder. "Yeah I just asked the on duty nurse to send you down."

"I was on my way down here already-" Ianto broke off as Fish's intercom buzzed. He waved Fish back down and went to the kitchen, hitting the button. "Hi Ally, I'm already here."

"Thanks, Dr. Jones," she replied and disconnected the line. 

"You want something while I'm up, Fish?" Ianto asked as he got himself a glass of water. 

"No, I'm good, thanks. So, you talked to Doctor Devon?" Fish asked over his shoulder. 

Ianto nodded as he sat down. He took a large gulp of the water. "Did he mention anything to you?" 

Fish stretched his legs and then put them onto the floor. "Said my gall bladder needs to come out, but he needed to talk to you about it first." 

"Major decisions like that have to go through me, yes. Where's Henry? I can fill him in too." Ianto craned his neck towards the bedroom.  

"I sent him to the shops. Those pants you lot gave me are uncomfortable and itchy so I asked him if he wouldn't mind buying me some new ones, preferably made of cotton and not whatever the hell these are made of," Fish said. 

"They're made of wool," Ianto said.

"No wonder they're itchy," Fish replied, rolling his eyes.

"Cotton's not as common in the twenty-seventh as it is in the twenty-first. It's partially bee pollinated and bees are endangered. Animal products are staples now because their food can be easily grown. Ours can't," Ianto said.

"I probably shouldn't have asked him if he could find me some fresh fruit then," Fish said. 

"Fresh fruit?" Ianto asked, his eyebrows shooting up. "Out of season fruit, if Henry can even find any, is going to cost him several hundred quid a piece." 

Fish winced. "He said he didn't want to disappoint me, but that he might not be able to find any."

Ianto sat down on the sofa and said, "He probably didn't want you to realize you'd set him to what amounted to an impossible task. There's very little random fruit available in the off season because it's so expensive, it usually won't sell. The growers know that and don't want it to be wasted. Food waste has become very taboo in this century. If you want fresh fruit now, it has to be special ordered in advanced." 

"I told him if he couldn't find any it was okay, it was just a bit of a craving. The tinned stuff is fine, just not the same as biting into an actual apple." He shifted, a little uncomfortable, "I also wanted him to be gone for a bit so I could talk to you alone." 

Ianto suspected what Fish wanted to talk about, and sat down. "About what?"

"Tell me about this procedure I need first. I'm guessing you're talking about Devon wanting to remove my gall bladder?"

Ianto nodded. "I trust Joe Devon implicitly. He's the best surgeon in the world, but don't tell him I said that his bloody ego's big enough. If he says your gall bladder needs to come out, it needs to come out. It'll be exactly like the liver transplant, with a similar recovery. Shorter, actually." 

"Can you clone me another one?" Fish asked.

Ianto shook his head. "Technically, yes. The technology exists, but cloned transplantation is only routinely done for vital organs. You don't need your gall bladder. That's not to say gall bladders aren't cloned, they are. I'm just not willing to take the risks associated with a procedure for something you don't really need. It'd be like cloning your appendix." 

"What risks are there?" Fish asked. 

"Right now you have a new liver," Ianto said, gesturing at Fish's abdomen. "That liver was cloned from your existing liver, but it isn't genetically identical. It's close, mind, but nothing is a hundred percent. Genetically, your liver should last as long as you do. That new liver I gave you doesn't have that kind of shelf life. Instead of lasting a hundred or more years, it's going to fail in more than half of that." 

"So I'm headed for liver failure in a fifty years? When I'm nearly a hundred and probably worm food anyway?" 

Ianto nodded. "Actually, Fish, it's more like seventy-five years. Organs like the gall bladder, that are composed of tissues that are less specialized than the liver, have a higher failure rate. What I mean by failure isn't that it stops working, which is part of it, but your body will begin to reject it. No one in the twenty-first century is going to think you have transplant rejection because, according to them, you've never had a transplant." 

"What if the liver starts to fail earlier?" Fish asked.

"It won't," Ianto replied. "The shortest amount of time a cloned liver transplant has begun failing is sixty seven years. So unless you plan to live until one hundred and twelve-"

"I get it," Fish said, smiling. "Okay, well, then let's yank the little sucker out." 

"Devon's already scheduling it. Just so you know, we'll have to wait until you're recovered before we can start your cancer treatments up again," Ianto said, putting his feet up onto the coffee table. He took another sip of the water. 

"That's not going to affect anything?" Fish asked. 

"You'll be delayed two, three weeks, at the most. We'll start the cancer treatments back up for another month or two and then we'll fix your knees," Ianto said, with a shrug. "Shouldn't have any effect other than keeping you here a little longer." 

Fish shrugged back. "I'm planning on being here just over a year. A couple more weeks is nothing." He cleared his throat. "Which brings me back to why I wanted to talk to you alone. Unless there's something else you want to tell me about my poor doomed gall bladder?" 

Ianto shook his head. "Nope, that's all. What's on your mind, Fish?" 

Fish leaned forward and said, "I want to talk about my life expectancy."

Ianto had been expecting a different question. Confused, he said, "Well, we've cured the cancer. It won't be coming back and when we're done you'll be fully protected from it. You won't get skin cancer again or any other sort of cancer for that matter." 

"I'm not talking about just cancer, Ianto. Everyone dies from something. This is the twenty-seventh century. What's the average lifespan here?"

"Fish, let me stop you there." Ianto sat forward and held up his hand. "People don't live longer in this time because there's some magic shot or treatment. The increase in life expectancy is more down to better medical care over the course of a person's lifetime. There are better treatments and medicines in this time. Better detection methods, too. Disease is found earlier and treated faster. All that won't exist when you go home. There's nothing magical I can do to make you live longer." 

"This is five hundred years in the future, Ianto. I know I'm nearly fifty, but there must be something." 

Ianto leaned forward. "Fish, you came here so we could cure your cancer-"

"I'm leaving Torchwood when I get back," Fish said. 

Ianto gave Fish a small knowing smile. "I know." 

"Then you know I want as much time as I can get with Henry." 

Ianto considered for a moment and then lied. "The only thing I can think of is to do a full genetic screening and evaluate from there." He paused. "But these weren't on the list of things we were going to do for you, so I need to get approval first. I'll warn you, it'll most likely get shot down." 

"Thanks, Ianto," Fish said, relieved. Then the other man fidgeted. 

"There's something else," Ianto assumed. 

Fish nodded. "I also want to know how long I can stay here beyond my treatment." 

That was the question Ianto had initially expected. "I'm sorry, Fish, but once your treatments are done, you need to go back to the twenty-first century. Maybe I could manage letting you stay a week, maybe two. But staying here when you're perfectly healthy is a bigger long shot than medical treatment outside of your cancer protocol."

Fish nodded, but was profoundly disappointed. "I understand." His eyes reddened and welled with tears. "I want to give Henry as much time as I can before I go..." 

Ianto reached out for his friend's hand. "It's okay. I understand." 

"I can't change his mind, can I?" Fish asked, quietly. 

"No, Fish, you can't," Ianto replied. "I know it hurts, but it's the right thing to do. I love Henry. He's been like a father to me. I wouldn't raise my sword to him for anything other than mercy." 

"I see the pain in his eyes sometimes when he thinks I'm not looking." He swallowed hard and added, "I have one more request." 

"All right," Ianto said.

"I want to be with him when you do it." 

Ianto leaned back his mouth wide with shock. "What kind of mad request is that? No, Fish!" 

Fish held up both his hands. "Look, I really don't want that shit burned into my fucking retinas. But Henry would never have left my side and I'm not going to leave his." 

Ianto took a very slow, deep breath as his temper rose. "Should I schedule you for a psychiatric evaluation? Because if you think Henry or I are going to let you watch me cut his head off, you've gone stark raving mad! I'm not killing your husband while you watch!" 

He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Shocked and stunned, he stood and moved towards the door, but Fish grabbed his hand and wouldn't let go. 

Staring straight into his eyes, Fish said, "He's my husband. I never thought I'd have to be there for him when he died, well it turns out I was wrong and I won't abandon him."

That was a compelling argument. 

"Fine. I'll talk to him. But if you're asking me because you want me to argue for you, I won't do that. If Henry says no, that's the final word on it because I don't want you there either. But if he says yes, I won't stand in the way." 

"Thank you," Fish said.

Ianto shook off his grip and walked out of the room. Once he was in the hallway, he leaned against the wall and closed his eyes 

_Our teacher promised she would end my life at a time of my choosing. It was with the stroke of your sword that Yi Mei-Xu's head fell. By our traditions, that promise passed to you with her quickening. Once you have cured Joe and he has returned to the twenty-first century, will you honor that promise?_

He hadn't wanted to say yes, but he'd agreed. The idea of doing it with Fish watching turned Ianto's stomach. 

_As if I won't feel enough like a murderer._

He took a deep breath and walked down towards the lift. He rode it up to the top floor and stepped out, nodding at Cora who stood. 

"Captain Hart has returned for one of his check-ins and the Captain is addressing an internal matter of security," she said, gesturing at the office. 

"Thanks, Cora," he said and turned towards the office. 

"John," he said, pushing the door open. 

The other man stood and held out his hand. "Eye Candy." 

Ianto slapped his hand away and hugged him, hard. "Good to see you again, mate." 

John jerked his thumb towards Cora's desk. His face became solemn and he said, "I heard about your husband. And I'm sorry for your loss." 

Ianto gave him a weak smile and pulled him for a hug. "Thank you." He gestured at the sofa and John sat down. "I know you expected for Fish to be going back with you today, but we've had some hiccups in his treatment."

"He's all right, though?" John asked.

"He had a blood clot in his lung so we've had to lower his doses. I needed to do a liver transplant and then complete his cancer treatment, but my chief surgeon has also recommended removing his gall bladder. That's extending his stay another two months." 

John tapped on his vortex manipulator. "I'll be back then." 

Ianto added, "I'm also planning on fixing his knees, and that is going to take another year."

"A year?" John exclaimed. "Eye Candy, are you barking mad? You want him to be here for a year?" 

"I know it's a long time and I know that increases the danger to the time stream, but I feel giving him the best quality of life in the time he has left is worth the risk." 

John sat there, regarding him carefully, then nodded. 

"I know we've been having you come back when we expect Fish to leave, but from now on I'd like for you to pop in every few months. The knee surgery is going to be a major one and depending on his recovery, his time to return to the twenty-first may change again." 

John nodded and said, "How much of that do you want me to tell Henry?" 

"You can tell him anything he wants to know. I know he asked if he could come visit, but he can't... because he's here too," Ianto replied. 

John closed his vortex manipulator and said, "Got it. I'll tell him what you've told me." Then, in his usual blunt manner, his next question was, "So are you back to dousing Jack's pudding?" 

The Ianto Jones of the twenty-first century would've told John Hart to go have sex with himself for asking such a personal question. The Ianto Jones of the twenty-seventh century laughed and replied, "No. I did have an athletic night with a well-endowed surgical assistant." Then, he had no idea why he confessed, "Believe it or not, I threw myself at him when I was at a low point and he turned me down." 

John let out a disbelieving snort. "That's surprising."

"You've no idea. You know, for some mad reason, your voice has been inside my head a lot since Will-that was my husband-died." 

John laughed at that. "Me? The Twins, why?" 

"I've no bloody idea. Bit unnerving, really," Ianto said with a laugh. “Never imagined you’d be the disembodied voice of reason in my head.” 

John laughed again. “Well when you put it that way, it's easier to see.”

“It is?”

John nodded. “I don’t dance around the truth, Eye Candy. I’m not one for sugar coating anything for anyone. I give things to people straight whether they want to hear it or not. Might be that's something you need right now.”

Ianto patted John’s leg. “You were always a good friend, John. Well after you joined the team that is. I’m not referring to the time you put a gun in my face.”

John laughed. “I’m a surprisingly decent person when I’m not high on illegal fifty-first century narcotics. And you were hard as a rock when I put that gun in your face.”

He couldn’t help but blush. He hadn’t thought John had noticed. “Moment of weakness.”

“You liked the power play,” John noted. He paused and said, “Can I say something, Ianto?”

“Wow, it must be something for you to ask first.”

John smirked. “That power play? You won’t find it with Jack.”

“Aren’t you the one who told me that he likes to be led?” Ianto replied. 

“Did I?" 

Ianto cursed his lapse. This version of John Hart hadn't said those words yet. He nodded and said, "You did once." 

"The thing is, Jack doesn’t want people to know he doesn't like the reins. It's his dirty little secret. That's why he loves when you call him sir. Looks to everyone else you're the one on a leash, but the reality is it's your claim on him, like your come dribbling out of his arse." 

He suppressed a smile at the lighter and less angry version of John's original speech. "I don't call him that anymore." 

"And you shouldn't." John gave him an appraising look. "Here's the thing, Ianto. Jack may have done the sensible thing, for once, and turned you down. But he won't always. You're his drug of choice. He does what users always do with drugs. Take." 

"John-"

"Just listen to me for a minute," he said, holding up his hand. "You're not with him now, but you will be. It might be next week or it might be in a century or two, but he will end up back in your bed. Just make sure that it's on your terms." 

"What makes you think it wasn't before?" he asked.

"It was, but your terms have changed. Jack won't realize that. He looks at you and he sees the same Ianto Jones who helped him off with his coat and called him sir," John said. "In the twenty-first, you're comfortable together. Cozy. That's easy to fall back into. Just do yourself a favor, and don't accept just what Jack's willing to give you. Don't go settling for just what you need, either. And don't be bought off when he gives you something you want once in a while. Make sure you're getting as much, if not more than you're giving, because you give him your whole self and that's a precious gift. You should expect nothing less in return." 

Ianto thought about that for a minute. "I had no idea you were so vested in my happiness." 

"You're my friend. One of the few I've had in my miserable life," he said simply. "And Mei was the only person I ever loved. She loved me completely, for exactly who I was. And everything she was is with you now." 

Ianto reached out for John's hand and took it. "I'm sorry I had to do it." 

John squeezed his hand. "I know you had no choice." 

"Usually, a quickening's influence is subtle, but Mandy's was powerful. I do have some of her memories and a lot of her feelings inside me. The times she spent with you were the happiest of her life. Maybe it's why I hear your voice so much." He brought the back of John's hand to his nose and inhaled the sandalwood and leather. "There's a part of me that misses you and loves you the way she did." 

To Ianto's surprise, John slid across the sofa and cupped his face in his hands. The kiss was warm and sweet. John pulled back first, staring into his eyes. "I don't have to leave just yet." 

Ianto leaned forward, kissing him gently. He rested his hand on the back of his neck, caressing the skin, enjoying its greater warmth. After a moment's consideration and a fair amount of disbelief at what he'd just decided to do, he stood and buttoned his suit jacket, then walked to the office door. "Cora, cancel the rest of my day... and tomorrow, please." 

He turned to John and said, "Are you coming, Captain?" 

John eagerly leapt to his feet and hurried over to Ianto. Oblivious to Cora's presence, he said, "Hopefully several times."

The two men stepped into the lift, and as the doors closed, Ianto said, "We'll have to see if you're behaved." 


	16. Chapter 16

Ianto passed the laser to Doctor Bella Sook. She took the instrument from him and glanced up at the clock.

"Thank you, Doctor Jones. The time is oh seven thirty-eight. Starting first incision, right knee," she said, smoothly.

As the monitors beeped in the background, Bella began to cut. "I was sorry to hear about Will." 

"Thank you, Bella."

"I'm sorry I didn't ring or come to the service. I didn't have a signal and I couldn't get back in time," she said, not looking up from Fish's open knee.

Ianto gave her a look. Bella was a member of this century's equivalent of Doctors Without Borders, and regularly travelled to what was once California. Due to climate change, rising temperatures, and devastating drought, it had been an area rife with conflict, sickness, and extreme poverty for centuries. The area Bella had been in had been called Silicon Valley.  

"Well you were in Sands City on a humanitarian mission. I'd hardly expect you to fly all the way to Wales when you're vaccinating children and delivering babies in huts while avoiding militants and dodging bullets."  

Bella rolled her eyes back at him. "It's not that bad. You make it sound like a war zone." 

Compared to how Ianto remembered it, it was a war zone. The next best handheld electronic device or social media craze wasn't what came out of that area anymore. Now, journalists visited in body armor and charities air dropped crates of food, water, and medical supplies. 

"Clamp," she said and Ianto handed her the appropriate instrument. "The people there are just impoverished and they fight over fresh water sources." She pointed the laser at him. "And if you say they should just find another place to live I'll cut you."

"I know it's not that simple, Bella," he said. "And I would never speak ill of your homeland." 

"How are you holding up?" she asked, returning to the subject. 

"Will was sick for a long time," he said, leaning forward. He cauterized a few bleeding vessels then tapped at the force field generator to adjust it.

"You make it sound like that should make things easier," she said. She looked up every once in a while, her eyes filled with sympathy. "Rick was sick for a long time too and when he died I still felt like a hollowed out, steaming pile of shit."

Like Will, Bella's partner, Rick, had also been KEL positive. He had died a few years ago. Unlike Will, Rick had decided to prolong his life with artificial blood transfusions. The special artificial blood used for KEL patients was designed to minimize the immune response, but because of its differences from traditional artificial blood, a protein built up in the brain causing profound dementia. Towards the end of his life, Rick hadn't been Rick anymore.

"Probe," she requested.

Ianto handed her the instrument and said, "I do feel like a hollowed out steaming pile of shit sometimes. But you know how it is. People expect certain responses. They want to hear that you're doing fine and that you're healing." 

Bella nodded and smiled. "I know that well."

"But I am healing and doing better. It's been nearly six months," Ianto said, then blinked. "I don't know if it's a good or a bad thing that I can't believe it's been that long already. It feels like it was yesterday, but it's not as raw as it was then. Moving out of the flat really helped." 

She didn't look up as she continued to dissect down to the joint. "Yeah, I moved too after Rick died. I couldn't fucking stay in that house anymore. In the end, we'd done home care and it was just full of too many bad memories. It was one of the best decisions I made. Helped me focus on the good times and not how things ended." She shook her head. "I was at my wit's end."

"I remember," Ianto said.

"Elevator," she said.

As Ianto passed her the instrument, she asked, "So are you seeing anyone?"

"I'm not ready for that yet, Bella," Ianto insisted.

"Shagging anyone?" she asked, waggling her eyebrows over her mask. 

Ianto shivered at the memory of a full forty-eight hours in a bed with John Hart. A wave of heartache and longing for the other man swelled in his heart that he immediately suppressed. Those feelings weren't his, but vestiges of Miranda's quickening. He flicked his eyes over to Kye and winked. Ianto said, "Occasionally." 

Bella flicked her eyes to Kye and smirked under her mask.

"Only occasionally?" She paused and looked at him with a raised eyebrow, then asked, skeptically, "Are you at least wanking?"

"Christ, Bella!" Ianto cried. "What the fuck sort of question is that?" 

The other staff in the room chuckled at him. Ianto worked hard to not appear anachronistic, but attitudes towards sex were completely different in the twenty-seventh century than they were in the twenty-first. It was wonderful his BDSM relationship with Will had carried no stigma, but random coworkers finding his masturbation habits a suitable subject of discussion still unnerved him. Ianto had tried to evolve with the times, but the freedom with which many in the twenty-seventh century discussed their sex lives still astonished him. In the twenty-first century, asking about a coworker's masturbatory habits would cause a brouhaha of sensitivity and harassment training. Now it was considered a polite question when someone's relationship had recently ended.

"For such a young bloke, you're such a prude, Ianto," she said, rolling her eyes. She returned her attention to Fish's right knee. "I swear, you remind me of my granny." 

The rest of the staff also chuckled, no doubt because they'd seen Ianto's prudish behavior before. 

When her brow furrowed, Ianto asked, "What's wrong?"

"It's a fucking mess in here," she said, sighing. She pulled the scanning loupes down over her eyes. "These ligaments are in bad shape. He's got lots of microtears. This cartilage doesn't feel right either." 

Ianto watched her poke and prod for a few moments.

"I don't know about this, Ianto. I don't like this at all," she said. She turned to the assisting nurse and said, "Do me a favor, Harper, just flex the knee a bit for me?" 

The nurse complied, gently hitting the button beside her. Fish's knee bent as the table did. 

Bella shook her head. "Yeah, Ianto, I don't like this. This guy needs a replacement." 

"I thought you said you could do the repair?" Ianto asked. 

"That was before I got my hands on the tissue," she said, waving at the open knee. "How did he let it get like this? This guy's probably been in pain and neglecting himself for decades. Once a week in a regen unit would've put a stop to this." 

"We can't do a replacement, Bella," Ianto countered.

"Ianto, all the major ligaments have microtears and the cranial has a partial tear. Look at these degenerative changes to the cartilage and the bone underneath it," she said, pointing as she went. 

"You can't rebuild it at all?" he asked.

"Well I can, but-"

"So rebuild it."

"Ianto, this is major! He's going to need maybe a year of physiotherapy, probably more and that's with extensive regen time. He's going to be non-weightbearing at least a month, if not longer. If I do a replacement, he'll be done in a couple weeks. Doing a repair doesn't make sense," Bella insisted.

"You can't do a replacement," Ianto stated.

Bella pointed towards Fish's head. "You're telling me this guy'd rather be stuck on his ass for a month and do a year's worth of physiotherapy than get a bilateral knee replacement and be done in two weeks? Is this guy your new sub and into serious masochism?"

"No, he's not my submissive," Ianto said. "And no knee replacement."

"Ianto, with all due respect here, you're fucking wrong. I'm telling you, rebuilding these knees is completely the wrong call," Bella said. "And frankly, I'm surprised at you. You've never questioned an assessment of mine like this before, even when I wasn't sure I was right, and this time I know I'm fucking right. So what gives?"

Bella stepped back from the table. "I won't do the rebuild unless you give me a valid medical reason not to. Instead of an hour under general anesthesia, you're talking an all day procedure here. It's going to take me twelve plus hours to do both knees."

"Then close him up," Ianto said, turning. He didn't disagree with her assessment at all, but if Bella wouldn't do the procedure, that was that. Ianto wouldn't attempt to rebuild Fish's knees himself. He wasn't qualified and he wouldn't take that kind of risk with Fish's health.

Bella waved at the open joint. "Ianto, this guy's going to blow these knees out in a couple months, a year tops. And that's if he's only walking around on them. He needs the replacement. Why put him through the agony of that just to knock him out again? Let's do this now, while we're in here!"

"We cannot do a replacement," Ianto said, firmly.

"Ianto, what the fuck? Have you lost your bloody mind? Why are you pushing for substandard care? This amount of fuckery isn't like you!" Bella said, loudly. 

With a sigh, Ianto turned to the nurse and said, "Uncover his face."

"Sir..."

"Just do it, Ally," he said.

"Lean over the drape," Ianto replied.

"What?"

"Just lean over the drape, Bella."

With a sigh, Bella interlaced her fingers and turned so her back was more towards Fish's face. She leaned over the drape and blinked.

"Yeah so?" she said.

"Doesn't he look like someone?" he asked.

"Guy's the spitting image of Doctor Joseph Fischer," she said, nonchalantly.

"He's not the spitting image of Joseph Fischer, Bella, he is Joseph Fischer," he said.

Bella barked out a laugh. "C'mon, Ianto. I'm not a fucking idiot. There is no way that can be Fischer. Fischer died five hundred years ago! His bones are inside an obelisk less than a click from this building."

"In the summer of 2018, Joseph Fischer was diagnosed with cancer-metastatic melanoma. It was end stage and terminal."

"That's impossible. That was the fucking medical Stone Age. He wouldn't have lived till Christmas, let alone long enough to save the world," Bella said.

"That's why he's here, in the future. We're curing his cancer so he can live long enough to save the world," Ianto said. He jerked his head to the hallway. "This is the super top secret project I've been working on for a decade."

Bella's eyes went wide. She stepped back. "This is fucking impossible! You're talking about time travel! Fucking time travel!"

"It's complicated, but trust me, this is Doctor Joseph Fischer," Ianto said. "I swear, to you, Bella. On my head, this is him." 

Bella's stepped away from the table, her eyes wide. "I'm performing major surgery on Doctor Fucking Joseph Fucking Fischer?! Are you fucking shitting me?!"

"Bella, calm down!" Ianto said.

"Fucking calm down! You fucking calm down!" Bella shouted. She pointed at the table. "If I fuck his knees up, I could doom the whole human race!"

"Do you understand now why I can't send him back to the twenty-first century with a bilateral twenty-seventh century knee replacement?" Ianto asked, trying and failing to keep the sarcasm out of his voice.

"Because his bones are in an obelisk less than a click from this building," Bella realized. "Fuck fuckity fuck fucking shit!"

She raised her hands to her forehead and looked around the room. "Okay... okay..." She ran her gloves under the again sterilizer and said, "I can do this."

"I know you can, Bella. That's why I asked you," he said.

"Yeah, no fucking pressure, Ianto!" she snapped.

"Well, I was trying not to tell you!" he retorted.

"Fuck you! You can say I fucking told you so when we're done here. And you fucking owe me big time for this!" she snapped, leaning over Fish's knee again. "I want a whole fucking half litre of honey!"

"You've got it," he said, not caring it that was the twenty-seventh century equivalent of purchasing a luxury sports car.

Bella's estimate was off. Fish's surgery took nearly twenty hours. His feet aching and his back and neck tingling, Ianto stepped out of the operating theatre and walked over to Henry. 

"I'm sorry, Henry, that took a lot longer than I thought it would," he said.

Henry looked terrible, exhausted and stressed. "What happened, lad? The nurses told me that there was an unexpected complication, but wouldn't tell me more."

Before Ianto could answer, Bella came storming out. Her voice trembled when she said, "For fuck's sake, Ianto, I think I lost half my stomach lining in there." 

Ianto cleared his throat, loudly, and turned. "Bella, you remember Henry?"

"Oh yes, Henry! It's lovely to see you," she said, holding out her hand.

"Doctor Sook," Henry said. He accepted her hand and gave her a nervous smile.  

"This is Doctor Fischer's husband," Ianto said, emphasizing the last word.

"What?" Bella asked, clearly confused. "I've known you as long as I've known Ianto! How the fuck-"

"Just go with it, please," Ianto begged. 

She blinked a few times and sighed. "Are you ever going to fucking explain this to me?"

"Maybe later, just fill Henry in," Ianto said.

Bella shook her head and slipped into her professional mask. "When I opened up his knees, they were worse off than I thought. Normally, I would've scrapped the idea of the repair entirely, but Ianto's explained the situation to me. The rebuild took a lot longer than we thought and was more extensive. He's going to have to stay here a long time for the physiotherapy."

"How long?" Henry asked.

"Potentially a year, especially if Ianto wants to wait until the mesh supports I put in dissolve fully," Bella said.

Henry nodded. "Thank you, Bella."

She turned to Ianto and said, "I'll talk to you about the physiotherapy later. I'm going to double check the regen unit settings and then I'm going home. I need a fucking drink. Or twenty."

"Thanks Bella," Ianto replied.

"You owe me, mate," she said, walking away.

"You told her?" Henry asked.

Ianto nodded. "Fish's knees needed to be replaced, Henry, even by twenty-first century standards. Bella was refusing to do the repair on the basis that repairing was substandard care. She was also refusing to just close him up and leave them for the same reason. It was the only way to convince her to do the procedure."

"Will you tell her about us?" Henry asked.

"I've been wanting to for a while. I've been trying to get her take on a position here, maybe if I tell her the truth, she'll come on board." Ianto paused, then continued, "Fish is in good shape, but he's been largely sedentary for the past eight months because of his treatments. I agree with Bella's assessment that he'll likely be here another year doing physiotherapy."

"That's longer than you predicted," Henry said.

"This kind of rebuild is serious, Henry. There isn't a structure in his knees we haven't touched. There are bone seeds, cartilage frames, and ligament mesh supports. They'll all dissolve away, but his body needs to do the healing on its own. With regeneration units, he'll be non-weight bearing for probably eight weeks-"

"Eight!" Henry cried. "Your original estimate was only four!" 

Ianto nodded. "We're going to have to evaluate him continuously. We'll gradually decrease time in the regen units. Hopefully, we'll be able to get him up and walking soon and start the physiotherapy with the units at night only. The regen units are great, but getting him weight bearing is the most important."

Henry shook his head. He waved in the direction of the recovery room. "While I am grateful for more time with Joe, I am concerned. His suspicions have grown." 

"I know, but it is what it is," Ianto said. He pulled off his surgical cap and guided Henry into his office. He carefully shut the door, then turned to his friend. "There's other subjects that require discussion."

Henry glanced at the closed door and Ianto said, "Fish'll be out for a little while longer." 

"What's on your mind, lad?" Henry asked.  

Ianto half sat on the edge of his desk and said, "I'm sorry for bringing this up now, I know it's not the best time, but I haven't been able to get you alone yet." 

"I assume this is regarding his ridiculous request," Henry spat. 

Ianto nodded. Henry had always been remarkably astute when it came to Fish. He cleared his throat. "He had a few others." 

"Such as?" 

"Let me start with the worst one first." 

Henry leapt to his feet. "I will absolutely not permit Joe to be present when you take my head!"

Ianto held out his hand. "Oi, ease off, Henry. Don't shoot the bloody messenger."

"I categorically forbid it!" Henry cried.

"Breathe, Lord Richmond, please," Ianto said. 

Henry smoldered, but took a deep breath then rolled his shoulders as he exhaled.

"Thank you," Ianto said. He continued, "I agree with you that it's the last thing I want Fish to be seeing and it's not something I want to do it with an audience."

"Then it is decided," Henry said.

"Henry, there's going to be a lot of time between now and then. I think we should think about it," Ianto attempted.  

"Have you completely taken leave of your senses?" Henry cried.

"Hear me out," Ianto said, softly. 

"Why would you wish for Joe to subject himself to such a horrific sight?" Henry asked, incredulously. 

"Okay, firstly, I don't. I think this is just as daft an idea as you do. But look at this from his point of view," Ianto said, leaning towards his friend. "He wants to be there for you. He doesn't want you to die alone." 

"Preposterous!" Henry muttered. "I won't be dying alone. You will be there with me. You are my dearest friend."

"Then let me put it to you another way, and the way Joe put it to me. Would you have let Fish die alone in hospital?" Ianto asked.

"Of course not!"

"That kind of death isn't a pretty thing to watch either."

Henry remained silent.

"He's trying to do the same thing for you that you would've done for him. It's no different," Ianto replied. "I just want you to think about it, because I don't think he'll be put off." 

Henry took a deep, frustrated breath, and then nodded once. He turned for the door, but Ianto said, "I'm not done, Henry."

After Henry sat down, Ianto said, sadly, "Fish also asked me to do whatever I could do to extend his natural life."

Henry gave a sorrowful shake of his head. "He wouldn't realize the pointlessness of the request."

"I know, but I did some checks anyway," Ianto replied, just as sadly. "I ran his DNA through the machines. He does have some genetic markers for a few things we can prevent that are not curable in the twenty-first, specifically demyelinating disorders and degenerative movement disorders of the nervous system. I gave him the treatments while he was under so he'll never develop them." 

"How did the temporal committee agree to such action when Joe won't live long enough to develop them?" Henry said.

Ianto shrug. "I was able to justify it because there's a small chance some of the early signs might show while he was still alive and there's no harm in treating him."

"Was there another request?" Henry asked.

"Fish wanted to know how long we would let him stay here after his treatment is done," Ianto said. 

"Joe needn't do that to prolong my life," Henry said.

"I don't think he has a hidden agenda. I think he just wants you to have more time together." Ianto regarded his friend carefully. "I had to speak with the temporal committee, obviously, and they flatly refused to allow Fish to stay here beyond his treatment."

"Of course," Henry replied and stood. "Thank you for attempting to intercede."

"Henry, wait." Ianto touched his friend's arm. "Is Fish staying longer something you'd want?" 

"But you just said-" 

"I said the temporal committee refused. I've got a few tricks up my sleeves, especially if I can get Bella on board," Ianto said. 

Henry had a hopeful look in his eye. "Go on."

"We could easily extend his stay by prolonging his therapy," Ianto offered.

"How long?" Henry asked.

"Bella said a year, but I could extend that another six months, potentially another entire year," Ianto said. 

Henry frowned, his usual pensive look coming over his face. Ianto knelt down in front of his friend. 

"Henry, you and I know how little time Joe will have when he returns home. I can't let him stay here another ten or twenty years, but I can give him up to another year. Let me give that to you both. I'm not just doing this for you."

Henry let out a scoff and stood. "You and Jack seek to assuage your guilt at leading my Joe to his death."

Ianto recoiled as if Henry had slapped him. "If that's how you want to see it." He swallowed hard. "Nothing will ever alleviate my guilt for playing my part, and the continued survival of the human race should be enough... but it isn't." Ianto stood and said, "Everyday, I look him in the eye and lie to him. He praises and thanks me for giving him back a life that I'm just going to turn around and take away from him again. I have to live with that, Henry. I still live with it and it's going to haunt me until my dying day. Don't you think I'd rather he live a long happy life with you and David by his side?"

Henry's eyes swam with tears. "Of course... of course, lad. Forgive me... I'm sorry. I know you and Jack are in an impossible position." He blinked as the tears fell. "I see the time when my Joe shall leave me again drawing nearer. I do not fear for myself, but lament for him... for the vibrancy of his life and spirit to be cut short, even for the sake of so many others..."

Ianto put his hand on Henry's shoulder. "Let me give you more time together. It's not linear, but it's something."

Henry nodded as he wiped his eyes. "Thank you, lad."

There was a soft knock at the door.

"Just a moment, please!" Ianto called out. 

It took Henry a few moments to compose himself. Once he had, Ianto opened the door.

"Excuse me for disturbing, Doctor Jones, but Doctor Fischer's awake. He's asking after Henry, sir," Ally said.

"Of course, thank you, Ally," Ianto said. "If you wouldn't mind finding Doctor Sook's whereabouts for me, please."

"Of course, sir," Ally said. 

Though Bella had said she was leaving to have a piss up, Ianto knew she wouldn't leave the building until she was positive Fish was fully recovered from the procedure. Though anesthesia had changed a lot, there were still risks. Ianto decided not to wait for Ally, and instead walked down the hallway to where Fish was recovering. Ally was standing just inside the door. Bella was standing next to Fish's bed.

"Everything looks great. I'll meet with Doctor Jones tomorrow, lay out a full treatment plan including physiotherapy."

Fish nodded. "Great, thank you. I'm sorry, I've forgotten your name."

"Isabella Sook," she said, smiling. She reached out her hand and Fish grasped it. "It's a great privilege to meet you, Doctor Fischer." 

Ianto cleared his throat loudly and Bella turned. He shook his head at her and she turned back to Fish, saying, "Rest up." 

"Thank you, Doctor Sook," Fish said, smiling. He held out his hand to her and she grasped it, shaking firmly. 

"No, thank you, Doctor Fischer," she said, grinning. She nodded at Ally. "He can have something to eat and drink when he feels ready." 

Bella walked out into the hallway with Ianto, and said, "Everything looks great. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to go have those drinks." 

"Let me change, and those drinks will be on me," Ianto said. "I've got a very long story to tell you."


	17. Chapter 17

Fish had first started having issues with his right knee in college. The pain would only happen after long runs, and it had only been a mild irritation back then. The doctor he’d seen had diagnosed him with runner’s knee, advising him to give up the sport. It was advice Fish refused to follow and found faintly ridiculous. It was his only form of exercise as well as a much loved pastime. So, he continued, dealing with the pain as it crept up with over the counter medications and ice. As Fish had aged, moving into his thirties, the pain had moved into both knees, increased in intensity and duration. Again, the doctor's solution had been to stop running. Fish found the advice no less ridiculous than he had the first time. Fish continued to manage on his own, learning how to deal with the pain and minimize it while still remaining active. Pushing on into his forties, the condition had leveled off, but Torchwood had exacerbated it. Aliens and the Rift didn’t care if he stretched thoroughly or iced his knee in between foot chases, or if those foot chases continued long after his knees began to throb.

Fish knew surgery was only a matter of time, and when Ianto had first brought it up, the idea of having it in the twenty seventh century had felt like a perk. He was looking forward to pain free legs, and had assumed the recovery would be as easy as his other procedures. He’d been wrong. 

The idea of being stuck in bed, his legs encased in regeneration units day and night for a full fucking month was his idea of a nightmare. The one around his chest after the blood clot had been restrictive enough. 

"What do you mean I'm stuck in this bloody thing for eight weeks?" Fish shouted. 

"Calm down, Doctor Fischer," Ally said. "The surgery you had was extensive." 

"Why the fuck do I have to spend it on the ward? Can't I just go back down to my room?" he whinged. 

Ally grabbed the sheet and pulled it down. Fish's jaw dropped. His lower body was completely encased in a piece of equipment.

"Oh for fuck's sake!" He tried to shift, but he couldn't. 

"Easy now," Ally said. "Comfy?" 

"Yeah, loads," he groaned. He gestured at his crotch. "How am I supposed to use a bloody toilet?" 

"You're not. There's a complete waste removal system," Ally said, tapping the unit. A panel slid aside. "We just need to empty it once a day."

"I shall leave that chore to the staff," Henry said, smirking.

"It's my job. Glamorous, isn't it?" she said, winking. "You shouldn't feel the need to eliminate, but let one of the staff know if you do. This will remove waste as you produce it. Now remember, don't try to stand in this thing, it won't support you and you'll go down like a tonne of bricks and like Doctor Sook said-"

"I'll never walk again," Fish replied.

"Exactly," Ally replied. "Now, this unit has some great features. The waste system, dehumidifying, and cleansing is automatic, so you don't need to worry about those. We'll be sponge bathing you from the waist up-"

"I'll be happy to take on that responsibility," Henry said. 

Ally laughed. "I'm sure you will." 

Fish rolled his eyes. "Great idea, Henry. My bollocks are enclosed in this thing." He asked, "They operated my knees. Why does this thing come halfway up to my chest?"  

"Because the unit needs to interact with the surrounding tissues. And that was a nice segue into the sexual health features," Ally said, gesturing at the panel to Fish's right. 

"Excuse me?" Fish cried, his jaw dropping. 

"You probably haven't noticed, but your penis is encased within a syntheskin sleeve-"

"A what?" Fish cried. 

"A sleeve," Ally said.

"Wait... what?" he asked, still not believing what he was hearing. 

Ally blinked and said, "While you were in recovery, we fitted the regen unit on your legs and part of your torso. An erection was induced with a minor electric current so the sleeve could be fitted precisely to your anatomy-"

"Are you joking?!" Fish cried. His dismay was compounded by the amusement on Henry's face. 

"No, Doctor Fischer," Ally said, her confusing growing. She pointed at the various settings as she spoke. "The penile stimulation features are extensive and have a full range of settings to adjust pressure, suction, speed, and force of stimulation to maximize the experience. Of course, there are also penetrative functions for anal and prostate stimulation. Those suctions also have a full range of settings including warming and cooling sensations." She gestured at his husband and said, "For intimate relations, you can allow Henry to work the controls." 

"Ianto must be having one on me," he said, turning redder. He shook his head and stared up at the ceiling. 

Ally frowned. "What do you mean?" 

"He had this put into this unit on purpose, didn't he? Ripping the piss out of me?"

"This unit has a few more bells and whistles, but these features are standard, Doctor Fischer," Ally replied. "This is the twenty-seventh century, not the bloody dark ages. Your mental health is as important to your recovery as the medications you'll be taking. Sexual release is a vital part of overall health. Leaving you sexually frustrated for two months would hurt your recovery." 

Fish looked over at Henry. His husband's face was red trying to hold back his laughter. "Oh go on." 

Henry doubled over, laughing hysterically. 

"There's nothing to be embarrassed about, Doctor Fischer. We're all sexual beings," Ally said. 

Fish closed his eyes and sighed. "Thank you Ally. Is there anything else you need to show me?" 

"No, that's it. If you have any questions, or need anything, just hit the call button," she said. "I'll bring up your supper in a few hours."

As she left the room, she winked at Henry.

"You're having way too much fun with this," Fish told him.

"Approximately three hundred years ago, there was a second sexual revolution. Many social restrictions and stigmas surrounding sex disappeared from society. Ally is correct. There were numerous studies on the impact of ignoring sexuality in recovery and medical care." 

"Aside from blushing at the drop of a hat, I never thought of myself as a prude until now," Fish said. He waved at the regen unit. "I feel like I'm strapped into a gigantic sex toy!" 

Henry chuckled and waggled his eyebrows. "Am I to assume that means you will not wish to try out the features?" 

"NO!" Fish cried. "This bloody thing will probably alert the entire medical staff!" 

"It will. It will also alert them if you don't use it, so they will begin pressuring you to do so," Henry replied with a smirk. 

Fish closed his eyes and let out a groan. Henry was right. After a week, the staff began to politely inquire as to his mental health, more frequently asking if he was all right, and bringing up his lack of sexual activity. Mortified, Fish snapped at them all demanding they stay out of his sex life and habits. Not to be dissuaded, they must've started in on Henry who began to engage in all manner of attempts at seduction. His embarrassment crumbled under the pressure of his sexual frustration and Henry's allure. He expected the experience to be cold and clinical, but it left him wondering what sex toys were like in this century and if he get Henry bring some into the tower. 

Eight weeks in the unit, turned into ten. When they were over, Fish was so grateful to be back in the suite and in a normal bed with Henry next to him. His physiotherapy would begin and he'd finally be upright. He expected there to be exercises and stretching, so he was surprised when Bella Sook had him strip from the waist down and strapped him into another contraption he'd be wearing around the clock. 

"So what do these things do again?" Fish asked.

He felt incredibly self-conscious standing nude in front of this woman, even if she was a doctor. The fact that she was eye level with his wedding tackle didn't make it any better. Like the regeneration units, this needed skin to skin contact for optimal performance. Bella had already expressed significant confusion as to why Fish disliked the fact he would be wearing skirts as long as he needed it. 

Bella said, "These units use new advances in artificial gravity to ease the load on your legs. Right now, your legs are only experiencing one percent of your weight and the unit is handling the rest. We'll gradually increase it as you grow stronger and your body heals. They take a little getting used to, but you should be able to get up and move normally." 

She stood up and nodded. "All right, give it a go." 

"Can I put something on first?" he asked. 

"Why?" she said, an eyebrow raised. 

Fish let out a sigh. He had no idea how these things were doing what Bella said. They looked like simple leg braces with no significant bulk to them whatsoever. The only unusual part was a wide band that went around his middle. Still, this was the twenty-seventh century and Ianto told him Bella was the best orthopedic surgeon in the world. So Fish moved to stand and Henry stepped forward to help him.

Bella held out her arm. "Let him do it on his own, Henry. It'll be better. The unit has to learn how he moves so it can compensate, inertially. That's why it needs the skin contact. It's reading his muscles' impulses."

The feeling was definitely strange as Fish stood up. There wasn't any pain, but there was a distinct jelly-like feeling in his muscles. It was similar to how he felt after he overexerted himself.

"The jelly feeling is normal," Bella said, reading his mind.

"I feel like I'm going to fall," he said, concerned.

"You won't," she insisted. She waved at the braces. "Even if your legs can't support you, the brace will. Go on, give it a try."

"Give what a try?" Fish asked, frowning.

"Falling," Bella said.

"What?" Fish cried.

"Just do it. Trust me, Doctor Fischer," she said, smirking.

He pointed at her. "If I fall and break something, I don't want to hear it."

Fish willed his muscles to relax which normally would mean he'd end up on the floor. Instead, he stayed standing. "Woah..."

"See?" she replied. "The unit will keep you upright even if both legs give out. They also won't let you trip or lose your balance."  

"How much am I allowed to walk?" Fish asked. 

"As much as you want," Bella replied. "The more the better. But listen to your body. We have you off continuous pain management for a reason. Pain is the best indicator of limitations. If something hurts, it's because you're over doing it. No pain. No strain. There's as needed pain medication on file for you, but I'd rather you not need it."

"Got it," Fish said. 

Bella took him by the arm and guided him back to the sofa. "I'm not joking, Doctor Fischer. Your knees. Think Humpty Dumpty. I used all the king's horses and all the king's men. There's nothing left. If you blow those out, you'll need a full replacement and Ianto won't let me do one. The twenty-first century won't be able to fix you either, so if you fuck up those knees, you'll never walk again." 

"Well, no pressure," Fish said, rolling his eyes.

She sat down next to him. "You need to wear the unit twenty four seven. I don't want you to get up in the middle of the night to have a piss when you're half asleep and forget it. The unit is waterproof, so you're going to be showering in it too. You stand up not wearing this thing and both your knees will implode, and as I've already said, you'll never walk again." 

Fish raised an eyebrow at her. "Did Ianto ever tell you your bedside manner's rubbish?" 

Bella stood and said, "Constantly. I'm just trying to get it through to you how serious it is for you to stand up without that unit strapped to you, even once, even for a few seconds. So never take it off."

"Oh trust me, you're getting that across with the whole 'you'll never walk again' line," Fish replied, with nervous laughter. He stretched out his legs in front of him. "So just walk, right? I can't run?" 

"I don't recommend it yet. I'd like to get you to at least fifty percent weight bearing before we do anything with impact. I'll evaluate you before green lighting anything, anyway," Bella said, shrugging. "Oh, the unit won't let you flex or extend your knees too much either. So pillows under your knees if you've got them extended and if you drop something, let Henry get it." 

"Got it," Fish said. Testing, he sat back down and lifted his leg, swinging it a little. He reached for his clothes, assuming it was all right for him to get dressed now. He felt absolutely ridiculous as he tied the skirt around his waist. He also despised going commando. "I'll tell you, Doctor Sook, my legs haven't felt this good in... well, I can't even remember."

"That's what I love about what I do," she said, smiling. "I'll see you again next week for another adjustment."

Fish held his hand up and Bella shook it. "Thanks again, Doctor Sook." 

"Bella, please," she said, then turned to Henry. She shook his hand and said, "Keep an eye on him, Henry." 

"I shall, thank you, Bella," he said. 

With a little wave, Bella left the room and Fish took a few slow laps around the room. "This really does feel weird." 

"Be careful, Joe," Henry warned. He checked his watch. "I'm afraid I have to leave you for a short while. I have an appointment with my financial representative."

"Arthur Meredith's great-great-great-something grandchild?" Fish asked, facetiously.

"I've not counted, but yes. Lois is one of Arthur’s direct descendants,” Henry replied. "As Arthur's great-great-grandson produced only daughters, his family is extinct in the male line, Lois's family name is different. I shan't be long. She needs me to sign several documents and review some things with her."

Fish swallowed hard. Henry was putting his affairs in order. He wanted to let Henry leave and not ask, but he didn't want this to be some elephant in the room the way his own death had been.

"Who's your executor?" Fish asked.

"Ianto," Henry said. He took a deep, shaky breath. "Thomas's line is no more.” 

Fish felt his own sadness and reached for Henry's hand. 

Henry cleared his throat. "I had thought all of this was properly settled before you arrived, but I was mistaken. I shall return soon." 

Once Henry was gone, Fish decided to seize the opportunity to explore on his own. Usually he was surrounded by doctors and nurses or his husband. They all kept him from wandering the corridors and exploring other rooms. In all the time he'd been here, he could count on one hand how many rooms he'd seen. Since there was no one in sight, he stepped into the hallway, hoping to explore a little. 

Still feeling slightly off balance, he took a few laps up and down the hallway. Once he felt more sure of his feet, he went to the lift and hit the button to summon it. Maybe he could find Jack. He stepped inside and surveyed the buttons. There were clearly enough buttons to visit every floor in the Tower, but there was a key lock and card slot. He likely didn't have access to most of the Tower. The hospital floor was the one above his and he wanted to avoid that one. 

Guy in charge is always on the top floor... Fish thought to himself. He hit the button and the doors slid shut. 

When the doors opened, Fish leaned out. It was the same hallway he'd been in when he'd first arrived. There was the same dark glass wall and random fake trees. 

"Do you require any assistance, Doctor Fischer?" a female voice called. 

Fish stepped out of the lift and the doors shut behind him. The source of the voice was an older woman. She was sitting at a desk that had been empty when he'd arrived. Her lined face was regarding him carefully. She looked to be in her mid to late seventies. She had a square face, with curly, auburn hair that was cut fairly short. That hair was liberally sprinkled with grey and white. She looked like a stern governess or school teacher, glowering at him from over a pair of reading glasses. He took a few steps towards her and said, "Hello." 

She looked even more stern as her eyebrow raised. "I believe the appropriate greeting would be 'good afternoon'." 

Well, okay then. He cleared his throat and stepped forward with his hand extended. "I'm Joe Fischer. Good to meet you."

She grasped his hand and said, "Cora Gilbert. It is an honor to meet you, Doctor Fischer." She pointed her stylus at the lift. "Was no one answering the intercom downstairs?" 

"Oh, no Ms. Gilbert, I was just looking for Jack, testing out the new digs and stretching my legs since I've been on my arse for over a month," Fish said, as he patted the support unit under the skirt. He jerked his thumb over his shoulder at the lift. "I figured he'd be here. This was the only other floor the lift went to besides the hospital floor, and between you and me, I've seen enough of that one." 

"I see," she said, cautiously. She tapped a spot on her desk and the holographic display vanished. She continued, "I'm afraid Doctor Jones and Captain Harkness are otherwise occupied this afternoon with matters of planetary security." 

"Oh, I see." He smiled at Cora and said, brightly, "Well, in that case, would you like to have some lunch with me?" 

Though she'd been quite gruff with him, she didn't seem like an unfriendly person. If she was, Ianto wouldn't have her in a position working so closely with him. But the invitation had startled her and she was hesitating to give him a response.

Fish put forth a guess and asked, “You’re not allowed to talk to me are you?”

“No, Doctor Fischer, I’m afraid I’m not,” she said regretfully. After smiling at him gently, she said, "With that said, we are only given one life." 

She reached for the right side of her desk and tapped on the intercom. 

"What's up, Cora?" Ally's voice asked. 

"Doctor Fischer has wandered up to the executive office. He and I shall be having lunch together. Would you mind having his midday meal sent up to my office, please, Ally?" she asked. 

There was a full minute of silence. 

"Nurse Ferguson? Were my instructions unclear?" she said, tersely. 

"No, they weren't," Ally replied, clearly confused. "I'll have Doctor Fischer's meal sent up." 

"Thank you, and would you please let the rest of the medical staff know Doctor Fischer's whereabouts so as not to cause anyone any undue worry should someone attempt to locate him," she said. 

"I will, thank you," Ally said. 

"Very good. You have a delightful afternoon, love," Cora replied. 

"You too," Ally said, still clearly startled. 

Cora smiled and gestured at the chair opposite her desk. "If it pleases you, Doctor Fischer. Despite that support unit, I'd imagine it more comfortable for you to sit, especially in your condition."

Fish grinned and sat down. "Thanks."

"Of course," she replied. She bent down and opened a drawer in her desk. A small lunch bag came out along with two mats. She spread one out in front of Fish and one for herself. After unzipping the bag, she unpacked it, setting the smaller containers equidistant between them. She opened one and pushed it towards him. "Help yourself. I have to say, I wasn't expecting to be dining in such company, but I'm glad I packed appropriately. These are my finest pickles." 

Fish took the length of cucumber and frowned at it. "They're red." 

"That they are," she replied. She took one for herself and bit into it. "Cinnamon pickles. They're lovely and sweet with just the right amount of bite." 

Fish didn't want to appear rude. Ianto had expressed to him, over and over, how important food was in this time. He had a feeling cucumbers were bee pollinated. Cautiously, Fish ate one. It was undoubtedly the oddest thing he had ever eaten. It was sweet like a gherkin, but with a strong taste of hot cinnamon. The combination was strangely delicious. "Well, isn't that a surprisingly good. Very tasty."

Chuffed, she said, "Thank you."

"I'd thought we'd done away with artificial color by now," Fish said, helping himself to another.

"We have, but we've also developed new ones," Cora said, nibbling her pickle. "Then again, you lot back then were always concerned with the wrong things. But history shall judge us too."

The lift opened and Ally appeared with Fish's lunch on a tray. She smiled and said, "Here you are, Doctor Fischer."

"Thanks, Ally," he said, accepting the tray.

"Oh," she said, eyes wide. "Cora's sharing her pickles with you! Isn't that a treat. You should be honored, Doctor Fischer. Cora's number one in the whole Tower when it comes to home preserving." 

Cora blushed a bit and said, "Oh, go on, Ally, have one."

"Really?" Ally cried. Her hand dove for the container. She selected a pickle and grinned. "Thank you so much, Cora! Envy of the entire ward, I'll be."

"Don't go spreading my generosity around," Cora replied. "Can't have everyone up here, their fingers in my pickles."

Ally laughed as she left, nibbling her prize.

Fish surveyed his lunch as he said, "Preserving? You mean like preserving jars with the metal rings?"  

"Aye," Cora replied.

"Can't believe anyone still does that," Fish said, raising an eyebrow. "Barely anyone did it in my time." 

"And consider how many people were sorry-and by sorry I mean dead-when the food crisis hit because of it," Cora said. She unwrapped her sandwich and offered half of it to Fish who waved a refusal. "Off season food is too expensive and it's bloody dreadful." She gestured at the pickles. "Nowadays, anyone who wants to eat decent food and keep up a proper, healthy diet preserves on their own for the off months."

She pushed another small pot to him. "My own marmalade. Be my guest."

"Aren't oranges pollinated by bees?" Fish asked.

"They are," Cora said. She pushed the crackers towards him. She tapped the side of her nose. "My sister lives in the south of Italy. I buy them from her in the summer months, at their peek. Four jars of good quality marmalade, every year. Nothing better than homemade."

He didn't like marmalade, but could tell refusing would be highly rude. After slathering the cracker with the jewel toned marmalade, he popped it into his mouth. As he chewed, he realized his dislike of marmalade must be a dislike of whatever marmalade he'd had in the past. It was delicious. It was like eating sunshine. 

"I'm sorry, I don't have anything to offer you," he said.

"Your company is plenty, Doctor Fischer," Cora said, leaning back. "In fact, it would please me very much to hear an anecdote from your life." 

"An anecdote?" he asked.

Cora nodded, nibbling her sandwich. "Yes, a short and amusing or interesting tale of an event or person." 

"I know what an anecdote is," he said, dryly. He paused, trying to think of something appropriate. If she really had been working here as long as she said, she must know about Ianto. "How about something involving Ianto?" 

Cora smirked, the corners of her mouth quivering with amusement. "Oh, that would be quite lovely." 

Fish also smirked, sifting through his memories. He dug around for the most embarrassing tale he could conjure up. He selected a gem and began relaying the tale. 

"Back in the day, Torchwood was just a handful of us." He reached for another pickle and said, "Jack and Ianto were taking a break together. Gwen and I were up in the main Hub, just quietly working on a project together. We were on comms because it was easier than shouting at each other across the Hub. Jack and Ianto had a private channel, but I guess they forgot to switch to it before they started up." 

"Started up what?" Cora asked. 

Fish blushed slightly and then laughed. "Having sex over the comm channel." His blush deepened as he continued describing the escalation of the pornographic conversation, in between bits of laughter. Beet red and still laughing, he finished, "They were in different parts of the Hub and Jack was being so loud I could hear him through the comm unit and through the hothouse walls. Gwen and I could barely hold in the laughing." 

To his surprise, and disappointment, Cora wasn't the least bit scandalized. 

"So you heard them?" she said, frowning. 

"Couldn't look them in the eye for weeks," Fish said. 

"But why? Surely you must've known they engaged in regular intercourse," Cora asked. 

Fish's anecdote was going south. He'd expected to shock the woman and embarrass Ianto, but Cora wasn't the least bit scandalized. 

"I didn't really think about it. Speculating about the sex lives of others isn't something we do in the twenty-first," Fish said. 

Cora let out a contented sign and said, "A pity you didn't see them. They must be a sight. Imagining those two in an embrace really gets the blood flowing. Did you ever steal a peek?" 

Fish choked on his drink and cried, "No!" 

"Oh, well, that's a shame," Cora said. 

"Jack did run up into the Hub naked once," Fish replied, rolling his eyes. 

A content smile passed over Cora's face as she said, "I imagine that man to be hung like a prize stallion with fair amount of testicular fortitude." 

Fish choked on his drink again. This time he didn't recover as quickly and Cora stood to thump him on the back. She chuckled a little and said, "My, my, you are priggish, aren't you? You remind me of my great-grandad. Easily scandalized, he was."

She handed him his glass of water, then sat back down at her desk. As she began packing away the empty containers, she said, "As enjoyable as this repast has been, Doctor Fischer, I believe I must return to my labors, and you to your ward. I thank you for the company and the conversation." 

"Thank you for your generosity with your food," Fish said, smiling.

He picked up his tray, but before he could turn around, another lift opened and Jack stepped out. Startled, he said, "Fish? How'd you get up here?" 

"The lift, Captain Harkness," Cora supplied. She deposited her lunch bag into the drawer of her desk and muttered, "Something I'd imagine would be quite obvious." 

Fish adored this woman. He barked out a laugh, then coughed to attempt to cover it up. The cough earned him a glare from Jack. "I was just out exploring some and ended up here. I thought I'd visit with you or Ianto, but you were tied up and Ms. Gilbert was kind enough to share lunch with me." 

"Well, that's nice of her," Jack said, shooting Cora a glare. "We recessed for the day but Ianto's still in chambers. I don't know how long he'll be."

"Thank you for the information, Captain. Is there anything you require?" she asked. 

"Have my usual sent up from the canteen, please. And coffee for Doctor Fischer and myself," he said, pushing the office door open. He jerked his head into the office. "Why don't you come on in, Joe?" 

Fish waved to Cora, then stepped into the office and frowned. "Is that your old desk?" 

Jack shook his head. "No, it's replica. Ianto had it made. Something about symmetry." 

He hung up his coat and sat down. 

Fish sat in the chair and propped his feet up on the desk. "You know, I've been starting to think you're avoiding me." 

Jack let out a scoff. "What gave you that idea?" 

"Because I've been here nearly a year and I can count how many times I've seen you on one hand," Fish replied. 

Jack waved around the room. "Torchwood is a lot more now than policing and monitoring the rift. We're in charge of planet-wide issues and interplanetary relations. I'd love to see you more, Fish, I would, but I'm here so Ianto doesn't have to worry about anything and can focus on taking care of you." 

"That's sweet, Jack, but I've known you for too long," Fish said, smiling. 

There was a brief knock at the door and Cora walked in, carrying a tray. "Your lunch, Captain Harkness." 

Cora set the tray down and then removed two mugs. "Coffee for you and Doctor Fischer." 

"Thank you, Cora," Jack said. He surveyed the tray's contents. 

"Eat up and use that napkin. You'll not get crumbs all over the floor. The night cleaning staff have enough to do without cleaning up after your lack of table manners," Cora said, leaving the room. "I'll be just here if you need anything else."

With his mouth full of food, Jack said, "Thank you, Cora."

Bits of food sprayed as he spoke, hitting the floor. Fish groaned. "Centuries and you're still bloody disgusting when you eat, Jack."

With a one shouldered shrug, Jack said, "So how are you doing, Joe?"

"I'm doing great," Fish said, slapping the unit. "New legs, Lieutenant Dan style."

"Yeah, Ianto and Sook brought me up to speed," Jack said, around a significant amount of food. "And Ianto needed temporal permission to get it done." 

Fish wasn't going to have this conversation staring at the uneaten food swirling around Jack's mouth. "Eat, we can talk when you're done. Which I'm sure will only be in three minutes."

As he gulped at the coffee, washing the last bites down, he said, "Great visit, Joe. Now, if you don't mind, I've got an interplanetary trade agreement to broker." 

"Look, Jack, I know you've been avoiding me-"

"I haven't been avoiding you," Jack said over him.

"-and it's all right, I get it," Fish said, sadly. "I'm this reminder from the past of someone that's gone and I'm probably reminding you of everyone back then who's gone too. I understand and it's okay."

Jack looked sheepish as he said, "I'm sorry, Joe." 

"I know, and I understand. But now that I've got you here, alone, I just wanted to ask you something and then you don't ever have to see me again for as long as I'm here," Fish said. "Though I might be a little hacked off if you don't say goodbye." 

"I think I know what you're going to ask," Jack said with a sigh. "And the answer is no. The minute Bella says you don't need the physiotherapy anymore, you're out of here." 

"Ianto said there's a temporal committee-"

"Yes there is. Me," Jack replied. "And the answer is no. I'm sorry, Fish. Every minute you're here risks the timeline and you're going to be here too long as it is." 

"I just want a little more time with him," Fish said. 

Jack stepped out from behind his desk and leaned against it. "How much time are we talking about here?" 

"Five years," Fish said. 

"No," Jack said. 

"Two years."

"No!"

"One year." 

"NO, Fish!"

"C'mon, Jack!" 

"The answer is no! I could give you a couple days or a week, maybe. But years or months is not happening."

"Jack, please. I never fucking ask you for anything. I barely agreed to coming here. Please. I will get on my knees and blow you if that's what it'll take."

"As inciting an idea as that is, Fish, the answer is no." Jack tapped the intercom. "Cora? Doctor Fischer will be returning to the ward." 

He turns back to Fish and said, "I'm sorry, Fish."

"I had to try," Fish said, with a sigh. 

Frustrated, he turned towards the door as Cora entered the room, but stopped. What he was about to say was low, but he did it anyway. "I just want more time with someone I love. What would you give for more time with Alicia?" 

Jack gripped his chest as Fish's words stabbed his heart. The anguish was on every inch of his face.  

Fish sunk lower. "What about Alice? Or your grandchildren?" 

"Cora, get him out of here," Jack gasped, pointing at the door. 

"Let's go, Doctor Fischer," Cora said, guiding him out of the room. 

As she led him into the lift, Fish didn't look back or meet her eye. She hit the button for his floor and the lift descended. When the doors opened, Fish said, tersely, "I can find my way from here." 

Cora put her hand on Fish's arm. "Are you all right, Doctor Fischer?" 

"Yeah, thanks for lunch," he said, stepping out into the hallway. 

"If I may say so, Doctor Fischer, desperation often leads even the most noble of us astray," she said, cautiously. 

He could tell she was just trying to make him feel better. What he'd said had embarrassed them both. "I'm sorry, Cora, if I embarrassed you." 

"I'm afraid you've embarrassed yourself, which I'm certain is worse."

She gave him a pitiful smile and stepped back into the lift. The doors closed and he ran his fingers through his hair before walking back to his room. He threw the door open and then slammed it shut. 

Dragging Jack's long dead family into the argument had been a shameful thing to do. While Fish regretted his words, he didn't regret his intentions. 

He tried to ignore the flinches in Henry's face if Fish mentioned something about when he returned to the twenty-first century. It didn't take long for Fish to notice those flinches occurred when he talked about anything long term. The only conclusion Fish could draw was something would cause him an early death. It wouldn't be as early as the cancer, of course, but he wasn't going to end up living to a ripe old age. Given the odd treatment from everyone around him, he wondered if he did something of note. Maybe he earned a place in a history book somewhere or made some sort of scientific advance. He chuckled at that thought. It certainly explained why Jack had been so keen on getting him into bed. He supposed he should feel honored to be on Jack Harkness's historical figures to shag list. 

He was restless and agitated as he waited for Henry to return. There was almost nothing for him to do while he waited, so he just moved from one piece of furniture to another. He'd sit on the bed, then abruptly get up and move to the sofa, then switch to the other sofa, then one of the bar stools. Then he'd go back to the bedroom. Each movement made him more and more restless. 

When Henry finally arrived, Fish cried, "Fucking finally!" 

"I'm sorry, Joe. It took far longer than I anticipated." He shrugged out of his jacket and said, "Are you all right?" 

With a sigh, Fish explained what had happened with Jack, but left out his hurtful words. 

"I appreciate the sentiment, love, but you should stop these attempts to remain. Jack and Ianto will not allow it," he insisted. 

"I want to give us more time together," Fish replied. 

"Joe, I understand my plans to end my life distress you, but-"

"That's not it," Fish said.

Henry's skeptical raised eyebrow and crossed his arms over his chest. "You have accepted my decision?" 

"No, I don't accept it and I don't understand it. But I've accepted that it's not my decision and that there's nothing I can do to change it," Fish replied. 

"Then I suggest you cease your attempts to extend your stay," Henry said, stepping into the suite behind him. "I am grateful for whatever time we have." 

Fish sighed. He sat down on the sofa and said, "I'm not just doing it for you, Henry. I'm doing it for me too. I want for us to have more time together." 

Henry turned away and said, stiffly, "We will, Joe, upon your return to your proper time." 

Fish said, flatly, "You and I both know that's not what happens, Henry." 

"Joe-"

"I get that I'm not going to croak in a few months now, but I'm not going to hit triple digits either," he snapped. 

"Such longevity is not common," Henry condescended. 

"That's not what I mean and you know it!" Fish cried. 

Henry turned away and said, "This is preposterous. I will not listen to your outlandish and wild fantasies regarding what will happen upon your return." 

Fish leapt to his feet and said, "You can try to hide it all you want, but you're doing a rubbish job of it!" 

"You are mistaken, Joe," he insisted. 

"Don't! Just fucking don't!" Fish shouted. "Just stop lying to me!" 

Henry turned and Fish grabbed his arm, forcing Henry to face him. "I can see it in your eyes, every time you look at me. We get more time together, but it's not as much as either of us thought or wanted it to be."

With a sigh, Henry said, "Joe, you could live to a hundred and fifty and it would still not be enough for me. You cannot assume you have an early death because of the grief I harbor for you." His voice began to shake. "It does not matter when your end comes, or how many years we have, whether they be long or short. It will never lessen the emptiness your absence has left in my heart or the rips within my soul." 

"This isn't just a random suspicion because of being in the future, Henry," Fish said, softly. "This is something I know, deep down in my bones, so just stop lying to me."

"Nonsense," Henry replied, tears falling. 

"Who are you trying to convince, Henry? Me? Or you?" Fish said. 

The grief in his husband's eyes spilled over and he buried his face in his hands.

Fish took hold of his shoulders and said, "I've always known it, being here has just confirmed it. I'm not blind and I'm not an idiot. The first two weeks I was here, people stopped in just to shake my hand and say thank you. For what, I have no idea, but I see the way everyone looks at me. Ally's gotten better, but she still blushes when I talk to her. Will was the only one who treated me halfway normal and even he had this starry look in his eyes when he first met me. I was walked into this building by a pair armed guards. There are three whole floors of this building sealed off. You're telling me Jack and Ianto did all this just because I'm their friend? I'm important to the timeline somehow."

Henry regrouped and shook his head. "Torchwood-"

"Not just Torchwood. Me." Fish looked him in the eyes, and after taking a slow breath, he said, "I don't want to know the details, Henry. I don't want to know what it is I do that's important and I don't want to know when I die or how and I'll never ask about those things. A man's not meant to know his destiny or when his time's come. But I need to know one thing..." He swallowed hard and asked, "Does David have a long and full life?" 

Henry wrestled with himself as the anguish twisted his features. Finally, he closed his eyes and nodded. "David lived to the age of one hundred and eight. He and his wife had two sons and four daughters, and over twenty grandchildren between them all. You have descendants alive today." 

_Good. That's good._

But it didn't matter if his son had lived to nearly a hundred and ten. He was still dead. The idea of David's life being over shattered his heart. Tears pushed up and fell down his cheeks from the force of trying to stop his next question. "Was he in pain?" 

For a moment, it looked like Henry wasn't going to say anything and Fish feared the answer was yes. He didn't open his eyes and sadly said, "David passed from this world, peacefully, in his sleep."

Unable to hold his tears back, Henry buried his face in his hands, "Please ask me no more. I beg of you." 

Fish reached for him. "I won't. I promise." 


	18. Chapter 18

Ianto was bowed low, remaining as still as he could while the Triad delegation left. They insisted there was a specific protocol to follow to facilitate trust and show that Tellurians could follow instructions. They nearly always added last minute protocols such as bowing or some formal farewell phrase. Sometimes he wondered if this sort of protocol was made up at the last minute as an attempt at humiliation. 

The security guards would escort them to the platform where they would leave for their ship. The minute the door shut, Ianto stood up straight, and blew out the breath he was holding. The Triad were easily offended. Once he'd mispronounced some part of the formal greeting and the delegation had turned on their heel and left. 

Just as he began to feel relief, the access door opened behind him. The delegation was gone, but an interruption could've been catastrophic. He whirled and barked, "I was not to be disturbed!" 

"I'm sorry, Director Jones," the security guard said. He looked frantic and slightly out of breath. "Mrs. Gilbert's phoned. She says Captain Harkness has taken ill and you're needed upstairs straight away." 

"Ill? The Captain?" Ianto asked, confused. "That is not possible, Mr. Patil." 

"I'm sorry, sir, I don't have any more information. I've just been told to fetch you. Mrs. Gilbert said it was a matter of urgency," he said. 

Confused and now also concerned, Ianto followed him. The security guard didn't accompany him upstairs, merely ushered him into the lift. As the lift ascended, Ianto wondered what could possibly be wrong with Jack. It was impossible for him to become ill, as Cora well knew. When he stepped out onto the executive floor, Cora got to her feet. "Oh, Doctor Jones, thank goodness." 

Ianto had rarely seen her so ruffled. His concern deepened. "What's happened, Cora?" 

She walked out from behind her desk and said, "The Captain has gone I don't know where and in a right state."

"Why?" Ianto asked. 

"Doctor Fischer exited the lift around midday-"

"He used the lift?" Ianto asked, surprised. 

She nodded. "Yes, sir, I was as surprised as you. I know he's supposed to be stopped should he attempt to leave the residence floor. Be that as it may, he managed to make his way up here. He said he was looking for either you or Captain Harkness. You were both in the midst of negotiations so we shared a friendly lunch. Afterwards, he went into the office to talk to Captain Harkness. The discussion became quite heated and the Captain summoned me to return Doctor Fisher to the ward. Right before I escorted him out, Doctor Fischer made a most scathing remark." 

"Regarding?" Ianto asked. 

"Your late wife, and your dearly departed family."

Ianto's jaw dropped. "What?!"

"Though I was not privy to the rest of the conversation, I believe he was attempting to secure more time for himself and his husband, hence the verbal kick to the coins," Cora said.  

Ianto's eyes closed and he sighed. "Thank you, Cora. You were right to summon me." 

"Normally I wouldn't fret so about the Captain's absence, but I know this is a crucial time and how cutting Doctor Fischer's remarks were," she said. 

He nodded. "How did Doctor Fischer seem?" 

"During our repast, he was quite lovely, if somewhat priggish," Cora reported. "After their altercation, he said nothing to me, just thanked me for showing him downstairs. I do not believe he was motivated by malice, only desperation."

"Was Henry in the residence?" Ianto asked. 

"He was not. I left Doctor Fischer in his rooms, alone. I spoke with Nurse Ferguson. Doctor Myers had asked for her assistance down on the ward with a difficult patient. She also Doctor Fischer would not attempt to leave the residence floor and felt secure in leaving her post to assist on the ward as she believed the lift would not permit him access outside the secure wing."

"It's not supposed to," Ianto said.

Cora nodded. "I was under the impression he sincerely regretted his words."

"Thank you," Ianto replied. 

When he turned towards the lift, she asked, "Have you any instructions, sir?" 

"No, negotiations have finished for now."

"Captain Hart is due in shortly."

Ianto swore under his breath. "Instruct him to return in another two months."

"Very good, sir," she said, letting out a tired sigh.

He put his hand on her shoulder. "I understand this has been stressful. Once Captain Hart has gone, feel free to leave early if you'd like. Take tomorrow too if you wish." 

"Thank you, sir," she replied. Sounding weary, she added, "I believe I shall take you up on that." 

Ianto had rarely heard his secretary sound so tired. "Are you all right, Cora?" 

"I believe I am feeling my age," she said with a strained expression. "When Doctor Fischer returns to his own time and the treaty has been signed, I may take an extended holiday." 

A pang went through Ianto's chest. "Are you finally retiring on me?"

She set her lunch bag and purse onto her desk. After letting out a chuckle, she teased, "Oh not just yet. I don't know how you'd manage without me."

"I wouldn't," he said, pointedly. 

She lifted her hand to his face, and patted his cheek. "My dear Ianto, you will have to one day, but that day is hopefully far in the future." With a gentle smile, she added, "Go to him. He needs you more than either of you cares to admit."

With a nod, Ianto turned to the second lift and rode it up to the roof. There was no where else Jack would be, and there he was, standing on the ledge. He approached slowly. "Cora told me what happened." 

Jack didn't turn. 

"It was wrong of him," Ianto added.

"I know why he did it." Jack's voice was raspy. "I almost gave him what he wanted." 

"You know we can't." 

"I know!" Jack cried, whirling. He wobbled and Ianto darted forward, grabbing his arm. His grip kept Jack from falling and he eased him off the ledge. He pulled the other man into his arms. 

"I've got you," Ianto said. 

Jack rested his forehead on Ianto's shoulder. "You always do." 

Ianto didn't need to look at Jack to feel the other man's pain. He ran his fingers through Jack's hair, and said, "And I always will." He paused and tilted Jack's face up to look into his eyes. "Because I'll always love you, Jack." 

"I love you too, Ianto. Always," he said. 

This time, when their lips met, it wasn't for one of them blindly reaching out into the dark for whatever comfort they could grasp. It was two shattered halves finding each other again. Ianto felt some of the long separated cracks in his own heart heal as Jack's arms slid up his back.

Time for the make-up sex of the millennium...

Ianto pulled out of the kiss and cupped Jack's face. Rubbing his thumbs against Jack's cheeks, he glanced towards the TARDIS in a wordless invitation. Jack gave him a shy smile. He slipped his arm around Ianto's waist and they walked towards the TARDIS together. 

Ianto was glad the Doctor was nowhere in sight. When they entered Jack's room, Ianto stepped inside first. To his relief, the bunk beds were gone. It was as if the ship knew. When the door slid shut, Jack slipped Ianto's suit jacket off his shoulders. It reminded Ianto vividly of the first time they'd done this in the cramped bunker of the Hub. 

Jack eased the suit jacket from his shoulders and carefully hung it. He ran his hands up and down Ianto's arms and Ianto shivered with nerves. 

"You've never done this before, have you?" Jack asked, gently. He wasn't teasing, just making an observation. 

For a moment, Ianto thought about lying, but decided against it. "Not with another man, no." 

He was afraid Jack would reject him, but he didn't. Instead, Jack plucked the stopwatch out of his fingers and set it down onto the low munitions box. He said, "We won't be using this tonight. Maybe next time." 

"Next time?" he asked. 

"Oh yes, Ianto Jones, because I want there to be a next time," Jack said smiling. He kissed Ianto's neck and whispered, "Are you sure?"

"Yes," Ianto replied without hesitation. "Do you want me to... which way...." 

Jack reassured, caressing his face, "I'm fine with either. You don't even have to decide now. We can see where this goes." 

They had. And by the time the foreplay was over, Ianto had been practically begging for Jack to fuck him. Then, there had been a next time, and so many times after that. Some were long and sweet, some were hard and fast, and some were kinky as fuck. Some were angry and some were sad, but each time had had its own beauty. Of all the times they'd made love, Ianto was sure this time would be unique. He turned to face Jack. The kiss was soft and gentle.

This certainly wasn't the first time for either of them and it wasn't the first time with each other, but Ianto was nervous as their clothing began to hit the floor. This wasn't the first time he'd had sex since Will had died, but it was the first time he'd felt Will's presence lingering. It wasn't stirring guilt or remorse, but it was making him nervous. It wasn't the same nerves he'd felt the first time he and Jack had had sex, and Ianto couldn't describe them this time. But his late husband was definitely lingering in the room.  

They sank into the bed together and slowly rediscovered each other. When Ianto slid into Jack's heat, it melted the small fractures in his heart, fusing them back together. The familiar sensations of Jack's body were like coming home after a long, tiring day. 

There was no rushing or hurrying. There was no race to the finish line, just the slow and deliberate rhythm of a familiar song beating in time with their hearts. The dance continued as the melody rose and fell. Their individual sounds harmonized, knotting the chords of their lives back together into a single song.

Unlike that first time together, they didn't reach the crescendo together, and when they did, it wasn't the end. Climaxing didn't matter, because it wasn't the point. This was more than sex and a simultaneous orgasm. It was more than love making. This was the beginning of forgiveness and the start of hope. The positions changed and flowed. When the wordless conversation was over, Ianto wrapped his arms around Jack, feeling peaceful and content. 

He kissed the top of Jack's head and saw his clothes on the floor. Closing his eyes, he remembered back through the centuries. 

Jack tenderly kissed his lips and withdrew, slowly. Ianto winced at the unfamiliar sensation and the soreness in the used flesh. Without another word or glance, Jack disappeared into the small en suite, likely to dispose of the condom, leaving Ianto alone. Smiling, Ianto stared up at the lights. He rolled, burying his face in the Jack's pillow. He wanted to etch the scent of Jack and this moment into his memory, but he felt he would never forget what had been the most intense sexual experience of his life. With nerves, he reached around to touch the tender flesh. 

"Bathroom's free," Jack said, softly. 

Ianto yanked his hand away. He nodded and stood, ignoring the wetness of drying lube on his arse that squished uncomfortably as he walked. After a brisk cleaning, he took a deep breath and opened the en suite door. Jack was beneath his blankets, looking at him. His expression was inscrutable.

Did Jack want him to stay?

Did Ianto want to to stay?

Did Ianto want Jack to want him to stay?

He bent, reaching for his clothes slowly. When Jack didn't stop him or say anything, it answered his first question. The disappointment he felt answered his next two and Ianto had no idea what to think or how that made him feel. 

Once he was dressed, he reached for the bunker's ladder, paused and said, "Thank you, Jack."  

"No, Jones, Ianto Jones, thank you," Jack said, smirking. 

Ianto snorted at the memory.  

"What's so funny?" Jack asked. 

"Just remembering the very first time we did this," Ianto said.  

"Uh, okay... Thanks?" Jack said. 

"I wasn't laughing at it, just... the way I left," Ianto replied. 

"You got dressed and thanked me. It was very polite," Jack said, smirking. 

Ianto asked, "Did you want me to stay that first time?" 

Jack didn't answer for a few moments. "I was happy with whatever you decided, Ianto. It was the first time I'd gotten you into my bed and your first time with another man. You'd made the first move and I didn't want to pressure you either way. You decided to leave, I was fine with that." 

It was a typical Jack answer and Ianto smiled at its normalcy. He wrapped his arms around Jack, hugging him deeply. 

"I love you, Jack," he said.  

Jack's arms wrapped around him and he kissed Ianto's head. "I love you, Ianto."

"Would you like me to stay this time?" he asked. 

Jack squeezed and smiled. He said, "I'll leave it up to you again." 

After rolling his eyes, Ianto rested his fist on Jack's chest and propped his chin on it. "I'd like to hear what you want this time, Jack." 

"Either way," Jack replied, shrugging as best he could laying down. 

Ianto had known Jack Harkness for centuries and that was the only reason he knew Jack was lying. Jack wanted Ianto to stay so badly the man could taste it and Ianto had no idea why Jack didn't just say so.

"Well, in that case, I'll stay," Ianto said, smiling. 

The relief wasn't evident in Jack's face but in his body. There was a barely perceptible relaxation to the muscles in his chest and shoulders. Jack kissed him and said, "Sounds like a sound choice." 

With a grin, Ianto said, "Good night, Jack." 

"Night, Ianto," he replied. 

As Ianto closed his eyes, an uneasy feeling settled into his stomach and John Hart's voice whispered, _Old habits, Eye Candy..._

In the morning, when Ianto woke, he found himself alone, which surprised him. The only sign of the immortal man was his lingering scent in the room. Ianto stretched out on the bed, feeling a soreness he hadn't felt in a long time. Content, he put his hands behind his head and stared up at the ceiling and decided to wait for Jack to return. Another romp sounded like just the way to start the day. Ianto reached up and ran his fingers through his hair, twisting them so the locks would look uneven. Then he carefully shoved the sheet down, adjusting the bunched hem so it revealed enough to tantalize. He gently bent his knees, and spread his legs. Jack would find him irresistible when he returned to his room. 

But Jack didn't return to the room. Ianto waited in his provocative pose for over an hour. Disappointed, he got out of bed and took a shower. By the time he was dressed, Jack still hadn't returned. Ianto glanced at the clock and sighed. He checked his appearance in the mirror one last time, picked up his satchel and walked out of the room with a frown on his face. 

He wasn't watching where he was going and bumped into someone. He looked up and saw a woman. She was blonde with a bob cut, wearing a long coat and a striped shirt. Her eyes were bright and her smile wide. The Doctor must've picked up another companion. Ianto wondered how long it would be before Jack made a pass at her. 

"Oh, excuse me," he said. He held out his hand. "I'm Jones, Ianto Jones. I'm sorry, I don't think we've met." 

"We have," she said. She circled around him, looking him up and down. "It was a lifetime ago." 

"Ah, experiencing things in the wrong order seems to go hand in hand with the TARDIS," he said with a smile. "I'm Jack's... well... umm..." 

"It's complicated, isn't it? Often is with Jack," she said, then blinked at him. "You've changed."

"Have I?" he asked. 

"Yes, but you've stayed true to who you are," she said, patting him in the middle of the chest. "Points to you." 

"Thanks, I think," he said, with a smile. He started back towards the door. "Well, I'll be off. It was nice meeting you... again." 

"Well the last time we met, I was a white-haired Scotsman, so who knows who I'll be next time," she said, darting off into the ship. 

Ianto blinked, staring after her. Brushing aside the confusion, he pushed open the TARDIS door and stepped out onto the roof. He walked back into the building and took the lift down to the executive level.

"Morning Cora," he said, brightly. 

But Cora's desk was empty.

_You gave her the day off, remember? Great, Jack's already disorienting me._

With a sigh, he walked into the office and said, "Morning, Jack." 

"Morning," he replied, not looking up from his tablet. 

After setting his things down, he hung up his suit jacket. Not trying to hide his disappointment, he said, "I waited for you."

"You looked so peaceful, I didn't want to wake you," Jack said, looking up with a smile. He gestured at the tablet in his hand. "And I was supposed to get this done yesterday." 

Ianto sat down and brought up his monitor. He decided not to bring up his lusty plans and said, "I had been hoping we could talk some." 

"What about, Yan?" Jack asked, eyes still on the tablet. 

"Last night," Ianto said, flatly. 

Jack's eyes darted up in alarm, but it vanished and he asked, "Regrets?"  

"No, none," Ianto replied, immediately. "You?"

"Not a one." After setting down the tablet, Jack sat back and said, "I suppose we should talk about where we go from here..." he trailed off nervously. "Unless, it was only last night?" 

Ianto watched Jack carefully. He was as inscrutable as he was that first night, centuries ago. "I don't want it to be. Do you?"

"No, I don't," Jack replied, relieved. He rolled his chair over and reached for Ianto's hand. "I've missed you, but I didn't realize how much until last night."  

"I've missed you too," Ianto said. He looked down at Jack's hands around his and thought about what John had told him. _You give him your whole self and that's a precious gift. You should expect nothing less in return._ He pulled his hands back and said, seriously, "I want more with you than just last night, but I don't know what I want beyond it. It's not loneliness or nostalgia for what we had... but I'm not sure if I want to be a couple again right now or maybe end up married again." 

"It's only been one night, Ianto. Isn't all that kinda premature?" Jack asked. 

"All right, I may be getting ahead of myself, but I remember what happened the last time we tried to reconcile," Ianto said, raising his eyebrow. 

"I think we can both agree neither of us don't wants that." 

With a chuckle and a wave of his hand, Ianto said, "Absolutely not." 

"That was more us trying to slam a round peg into a square hole," Jack said with a snort of his own. "I don't think either of us was ready to give this a real shot back then." 

"Is that what we're doing now? Give us a real shot?" Ianto asked, sitting back. 

Jack rocked his head back and forth and said, "It's what it feels like to me."

"Me too," Ianto said. He added, "I don't want us falling back into old habits, though. There are things I've had in my life, with Will and with others, that I want and need to stay a part of my life. Frenetic sex fueled by adrenaline and your impressively short refractory period aren't what I want or need anymore. Not that it isn't fun once in a while." 

In typical Jack fashion, he grinned and said, "It is fun. But, hey, I understand if you still want to spend some time with John when he checks in." 

Ianto's eyes went wide. He dropped Jack's hand and sat back. "How did you know about John?" 

Jack waggled his eyebrows and laughed. "You're not exactly subtle. The last time he was here, you took off three days. I also don't think you two spent those three days having a conversation." 

"You do have a point," Ianto replied smirking. Something about the way Jack said that made Ianto a little defensive. "We had quite a few conversations. Some of them were verbal and some of them weren't." 

"Is that what you two are calling it?" Jack teased. 

"What do you want me to say? That John and I spent nearly seventy-two hours straight in bed, making love?" 

"Making love?" Jack said, raising his eyebrows. It sounded almost like an accusation.

Ianto rolled his eyes and said, "He was the love of Mandy's life. She's a part of me and that part loves him."

Jack did nothing but frown at him and roll his eyes.

Ianto was about to snark at him, but wondered, _Is he jealous?_

There'd been plenty of times when Ianto had been jealous over the course of his relationship with Jack. Owen would hurl the title of "Jack's part-time shag" at him, and it would hurt. Then, whenever he saw the look on Jack's face when he talked about the Doctor or when Gwen would throw herself at him, jealousy would rise up in Ianto's belly. Ianto thought Jack Harkness had immunity from jealousy. Jack hadn't been jealous of Will. Or Kye. Or any of the others who'd Ianto had taken to bed. Why was he jealous of John? 

His first instinct was to tease him about it, but he didn't. It would only embarrass him and Jack would retreat into himself. Instead, he confessed, "I'm getting something out of my system." After taking a breath, he said, carefully, "Mandy's quickening isn't sitting well with me, you know that. Something about spending time with John, having sex with him, the primal and instinctual nature of it, it's helping me sort through it somehow. I'm beginning to find that boundary where she ends and I begin."

Just as Jack was about to open his mouth, Ianto's desk intercom beeped and Ally said, brightly, "Doctor Jones, I've Doctor Fischer all set up in the exam room."

Ianto closed his eyes and swore. "Sorry, Ally, I'll be right down."

Standing, he sighed. "Fish's recheck. Slipped my mind."

"Isn't Bella handling all that?"

"She had a meeting she couldn't change. It's just making sure Fish is handling the support unit all right. I'm not adjusting anything." He began planning a spectacular dressing down for Fish as he shrugged into his lab coat. "How about we talk more later? Dinner?" 

"Sounds great," Jack replied, turning his attention back to his tablet. "Pity our favorite bistro's gone." 

Ianto stopped with one hand on his office door. "Well, I'm certain we can find somewhere else with a wide menu and romantic atmosphere." He paused and said, "How about you find somewhere?" 

"Seven?" Jack asked. 

"Sounds perfect," Ianto replied, stepping out of the office. 

"Ianto?" Jack said. 

The Welshman turned and gave him an expectant look. "Yeah?" 

"Don't be too hard on Fish," Jack said, looking back down at his tablet. 

He nodded, but could still hear the hurt in Jack's voice. He took the lift down to the medical ward and stopped at the console to check Fish's test results. Schooling his face, he walked into the exam room to find Fish on the treadmill, walking briskly. Ally probably got him started since Ianto had been late.

Ianto looked at the readout and noted Fish's muscular performance. His knees were healing nicely. He didn't bother trying to meet Fish's eyes. The air was awkward. 

The treadmill slowed and came to a stop. Fish picked up the towel and stepped off of it. 

"You know, now that my knees are better, it's my lungs that can't take this shit," he whinged. He turned to Ianto. "Can you clone me some new ones?" 

Ianto shook his head and replied, stiffly, "Your pulmonary function doesn't warrant it. You're at ninety-five percent of what you were when you got here.” Annoyed, he added, “What are you whinging about, Fish? You just briskly walked five thousand meters in under sixty minutes."

"I used to run it in half that, and without getting this winded and sweaty," Fish replied. 

"Well that can either be because you had a near fatal blood clot, or because you haven't done any cardiovascular exercise in nearly a year," Ianto said, rolling his eyes. 

Fish stepped off the treadmill. "I hope it's that second one. And I've been walking."

"The unit is still taking almost all of your weight," Ianto said, gesturing at his legs. With another eye roll, he added, "Sex with Henry doesn't count as strenuous cardiovascular exercise." 

"Well it kind of does," Fish replied, winking. 

Ianto didn't respond to the playful tone. Instead he suppressed an eye roll and the urge to rip into his friend for scalding Jack's feelings. 

"I hate this thing. I keep thinking it's going to electrocute me every time I take a bloody shower." 

"It is waterproof," Ianto insisted. 

"You lot can say that all you want. I think it's mad showering in something that has electricity running through it," Fish replied. 

Ianto tapped at the tablet. "The unit's functioning normally and you're adjusting to it well. In a few weeks, Bella will be in to do a full evaluation and reduce the load its taking." Briskly, he stood and tucked the tablet under his arm. "Regen units eight hours a day. You can do it overnight if you like. No high impact exercise. Walking is fine, as much as you like." 

Fish set the bottle of water down. Ianto turned to go, but Fish asked, "Ianto... thank you."

With a tight smile, Ianto nodded and turned to leave again.

"Ianto, wait, I know Jack must've told you what happened-“

He sighed and turned back to his friend. He said, "Yeah he did and so did Cora." 

"And you're cross-"

"Cross doesn't begin to cover it," Ianto snapped. 

Looking ashamed, Fish said, "I'm sorry, Ianto. I'm so sorry.”

Ianto slammed the tablet down so hard he was surprised the glass didn't crack. After taking a deep breath and rolling his shoulders, he said, "It’s not about apologizing, because we both know you're sorry for what you said. I know you didn't mean it. You were just delivering a low blow out of desperation. We understand, we do, but what you said..." He rolled his shoulders and took another deep breath. "It isn't just what you said that's cut us to the bone, it's everything it's dragged up along with it. Don't get me wrong, Joe, it's been the greatest gift seeing you again. But that time of our lives was six hundred years ago. Everyone and everything from the twenty-first century is gone and has been for a long time. When we both look at you... all we see is that part of our lives. We see everyone and everything we've lost. And that's hard enough without you saying something so purposely cruel. Quite frankly, it’s a level of cruelty I didn’t think you had in you." 

Fish winced. 

Ianto didn't try to hide the pain in his face as his voice shook. "Everyone's dead. Everyone but us. And I know you understand how hard that is, because if you didn’t, you wouldn’t have used it as ammunition.” 

His head held high, he strode out of the room without another word. 


End file.
